2021 Giveaway Events: giveaway #2

Event with Sheri McGregor

This giveaway is over, but the book (by the mother of an estranged adult child) is still available.

Sheri McGregor’s 2021 GIVEAWAY EVENTS: HERE’S #2

parent of estranged adultI am excited to announce the second giveaway event for 2021!

In my book, Done With The Crying, I mention the poetry some parents of estranged adult children in my online peer support community here at the site wrote as part of their healing. Some funny, some sad, it was joy to read those poems and to know that in writing them, those mothers had changed their momentary outlook … and eventually their lives.

For this giveaway, I have ONE copy of a book of poetry written by another parent who knows the emotional pain of estrangement from an adult child. Poems from the Heart for Hope and Healing: For Those Who Have Experienced Estrangement from a Loved One, by Claire L. Cunning, is a heartfelt collection written to express her pain, as well as offer hope.

My assessment? You may shed a tear or two because the poems are moving and touch the heart. Others may make you laugh. You may recognize yourself in some of the verses, and feel the pull of the past and to times you cherished … as well as look forward to a good future ahead.

One lucky reader here at RejectedParents.Net will be randomly chosen from among those who follow the instructions at the end of this post and take action.

The author has divided this poetry volume into into three sections:

  •  Grief and Hurt
  • Anger and Denial
  • Hope and Healing

Cunning chose to organize the poems as a way to help. She explains to readers,  “That way you can choose a section of poetry depending on your feelings for that day. It is my hope that you can find some comfort in my poetry knowing I’ve been there with you.”

To enter the giveaway, you will need to be reading this and enter by commenting as instructed between 9 p.m. PST on 1/29/21 and 9 p.m. PST on 2/1/21. Don’t worry if your comment doesn’t show up immediately (all comments are moderated and must be approved for publication). Your comment must meet specific criteria, too, so read closely.

To enter, here’s what to do.

Leave a comment in reply to this blog post as follows:

Leave your first name and last initial as well as a working email address in the form where it asks who you are. Also, in the comment post itself, you’ll need to share three things:

  1. Who is estranged from you (just a title, no names please)? Is it a son, daughter, step-child, adopted daughter or son?
  2. In no more than three sentences, please share: How long you have been estranged and whether this is the first estrangement, part of an episodic estrangement, etc.
  3. In ONE sentence from your own experience, share the most important thing you would tell another parent whose adult child has become estranged.

Got it?

The winner will be randomly drawn from a hat or jar into which all names have been placed. I will contact the winner, who will need to reply to my email by 9 p.m. on 2/2/21, with their full name and the correct email to send the pass. In the event of no reply, another winner will be drawn.

Remember, to enter for this book of poetry by Claire L. Cunning your comment must be received here by 9 p.m. PST on 2/1/21. Don’t delay. Leave your comment as instructed for a chance to win.

Good luck! I can’t wait to read your comments, and by sharing a bit here, you will help other parents.

Hugs to you all. Take kind care of yourselves, Sheri McGregor

 

142 thoughts on “2021 Giveaway Events: giveaway #2

  1. AvatarDenise W.

    1. My daughter, now 27, whom we were very close with, so we thought.

    2. She left July 2, 2018. She packed her stuff and emptied her room after “gifting” us a trip to Florida. Gone with just a horrifying letter that she wanted “nothing to do with us.” She specifically said “Don’t find me.” My mother died right after she left. The grief has been overwhelming.

    3. We focused on our health with food supplements, homeopathy, exercise, spirituality, our fulfilling secular and volunteer work and make it a goal to have fun. We also fill our lives with our friend’s children who love us and write to us.

    Reply
  2. AvatarLinda O

    My husband and I have been estranged from our 34-year-old daughter for four years. The silence first began with us, and then quickly escalated to her three siblings and aunts. She has missed two of her siblings weddings. The root cause seems to center on perceptions that we did not accept her fiancé, but with a complete cut-off from communication, reasons for estrangement have never fully been given.

    To all estranged parents: You did your job well, bathing your child with love and nurturance so they could grow strong, take flight, and leave the nest as a capable, independent adult. . .it is their choice not to make migratory stops back home.

    Reply
  3. AvatarLIZ J.

    1. My son and my daughter.
    2. 15 years estrangement ongoing. I have seen him and my 2 grandchidren 3 times when there were family funeral etc. I haven’t seen my daughter for 5 years.
    3. My main advice to any parent is to not blame yourself or ruminate about the ‘why’s ‘ of the separation. I did this for years and had to realise it is their choice and not my fault. To let go and take care of yourself and treat yourself regularly . Not to be a victim but an overcomer.

    Reply
  4. AvatarConstance F

    Constance F
    Our 30 year old son estranged himself from us and from his elder brother and younger sister three years ago when he became involved with his passive-aggressive, narcissistic girlfriend. Since then they have had a daughter, moved house and been married all without any of us involved.
    If it’s helpful to anyone experiencing estrangement I would say I am getting through by dwelling on this wisdom – Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness; it took me years to understand that this too was a gift (from Mary Oliver, The uses of sorrow, 2006) – and finding joy in the good things that are happening because of the estrangement, too many to list here but including: joining self help groups full of interesting people I might never have met otherwise; becoming even closer to my remaining family who are completely wonderful; deepening friendships with people who care about me and go out of their way to show their love; learning more about myself from counselling and mindfulness; keeping journals and memory boxes for my son and his daughter so they may one day know they are always in my heart even though I am now reconciled to moving on without them in my life indefinitely.
    Thank you everyone for helping to keep me positive on this journey out of darkness x

    Reply
  5. AvatarTina H

    We have been estranged from our daughter and grandson for two years. We have had no communication and don’t feel like we know a reason. For five years we were with them almost daily.

    We feel like we walk around with a knife through our hearts, and have only survived with the love of our son, daughter in law new grandson born after the estrangement started.

    Since we have tried many approaches, we are now being silent.

    Reply
  6. AvatarSarah V.

    1. My son

    2. This is our first Estrangement over 3 years.

    3. There is no right or wrong answer to what you do or feel, fill your life with positives.

    Reply
    1. AvatarBonnie

      Wow I feel bad for you. I have been estranged once from my son for five months and now a year. We text but no verbal communication and he did come over to see me and his grandmother. I am doing better now because I make myself do good. Very hard because I have three granddaughters age 3 and twin girls age two. I do not even get pictures. It makes me mad but I have decided I have to much other stuff to worry about. Mother with health issues and trying to work. Even if I would see his girls they would not know me. I do not deserve this and no patent does. I still pray and hope for a miracle Take care ok.

  7. AvatarRobin C

    My adopted at birth daughter has estranged from me and broken my heart forever
    She has been estranged since 2015.
    My advice is to connect with others going through estrangement, as it’s helpful to know others are out there. This newsletter, there are great support groups on social media too. Try to stay busy, focus on life without your EC. We only get one life, have to live it without them if they don’t want you in it anymore.

    Reply
  8. AvatarSherri M-M

    • It’s my son that I’m estranged from.

    • It started in fall 2009. I haven’t seen him since 2012 when my brother passed away. We came close to reconciliation in 2015 but through a misunderstanding by a third party, I was on the outs again. I think if we had reconciled, it would have only been for a matter of time because I would have tripped over some invisible line that only he knew about it.

    • It’s difficult without knowing those involved or the situation; I guess I’d say, move on and keep moving forward. It’s ok to have hope but recognize your situation with others in the shoes of you and your child, what would you suggest for them?

    Reply
  9. AvatarShawn S

    Estranged from son and daughter for almost a year. It’s been a rocky road with my daughter for a while. First time with my son. My advice to others is be patient and don’t push!

    Reply
  10. AvatarJanet M.

    My youngest daughter of five adopted children is estranged from the entire family.
    She has been estranged continuously for five years.
    Advice: Work on yourself and self growth.

    Reply
  11. AvatarDebra S.

