Abusive adult children influence parents’ self-image

By Sheri McGregor, M.A.

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NOTE: I don’t often use the word “abuse” when talking about estrangement. For some, though, the term fits. Estrangement itself, by adult children toward caring parents, can be viewed as a form of abuse. If you’re not comfortable with this terminology, use the search functions to explore other articles with specific topics relevant to parents of estranged adult children. — Sheri

Abusive adult children: a scary reflection

Have you ever looked in one of those magnifying mirrors that highlights every imperfection? Fine facial hair looks forest-thick, and skin pores appear as large as craters. But there’s a value in looking closely—even if, as a friend says, “Those magnifying mirrors are scary.”

Whose Mirror?

The perverse opinions of abusive adult children can make parents see themselves in a warped mirror. One that distorts them so much they no longer recognize themselves. This might have happened over time, or overnight.

abusive adult children“All I could see were my failures,” recalls Barbara. “My own daughter told me I ruined her life, and she had a million detailed memories of how I did everything wrong.”

Imagine waking up one day and seeing a monstrosity reflected. That’s how parents can feel when an adult child’s abuse includes blame, accusations, and twisted memories.

In the beginning, Barbara spoke up. “It was as if my daughter woke up one day and had brand new memories,” Barbara explains. “She recounted her life with a black cloud of doom over her head, and the cloud was me.”

Because the vast majority of parents want their children’s happiness above all else, they reevaluate themselves through the son or daughter’s perspective. They’re willing to look at how their choices may have been seen through their child’s eyes. All parents make mistakes. Also, it’s possible a child didn’t understand a parent’s choices, the motivation driving them, or what might have been happening behind the scenes. Those sorts of things can be discussed and worked out by willing parties.

Unfortunately, of the one hundred or more emails I receive from parents of estranged or abusive adult children each week, many of them have tried—unsuccessfully. Barbara certainly did. Offers for mediation, counseling, or to just sit down and talk, have been met with such things as flat-out refusals, silence, or more abusive rants.

Seeing the real you

Many parents are surprised to find that there are so many like them who have suffered from cruelty, abandonment, put-downs, and endless blame. And because it’s a controversial subject, they’ve been afraid to tell anyone for fear of judgment. Or, as is often the case, they’re keeping quiet to protect their adult child’s reputation.

Barbara knew she had done her best. She’s like other parents whose self-image can get lost to a flawed reflection provided repeatedly by abusive adult children. I routinely hear from parents convinced they’re failures, deserving of the pain or abandonment their sons and daughters inflict. After all, they reason, if they were a good mother or father, their children would love them.

They may try everything to maintain a relationship. Barbara’s daughter threatened to keep her grandchildren away, so she walked on eggshells.  “If I said anything out of line, which could be anything depending on her mood, then the tirade would begin.” Eventually, Barbara’s then 36-year old daughter began posting lies on Facebook about her. At the time, Barbara was recovering from surgery. At her breaking point, she replied, publicly asking her daughter why she’d lied. The postings were deleted, but Barbara’s daughter went no-contact. “It wasn’t the first time,” says Barbara. “But it has been the longest estrangement so far.”

With a health scare that became a turning point, Barbara knew she had to make a change. That’s when she began to look for help. But after years of warped opinions from an abusive adult child, she had little self-confidence.  “If I raised this person who turned out to be so cruel, then how could I be a successful mother?” she asks.  “My daughter had reminded me what a failure I was every chance she got.”

Take a closer look.

abusive adult childrenWhen suffering parents discover my book, they tell me they’re shocked to read so many experiences that mirror their own. And although it’s sad to know there are so many suffering, the knowledge is also heartening. They’re no longer alone. In reading other parents’ accounts, they get a clearer view. They see themselves in others’ stories, and recognize they were also good parents who did their best.

Once parents have a clearer reflection, they can explore positive changes to help themselves move forward in their own lives. One of the first steps is to look more closely at how much an abusive adult child has affected their lives. The inflicted suffering entails more than sadness and grief. Bitterness, lack of confidence, anger, fear, and anxiety have often crept in. In Done With The Crying: Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children, there are many exercises, and one designed specifically to help with this vital step. Holding the magnifier up to examine changes in themselves is one of the first steps to making positive, concrete plans to regain confidence, find meaning, and happiness again.

Take action.

