Happy Mother’s Day

estranged mothers mother's dayTo all the hurting moms of estranged adult children – – celebrate yourselves. Mother’s day is set aside to honor all the amazing women who give and care and laugh and love and bring so much joy.

To so many of you mothers of estranged adults who have written to me about your experiences, commented in the forum, left replies to my posts at the site, or emailed to say thanks for the articles here . . . it’s my turn to thank YOU. For your encouragement, your sharing, and for all the love you give.

To mothers of estranged adults everywhere – –  you are beautiful. You are worthy. You are valuable.

Laugh, love, be with others, or isolate yourself. Do whatever YOU need to do to have a good Mother’s Day. Here are 6 ideas.

And here is a beautiful photo and music montage fitting for mothers of estranged adults on Mother’s Day.


And here’s my new book to help:


Related articles:

Father’s Day when your adult child is estranged

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10 thoughts on “Happy Mother’s Day

  1. vanessa

    I was married to an emotional/verbal abuser for many years; most Mother’s Days came to be a dreaded day to me, not just because of the hype of the day (which seldom lived up to its billing at my house); but my husband’s attitude about it and other holidays. To him, most holidays were someone’s way to separate him from his hard earned money, and often in front of our sons, I didnt deserve to be spent money on. Holidays like Mother’s Day, involving church going/family dinner with relatives were awful. I was usually glad when it was over with. My husband’s attitudes were ingrained into our 3 sons, who estranged from me, when i finally divorced him, after 29 years. I may or may not hear from any of my estranged sons on Mother’s Day. I usually skip church; i’ve heard ‘submissive wife’ messages on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, so I avoid church on those days. I do what I choose to do, or not.

  2. Dawn

    I guess I was in denial about the estrangement happening between me and my eldest son. But today, on Mother’s day, he texted a happy mother’s day to me but did not seek to visit. At the end of the day I found out he had made time to go visit my parents and his father’s parents but not me, even though he had to go through my town to reach my parent’s place. I am rather blind-sided by the hurt. Not sure what to do with these feelings at the moment…

    1. Marsha

      Well, my oldest son did come by today, he was so cold, didn’t want to be here stayed for 1/2 hr, leaving, , I said I love you, he didn’t respond, I texted him later, thanked him for gifts, asked why he didn’t respond back with I love you, and the negative flood gates opened, escalated and the more we texted the worse it got. I’m pretty sure after today, we won’t speak again for a very very long time. He needs counseling, he won’t go. At 45 yrs old, my son is so angry, lost,full of hate….I’m numb, at 62 yrs old, numb, both kids are gone, grkids gone. I’m really not sure how to “live” daily….anymore ,just exhausted.

  3. Kate

    I am new to this board, but I am very glad I found it. I have had a strained relationship with my eldest son since November 1st. 6 months of heartbreak and disappointments is taking its toll. I feel like a stranger when I am with him, it’s awkward, forced and uncomfortable. Never in a million years would I think this would be my life. He is currently living with my parents which is putting a terrible burden on that relationship as well. I resent them for not holding him accountable for his behavior and not sticking by my side, defending the love and life we have give our son. Yesterday he stopped and dropped off flowers. Later in the day I brought dinner to my parents home and he was not there. I think he may have gone to spend Mothers Day with his girlfriend’s family. I am beyond devastated. Every day is becoming a struggle that is physically taking it’s toll. I feel like you are either ALL of my son, or NONE of my son. This throwing me crumbs here and there is not enough, surely not fair. My pickle is that if I sever with him, I sever with my parents. I have questioned my character and put myself through the ringer trying to figure out how the people that should love me the most, hurt me the most. My husband and youngest son have tried their best to fulfill me, always reminding me of my good heart and the good job that I do as a mother, but it’s just not cutting the loss I feel. My mother who is estranged completely from her 2 daughters should know this pain. I don’t understand how she can sit and watch it happen to me. I too, am exhausted and my heart physically hurts.

  4. Pam

    This past mother’s day was my fifth one without my adult sons. Five years of no contact has been tough but I think I have turned a page in my book of healing. I decided to remove their phone numbers and all photos from my phone just a week before this last mother’s day and for whatever reason a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I think the weight was the hope my unconditional love would win them over. I let go of that level of love and it freed me. I still love my sons but not their behavior and I will no longer wait for them to change. I have moved on and for the first time in years, I am excited about my future.

  5. Springgal58

    It was a great Mother’s Day for me.
    I attribute much of that to me not having any expectations.
    My daughter emailed a gift and called later in the day. I didn’t think she would call as I had indicated earlier in the day that I would love to talk and have morning coffee. No call, so I just went about my business, happy to have gotten a gift and a “Love You” from her.

    My son has been estranged for several months over my failure to acknowledge their gluten allergies in the way they want. I am way past being sad about it because it is plain ridiculous. But, amazingly he texted a very nice HMD to me and his sister and aunt. So I was very pleased and texted back thanks. It’s more than I could hope for and I was totally happy with that baby step. I was mostly happy because I have stood in my power this time, not played the victim at all, and have gone on about my life. So I am pleased to be on peaceful ground. Never again will I be sucked into drama in either of my AC lives. If they acknowledge me in a nice way, that is my goal right now. Like I said, I have learned, as a mom, to lower my expectations about visits, calls, etc. BUT, I have raised my expectations about treating me with respect. One day at a time and Mother’s Day was a great day for me. Sending good wishes out to all of you. Stay strong, everyone! Springgal

  6. OliveTree

    Mothers Day is such a sensitive time. 27 years ago my daughter (who is now estranged 4 years) started an annual 5 hours trip each way to spend the week end with my husband’s mother and his sisters and she would phone me late in the evening to wish me a happy mothers day. Then with cell phones she started texting me a happy mothers day again, late in the evening. When my mother in law left her home about 7 years ago and went to a nursing home the week end mothers day party was over so my daughter would have lunch with her friends in the city she lives in 1.5 hours away from me. So in 27 years she did not ever visit me for mothers day. I accepted her treatment and her choice. However a few years ago I arranged to take my own mother, 95 years old at the time out for lunch and my husband invited our son to join us since our son ALWAYS visited, with flowers on mothers day and if he came to our house we would not be there on that day. He had a long history of showing up for that day. I didn’t deliberately explude her. We had a lovely lunch and because my daughter had NEVER visited me for this day in 27 years, I did not expect that she would be interested. When she found out that she had not been invited to mothers day she was furious. She demanded to know why she was not invited to visit me for mothers day. Very hard to understand! I thought that children visited parents on mothers day, they did not expect to be “invited” by the parent and treated as a guest.


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