    Estranged from two adult children, a boy and a girl. Both appear to be permanently separated from me, and while this gives me some occasional, periodic grief, it always passes. My take on these and other broken relationships, pray for reconcilliation but if it doesn’t come, don’t dwell on it, move on, let go, and get on with YOUR life. Every life is as important as every other; it would be a shame to waste yours yearning for something that may never pan out, and maybe ISN’T SUPPOSED TO. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.” ~ Prov. 13:12
    I will always love my children and hope that some day they and I will be reconciled, but until then I will live my life. My advice to other estranged parents is, take care of yourself, start a new hobby, do those things which fill you with satisfaction and joy. Every person has something wonderful to offer, finding out what that is for you and doing it, will make the world a better place!

    Reply
    1. AvatarLIZ J.

      I can totally relate Debra as I am in the same situation- estranged from both my children -a son and a daughter. Your comments are very helpful. That Bible verse is one I have been dwelling on lately. To keep on hoping just brings frustration and anguish. Especially concerning my daughter it is probably better that I don’t see her.
      For me one of the hardest things is not seeing my 4 grandchildren but at least I know they are well cared for and happy.
      Like you said- we need to live our own lives, enjoy life and fulfill our own destiny.
      Thanks for your wise comments, Debra.

  12. riserise

    thank you for your input…
    “most painful experience …….worse than their death because they are still out there living their life without us in it”……..I can so relate to this statement………all of us here are sharing in the grieving of the living……
    so difficult…..but as I say “one day at a time”…….some days are better and some are worse…….but we move on…….thank you again.

    Reply
  13. AvatarDiana Y

    It has been more than 4 years that my son of 38 is not willing to share our grandchildren with his brother and us. If I call him answers the phone shortly. He Cannot wait to end the call. I hang up feeling worse.

    I purchased your book many years ago I saw that I’m not alone in this. You’ve been like a second mom in my life. Although I feel much better, thanks to the passing of time, as well as meditation and Buddhist teachings such as letting go, I feel much better.
    I do look forward to your emails here and there. I hope you never stop sending us these supporting messages.
    Thank you.

    I

    Reply
  14. AvatarDianne B

    1. Our son along with his wife and toddler daughter is estranged from our whole family for over 2 years.

    2.This was a gradual process since our son got engaged three years ago. After the bridal shower, wedding expenses we saw a pattern of his wife on the highs and lows with liking us or blaming us for one thing or another. After the birth of their daughter the stories and accusations she made up against us intensified where now, we have no contact with him and his family.

    3. The most helpful was my faith which brought me acceptance, forgiveness and being kind to myself while going through the grieving process.

    Reply
  15. Susan H.Susan H.

    My oldest daughter decided her childhood wasn’t good enough and eventually convinced her sister to feel the same way. I was a single mother, no help in any way from their father. It’s been 10 years. I did my very best raising them and still struggle with their feelings about me.
    It’s so important to fight against blaming ourselves. I know in my heart, after many years of heartache, that I did what I thought was best. I loved them, protected them, nurtured them, and gave them my best “me”. That’s all any of us can do.

    Reply
  16. AvatarDiane S.

    I have been estranged from my two adult adopted children a son and daughter since 2007. My son now 35, I adopted him from Korea when he was 6, my daughter now 33, I adopted from North Vietnam when she was 7. I was married for 12 years before I adopted these children, I had prayed to the Blessed Mother for 10 years for children. I took older children because I knew everyone wanted infants. I thought I would give two older children a chance in this world. Both had medical problems which were resolved from living in a 3rd world country. But eventually, they broke up my 30 year marriage and we divorced, but stood friends. Then they never told me my husband (their adopted father died). He was left in a funeral home for 14 days. I was notified by his secretary. The EC ransacked his house My ES tried to use me because I went into the house to get his Navy uniform for burial and took the cat home so he would not died from starvation. My ED decided she wanted to be named on my life insurance policy because my former husband was still beneficiary. She went to a lawyer and demanded a $90,000 policy be put in her name. I would not do it. So I cashed it out. We had to split $6,000, Both lawyers got $2,000 and we $1,000. In the meantime, I lost my life insurance policy and would never get in it back for the same price.

    Reply
    1. AvatarJudith T.

      My name is Judi T. and I am estranged from my adult son. The estrangement has been episodic over the past few years. I haven’t seen my grandchildren in over a years. I’m heartbroken. I miss them all so incredibly much. What I would tell another parent is to keep loving your child as though you saw him or her yesterday.

  17. AvatarMelissa W

    I have been estranged from my oldest child and only daughter for ten years. This first estrangement in my lifetime has caused a domino effect of estrangement with other family members. The most important thing is to accept that we are not able to choose who loves us back, but we ARE able to choose whom we love, and MUST love ourselves first.

    Reply
  18. AvatarSuzanne S.

    We have been estranged from our 2 sons age 30 and soon to be 27. We were extremely close and this came as a surprise a little over a year ago through email and then a phone call from our daughter in law with what we need to do to be part of their lives. We tried but it was all one sided, which kept me in that dark place. After the holidays this year, we decided they made their choice and we need to move on. Missing our now 2 grandchildren but our mental health needs to come first. Still have some hard days but moving on best we can. Reading your book and answering all the questions has try helped.
    Advice to other parents would be every parent does their best and no one deserves this pain. You are loved!

    Reply
    1. AvatarLori

      Thanks for sharing,Its been a long 6 years as since my daughter married and had our first grandchild its been difficult and hurtful,the stonewalling despite all efforts.And now the twins turn 3 and I cant be there they live in another state (Covid) since July.So the distance made it even worse.Waves of sadness when special occasions arise.It helps that but its so sad that so many have this on going prevalent issue with their kids…

  19. AvatarGinny M

    Ginny
    Uninvolved/uninvited in oldest son’s life. He’s 45yrs old and left our family 18 years ago when he got married.
    I thought it would get easier with time, but the loss multiplied with the addition of 2 grand daughters we don’t see who are now teenagers. So many losses every year, all year…starting with their first words, first steps, Halloween’s, Easter egg hunts, birthdays, holidays, graduations, band concerts, first homecoming dance, getting a driver’s license, etc.
    Most days I do OK if I don’t think about it and keep busy; but holidays, their birthdays, and Mother’s Day are definitely triggers for me to “relapse” even after all this time.
    My advice echoes every else:
    I tell myself I WAS a good parent.
    I have no control over the situation.
    Stay in the present moment.
    Practice Mindfulness.
    Take care of yourself.
    Get counseling whenever…
    Get out of your head and out of your house.(Covid has not helped with this)
    Be so very grateful for the love from the other child/children.
    Please know that I am still very much a work in progress. This estrangement is hands down the most painful experience I’ve ever encountered. I think it’s even worse than their death because they are still out there living their life without us in it.
    Your stories of survival have encouraged me and I appreciate all of you for sharing your pain and hope with me.

    Reply
    1. AvatarRandy Jo

      Hi Ginny,
      I wanted to drop a line & let you know I feel your pain. It makes no sense, seems so cruel for our own children to voluntarily put this kind of pain in us. My son turned his back on me after marrying his manipulating wife. Now my only grandson sees one grandmother & it’s not me. Sending a prayer to you. Take care.

    2. AvatarLori

      Im so sorry,I have a similar situation and hope that you find more good days and know that you were a great mom and still wonderful person.

    3. riserise

      thank you for your input…
      “most painful experience …….worse than their death because they are still out there living their life without us in it”……..I can so relate to this statement………all of us here are sharing in the grieving of the living……
      so difficult…..but as I say “one day at a time”…….some days are better and some are worse…….but we move on…….thank you again.

    4. AvatarLinda Frazier

      Hi Ginny,
      I pretended not to notice when my son would shun me, I thought I was being over sensitive..but I was right, but I’m so worried for him, I’m afraid he’s teaching his girls that family means nothing, if you don’t share an opinion, don’t agree with the something, just turn and walk away..
      I believe it has a lot to do with his wife who grew up estranged from her father and his family.
      I allowed her to be disrespectful to me, to-keep peace. That was my mistake.
      I’m being punished for crimes unknown, I miss my grands , I know they miss me.. . Someday, I hope to reunite with them , I hope I’m still here when that happens.
      I too, stay busy, I enjoy the children of friends, I pick out cards to send to the girls, I don’t send them anymore,
      I drive by their house, catch glimpses..
      I see them in my dreams ..
      having this group is a wonderful release.
      Thank you for your words , ,Linda.

