Monthly Archives: March 2022

Sheri McGregor honored in prestigious book awards

9 Replies

Sheri McGregor Benjamin Franklin Award

Sowing Creek Press is thrilled to announce the nomination of 2021 title, Beyond Done With The Crying: More Answers and Advice for Parents of Estranged Adult Children, in the 34th Annual Benjamin Franklin Awards presented by the Independent Book Publishers Association (IBPA). Beyond Done, written by life coach and author Sheri McGregor, will receive either a gold or silver award during the ceremony for this prestigious award on April 29, 2022.

“I’m honored by IBPA’s recognition of Beyond Done,” says McGregor. “But mostly, I’m excited that the award shines light on this topic, so will help more people. I hear from heartbroken parents every day. When they find my books or website (RejectedParents.Net), they realize that they are not alone. From all over the world, there are kind, supportive parents whose adult children nonetheless reject them.”

McGregor, whose self-help book is a finalist in the Psychology category, is no stranger to the genre—or the subject matter. One of her five children separated from the family. McGregor, who holds a master’s degree in Human Behavior, used her education and experiences to move beyond the emotional pain, reclaim her identity, self-esteem, and happiness. She helps other parents by way of her website and her books in the Done With The Crying series. Her first book on the subject (2016) was a Foreword Reviews Book of the Year Finalist and a winner in the Living Now Book Awards.

“Estrangement can leave a confusing legacy,” she says. “Possible twists and turns ahead aren’t always immediately apparent. Concerns that later reveal themselves may be traced to roots that involve the estranged one or connect to history that began long ago. Beyond Done offers more for parents as well as the whole the post-estrangement family.”

Beyond Done With The Crying: More Answers and Advice for Parents of Estranged Adult Children provides tell-it-like-it-is advice and sensible solutions for the gritty, complex issues that parents of estranged adult children face. With examples and from-the-trenches insight drawn from more than 50,000 families, McGregor offers encouragement and proven techniques to heal.

Helpful observations are included from parents, grandparents, grandchildren, and the siblings of adults who chose to estrange. “Commentary, tips, and advice derived from my work and my research to support parents’ well-being round out the pages,” says McGregor, whose work points out that the most common advice often doesn’t help and keeps parents stuck in an unhealthy cycle. “At times, my positions make me the lone dissenter, but then standing up for ourselves as decent, loving parents in a world that doubts us is a lesson for us all … and covered in Beyond Done.”

Others who contributed to the book include:

For more information, contact Sheri McGregor directly via: https://www.rejectedparents.net/about-helping-parents-of-estranged-adult-children/contact-rejected-parents/

Abuse is never acceptable: Must I tell my estranged daughter I’m done?

85 Replies

abuse is never acceptable

Sarah asks:

* Dear Sheri McGregor,

I am a single mom to my 29 year old only daughter. We were always close, but she estranged from me without giving any reason about a year ago. At her wedding, she and her husband treated me and my friends like dirt. I did nothing to merit the behavior. Nor did my friends. Since then, she hasn’t responded to my emails, letters, gifts, or offers to reconcile, except to say that she doesn’t want to get together at holidays.  I am trying to move on with my life, but it’s hard to wrap my mind around this change.

A month ago, I wrote an amends letter and mailed it—no response. I go between hope and despair. I’m heartbroken and angry and am not sure I can forgive this. I read your book each evening. Should I continue to wait or just cut it off and start fresh? Right now, I just want to send an email to say that I’m done with this abuse.

Sarah

Sheri McGregor replies

Hi Sarah,

The simplest answer is to do what you need to do to be able to cope, learn to live with life as it is, accept the parts over which you have no control, and to work toward your own healthy, sensible future—regardless of your daughter’s decisions.

You mention being uncertain whether to continue to wait or just cut it off and start fresh. You also said that right now, you feel like emailing her that you’re done with the abuse. I’ll try to address these thoughts.

In my work as a life coach, I often ask people questions to prompt further reflection, which can help them make sound decisions for themselves. Here are a few for you:

  • At this point, is it is necessary to state anything to your daughter about a new decision to just get on with life?
  • You mention that you have written an amends letter, but I’m not sure for what. Are you?
  • There was no response. Consider what is prompting the idea of reaching out again right now (though in a different way, as you say, to finalize your decision not to allow abuse). Is there a secret hope that this will prompt her to respond and engage with you?
  • Is reaching out again a way for you to “correct” the mistake of sending an amends letter and apologizing for things that made no sense? Sometimes, amends letters are sent from a place of emotional weakness or desperation, or upon a counselor’s advice. I have heard from many parents who later regretted those letters, which is why I ask this question.
  • Is reaching out again this time a way to feel as if you’re taking back power? Sometimes, a specific action can be helpful. However, the act of writing the letter—without ever sending it—may be enough or an even better idea. Try writing out the words—I will not allow abuse—for yourself. Putting your decision down on paper can become a pact with yourself. An affirmation of sorts. Come up with a few more and hang them somewhere prominent. Read them aloud—and mean what they say!

Let me clarify that these questions are not intended as judgments or advice. Your situation is unique, and you must come to your own conclusions. A person’s emotions and the desires that motivate potential actions are important to consider.

Abuse is never acceptable

Abuse is never acceptable, but is stating that in a letter sent for that express purpose necessary? Or would your energy be better used to serve yourself?

In my experience, strong urges to act can be turning points which, if we resist the urge to act in haste, can result in our own growth. Rather than reaching out with words of finality, consider whether this might be a good time to quietly go about the business of living out your decision. To take care of yourself, plan for your future, your wellness, your happiness…. In this way, you train yourself to cope through very practical and focused actions in your own life and toward pursuits over which you have control.

Whether you decide, ultimately, that you must tell her now that you will not accept abuse (No one should! Abuse is never acceptable!), my best “advice” is to work at making yourself feel at peace with your decisions, your future, your activities, and your past (if that’s applicable). Work at your own wellness. If the future holds contact between you, even amicable contact, you will benefit from strength. Why not nurture that now?

I hope that you are finding the book useful. I’m assuming you mean the first book (Done With The Crying). If you are not already doing so, consider engaging with the exercises. They are designed to aid in personal growth, offer emotional strength training, and help you gain peace with the past … as well as in designing your present and future. If you’re reading the e-book or listening to the audio book version, I hope you’ll consider the WORKBOOK. It was designed to accompany those formats, and the exercises are all provided with lots of extra room to write. As time goes on, consider following up with Beyond Done With The Crying (available in print and as an e-book, and will soon be on audio as well).

Hugs to you dear, Sarah.

Sheri McGregor

* all letters are edited for clarity, space, and privacy

Related reading

Adult child’s rejection: Emotional and social fallout