One woman who found this website and my book after 20 years of grief described her life as a “living death.” Now, she’s glad to have found a way out of the roller-coaster of emotions, the shame and sorrow, and to stop crying and to start celebrating life.

abusive adult childrenBarbara says it’s too late to reconcile with her daughter. There has been too much heartbreak, and her daughter has refused any sort of counseling or mediation. “I miss my grandchildren,” she says, “but I’m hoping to one day see them again.”

Barbara’s expresses the sentiment of many grandparents who, due to estrangement, have lost touch with precious ones. But I sometimes hear from grandparents who have received their wish. There’s a knock at the door one day, and it’s a grownup grandchild with that same sweet smile, wanting to reconnect. When that happens, you’ll want to be ready, so take care of yourself. As one grandmother recently advised, “Get dressed and put on lipstick every day.”

Don’t wait and hope, mired by inaction that only adds to your grief. You can clean the mirrors of guilt and shame and see yourself for the loving parent you have always been. Like thousands of parents who are learning to accept what they cannot change, and see their goodness again, you can be done with the crying. Take action for yourself and your happiness by reading more of the articles at this site, getting Done With The Crying: Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children and committing to the included exercises. Subscribe to my email newsletter (below) and take the survey. By taking action, you can be like so many parents who have recovered from the sadness and pain caused by abusive adult children, on-and-off or full-on estrangements. Treasure your life. You can find happiness and meaning again.

Related reading:

The Turning Point

Rejected parents: Should you tell people?

Parents: Have you had enough?

Elder Abuse Statistics

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23 thoughts on “Abusive adult children influence parents’ self-image

  1. Kimberly

    My daughter started verbally abusing me when she was about 14. Her step-dad to whom I was married to at the time encouraged her behavior. I was abused both physically and mentally as a child and she even used this against me one day when I tried to talk to her about her obvious anger and disrespect towards me. She actually mocked the whole situation and what had happened to me. This has all affected me in a horrible way, where I feel like I have to justify my actions in every way. My son and I have always had a very strong bond, but about 4 years ago, he also started this disrespectful behavior towards me. Whenever I try to confront him about it, he of course does not see that he is being abusive in any way and blames me, or says I’m exaggerating the situation. We live together and he has left several times just to move back again. The last time he left, I was doing super good. I had money to spend and didn’t have to feel guilty every time I bought something for myself. I came and went as I pleased and I was really enjoying being by myself. Once again. He called telling me he was sorry for the way he treated me and I let him come home. Actually I drove from Florida to Texas to get him. At first it was great. Then, slowly he started slipping into his bad habits. And when he wants his behavior to be accepted. He calls his sister. So they both gang up on me. Since he’s moved in. I struggle with money since he’s been back. I feel trapped.. He recently took my vehicle and stayed gone without telling me where he was even though I had the day off and had plans of my own.. Anyways, during a last argument we had, I told him that he could move out if things were so bad with me and he said we were roommates and that since he didn’t change his address he didn’t have to move out. He and my daughter act so much like their stepfather and their biological father in the way they abuse me. I want to say that they are sociopathic narcissists. But it sounds so cold for a mother to say such a thing. I never wanted to move to Florida in the first place. With rent so high, I can’t afford to move. I just feel stuck. I have no family that I can count on and I feel embarrassed to tell my friends what is going on. I keep asking myself if it really is my fault. I honestly don’t know what to do at this point.

    Reply
    1. rparents Post author

      No. They’re bad behavior is not your fault. You do not deserve abuse. Shake off the soot of the abuse and see yourself for who you are: a good person, a caring mother who has hoped for good and whose kindness has been exploited..

      Hugs to you dear, Kimberly.