  20. AvatarMaureen D.

    Hi fellow Parents,

    1. I have 1 adult son (38) and we have a complicated relationship, raised him as a single Mom, his Father passed when he was a baby.

    2. We have really nice gatherings & then he disappears, like his Father…genetics? It is fair to say it is episodic, which for me, truthfully, might be healthier to be disconnected altogether instead of guessing day in & day out. I love him, but I do not appreciate his behavior because I feel taken advantage of.

    3. My wish for struggling parents: Be your own best friend & try to not take these events personally.

    Eternally Grateful for ALL of it!!!!!

    Thank you & stay healthy in mind, body & spirit! Maureen D.

    Reply
    1. AvatarRandy

      I wish I saw my son at least for a family gathering. Count your blessings for what you get, your son obviously cares at least to some extent although I am sure it is an emotional roller coaster. Take care.

  21. AvatarRuthie L.

    Estranged from my daughter. 30 yrs now. All the hurting parents have given SUCH WONDERFUL ADVICE! Bless you all. My sanity has been helped by forgiveness,acceptance of that I cannot change and realizing she has some mental health issues as I do with bipolar. I move forward with my life to help others as God directs.

    Reply
  22. AvatarLinda R

    Linda R
    My daughter cut me out of her life six years ago. Notice that I said that she cut me out, not I. This was not my choice, this iwas her choice. It was and remains devastating to me but wth time, I realize that I cannot fix her and I can only fix myself. And believe me, I’ve tried. I do believe that there are genetics at play here but I have done my very best bringing up all my kids and surely I have made my share of mistakes but I did not deserve to be treated this way by my daughter. I am a good person. I am not perfect but I take responsibility for my mistakes. And I really did not see this coming and it was and is horrible. I do carry some hope that maybe things can change one day but I know that this is more unlikely than likely. This saddens me but this is the truth. And I must accept this in order to move forward and live a life worth living. My best advice to estranged parents? Serendipity Prayer- God grant me the strength to accept what I can’t change, to have the courage to change what I can and the wisdom to know the difference. You can only do your very best, speak your truth and move forward in peace and love. And you are loved.

    Reply
    1. riserise

      Thank you ……
      Words that mean so much because as you I have a daughter who has cut me out of her life almost 3 years ago……however what makes it harder is that she will see her father and I really find it difficult to come to terms with that. There are mental issues for sure as well. Like you, I too feel that I did not deserve to be treated that way by her and I feel that there are no consequences for her………my husband does not bring me up with her for fear of upsetting her and losing his relationship with her………
      Like so many other parents…..they are no longer kids ….they are adults making choices and we can’t control them anymore……..thank you for the serendipity prayer………all the best to you as well…

  23. AvatarGwen C.

    My son is 36 years old and our estrangement started when he left school 20 years ago and began to spend increasing amounts of time away from home. We have had no contact for several years now and he has no contact with his sister or his grandmother (my mother). I know where he lives but do not visit as he has made it clear this would not be welcomed.
    My very modest piece of advice is the replace self blame with self care.

    Reply
  24. AvatarKaren C

    My husband and I have been estranged from our 35 year old son and our 20 year old daughter.

    Our son estranged himself from us while in college after we felt it not necessary for him to live on campus, since our home is not 2 miles from college, and his grandparents (my husband’s parents) stepped in and paid for all he wanted after telling our son and us that we were bad parents. My son’s now girlfriend told our daughter that she no longer needed to listen to us since she was 18 and invited her to come live with them. The week after high school graduation my daughter looked me straight in the eyes and told me that she hated me and never wanted to see me again, walked out the door with her phone wearing a t-shirt, jean shorts, and sneakers, and I have never seen or heard from her in two years, not even after a year long battle of colorectal cancer for my husband and I as his caretaker.

    My advice to others is to take one day at a time, to look for something you can be thankful for each day, to remember that God will give you strength to endure and knows your pain, and that this is our children’s choice so we are giving them what they want.

    Reply
  25. AvatarJennae A

    I am estranged from my daughter (she’s 47y) for over 3 years now. Non-contact has been for 1.5 yrs now…prior there was some communication.

    The hardest thing is to just ACCEPT without knowing. Acceptance allows you to live your life, but the sadness may always be there.

    Reply
  26. AvatarBarbara H

    Episodically estranged from our only child, our son, since August, 2017. My perception is that episodic nature of the estrangement is that it is more difficult to reach a point of personal clarity and resolve with the ability reach critical acceptance. It is a “tease” of what we know can be but cannot seem to establish long term. Many requests on our part to understand “what we’ve done now”?! And, what may we do to preserve the “good periods”?! Finding it challenging to offer advice when our journey is so erratic and complicated; other than to know everyone’s journey is different. Find salvation in knowing that you can only do your best—with what is known at any given time.

    Reply
  27. AvatarLinda

    it’s been 6 years since I’ve had a relationship with my son, daughter in law and 2 grandchildren. My heart is still broken andI still cry. Unfounded accusations that have gotten worse over the years…even though we have only talked via email. It’s hard to fight lies when you can’t communicate in person. I have renewed my faith depending on God’s strength, and feel it has helped me the most. However, every post on this blog has been so helpful and inspirational. Thanks to all the advice from parents who are going through an estrangement and know how It feels personally.
    My advice ..take advice and support from other estranged parents, and rely on God if you are a believer.

    Reply
  28. RiseRise

    Fiorella L.
    1. estranged from daughter
    2. 2.5 years and ongoing
    3. Don’t dwell on those who let you down; Cherish those who hold you up!!!
    Also, don’t ruin a good today, by thinking about a bad yesterday….Let it go!!!

    Reply
  29. Samantha L.Samantha L.

    I am estranged from my daughter, my only child. It’s been an up and down relationship since 2016 when she got together with her now husband. She hasn’t spoken to me in a year. She had a baby in April 2020 I have never met. My suggestions to others is to not dwell on what could have been done differently but focus on yourself. Take care of yourself. Our kids don’t want us so it’s their loss. It is hard to keep that state of mind, especially when it’s your only child, but you’ve got to focus on the positives in your life.

    Reply
    1. AvatarMaureen D.

      Hi Samantha,
      I can relate to having 1 child too. My son (38) is with a woman, 4 years now, though we struggled before this relationship, there’s a new layer of exclusion written all over it. My Grand Son is 2 & hardly knows me & she has a 7 year old too, whom I am madly in love with. Even with Covid-19 there are ways to connect… It seems our kids aren’t interested or are simply lazy & don’t create that potential? The tightrope we walk is beyond eggshell city. Maybe you wonder if things will improve? What do we need to do to stay close? Great question, which I do not have the answer??? As frustrating as it is, our best defense is to live our best lives. And the best revenge is to live well because they are hateful. Whatever they need to prove to the world or themselves certainly is questionable. Patience truly is a virtue. Tolerance is tested, meanwhile these antics are hurtful, childish & basically not necessary maybe the road we’re on has to change? Stop pining & stop the abuse. Last summer I told my Son I quit! And I am not a quitter. My New Year’s resolution is stop chasing people who aren’t good for me! Hope this helps you today Samantha! We can only control ourselves, nothing more. Think good thoughts & do nice things for yourself! Maureen D.

    2. AvatarIpy

      I know how you feel as we are in exactly the same situation. Our son 31yo and our only child is estranged from us for the last 6 years. He now lives overseas and despite all our efforts to reconcile by email, he either didn’t respond or if he did, it was to cause us tremendous hurt and I would just go through sleepless nights grieving on his cruel words cursing us to death. We know it’s best to not communicate with him as it will only bring us grief. We try to take one day at a time by enjoying the company of our own brothers and sisters or friends but we don’t want to tell them about the estrangement. as they wouldn’t understand. All their children are so good to them and we don’t want anyone judging us or criticising our son or us for spoiling him from young. Our mistake.

  30. AvatarSheila L.

    I am estranged from my only daughter and three grandchildren.

    This is part of a 7-year episodic estrangement that began brewing when she left for college years before, painfully separated from her high school friends, and blaming me for her unhappiness. After her marriage, everything exploded as a result of my granddaughter bonding more with me than with her.

    Remind yourself that although you may have made some parenting mistakes, as everyone does, your intentions were always good; you do not deserve abusive treatment from your child.

