Is your adult child estranged? Be careful

Is your adult child estrangedadult child estranged? Be careful.
by Sheri McGregor, M.A.

Around the time of my son’s estrangement, I dropped a heavy piece of equipment on my big toe. Many months later when the fracture healed, I fell, and broke that toe again.

Like many other parents of estranged children confide, I seemed accident prone. Some tell of car accidents, or falls, kitchen cuts, and other mishaps. Could an increase in accidents and injuries be related to estrangement?

Adult child estranged? Be forewarned

On a trip to San Francisco’s China Town some years ago, a steep flight of stairs led down to a basement sales floor. As shoppers descended, a soft voice on a recording repeatedly cautioned, “Watch your step. Be careful of stairs. Have a nice day. Watch your step. Be careful of stairs. Have a nice day.”

As you navigate the stress of an adult child’s estrangement, be forewarned: emotional distress can make you accident prone. So keep these cautions in mind: Watch what you’re doing.  Be careful. Keep yourself safe.

The ongoing stress and anxiety that plagues parents of estranged adults can have side effects. Are you losing sleep? Then you won’t be as alert to danger or as quick to react. Are you forever thinking of your estranged adult child? Preoccupation can put you at risk for injury. If you’re like many parents of estranged adults, feeling sad and lonely, and perhaps still in shock, you may also have dropped healthy exercise routines that aid physical coordination and balance. As a result, you may slip, trip, or fall into a series of mishaps that hurt.

In a study of more than 5,000 men reported on in the January, 2014 issue of Age & Ageing, stressful life events correlated significantly with increased falls. And the risk grew with the occurrence of additional stressful life events. In my book to help parents when an adult child is estranged, you can read about Rowena who is hit with a number of taxing life events at once (as are many of you). Using a method I call P-B-&-J, Rowena took control. She made a careful plan that prioritized tasks and got things done. Taking charge provided Rowena a sort of road map to face her challenges, and stay aware of her needs and actions. Whether you have many life stresses or estrangement alone has shaken your world, awareness of potential risk can help to protect you.

Adult child estranged? Then be careful.
Remain focused. Live one moment at a time.

adult child estrangedIn a 2010 workplace study, researchers found that ongoing emotional stress was particularly predictive of injuries.  An adult child’s estrangement, with all its uncertainties and dashed hopes, brings just that type of emotional distress.

Distraction over emotional issues leads to poor safety habits. Our minds may be divided, which means we’re less likely to notice a pool of water on the floor—and slip. As we cut carrots, or reach into the oven to retrieve a hot dish, our thoughts might be elsewhere—leading to cuts and burns. Exhausted emotionally, and perhaps even physically because of fitful sleep with vivid dreams, parents of estranged adult children may trip over a bump in the sidewalk we just don’t notice, or miss seeing the traffic light change to red.

Maybe you’re more forgetful, too, which can complicate matters, make life feel out of control, and increase stress. One mother of an estranged adult son went to the doctor to have her stitches from a careless kitchen accident removed. While there, she lost her car keys in the medical building. Distraught by the sudden mishap, she hurried back toward the doors, tripped over the curb and fell, breaking both wrists.

Mindfulness can help

The first chapter of Done With The Crying: Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children provides examples of mindfulness to help with negative thinking and move parents into a calmer, more helpful state of mind. The same principle of staying fully present in the moment, rather than letting thoughts drift into painful rumination about the past or uncertain speculation about the future can protect you from accidental injury, and help with forgetfulness too.

If you’re like many parents who confide they’re extra clumsy since the estrangement began, awareness is a good first step to taking better care of yourself. As you go about your day, remind yourself of what you’re doing, where you’re going, and to take extra care—just as that soft voice on the narrow stairway in that China Town shop reminds customers.

Remaining in the moment helps you see potential dangers. Fully absorbed in your current activity, you’re more likely to notice a rock in the hiking path or an upturned rug in the hall. You’ll be better prepared to react as well—to a car that pulls out in front of you, a stray ball that flies at you in the park, or to a kind friend’s story or joke.

Prune out extras

One of the strategies among those sprinkled throughout Done With The Crying, is something past clients have used to calm the chaos in their lives. In times of extra stress, it can help to see your life as a beautiful bouquet. You can’t keep adding flowers to an already full vase. Even the loveliest arrangement requires trimming some stems and removing some flowers as they fade. Take a look at your life bouquet. Where can you trim and simplify? By reducing your commitments, even by a little, you’ll have more time to focus. Hurrying from one commitment to the next and multitasking only make you scattered, and inhibit concentration. Do yourself a favor and prune a few non-necessities from your life. It’s a small step toward thriving in the midst of estrangement stress. You’ll have more time to pause between tasks as well. The time to take a deep breath, give yourself a pep talk, or remind yourself of any good in your life.