      Sheri McGregor

  2. Gina A.

    Hello all, So grateful to have found the site! I have two sons and three daughters. Their father left us and was a crack cocaine addict. I did try very hard to be a good parent, raised my children in church, always listened to their problems, and talk to them a lot, taught them mini life skills, and left them as hard as I could. I was not perfect. My oldest son rejected me several years back, route me several emails and there were phone calls with him telling me I was not a good mother, and that I was scarred from losing my mother as a child. I attempted, As well as one of his sisters did, to reconcile and help him in anyway we could. At this time he had isolated himself in a cabin in the woods, no car no money. Was very sad and I could see that he was hurting terribly but was also afraid of approaching him. One day a sheriff came to my door and gave me the news every mother and father dread, he had killed him self. Now my younger son currently 31 years old, is and has been a drug addict for about 10 years, and occasionally abuses me verbally, then becomes this ““ nice guy“ when he need something. If I tell him no, he rages and threatens. A couple of weeks ago he called me and told me that he thought I needed to die and he was going to make sure it happened. He said I was a Satanist like him and belonged in hell like he was going to hell. I could hear him speaking in the background to other people and asking if one of them had the gun, and where are the keys to the car. I knew he had friends that could drive him because he had showed up at my house a week prior demanding to get in and get his things. Also, I discovered he very well may live within A satanic church recovery group. (They exist google it) I immediately called the sheriffs department after this phone call and they are now trolling my neighborhood throughout the days, and a friend sheriff is trolling it at night. I refuse to live in fear, and I’m seeking help from others who have been in similar situations mostly for comfort but also for direction. Right now there are two things I know about this kind of situation. One – when your adult children depend on you past the age of adulthood, they still need you and you help them anyway you can, they grow to resent this. I believe it is stronger in boys. This has led to many problems in my relationship with my sense. Two-when you draw a strong boundary as I have and have told my son that I have, as in you’re not allowed to come into my home you are not allowed to be near my family you are not allowed to meet your precious one year old nephew. This also creates extreme anger and a desire for retaliation.

    I’m eager to read this book and so grateful for this site!

    Gina A

    Reply
  3. Stephanie J.

    I’ve been cut out again. My god this hurts! My oldest son did it 5 years ago now. And now my daughter. But, I did recognize the abuses that were pretty much the same as what my son had done years ago. The twisted memories were a shock and exact words used against me in an argument with my ex husband 20 years before, almost word for word! I was shocked as I took this trip down memory lane! The name calling and deliberate attempts to tear me down were exactly the same. I, of course, tried to argue back that things weren’t the way she was remembering, but I now realize that I cannot argue, that her perceptions were hers, as twisted as they are. With my daughter this cycle has happened time and again over the course of fifteen years. My oldest son was out of the blue and something I never saw coming as I was trying to reestablish a strong relationship for the sake of my granddaughter who had cancer at the time. Thank god she recovered so maybe I can still see her when she grows up.
    I think it’s interesting how the rules of engagement keep changing with these kids. He/she sets a rule, then when you show a willingness to comply, the rule gets changed thereby making it harder to comply. Thieve rules could be what to say, how to say things or whether they will travel or you, you never know when you’ve broken the “rule” until it’s already happened because it was never actually told to you. You end up frustrated and completely bewildered as to how you got from point A to B!

    Reply
    1. Ann

      I agree. I cannot keep up with the changes. First come with us then don’t have expectations. I am not allowed to call because she’s very busy. So I never call. I was injured and did not call and told I should have called. I was told to bring my dog then reprimanded because I brought the dog. I feel that my daughter is constantly searching for ways to criticize and when there are no reasons she invents them.

  4. Maria-Therese T.

    I feel so sad that so many of us mothers are going through so much similar things! I have been estranged from both daughters and a highly abusive son for 4 years now. I have learnt that their drug abuse and abuse of me will never end without professional help which they will never take. I have also read Sheri’s book ‘Done with the Crying’ so many times which has helped when I can’t cope with the loss. We all did our Best we really did! We can’t change anyone not even our Adult children. If they refuse to accept accountability for their actions and behaviours then we have to take very good care of ourselves now. Its been hell, and if I am honest I would never want to experience that hell again. Enough is enough. I would like to give every mum here a massive hug!! Please give yourself the love, care and respect you deserve. Love and hugs to everyone xx

    Reply
  5. michelle

    Hi there:

    I am shocked to find out my daughters say myself and their step dad were/ are emotional abusive. We did our best as parents, and sheltered them from when their father just didnt bother to show up for visitation.
    I always told them they could do anything, be anything with dedication and hard work. I really though we had great relationships. That we could talk about anything. Im appalled and hurt at this new revelation. I have only ever wanted them to be successful and happy and feel a part of t heir life. for the past 2 years, they ignore my texts, avoid my calls, and do anything it seems not to be around me. its hurtful and I feel like I cant even say anything as it would be misconstrued as manipulative, abusive or I am playing a victim. Im confused, hurt and honestly I do feel like a fool and a failure.