    Reply
  31. AvatarDonna D.

    Hi my daughter my only child has been estranged from me 3 years. As of last year I have not seen my only grandchild. My advise is leave the estranged child alone. Reaching out to them with no response coming back Saturday just keeps the hurt alive

    Reply
  32. Ellen W.Ellen W.

    My son has been estranged from us since 2004. He has clinical depression was an alcoholic but now sober for 7 years. He finds peace through hiking. Did a thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail and Pacific Crest Trail. My daughter has been waffling back and forth over the past 5 years of getting angry and not speaking for a few days, then coming back and being remorseful. One month ago she got extremely angry over politics and told us never to come back. I believe she might have Borderline Personality Disorder (mental illness runs on both sides of the family). Advice? Do not let ANYONE steal your joy! Even your own child. There is too much beauty and peace to be felt in the world. SEEK IT!

    Reply
  33. AvatarShikhaS

    My son estranged himself from my husband, I and our daughter in July 2017.
    He was always a very loving and caring son who was adored by us and everyone around us due to his charming and charismatic personality.
    He got married and his personality changed dramatically, with his contact with us diminishing and one day a sudden barrage of accusations and he left us.
    My husband and I suffered from COVID last year, with my husband ending up in hospital and I at home with fever but my son did not ask us once how we were.
    My message to the other estranged parents is to have the self belief that you have everything that you need and what’s gone wouldn’t have made you happy- big hugs xx

    Reply
    1. AvatarCheryl M

      My daughter is estranged from me. We have been estranged for 3 years this is the first estrangement, yey part of an episodic estrangement, due to her substance abuse. She’s my only daughter. She has a daughter that’s 2. I’ve never met! Everything and anything I did was from my heart ❤ never malicious. I still have a hard time with it all. I do want to share the most important thing I would tell another parent whose adult child has become estranged. It’s not your fault. The 3 C’s. Didn’t CAUSE it. Can’t Change it. Can’t CONTROL it. It’s all about accepting and knowing you did no intentionally harm.
      Thank you

  34. AvatarTricia H.

    My son. It’s been just over 4 years now. This is the first time anything like this has ever happened on either side of our families. Over the past year we’ve started to hear from him, but, it’s still very complicated. My best advice would be…allow yourself to mourn and grieve, but put a time limit on it, then find something you live to do, and do it.

    Reply
    1. AvatarTricia H

      *love, not live ‍♀️ Also, I fully believe counseling is a must. It really helped me. My wish is to be able to have counseling with my son and daughter-in-law, but, at this point, that won’t happen. But, he is meeting with a counselor, for his job, and I’m very encouraged by that…

  35. AvatarJackie N.

    Hello, I’ve be estranged from my adult daughter, age 33, (also by extension my only grandchild, which she uses as a pawn) off and on since 2011, but most recent since February of 2020. I would say we as estranged parents are not responsible for our estranged child’s choices. No matter how much they’d like us to appear as ‘bad’ or unhealthy. My daughter literally said ‘she’s not going to having anything to do with us or allow us to see the grandchild unless we become better ‘parental units’, meaning opening up our bank account to her needs. We fell for it at first, but realized we are not responsible for her choices. This was a few years ago, she has since gone on to other covert ways to control.

    Reply
  36. AvatarSue R.

    Hi, everyone. I am estranged from my oldest son since September of 2020. It was his choice. He lost his wife a little over a year ago, from an accidental RX drug overdose, and yes, she was an addict. He has lived in this kind of environment for about 18 yrs. He was lonely, left with 3 sons to raise, and I did my best to be there, through the trauma of the event, and then the aftermath. I thought he was doing ok, he had really stepped up to the plate with caring for his three boys who were devastated. Sometime in July I began to see a change come over him ( and yes, therapy was suggested ). In August a woman began to come around. She was his deceased wife’s drug running friend, we all knew of her. I gave him my opinion, we argued when he moved her in a month later. And that was it, he cut me off. Grief is expressed in many different ways, and it has no expiration date. He has since married this woman. That was quick, right? All I can say is that each of us have a journey in life and we are here to learn valuable lessons. This is his journey, not mine. So I will continue to pray for him, and for God to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference …….one day at a time.

    Reply
  37. AvatarCindy Y.

    Estranged from my son for 22 years. He was using drugs and i had to put him with his father due to violence. Advice…dont take it personnally. I grieve this relationship even though i felt i did the right thing.

    Reply
    1. Ellen W.Ellen W.

      I understand. My son has been estranged for 17 years. He has clinical depression and was an alcoholic, but sober 7 years. I can still follow him on Instagram (I created a fake name to see how he is doing. He is a long-distance hiker and takes excellent photography.) Had to learn “It isn’t my fault” and “I deserve joy.” You do too!

  38. AvatarSusan

    Estranged from my son for 7 years. He is now in his mid 20’s. It ripped my heart out and shredded it. Now I am stronger. My advice is that you have to acknowledge that this is beyond your control and to find ways to take care of yourself and heal. I gave up hope of reconciliation since it was destructive. I felt like a piece of pottery glued back together and then shattered again each time I became hopeful. Pieces of me splintered apart each time I thought we would become a family again only to have those hopes destroyed. People give well meaning advice but unless they’ve lived this, it is not helpful. God bless all of us. We did not deserve this. Hugs from one hurting human to all of you.
    Susan

    Reply
    1. AvatarGidget

      Hugs to you Susan. I have a 41 year old son who has come back and forth into our lives 4 times each time ripping my heart out and destroying our reputations with lies to get undeserved pity. The 5th time I said, “Enough!”

      I told him “You can only stab someone so man times before they’re dead and you’ve killed me.” I changed all of my phone numbers, had a memorial service for the child I knew, raised and loved and grieved.

      This “man” in his body is someone I don’t know, don’t like and don’t trust. I’ve named him Judas because he is my ultimate betrayal.

      I wish you love and peace my friend. Please Stay Safe and Happy. You Deserve it!

  39. AvatarJill P.

    My son 3 years now. My advice is to remember the past is history, the future a mystery so live in the now and give your pain and worries to God because he can give you peace. Most important don’t forget the people around you who love you enjoy them and live the best life . God bless

    Reply
  40. RiseRise

    1. Estranged from my daughter
    2. I have been estranged for 2 and a half years now and it’s ongoing.
    3. Don’t dwell on those who let you down; Cherish those who hold you up!!!
    Also, don’t ruin a good today, by thinking about a bad yesterday….Let it go!!!

    Reply
  41. AvatarTerri H

    Estranged from my only child, a son, age 33
    No idea why, no explanation, no nothing, I keep trying but am blocked from his phone, email, etc. My granddaughter who Ive never met will be 2 in March. I sent gifts when she was born, they were brought back and thrown all around the road.
    It is not our fault….We cant allow them to continue to destroy us.

    Reply
  42. AvatarLaurie H

    1)Estranged daughter
    2)She’s been estranged 2.5 years. I would classify it at a full estrangement other than an occasional abusive text or email. We can work it out…if you meet my terms…because you are vile and don’t deserve options.
    3)Learn self-love, self-compassion and self-forgiveness as you did what you did out of love and believing it was what was best for your child at the time.

    Reply
  43. AvatarSu N

    Started with the daughter in law who accused me of Betraying her ( her words) coupled with a command to never contact her again. The alleged betrayal was over a favor I had done for my son ( which I didn’t see as a negative action). Bottom line, in order to save his marriage ( again) he has also pulled away from me with his two young boys. There is the occasional ” hi, how are you, bye conversations lasting all of three minutes as though it is painful to talk with me.
    Then my daughter also became more distant and difficult during her pregnancy and first ( and only) birth. I believe that since the daughter in law now treats me like poison that I must really be poisonous and best for her and her baby to stay away as well. Luckily the baby’s father feels sorry for me and will sometimes step in at his own peril to make sure I get some time with they baby .

    Advice??? Well, I don’t see how anyone would even want to hear any advice from me, but after a really really hard first six months I will say this:
    If you have really gone back in your memories and can still honestly say that even through a lot of mistakes and missteps you really feel that on average you did make an effort to be a good parent..or at least a decent parent, then I would say…You MUST stop beating yourself up.
    I can really relate to the parent above who referred to the ” broken syndrome. It is real and it is hell on your own health.