Support yourself physically

Earlier, I mentioned exercise for its helpful properties in terms of balance and coordination—two things that can help in preventing accidents. While it’s not wise to jump into a vigorous exercise regime that may only add stress, and increase risk of injury, gentle physical training can help. Like a gradually increasing walking routine. Or perhaps the Qui Gong title I recommend in my book.

Sleep is also important to keep you strong and alert. An upcoming article will include ideas for better rest for parents suffering distress when their adult child is estranged. Meanwhile, utilize the strategies in my book that resonate with you, and make a practice of being mindful in the moment.

In short, watch what you’re doing.  Be careful. Keep yourself safe.

Have you found yourself accident prone since the estrangement? Feel free to leave a comment.

Join the newsletter

Pine 300x225

Subscribe to get our latest content by email.

We won't send you spam. Unsubscribe at any time. Powered by ConvertKit

39 thoughts on “Is your adult child estranged? Be careful

  1. connie

    Yes I did trip and fall in my own backyard. I hurt my neck and have been seeking treatment for the whole summer. I’m afraid it will turn into a chronic condition like my lower back pain is. I have also got a diognosis of a new hiatial hernia, and a horribly itchy rash that won’t stop spreading. Just got 3 more biopsy waiting for the results. Started pchycotherepy because I can’t think about it or talk about it without crying. It’s only been a year since I saw my grandson but this E’S hurts like no pain I have ever been through.

    Reply
    1. Sue

      I can relate. I will turn 64 in a few months, and have a 27 year old estranged daughter. It started after she moved cross country in 2011 to marry a man she met online. His wealthy family left our entire family out of the wedding. At first she tried to get her father to leave here and live there, but that ended when her snobbish mother in law dropped hints that her father was inferior to them. A year later we reconciled after she had an argument wth her mother in law. At that time we gave them $15,000, which was our half of the wedding expenses, most of which her husband spent. Things were rosy for three years while the money flowed. All she did was complain about her abusive husband. And the more she did, the more money we threw at them hoping financial assistance might give them a new start. They even moved an hour and a half away from us, much to his mother’s chagrin. Then, a year ago, his rich mother offered to put a down payment for a house for them. We had told her months before that we would get a second mortgage or sell, so we could help them buy a home, but our own neighborhood flooded and the plans fell through due to massive damage. We had been getting along just fine prior to all of this, and thenshe suddenly pulled the same garage I’ve been reading about below. I couldn’t believe how she could lie like she did about me. Both my husband and myself knew she had fabricated the whole thing to get in thick with hubby and family and get their money. He and his father went into business together shortly afterwards, now she is well off. She refused to have any contact with me, and eventually wanted nothing to do with my husband and our entire family, using the excuse that it would be bad for her ‘mental health’. She stated that it didn’t matter if I was dying, this was more important to her. We were nothing but wonderful to her, and to her husband, now we don’t know where they live and have been blocked on phones and social networks. It was a painful decision, however, my husband and I have decided to move on without her. We have a son to whom we have gotten closer via the debacle with her, and also have my husband’s large and loving family. She turned my only sister, who lives near her, against me so that my in laws are my only family now. Truthfully, after all of the trouble she has made, which was painful enough to cause a breakdown, we both fell that we were well rid of her and her jerk of a husband. Yes, it broke our hearts. But seeing how she trashed and brushed us off, when our sun rose and set on her from the day she was born, we have become disgusted with her nasty behavior. Enough is enough!

  2. Jody

    My stepson and his wife started pulling away the year my husband and I were going through cancer. My husband has comeout of it fine, but it was my second go round, and I am still underweight and not as much strength or stamina as before. My husband is allowed to see the 3 babies; I am not even supposed to see pictures of them. The youngest is over a year old and I haven’t seen or met him. My stepdaughter moved in with us this year. Her daughter is 6 1/2 months and the light of my life. I find myself gaining back strength and wanting to live again.

    Reply
  3. Linda T.

    Be prepared for your daughter to become even more hardened// her life is WORKING JUST PEACHY without an aging, annoying mom// we remind her of a previous life//probably not as IDEAL as the one she is enjoying…..
    I am 68….struggling emotionally & financially.
    Bottom Line: She does not care.
    It’s really the biggest shock & heartache of my
    already gone-wrong life.
    It’s the saddest disgrace of our generation.

