by Sheri McGregor, M.A.
All over the world, as businesses shuttered and people sheltered in place during the Covid-19 lockdown, parents rejected by adult children began to hope. Maybe their sons and daughters would have a change of heart. Unfortunately, for the vast majority of members to my Rejected Parents Facebook page and/or this site, their hope was fruitless.
For those who did hear from their estranged adult children, it was by text, in conversations that often went something like this:
How are you?
Dad and I are fine. How about you? Are you and XX okay?
That’s good. I’ve been thinking of you. Love you guys.
Then comes S-I-L-E-N-C-E.
As the social distancing and isolation has continued, more and more parents have expressed their dismay. If a pandemic can’t get a wayward son or daughter to care about them, then nothing will.
Have you experienced this sort of letdown? Did you hope, maybe send a text or two, yet receive little or nothing in response?
Many moms and dads call the lack of concern shameful, a disgrace. Deafening silence or a a bare minimum response triggers a resurgence of all their emotional pain. Even parents who have worked hard to regain their footing feel bewildered and rejected again. They find themselves back to asking WHY?
Don’t Get Stuck
The takeaway from this pandemic is something others have learned in other ways:
- A father whose heart attack and near-death experience didn’t prompt his daughters to care or call.
- A mother whose life-threatening illness brought nothing but meanness, and accusations the disease was her own damn fault.
- A parent whose adult children didn’t care when a grandparent faced life-and-death circumstances or a beloved family pet died.
Don’t get stuck in the sad stage. Don’t allow the shocking cruelty of someone you once knew and loved to dictate your life.
Is this pandemic, and the lack of care or concern from your estranged adult child, a turning point? Make positive changes for yourself now. You’ve done your best to love your child, to empathize, to try to understand….
If there was ever a turning point, this is it. What will you do to change for the better?
I hope that you will use my book, Done With The Crying, to help yourself. It’s available in paperback, as an e-book, and on audio. If you get the e- or audio book, be sure to get the accompanying Done With The Crying WORKBOOK: for Parents of Estranged Adult Children so you don’t miss the exercises. What can you do today to fight past the shock and dismay, and move toward your own healing and happiness? The book’s exercises offer specific assistance to aid your journey forward.
If you already have the book, what did you find most useful? I hope you will leave a comment. Parents who come to this website find relief in knowing there are other parents who understand.
Hugs (and happy Mother’s Day 2020).