    Reply
  44. AvatarAnita B

    1.My son, 7 years this May, has not communicated with me since he was 17…
    2. Parental alienation and I believe possible mental illness, as does not talk to his sister as well. Guilty by association?
    3. That I did nothing wrong as his mother and it is truly out of my control.

    Reply
  45. AvatarJosephine D.

    Estranged from My Daughter. She is 43 years old.

    It has been 21 years since she has cut me out of her life. A day does not pass without me thinking of her.

    You cannot control someone else’s thoughts and actions. You can control your life. You must live your life and be grateful for the ones that love you.

    Reply
  46. AvatarJessica

    Thank you Sheri,

    I am estranged from my oldest son, since he was 12, he is 32 now. He chose to go/side with his dad after divorce, and NEVER looked back. His 3 siblings have healthy relationships with me. I believe he is high functioning on the Asperger spectrum.

    I was hopeful for many years, but felt it was extremely important to be fully present for my 3 other children. I learned to be grateful for his health, happiness and success from afar. He has a very successful business and is an incredible artist. He was recently married, and his siblings shared pictures with me. I no longer reach out to him as it was never acknowledged. I respect his wishes and bask in my relationships with my other children and grandchildren. I talk about him with love and pride, I will always be his mother. he will always be my first baby.

    Reply
    1. AvatarBarbara B.

      Sounds familiar to my situation. I talk about them with love and respect. It was an ugly divorce. They were children caught in the middle. I will always be their mother, and they will always be my children. I no longer reach out, due to their request. I try to move on.

  47. AvatarColleen H

    Daughter (41)
    Daughter (40) and 3 grandchildren
    Son (38)

    All 3 of my adult children estranged me and my hubby 4+ years ago. My son is suffering from an undiagnosed mental illness and was threatening others and himself. I took an action that has resulted in this estrangement. My daughters decided that having the police do a welfare check was not Christ-like or compassionate and stepped into my role. My son lived with his oldest sister until they fell out. He is now living with his other sister and her family, but I hear they are falling out.
    I would tell any parent going through estrangement to be loving and kind to yourself and to find joy and purpose wherever they can. That they deserve to be happy.

    Reply
  48. AvatarBeverly M.

    1. My husband and I have been estranged from our son .
    2. We have been estranged for 8 years now.
    3. What I would tell other parents going through this is stop blaming yourself and just be open to their return, you can’t control it but you can choose to live a good full filling life.Also pray for them that they find peace also.

    Reply
  49. AvatarLinda E.

    1. Estranged from our daughter.
    2. We have had no communication for 7 months. She is 30yrs old and lives across the country. First estrangement but always volatile.
    3. I would tell another estranged parent that it feels like a death but perhaps worse. I would tell them to read “Done with the Crying” because it most likely saved my marriage and my life.

    Reply
  50. AvatarJoanne E.

    Estranged from my son for 7 years, and my daughter for 3 years. One long estrangement with very little to no communication at all. I am their mother, and their father brain washed them after divorce.
    Best advice? Stop waiting, and get on with living your best life. When/if they come back do you want to be a basket case mired in grief, or someone who has done amazing things with your life?

    Reply
  51. AvatarChar

    We have been estranged from our youngest son since August of 2020, though this is not the first time, unfortunately..

    The estrangement has been on and off since he married 9 years ago.

    I would tell other parents to allow themselves to mourn, to seek counselling if they believe it will help, and to know they are not alone. XO

    Reply
  52. AvatarCheryl C

    Estranged from my 2 children a son and a daughter and my 3 granddaughters for 2 1/2 yrs, Confused to why? I did everything for them and gave them all I could, and I get treated like this!

    Reply
  53. Billie ABillie A

    1. My husband and I are estranged from our oldest son.

    2.The estrangement has been ongoing since December 2015 to date.
    He will be 36 in March. He and his wife have a 7 year old son who we have not seen since he was a year old.

    3. My advice as the mother…go thru all of the emotions. Healing takes time. Choose to be devastated over the estrangement rather than destroyed. Forgive for yourself.

    Reply
  54. AvatarHelen C

    I am estranged from my only child, my son, 36, since 2018. The estrangement began almost immediately after he married the Daughter-in-law and they announced the pregnancy 3 months later. The estrangment began at the holidays. We attempted counseling several times early in the estrangement but DIL made it clear she did not me in their lives. It has been a year of almost no contact. I know he is caught in the middle, probably given a choice…his family or me. An impossible choice.

    My advice to any parent who mows the grief and heartache and pain of not being able to share their lives with their children, is to be kind a gentle with yourself, be as compassionate with yourself as yu would be with a best friend who is in pain. Strive to live the best life yu can, enjoy everyday to the fullest, and stay hopeful that yur child will come back into your life.

    Love,
    Helen C

    Reply
  55. AvatarKathy S

    Estranged from my son. I still miss him terribly but find myself feeling liberated in many ways. My takeaway is not let anyone else define who you are

    Reply
  56. AvatarCarole L

    Carole L.
    Estranged from both my children. My daughter age 32, for the second time, along with 2 grandchildren (7 and 9) and also now, from my son aged 28, who during the first estrangement of his sister was furious with her for the pain she was causing.
    My daughter is diagnosed bi-polar and left 1st time in 2013. Came back in 2016. Then in October 2019, after an argument with my son, over his new girlfriend and their lack of respect for my boundaries in my own home, he left, and with no reason or communication from my daughter at that time, neither has spoken to me since.
    My advice to other parents would be, let go. You cannot force an adult child to change, they need to come to this recognition themselves. Calling, hoping, chasing has been futile. I am trying to focus now on my health and wellbeing.

    Reply
  57. AvatarBrigitte S.

    Estranged from my second eldest married daughter, her husband and my two grandsons. It’s been almost a year for this second estrangement that occurred the day after her birthday last year. I’d say to any parent who experiences this situation, don’t give up hope.

    Reply
    1. AvatarKathy I.

      22 y.o dtr and her husband
      1.5 y.o grandson (saw 3x) 2month granddaughter-only photos from Facebook.
      Estranged 3years
      Don’t give up.

  58. AvatarSusan G.

    1. I am estranged from my son.
    2. We have been estranged several times through the years, with this most recent one beginning almost 4 years ago.
    3. The most important thing I would tell someone who is estranged from their adult son or daughter is to keep the faith and know that God is in control. Let go and let God.

    Reply
  59. AvatarMosco D

    My daughter. She went into the Air Force loving and respectful of me. Twenty years later she came out divorced with my only grandson and no honor or respect for me at all! Her peers became her first family.

    Estranged parents, don’t let your children convince you that you were a bad parent, like I did. Until I hear the voice of God say to me that I was (am) a good parent. That I did the very best I could being a single parent!

    Reply
  60. AvatarMarilyn L

    My daughter estranged from us nearly two years ago. She and her children lived under our roof for four years prior. She lives nearby but we havent seen our grandchildren or communicated. That’s the toughest part.

    I’ve learned that, even though at the onset I thought I would die and was even hospitalized, that i will live and even flourish. I’ve learned to let go of the guilt and brush away the gaslighting. My husband and I are good people. We did our best.

    Reply
  61. AvatarAngela S.

    Estranged from 3 sons.

    Since 2014, mine is a little different. I have tried to have relationships for years. I had to make choices, and boundaries.
    I like anyone else who is dealing with this, the pain hurts. But I believe in hope, forgiveness, and take care of yourself. Music, reading, whatever it takes to live your life. And let nobody have the power to make you feel guilty or worthless. In your mind, picture anything that brings a smile. Especially when you feel low and sad.

    Reply
  62. AvatarClaudia D.

    February makes it 5 years since my son decided he wanted nothing to do with me. He has two little ones that I wish I could get to know and love on. I have 4 other grandchildren who I get to see regularly and actually babysit two of them while their parents are at work. My hopes are that his children don’t someday do this to him. I really appreciate this group, and all the information on how we can cope with the loss of a relationship of a beloved adult child.
    -Claudia

    Reply
  63. Avataringrid f.