    Reply
    1. Joanne

      Dear Linda T…your post spoke directly to me. I too am 68 with an only daughter who has chosen to delete me out of her life, no contact in 15 months. Absolutely no sense of parental obligation and living afar only enables her to live that IDEAL independent lifestyle without an “aging” mother who shows her no respect. Tis indeed a sad testimony in today’s modern mindset. Please accept the slightest consolation in knowing you are NOT ALONE!

    2. Mary

      I’m 67 and one month in to the same reality. My daughter is 26 and one year from finishing her JD, so she moved out an in with her sister, my step daughter. My husband died a few years ago and my daughter and I were always, I thought, very close. She doesn’t need me financially anymore, so she left. I’m devastated. A good day is one where I get up and get dressed. I didn’t know I could feel so much pain.

    3. Louise

      I am relatively new to this concept and reading everything when I came across your comments. I am hurting beyond hurt as well but have a very supportive husband. Please take care of yourself and treat yourself to the occasional treat, no matter how small. I agree it is a huge disgrace within our generation and I can’t help but think, without realizing it, by showing such disrespect and uncaring towards their parents are showing their own children how to treat them in the future.

  4. Niki

    My husband and I have been completely cut off from his two children and grandchildren. This has been the case for 15 years now. We get to a place for awhile where we don’t dwell on it so much, but then we hear something of them through the grapevine, and the pain is raw again. Thought it is so interesting how this emotional upheaval can result in injuries. My husband has fallen 3 times in the last few years, resulting in a broken foot, a torn meniscus, and now a broken wrist. This new broken bone occurred less than two weeks after learning on Facebook his oldest grandchild was just married. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

    Reply
  5. Ann

    I’m 65 and was treading on egg shells with my husband and daughter for 19 years. I left them 18 months ago when it all came to a head as it was bound to do eventually. The previous Nov my blood pressure shot up to 246 over something just as ridiculous and I was seeing flashing lights (after a particularly hurtful encounter) and I was admitted as an emergency to hospital. My blood pressure was unreadable to start with. I thought I’d broke their machine which refused to read it! It was down to those silly figures after I was discharged, rattling with pills. I now have three lots of pills to take each day and it’s more or less OK. I hate relying on pills that for the first year caused me so many problems – throwing up without warning after eating, a cough that went on for a year, swollen, painful feet etc. I’m now more or less stable thank goodness in spite of the pills!

    Did my ED contact me? No. I am most definitely airbrushed from her life.

    Reply
  6. jill s

    Hi,

    My daughter is almost 35. She is pregnant with her 4th child. I was very close to her until 3 years ago. I moved near her. I adore her children and would do anything for her and them. Now she claims that she had a horrible life and I was a crappy mother.
    It has been 3 years. I know that I am not alone in this, but I wake up each day not understanding. I do fine at work and tend to spend my alone time alone.
    I have a lot of anxiety and panic attacks.
    Even my therapist has given up trying to figure her out.
    It is raw pain

    Reply
  7. Catherine

    My son and his partner cut me off quite recently, not allowing me to see my 1 yr old granddaughter. This is going to sound mental but it’s as if all my sadness is weighing me down so much that my feet are too heavy. I’m tripping constantly. Luckily no major injuries……. so far. Xxxxx

    Reply
  8. SunflowersDaySunflowersDay

    I sat up late reading last night and came to realize that I have been neglecting my own health since my estrangement from my daughter. I was doing a cardio and strength session 5 times week to benefit my knee and shoulder joints. Lately things are going downhill for me and I have had much pain and am prone to falling on our stairs here at home! Simple thing but I was paying no Attention to Me!
    Also I have had at least three almost terrible mishaps out while driving! What an idiot I have been. I made some changes last night. I got out my exercise equipment which consists of weights and resistance bands, gloves and an exercise ball. Did a quick 20 minute session and then I made a sign which I posted on the dashboard of my car. “Stay Safe, Stay Strong, Pay Attention!” I can’t let the heartbreak and pain end what is a beautiful life out there!!!

    Reply
  9. DeLaine

    What is it when a mother drives 3 hours to visit her adult daughter and gets ignored the entire visit? No conversation, sharing nothing, talking or discussing just little things does not happen. She has a high opinion of herself as an administrator in her career, this seems to carry over to the way she “deals” with me. For the past 8 years I have made excuses for this even though it breaks my heart. She is her father’s daughter and I believe they both have problems. She will belittle me on the phone, tell me what a disappointment I am because I am a chronic pain patient and disabled; hence can no longer work in the workplace. She dictates to me how to be a better person and not such a loser (my impression and words) then ends the conversation by saying, I love you. Yes, she may but she has made her mother cry again. My heart hurts.