    Reply
  6. Kath

    I am sorry really sorry to read all of the above… 8 read some and wanted to sat just stop giving in say get out leave me alone… But I also have a problem that I am guilt maternal ridden about. I have a Son who has spent the last 20years ignoring me..won’t answer the phone ever… . Each of his past girl friends practically did the same… He’s borrowed 40 thousand off my mortgage.. Said I could have it back the year after as he was into financial house stuff… But the job ended… He couldn’t give the money back… He took over my mortgage payments and his 40k..My mortgage was, only 17 k… . When I asked to see the papers I found out he had put me on a payment of £200 a month… And he was on zero pay back… Basically I was paying the lot… So that was, a lie… I sold the house made a profit and payed his 40k off… No thanks Mum… Its, set me back on being broke and the house chouce I can’t live in now… He’s with me again at the mo while he saves for a deposit… So I’m NOT taking rent from him… He’s has, a beautiful room, he goes to work, comes back and drinks God knows how many cans of strong beer and smokes I think pot… Sudennly he began to become dominant… The dog needs to behave… The paperwork is still on the table… Now its full on you ruined my life you donr care your poison… You name it he has, said it… My Darling Brother has just died and I am dealing with this grief but he is still relentless. I do not know what to do… This morning I told him very angrily as I have had enough that he’s totaly disrespectful and ungrateful and that hasnt even answered his phone for years… Only when he wanted something… I’m wondering if what he’s smoking is causing his change in personality.. As the ferst week or two he was lovely? I hate upsetting my Son by fighting back… But I can’t live like this he’s so abusive… All I said the other day was what would you like for dinner Darling and that was it…

    Reply
    1. rparents Post author

      Dear Kath,

      It’s an awful picture you have painted here. An aging mother. An inebriated, loudmouth son (who’s a grown man). It’s very difficult when you want to help. As you have described though, he has supposedly been saving money. Perhaps it’s best that he use some and get his own place. It is not right for a man to abuse his mother’s kindness and generosity. It is not right for a son to abuse his mother. It is not right to abuse.

      HUGS,
      Sheri McGregor

  7. Liz

    My only son, who I raised without any help from his father has been a problem child. He was ADH and was put on medicine. Although he was very smart and did well in school I know now there was something very wrong. He got into alcohol and drugs and almost killed himself when he got off the heroin and crack. For five years I did not hear from him and I went on with my life. Then he contacted me and I again opened my heart and soul up to him. Because of his mental illness he gets involved with very bazar relationships. From what I understand he has abused every woman he becomes involved with, physically, emotionally and sexually. He lost a very good job because of his insanity and began living with me. We bought a house together and for ten years he only worked part time jobs. As I previously said he becomes involved with seedy people, because he has no self esteem. I worked and did not know what was happening until it was too late. At first the relationship was with the neighbor’s mother and gradually the mother pushed him into a relationship with her mentally ill drug addict daughter who is so crazy she can only have supervised visitation with her kids, which are both in special education programs due to her drug use while she was pregnant. My son finally secured another good job. These people began taking over his life and his pocketbook. Completely brainwashed him and got him to sign all his benefits over to them and then tried to get the house which we co owned. They even tried to forge the house title. When I tried to get him to see that he was being used he moved into a rooming house. He now works three jobs and supports this woman’s drug addiction. I have not heard from him for over a year but every so often this woman sends me a harassing email stating “I may be a pig, but your son loves me”. I guess she wants me to know she is still in control. I have taken everything out of his name. I wanted to sell the house but he will not sign unless I pay off the loan he took on the house and give him half the money from the sale. I refuse to give him a few more $100’s to squander on this “PIG”. Because of the mental illness and his fear that I will 302 him he stays away from our home. He has anger management issues and has threatened me. The shrinks said he can not be around me. When I recently cleaned out his room I found Satanic things, guns and knives. I guess I have been in denial as I never thought he would hurt me. It is very stressful and it hurts, especially around the holidays and when I see him and he drops his eyes. I know unless he goes back into treatment and takes the medicine nothing will change, however he feels nothing is wrong with him. These people have him convinced that I am a terrible mother and everything wrong in his life is my fault. I do not know what more I could have done for him I sent to the best schools, paid for college, bought him cars and paid all his expenses for years. I am so afraid that he will marry this woman and wind up loosing everything.

    Reply
  8. Dolores F.

    I have held off going with my turning point plans because my abusive adult daughter is also a psychiatric NP and a good one as an adolescent specialist, also is a long time faithful member of AA. One on one with her is “civil” but when others are involved the put downs begin. I am a retired registered nurse who went back to work to help put her through private school and graduate school. As a widow with health issues we worked out a “business” deal that seemed sensible, at the time for me to sell my modest home and build a “place for Mom” on her property along with a pending divorce. Much more to the story…holding on to the hope as a medical professional she will change. Any advice appreciated ASAP.