    I am estranged from my 39 year old son and 38 year old stepdaughter. The estrangements have been episodic, but I have decided that it’s too much work mentally each time and have not tried to reconnect for quite some time now. It has usually been me begging to reconnect.
    As time passes it becomes clearer that they don’t want you, and why subject yourself to the anguish. Be at peace and give your love and time to those who give it back.

    Reply
  64. AvatarJodi W

    Estranged from my daughter. (Which now includes 2 grandchildren)

    The heartbreaking estrangement has been for 2 years. I was blindsided with this devastating estrangement when she gave birth to my first grandchild.

    With my ongoing grief I have sought out professional help.
    My advice is learning mindfulness. Being kind to yourself without judgment. Stay present and challenge your negative thoughts – and remember this – Thoughts are not facts.

    Reply
    1. AvatarBrigitte S

      Jodi, wow, reading your comment, I can relate as my own daughter estranged from me, her eldest sister and brother on the occasion of the birth of her first child, my first grandchild, the day of his birth! I was invited back in when he was 18 months old, we did at her request some counselling together and yet, again, as the birth of her second child approached, I was cut off. I have never met my second grandson. They live just blocks away from me. It is completely horrendous. I’ve spent the last few years reeling from this, physically ill and made the decision to heal myself. Like you, ongoing profession help, mindfulness, prayer and staying present in each moment. Yes, thoughts are not facts, it’s amazing when we can be compassionate towards ourselves and be grateful for many things in this life.

  65. AvatarLinda N.

    Linda N.

    Estranged from middle son and his family (I have 2 other sons…estranged son estranged from his entire extended family)

    On 6th yr, first estrangement. DIL (with diagnosed mental problems) provoked & maintains

    When first estranged it is best to remain calm, control your need to defend yourself, listen to what they want, try to provide, suggest family counseling. (We suggested the counseling which our son refused….but the rest we failed at and our words and actions only made estrangement worse).

    Reply
  66. AvatarGerri G.

    I am estranged from my son for the past 8 years, after I left his dad he with talking to me. He was 18 years old then.
    He did let me know that he got engaged this year and that I, and only I, would be invited to his wedding (I have remarried, he has never met or spoken to my new husband). I’ve decided to pass on the invite unless my husband is my plus one. Which leads me to what I would tell another parent..
    Grieve your loss, try to make amends if possible, but DO NOT STOP LIVING YOUR LIFE!
    Our children were meant to make a life of their own anyway, I refused (after 2-3 years) to let my life be lead but my heartache. I mourn him like I mourn a death, but the ball is in his court now, I will live my life!

    Reply
  67. AvatarJennie

    I am estranged from my 45 yr. old son. It has been 3 of the hardest and saddest years of my life. He is our only child and I am having the issues with this while my husband has gotten to the point of, “I don’t want to even hear his name.” So, that is yet another obstacle for this. My best sister-friend passed away a year ago and she was the only one I could really talk to about this horrible situation. So now I am missing them both. His absence is like grieving the death of a child, as well. I wish I could give advice to other parents because the grief I feel daily is so overwhelming and I know how they feel, however, I am not at that stage, yet. I can not move on, yet. I do not find happiness anymore and have been told by my cardiologist that I have “Broken Heart Syndrome. Never knew it existed. I just know that it is the worst hurt of my life. Love,

    Reply
  68. AvatarNan D

    I am estranged from my adult son.

    This has been episodic. I just now realized this when it was mentioned in the instructions. This time it has been over 2 years. It started with my narcissistic daughter-in-law and finally to keep the peace my son left me with her.

    I would advise others to forgive your child but more importantly forgive yourself. Until I can do this I will never get any closer to reuniting with them but I do damage to myself living as though I am I forgiven.

    Peace, Nan

    Reply
  69. AvatarLisa M

    I am estranged from my son. Five years now. He is now 34 years old. Makes me sad to think I’ve missed so much of my grandchildren lives. I have reached out many times. Finally heard this past December from him only because I had COVID haven’t heard since. My suggestion would be to move on also, it is not our fault. I take one day at a time. I have two more sons. I concentrate on them now and the love and support they have given me. My husband thinks that he will just show up one day which I do pray for, but I have my doubts. This has impacted my mom who is 88 now and he was the first grandchild for her. I support her more than myself. Stay healthy, keep strong, move on. I’m planning to retire soon and travel. I’m looking forward to taking care of myself now. Happy New Year to all!

    Reply
  70. AvatarTanya G

    Estranged from my 26 year old daughter

    It’s been going on for 4 years on and off. She cuts me out unless she needs something. I discussed this with her and now she doesn’t want to “use” me and has pulled back completely.

    I would tell them to journal, pray and to keep comments positive regarding the relationship such as
    “I know our relationship is strained but I’m sure it can get back on track soon. “

    Reply
  71. AvatarSusan R

    I am estranged from my eldest daughter that is 24.
    It has been 7 years of debilitating grief that has never been given an explanation why which is the most difficult.
    Own your part not theirs And don’t take on all the guilt onto yourself. It takes two. Your never alone nor the only one going threw this. Be kind and patient with yourself and you must always take care of you. You are enough ❤️

    Reply
  72. AvatarMonica R

    Monica R.

    My only child/my son just walked away with no explanation or response to our calls, text or email. We were always very close, so I was blindsided. There’s been nothing since Mother’s Day 2017, even with him getting married that year and having a child last year.
    Once you’ve made numerous non-guilting attempts to communicate without response, do what you can to take care of yourself physically and mentally to stay healthy, as you can’t force them to let you in their life.

    Reply
  73. AvatarSusan B.

    Susan B.

    Estranged from daughter

    Estranged for 3 years this time. First time was for 6 months.

    My advice would be to focus on yourself and living your life to the fullest. Also gratitude for all those in your life who love you helps a lot.

    Reply
  74. AvatarCari S

    My 34 year old son, it’s been 9 years now started when he married and have since had 3 kids who don’t know their grandparents, which to me is the cruelest I don’t want to blame the wife but I’m sure she is a big part of this. My advise to others is to continue to live and love the rest of your family and continue your prayers that someday you’ll get tell those grand babies we have ALWAYS been there for them and ALWAYS loved them!!!

    Reply
  75. AvatarLatricia B.

    Estranged from son since he was 15

    Son is now 21 rare communication. I am currently divorcing the step dad he hated.

    Be patient they will communicate at some point but it seems to be on there terms and they always seem to hold a grudge.

    Reply
  76. AvatarVictoria L

    I’m a estranged from my adult son for about 7 years now. I can understand why he doesn’t want anything to do with me and at the same time I continue to pray that he can at some point forgive me for my mistakes. I would say to other estranged parents to always keep hoping and don’t give up. Keep praying

    Reply
  77. AvatarLynn M.

    Estranged by my only son.

    We have had episodic estrangement for 10 years.

    To others, send cards, send letters to make yourself feel good about not giving up. Start a journal for them to read and set up a photo album even if they never see it. Manifesting thier return.It helps to feel prepared for if they do. I cry every day. I use the Done with the Crying book and add notes and comments for them to read hopefully someday.

    Reply
  78. AvatarPhyllis C

    Estranged from my daughter going on six years. I would tell other parents it will get better. You will live even if you don’t think it’s possible. Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself

    Reply
  79. AvatarPamela S.

    1. My husband & I are estranged from our son, 37 years old.

    2. In retrospect, it’s been coming for several years (since he moved to San Francisco), but Trump’s election in 2016 accelerated the estrangement 100 times. We are now the “unwashed deplorables”.

    3. My advice to parents is to answer any “parent bashing” with gentle words of love and kindness. Remember their birthdays and important holidays if you can and don’t expect anything in return.

    Reply
    1. AvatarMaureen D.

      Hi Pam,

      Our kids are around the same age & what you wrote about “parent bashing” along with gentle words of love & kindness may NOT be the best approach. As Parents, respect has to be a part of the dynamics. When my son is disrespectful, I put a stop to it immediately. We need our self-respect. If we do not get it especially from our offspring then the conversation stops until it can resume in a polite manner. I do NOT have the answers for ALL the pitfalls from our kids, however, I do know if we tolerate such terms, we ALL lose. And we cannot afford to lose ourselves due to a bratty child dictating the direction of a relationship. We are the adults & we have to lead with strength, dignity & a no nonsense attitude. Otherwise they will run us out of our own lives, if we let them. Perhaps change is what will help us both. Thanks for writing your story. Maureen D.