    Reply
    1. Christine

      That is my story too. Whenever I leave my daughter’s house after visiting, I cry, need an chiropractic adjustment, and usually get sick. I never want to have a conflict when we’re together , so I deal with the rude comments, disrespect, and cold shoulder. Clearly, she has such disdain for me. And when I can’t take much more and pull away to protect myself, WAM – (That was the door slamming in my face)

  10. d

    Hi Everyone,
    I am 51 years old, my 28 year old son distanced himself from me last year 2015, I’m going through the same thing everyone else is..this really sucks! I have days that i’m so angry all I want to do is call and leave him a piece of my mind on his voicemail, and other times that I have empathy and understanding, but the sadness never goes away. We’re all grieving a loss. The hardest part of this is not knowing if they are OK or something is really wrong. I just keep praying Help me to accept the things I cannot change, and change the things I can. I’m trying to get out of the sadness and look at this as a time for me to take care of myself for the first time.

    Reply
  11. Dot

    My eldest son is estranged from me. They recently had a birthday party for my 3 year old grandson…to which I was not invited. Though not invited I went before the invited guests arrived to wish the birthday boy a happy birthday and deliver his gift. I wish I had not gone because neither grandson was receptive to me. They have obviously been told not to speak to me. My son has also threatened to obtain a restraining order against me. In order to move on I have put away all of their photos and will not be sending Christmas or Birthday gifts. This was his choice….I’m done. Not sure how I will react if he were to call or come by.

    Reply
  12. Annie

    Dot,
    How sad for you not to be invited. And especially to have your grandsons not be receptive to you. We can continue to love them at a distance.
    I had a trigger yesterday as it was my granddaughters 19th birthday. I sent her gift to her home as she’s away at college. I texted her happy birthday and I love her with no reply. Just pitiful how they’ve tainted her. We were so close. It’s been 3 years now ES from my daughter, her mother. It’s one thing for my daughter and son in law to reject us but to bring my granddaughters into it after we were so very close is pitiful. I have to believe that one day, they will reach out to me. My grandson continues to reach out. Even as a teenager and I’m so grateful for him. They all know my heart and how I’ve always been there for them. I can only hope and pray someday they realize the truth in all the
    betrayal. I believe my daughter and son are narsasist. I’m grateful for Sheri and this site. My heart tells me to keep reaching out to my granddaughters.
    The difficult part is to no response. I know their parents have told them to not respond. It brings it all back again. Any thoughts?

    Reply
  13. Arkansas

    Does this also apply to getting sick, as opposed to accidents? I’m going through a really rough time with my two grown children and four weeks ago I caught a cold than then turned into acute bronchitis, sinus infection, two ears infections. I rarely, rarely get sick at all but I ended up losing over a week and a half of work before I was able to function. Fortunately, my employer was very understanding. I’m still dealing with some of the symptoms and trying to get some energy.

    Reply
  14. Christine

    All of these comments are familiar to me. On July 4th, I called my daughter and left a message- then I texted her and pleaded to get on with the future, that it was bad for our whole family. She replied with such a nasty message. A few hours later, I was stretching on the floor, and when I went to get up I smacked my head and knocked my jaw out of alignment for a month or so. It is true that the grief distracts us and we are at risk for injury. I think this is the way this new generation operates. My mom wasn’t perfect by a long shot, but I insisted that she live close by so I can look out for her. She took care of her mom too. I don’t know about this younger generation- Maybe social media and technology in general is causing additional stress.,