    Reply
  9. Carolyn

    And because it’s a controversial subject, they’ve been afraid to tell anyone for fear of judgment. Or, as is often the case, they’re keeping quiet to protect their adult child’s reputation.
    “If I raised this person who turned out to be so cruel, then how could I be a successful mother?” she asks. “My daughter had reminded me what a failure I was every chance she got.”
    Sheri’s words describe my thoughts and fears and feelings of failure and guilt, and I am very appreciative to hear the words from someone else and to know I’m not alone even though I would not wish this situation on anyone else. This month will be the first year I have not sent a birthday card and check to my son, and it’s very difficult. I have been sending cards and checks for birthdays and Christmas and getting no response. The lack of response I can deal with, but the berating in between has become too much. I think this year I can let it go. I hope.

    Reply
  10. Cherise

    I am so thankful I found this article! I have dealt with my now adult daughter being abusive and volatile for years. I have lost relationships with a large number of my family and friends because of the lies she has told. Even innocent trips to the mall or going to coffee are twisted to fit the narrative she wants for the person she is talking to. Things escalated yesterday, when I went to see her after six months of estrangement. She had told the woman she was living with some horrible lies about our past. This was not shocking considering ur past but then this woman became volatile and explosive, call me a child abuser and thrown me out of her home. This took place in front of her three grandchildren and my three young children. It is absolutely devastating to know that others are going through this, but I take comfort in knowing I am not alone. The shame and guilt over this is indescribable. While my daughter does suffer from multiple psychiatric conditions, there is no excuse for the behavior. The hell she has put so many people through is mind blowing and I fear what will happen next.

    Reply
  11. Michelle

    Sherry,

    My mother is deeply fearful of losing her adult children. It has not happened yet and I tell her as often as it comes up that she will not lose me – I can’t speak for my brother. What I find is that she is fearful of engaging in the family drama for fear of losing one of us. I find my brother and his wife do not respect her decisions and do what they want in her house, including bullying her guests and acting entitled. I asked her to consider talking with someone to help her through. It hurts to see what was at one point in time a beautiful, strong, powerful woman become so fearful, lose her confidence, and question what she wants out of life for fear of being alone. Not sure if you have addressed this before. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

    Reply
  12. Sherry S.

    My son cut me out of his life in November 2019. It came out of no where and he did it through multiple texts. It got so ugly and nasty that I was concerned he had had a psychotic break. I asked to see him so we could talk it through, and he said that would be a very bad idea. He verbally attacked my husband (his stepdad) and accused him of all sorts of deviant behaviour. Since then (it is now September 2020), he has left nasty voice messages, even though I have his number blocked. He reached out in an email saying he wanted to talk with me, but he would have nothing to do with his stepdad. I tried to make him see that his treatment of my husband was unfounded, and then he blew up at me again. Months later he reached out to my mother, and arranged to have lunch with her. She said they had a wonderful talk, and went for a lovely walk in the public gardens. He told her he felt remorseful and wanted to smooth things over with both me and my husband. I felt hopeful. Yesterday I got an email of twisting the truth about what happened and he ended the email with ” You deserve no apology. You deserve a gun in your mouth.” I am broken. It has been a long, hard journey with this child. We have seen him through 5 years of drug abuse. I just don’t know what the next step should be.

    Reply
    1. rparents Post author

      Dear Sherry, You have seen him through a lot and he continues to abuse you verbally and twist the truth. Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to give yourself the loving and kind care you have always afforded him. Take steps to be involved in your own life, and let him figure things out in his. You can love him but refuse to put up with abuse. Being someone’s mother does not mean being someone’s rug.

      Hugs to you, Sherry. You’re not alone.

      Sheri McGregor

    2. Deborah

      Sherry I am so sorry and I do feel your pain. My situation is similar, supporting our son through drug addiction only to be then blamed for it., and blamed for everything else in his life …. Abusive texts and emails … in the end I decided to cease contact with him, very very hard to do, especially Christmas and birthdays. It has eased slightly and my anxiety lessoned, he does contact if he needs something but I keep it brief. I dread seeing his name on an email or text and wish I could control the fear. I keep thinking he can’t be like this forever (he’s 33). For me, less contact or no contact is the way until he figures everything out for himself ..