  80. AvatarAnne

    I have been estranged from my son for 2 1/2 years. He was 46 at the time of our estrangement.
    There has been no contact, despite me trying. I have been blocked on phone and email. He lives less than 10 miles away but has no contact with his sisters, nephews, aunt or his father.

    This has left me struggling daily to make each day count, to try and be there for other family members who need me to be who I used to be, when all I want is to be able to understand WHY.

    Reply
  81. AvatarBetsy H

    My daughter & I – episodic- for years. Latest was the longest & most hurtful – fueled by a jealous sister. How have I managed? First you always find your “real” family & friends who love & support you no matter what – middle of the night calls when you are sad- feel like falling off a cliff-TIME – really does heal wounds. GOD – the MOST WONDERFUL HEALER of all!

    Reply
  82. AvatarJeanne D

    Estranged from daughter

    It’s been a little over one year after a very close relationship for 32 years. I divorced her father after a 30+ year of emotional, financial, and spiritual abuse to both of us (she had already ended her relationship with him). Daughter divorced the same year I did, she needed a place to go with her two small children, I let her move in with me, she found her own place and then told me she needed time away from me to heal, she said I was just a safety net and needed to learn how to take care of herself and her children.

    I would tell the new parent to do their own healing and keep loving your child.

    Reply
  83. AvatarSharon F.

    I am estranged from my son.

    This is the first official estrangement which began in September 2020

    I would tell other suffering parents to try and give yourself a break and have kinder words for yourself. The only control you have is over your own actions. Not theirs. The guilt can eat you alive so try as best you can to focus on the good in your life. I wish you all blessings and good luck in your journey.

    Reply
    1. AvatarLR

      Dec 2020 was my 1st (official) estrangement with my son (altho he had not been in contact for 6 mos prior to college graduation for whatever reason unbeknown to me but apparently shared with his ship Captain). Its been two heart wrenching years of no contact from either one of us (altho he is in contact with other relatives). I made up my mind that he would not ruin another Christmas for me (as 2018 & 2019 were spent crying) so I forced myself into a tearless holiday filled with phone calls; journaling; cooking; etc. I am gradually moving toward removing all displayed pictures of him. He occupies space in my head randomly thruout the day, I rarely smile, am filled with sadness and pray the situation is not permanent and changes soon. I never thought I would be here but I cannot control another person’s thoughts/feelings. (I feel persecuted & crucified but I am powerless).

  84. AvatarKaren W

    My 36 year old daughter. Really since birth.
    Her narcissistic father put her on a pedestal and the two of them abused me for their own egos. Father died-she angry I’m the one living.
    Keep busy, try to remember you are not the reason.

    Reply
  85. AvatarMonaLisa

    1. Estranged from my 30 year old son.
    2. It has been ongoing since 2003
    3. Love and forgiveness has helped me move on with my life with a healed heart.

    Reply
  86. AvatarMary Beth W.

    My adopted daughter is now 27, and we have been completely estranged for 5 years.

    Through divorce, my daughter has been made to be “the prize” by my ex-husband, and he has used lies, intimidation, and my daughter’s vulnerability to make me the scapegoat for everything. I never saw this coming, as we had a bond that I never thought could be broken. I love her, think of her every day, and I believe that my beautiful daughter that I know and raised, and her lovely soul still exist within her.

    I am strong in my Christian faith, and have come to the conclusion that I need to keep living my life and be thankful for the blessings I have, love her from a distance, and trust in God’s plan.

    Reply
  87. AvatarMariann B

    I am estranged from my 26 year old son.

    This is the second time in three years. Things were ok for awhile, but I believe he has some unresolved anger relative to when his Dad and I divorced, back in 2015.

    To navigate the heartbreak and sorrow, self-care is so important. Explore a new hobby, do some journaling, or maybe try meditation. Whatever you choose, do it with intention and know your feelings matter. Live your best life!

    Reply
  88. ZenhumanZenhuman

    Estranged from my son, it will be 3 years in July.
    I would tell another that though it is very painful, you have to let it go. When a Child becomes an adult, you have to let them make their own choices. Be glad you raised a child to adulthood and that they can be out on their own, and you did the best you could. It’s definitely not easy.

    Reply
  89. AvatarDeb B

    1) My son.
    2) Totally shut out over a year but if I were honest, I would say strained for years. He feels I have done something unforgivable because in his drunken rage I called the police and he was arrested.
    3) I am still working through the pain and trying to come to some acceptance so I can move on with my own life. I don’t have any advice at this stage. I’m a work in progress.

    Reply
  90. AvatarCorrina B

    My firstborn son.
    First estrangement, hopefully the last.

    Message to suffering parents … one day at a time, never stop believing in your love for them.

    Reply
  91. AvatarMichele B

    1. Estranged from both daughters.

    2. It’s been on and off again for years now it’s been totally for about 4 years. I miss them
    And my 5 granddaughters so very much!

    3. The pain we go through is just horrible unless you go through it you can’t ever explain. Every day I get stronger and the more time hat goes by gets easier to dull the pain. I read the book and it sure helped me understand that I’m not the only one in this world that’s going through this.

    Reply
  92. AvatarShawnee B.

    Shawnee B.

    I have been estranged from my daughter who is now 30 years old.

    It has been 3 years since we last had contact determined by her wishes. She wrote me a short and cruel note about who she thinks I am and that she never wanted anything more to do with me, though she had been given nothing but love, support, laughter, and caring her while life by her whole family. I was devastated, in disbelief because we were so very close and did everything together, it just didn’t make any sense.

    The one thing I would advise is to accept your shortcomings as a Mom as we all have them, not allowing your estranged child to destroy your soul and your life because of their distorted views of who you are, rather choose to love them from afar, love them in truth, and love them despite themselves.

    Reply
    1. AvatarLaurie H

      Shawnee B
      This advice resonates so huge with me. Thank you. I cherish when you can come across just the right thing that you need at just the right time. Learning to love yourself more and have more self-compassion is challenging after having been beat down by the most unthinkable source.

  93. AvatarFaith Z

    My son.

    It has been 4 years. He last words to me mom I forgive you I can not have you in my life. You are too controlling I have to protect myself and my family from you All I asked if I could see my grandchildren more. I was being blamed for things and events his mother in law did. He kept telling me it was me and only me.

    I would tell others it ok let them think what they want. I know the truth It is best to love him from a far than to have the constant heartache in your life. Toxic people can kill you. Find the peace with in yourself. Forgive yourself forgive your child. Most of all love yourself through it. Someday he or she will realize you are not the enemy. Find your peace.

    Reply
  94. AvatarVickie M

    1.son
    2.1.5 yrs
    3. You will know when it is time to “ stop the crying”, focus on the people that want to be with you and accept your love and you can reflect back that you tried as hard as you could.

    Reply
  95. Dawn C.Dawn C.

    I am estranged from my daughter, 25 yrs old, since August of last year. First estrangement, took us completely by surprise. I doubt I will ever see her again, and I don’t know why I deserve this pain. What I have learned is, it is NOT my fault….her mental illness has shaped who she is. I was a great mum to her, and I did everything I could to make her happy, so I have done my job. Now, struggling to move on is where I am at in life.

    Reply
  96. AvatarNikki D

    I have been estranged from my 18 year old son for six months now.
    This is our first estrangement.
    The first piece of advice for a newly estranged parent is to breathe-you have just experienced an extreme emotional kick in the gut, with the loss of all air and you are going to need to breathe so some clarity can be reestablished and realize you are not alone.

    Reply
  97. AvatarLaura LC

    I am periodically estranged from my daughter.
    The estrangements happen for months at a time and then we are ok for a month or two. When the hell begins again I feel it might have been better to just be estranged than to grieve the loss of her all of over again.
    My advice is to try to concentrate on the people in your lives that do value you. Make sure YOU are on the top of that list of those that value YOU!