    Reply
  15. Sharron

    I really wouldnt know where to start, other than I have 6 adult children, 3 of whom do not speak to me.
    My then 21 yr old daughter started distancing herself from me slowly once she was in a relationship, now at 32 it is completely severed. She lives I n another country and is doing very well for herself.
    My 27 year old son suddenly stopped talking to me at age 22 once he joined the tactical responce team in another country and despite my pleas as to why, just ignores me and has done since.
    My 26 year old daughter moved away to another town when she was 20 and started a relationship. Unfortunately drugs are involved and despite my trying to be involved or a part of her life I am constantly ignored amd rejected. My daughters perception of me has become warped in many areas due to the drugs and her partner (Im assuming)..
    I was once very close to all three.
    I have tried to commit suicide in the past and obviously survived) due to the estrangements .. which has just made things so much worse..
    I never thought this could ever happen. I used to hear about this sort of thing and think ho do those parents deal with the loss of a living child. A child who chooses to not have you in their lives and yet here I am.
    I finished a long term relationship due to the arguments about our children and now after 34 years of having children and a relationship and employment, it is just me and the dog..no children (my other 3 live away but still in contact), had to resign due to my mental health issues brought on by the estrangements…
    When I have been in hospital with health probelms there is never anyone other than my own siblings and mum.
    Its sounds pitiful I know… but honestly, I feel like the chapter my purpose has closed… I am 54.
    Today is a particuarly bad day, and I thank God I am not alone. Thank you!

    Reply
    1. Christine

      Sharron, hang in there, you are not alone. I am reading Sheri’s book right now and healing and getting stronger. I’m realizing that my daughter just doesn’t like me and never did, kind of like people don’t like canned spinach. Nothing you can do will change it. And, I’ve had an epiphany in that I think I don’t really like her either because of her 36 years of animosity and contrariness towards me. I’ve been trying to win her over and get her to like anything about me, but I’ve given up. I’m too old (mature) for the put downs, sarcasm, and resistance. My daughter wasn’t even aware that I was having surgery and was sick in the hospital and never took ownership for that. So I can’t explain this generation and their lack of empathy, but we are certainly taking the brunt of it. Cheers to being happy and grateful for the good in our lives.

  16. Elena

    It has been 10 years since the estrangement began with my beloved son. At least 5 years since it has become more or less complete. My heart is permanently broken and feels like an open, raw sore. We were so close. It’s over. Gone. Yet I still love him so. I don’t understand, but I know I have to go on and live. I thought at age 65 I would be surrounded by my loving family, since I always placed them first, and invested deeply in their lives. I have to accept this, though I don’t understand. I choose to take care of myself, seek God, and let this work toward making me better, not bitter. Bitterness and resentment are the enemy and will destroy us, and those around us. So, once more, I dry my eyes and find a way to make this world a better place for someone. Sigh.

    Reply
  17. Jane

    I wasn’t going to leave a comment – but it seems disrespectful to you all not to. I found this site for the first time tonight. Im 47, and my 19 year old daughter doesn’t want contact with me, she seems to have adopted the woman next door as a substitute mum – or had, she (my daughter) moved away about a month and a half ago. Prior to that she’d chosen to live in a caravan in next doors garden since she was 16. I have Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis – and honestly I cant tell you how much it hurts that she treats the woman next door as her mother. But I’ve been weeping finding out that other parents have had the same thing – i thought it was just me. Oh the ‘being accident prone’ – I always am because of my illness – but the sadness, the mourning of my ability to be ‘mum’ has brought my MS symptoms on much worse. Its escalated them. argh. wishing you all well. thank you for being there. x

    Reply
  18. Betsy

    Wow! I just came upon this wonderful information. I just ordered the book and can’t wait to get it. My only son will soon be 40 yrs old. I was a single mom and raised him on my own with not much support from his father. We had always had a very close and loving relationship until five years ago. He has become a bully and a narcissistic man. He has two children; my beloved grandchildren. He directs this behavior towards me and only me. I have tried everything with him only to be met with ugly responses or no responses at all. But, I am now done! Based on what I’ve read we all eventually get there.
    What I need help with now is this: my husband and I decided to see him and his family this Thanksgiving. We have to travel to do this and pay for hotel expenses. There will be others there on the day and I do find comfort in that. I also will get to see and spend a few hours with my grandchildren. I now regret these plans and don’t want to go. This is always what happens. The closer the visit comes, the more regret I feel and just want to bail out. You see, I can’t fake things. All of my feelings have been written about on previous entries, so it’s not necessary to go into further detail. I do well if I just stay away without any contact at all. My daughter in law is exceedingly passive aggressive and well…this whole situation just breaks my heart and soul apart down the middle. I don’t want to go but yet I don’t want to disappoint my grandkids; 6 and 9 years old. Help!