    3. zlamana

      Just a quick note- I feel your pain. My firstborn started acting out in high school. At this time, he crashed his first car and did not show any remorse. The first two years of college were a disaster – after spending most of his ” school money,” my kid returned home with a gallery of fancy alcohol bottles ( because they were his memories).
      Then it was military ( very short-lived – court-martial and a lot of money to defend him ). He crashed his second car ( both paid for by my husband and me). Instead of coming home, he stayed in “the big city” and got a job as a bartender in several clubs and casinos. He drank and took everything and anything. He often called me, and quite frankly, I was happy because I knew he is at least alive.
      Over time more drinking – he lost all the right jobs. Traveled to another city for some bartender event – got drunk ( high?), hit a policeman – was thrown in jail (more money to get him out ). He stopped paying his rent and asked me for money… ( and got it). Well, he did not pay rent and subsequently was evicted. ( I have no idea what had happened with all his possessions). In January, he met a girl who is also a bartender and moved in with her into the apartment. After six weeks, he moved again to a house that belongs to the mother of the girlfriend. I was told that the girlfriend is estranged from her parents, and the father is currently in jail. After my son started living with his girlfriend and mother, he became very verbally and emotionally abusive. He was asking for the money from his school fund (which is a long time gone ). He was telling me to start selling stuff because he is reinventing himself, etc., etc.
      What else ?- he was calling and referring to the events that never had a place ( Like, for example-story about me and him smoking pot in front of the house and having a good time). He recently called and told me that I am just high, and I am probably doing cocaine…
      Well… My husband and I are very straight – I never had in my life smoked one joint. ( I do not know how marijuana tastes like) . I have never tried any other drug. ( two beers at the time or two glasses of wine is an extension of my intoxication.
      There is also some religious / nationality related team that was recently brought up. ( I came from another country ) . After my son met the girl, he asked/told me to apologize to the girl because ” people of my nationality” abused the people of her nationality.
      I know I am vague here – but I do not want to go into details right now.
      Now – we are not talking.

    4. Rebecca S.

      OMGosh Sherry, I’m so sorry to see what your son said to you. My 43 year old ED told me that she would come to my Apt. and punch me in my [email protected]@King throat if I ever called her honey again. (I called her honey in a text) I regret that I texted her on Jan 2, 2021 and asked if we could patch things up and start this year off right…she went right into it again and called me all kinds of name. Telling me what a [email protected]@t mother i was and am. Why do I keep going back for more. I’m done. Wrote her out of my will and am going to go on with my life. (she also got one of my other daughters to reject me.) Beyond done. At least I have two other children that seem to like me, but, I’m waiting for the other shoes to drop. So done! God bless you Sherry.

  13. Val

    My daughter in law bullied me for 11 years-then forced my son to ‘dump’ me-over 4 years ago.-all I heard from her-was DUMP DUMP DUMP- She bragged about ‘dumping’ her own father-saying it was a ‘challenge’= even ‘fun’-she said-then would tell me how i will be ‘DUMPED’-and that it ‘will hurt’ she put me in double bind situation-and i did what she wanted-when she blackmailed me I still-got ‘dumped’ anyway-SHE ACTUALLY MADE AN EVENT OUT OF IT-smiling, happy-she was enjoying the pain she was-and still is-causing me.I am ADHD-so to her-that makes me an easy target-low self esteem to begin with-i found out i have a heart problem-a bad one-but instead of helping-I was kicked when i was down. Her manipulation and all the lies she said about me-alienated me from my whole family-I thought they would-at least one of them-be behind me-they know-and believe that shes lying about me-shes a overt BULLY- who brags about the fact that she was the meanest of the mean-in high school-and how fun it wos-when she hurt others.Then my son began bullying me too-and I was ‘dumped’.[her exact words] I cant stop crying-still 4 years later. im devastated-havent seen my grandkids-for years.People seem to believe-that its no big deal-but to me-my lfe-is over-and has been for over 4 years. i have nobody now.

    Reply
    1. Linda

      I have experienced similar situations in my life and I have asked my self why? Do the stars have something to do with it? Was I born during a bad time in the galaxy: one bad thing after another happening and the effect it has on me. It is amazing the sadness and the tears and how it takes over my life. What I have learned is that the person (s) causing my pain is winning if I allow that person (s) to do so … At some point you have to understand that it will not change, you will not win, you will not get what you want and you have to, value your life, the human being you are and move on. I am old and the conclusions I have come to are: you have to learn to roll, you have to learn to pick your battles, and you have to take care of yourself. It is not easy and there will be days when you will fail but pick yourself up and try again.

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