    Reply
  98. AvatarRetha C

    I am estranged from both my daughters and have been strange from the oldest one for 7 years and the youngest for 3 years. They were brainwashed away from me by they’re deceased father’s second wife. The only way I was able to deal with it was to move away from them. If they don’t know where I am then I don’t sit and wish and hope and pray that maybe they’ll drop by. And I can relax and get on with my life. The only advice I can give anyone is to survive, mentally physically and emotionally, the best way you can.

    Reply
  99. AvatarKate L

    I am estranged from my eldest son.

    I am have been suffering this estrangement for almost 6 years. Although it has not gotten easier, I no longer cry. It was a long time coming due to his masterful and controlling wife.

    I would possibly offer this advice to another parent going through this heartache….”please keep healthy and live your best life without your child, surround yourself with people who love you and don’t give up hope, ever.

    Reply
  100. AvatarJill A.

    1. Estranged my my 31 year old daughter.

    2. Estranged since Christmas 2020, but estrangement has been episodic since her father passed away when she was 17.

    3. Try not to allow false accusations haunt you, but instead, nurture and advocate for your own self care through healthy physical and mental practices.

    Reply
  101. AvatarBonnie M

    I have been estranged to varying degrees from my three daughters for 8 years, and have a strained relationship with one son for the past two years.
    I would share with another parent facing estrangement to freely grieve for what they have lost, and to seek out a trusted counselor or friend to support you as you learn to love and care for yourself.

    Reply
  102. AvatarWilla S.

    My only child, my son, age 54, and by extension, my two granddaughters, ages 22 and 19.

    We have been estranged since 2016, and I have no clue why. The only other estrangement was for three months when he was 21. Both times, he simply removed himself from any communication without explanation or an argument.

    After nearly five years of unanswered questions and mourning a person who is not dead, my advice to a parent new to this anguish would be: strive to nurture your other relationships and yourself; waste not your precious remaining days denying yourself life.

    Reply
  103. AvatarRandy

    Son- we have been estranged for 2 1/2 years. I raised him as a single mother, worked very hard to keep a roof over our head & give him what he needed including much love. Problems started when he married a difficult woman who has played me in ways it would be hard for others to understand. Will not allow me to see my beautiful 6 year old grandson. Have filled his head with lies.
    My advice is live, enjoy & appreciate those who find value in you & don’t listen to cruel things your children say when you try to reach out. It’s coming from a dark place. Pray for your children.

    Reply
  104. AvatarLoretta B

    Son, find joy in what’s in your control is a daily, sometimes minute-to-minute focus/goal… eases the pain…

    Reply
    1. AvatarLoretta B

      Also, know that it can come out of nowhere- imagine how your child feels, the pain, and if they are happier- take solace in that… know you’re worth and you did your best… sometimes life throws us the most difficult curve ball- losing a child that is still on this earth is a deep pain that Has no words and so many words- all feelings are normal as we process this as parents. Reach out, know your worth. You are loved.

  105. Donna A.Donna A.

    Donna A

    My only child, 32 yo daughter, has had no contact with me for 7 months. This is the 2nd time this has happened; however, the 1st time she contacted me and successfully loved more money from us.

    From these two episodes of estrangement, I would want new readers to BELIEVE they did nothing to deserve this estrangement. You need to decide if a tiny bit of exposure to the child’s life (through social media) or no exposure is what you need to move on and stick to it. Info and photos of your estranged child (children) and grandchild (children) can tear off scabs or add a little balm to your pain.

    Reply
  106. AvatarMonika B.

    My son estranged himself.

    It has been nine months since he estranged himself from the whole family, except his brother.

    My advice would be to continue to love your child unconditionally in your heart, even if it’s at a distance or with no contact. You may have noticed I said my son “estranged himself”. When I stopped saying “I’m estranged from” my son, it took the responsibility and guilt and burden off of me and now I am just stating a fact. My son “estranged himself”.

    Reply
  107. AvatarBrenda R

    1. Estranged from my daughter & son Of course, now there is grandchildren who I have no contact either.
    2. I have been estranged from them for 19 years.
    3. You are not alone. It is not all your fault. My biggest healing was when I worked on my relationship with God. Shared my story to put light on the shame & darkness.

    Reply
  108. AvatarAldona M.

    1. Estranged from only child, my son

    2. Estranged for 16 years since he was 14

    3. I would share with another parent that we share this ever so painful experience with so many others. We must learn to let go and at the same time, to live in hope of a possible & eventual reconciliation. In the meantime, we must endeavour to make a new life for ourselves and to squeeze whatever goodness and happiness out of life to bring us some measure of joy.
    Much love Aldona

    Reply
  109. AvatarCamille N

    My estrangement is from my daughter, my firstborn. The estrangement includes her whole family: my son-in-law and four precious grand-babies ages 6, 4, 3, and 1. This is the second time and now includes my husband. The first was with me and was not complete. There was still communication that time. My advice is to ACCEPT that it’s beyond your control and to forge ahead with life, choosing joy and peace wherever/whenever possible.

    Reply
  110. AvatarAlison B

    Son

    Three and a half years

    Learn to let go, and for me let God, but for others it would be let go and live your life to the full, don’t let any of them takes away any more than they already have. Don’t let them continue to have control over you all you are guilty of is loving them!

    Reply
  111. AvatarMarie D.

    I am estranged from my 37 year old son. It is now going on 4 years.
    I would tell others in this situation to be good to themselves. We all did our best and do not deserve less than a full life because our adult children made a choice to turn away from us. As painful as that is, it does begin to lessen in time and you’ll be ok. So just be good to yourself

    Reply
  112. AvatarPinkyB

    Estranged from our 55 yo daughter for nearly 10 years.
    We had a loving relationship until the arrival of our daughter’s last partner.
    My advice would be to never try to register your concern with your child about the actions and state of mind of his or her partner. Let your child initiate a request for help or else leave it alone. This is a sad lesson to learn when one is 70 and is even harder to bear as one approaches 80.

    Reply
  113. AvatarKim M

    A son-it has been about 6 years since any contact with this son. I may never know his reasons for ending contact with me and it is his choice. My only advice as a person of faith is know God will follow him and care for him to the end of his days. I continue to send an e-mail or card a few times a year knowing he won’t respond. Letting go is not giving up, just important for my mental well being.

    Reply
  114. AvatarDenise W.

    1. My daughter, now 27, whom we were very close with, so we thought.

    2. She left July 2, 2018. She packed her stuff and emptied her room after “gifting” us a trip to Florida. Gone with just a horrifying letter that she wanted “nothing to do with us.” She specifically said “Don’t find me.” My mother died right after she left. The grief has been overwhelming.

    3. We focused on our health with food supplements, homeopathy, exercise, spirituality, our fulfilling secular and volunteer work and make it a goal to have fun. We also fill our lives with our friend’s children who love us and write to us.

    Reply
  115. AvatarEdwina R.

    I am estranged from my youngest ,a daughter.
    She is 25 ,the first estrangement was when she was 15 ,it has been episodic since which brings heartbreak over and over ,when she is in my life it is like walking on eggshells .
    I would tell another parent to constantly build yourself up and be very aware of your own self care ,if you slip back tomorrow is another day and this is not a reflection of what you did or didn’t do you did your best !

    Reply
  116. AvatarKathy P

    1. Estranged from daughter.

    2. I have been estranged over 3 years, but our relationship has been strained for 20 yrs.

    3. I would tell the other estranged parent that they are not alone and they have to live their life to the fullest.

    Reply
    1. AvatarJosie D

      I am estranged from my first-born Daughter.

      We have been estranged since 2012, with on and off correspondence. It’s a very complex situation and I have been trying to reach out to her but she always feels there is a motive behind it. She only wants her terms to be followed for any kind of reconciliation.

      I would tell another estranged parent never to give up hope and that God is in control and to keep praying to him for peace that only He can give.

  117. AvatarHeather R.

    Estranged from son. He is now 25 years. He was born prematurely at 25 weeks weighing 1 lb 9 oz in 1995.

    He was coerced away from myself (mum) and maternal side of family 2018 (3 years ago). He is a vulnerable adult.

    My ongoing grief and experiences in giving any advice to a parent going through such similar estrangement would be. Stay healthy, stay strong live your life, you have probably already gone up, over and beyond to communicate to your child/adult to no avail. In my heart I believe our children will return in some form eventually.

    Love Heather xx

    Reply

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