    Reply
  19. Annie

    Betsy,
    So sorry your’re put in this situation. I too went the first
    two years for the sake of my Grandchildren but it felt cold and awkward. I was almost sorry I went as the others there were far more valued than I was. I’m not good at pretending either and it was apparent my ES asked us because she wanted to save face with her friends and the children. But I went for the chance to see my GC. Since then they’ve been turned against me and it’s become worse so
    I well understand your feelings about not subjecting yourself to more heartache. So sorry you too are having to deal with this seemingly new cultural phenomenon. Hugs and prayers for you. Annie

    Reply
  20. Betsy

    Annie, thank you for your support. This site is amazing and I am so grateful for it. I have decided to not go for Thanksgiving. I was in constant turmoil…headache, sleeplessness and overall sick feeling….but since I’ve made this decision I feel relieved. I am 64 years old and can’t take this heartache anymore. My core family has always been a source of hurt for me. Now my only beloved son is in that group. Thank God for my friends! I’ve overcome a lifelong eating disorder and I can overcome this too. With God’s help….I can go on.

    The video….”THY WILL BE DONE” by Hillary Scott has been a huge comfort for me. Check it out.

    God bless us all!!

    Reply
  21. Annie

    I LOVE that song and have it in my music. Always lifts me up. Bless your heart for the hurt you’ve endured. Giving it to God is the only way we can survive this. I am grateful for his grace and love and I know he knows I don’t deserve it either. I’m glad you’ve made your decision. I don’t feel you’ll regret it. I’m not good at pretending either and I’m just not ever going to subject myself to more abuse. I can’t take it. Like you said the anxiety of it all makes us physically sick.
    I’ll be 68 this next month. I’ve always never felt my age but I feel I’ve aged 10 years these past 3 years. But I’m turning that around. Life is so short and precious and we are worthy to live it out in peace. You will so enjoy Sheri’s book. A great gift to all of us. God bless you Betsy. We will continue to support each other. Have a blessed day. Hugs, Annie

    Reply
  22. Betsy

    Thank you Annie. Even though I’m pretty certain of not going for Thanksgiving the voices in my head are not quiet. It’s guilt in disappointing my 9 yr old granddaughter. I always make such a big deal about coming and more times than not we do go. I haven’t seen them for seven months. She is so excited we’re coming. But my son breaks my heart with his subtle nasty treatment of me. He’s an attorney..very smart…and very angry….at me! I don’t have a clue what I’ve done. He has almost destroyed me. How do I tell my beautiful grand daughter? I don’t care about what my son thinks. I’m sure he is expecting me to bail. That’s my history. Too much stress and anticipation build until I am too sick to drive the four hours to get there. Oh lord……what a damn mess! My husband is not a good support because he will not take my side. He sees both sides so I really never feel supported. What would you do Annie? What would you tell a 9 year old who is just an innocent party to this disaster?
    Thank you for your patience and kindness. God bless you!

    Reply
    1. Annie

      I think I’d go for her sake. Pray about it before you decide. These poor GC get caught in the middle.
      I miss mine so much. Don’t even know what they have been told. Your son is probably mad at something else in his life. Sometimes that’s what’s really going on. When their lives don’t turn out according to their expectations for whatever reason, I
      think we become the scapegoat. The closer it gets to the holidays, the sadder I become. We had so many wonderful ones. Just don’t understand what happened. My husband is a lawyer too and he was so good to my kids. It was after my son in law tried to
      ask my husband for a very sizable loan without coming to me that I began to question his motives and other incidence when it all began. Anyway Betsy,
      I’m so praying for you and your situation. Let me know what you decide. Hugs, Annie

  23. Betsy

    Annie, you are my angel! I have been feeling like this is the only choice. If I hadn’t told her and my grandson we were coming, I wouldn’t feel so bad about breaking the promise. But, a promise is a promise. Especially to a beautiful little girl from her Grandma. It is the right thing to do. Thank you Annie, so very much.
    This year has been one for the records! One of triumph, victory and miracles. But also, one of despair, heartache and anguish. Ultimately, my faith is carrying me through.
    I am so grateful for this site. Just in the last few days, it has become a source of comfort and support for me. God bless you Annie. God bless us all. Happy Thanksgiving!

    Reply
  24. Annie

    Awe.. you’re sweet Betsy. I hope your Thanksgiving turns out great and full of joy and blessings. I’m grateful for our faith. Had a rough day with pending medical results and missing my grandchildren after seeing their beautiful faces on FB. Went on my knees and asked God whatever did I do to deserve this. And then a good friend happened to call and prayed for me on the phone and I began to feel so much better. I too am grateful for this site to be able to share with our sisters by heart❤️.and in some cases brothers.
    Thank God, some days are better than others. Blessings Betsy. Hang in there girl. You’re gonna make it. Annie

    Reply
  25. Julie

    I thought I was the only person/mother experiencing this horrific dynamic. Obviously not. Things are too new and raw right now, not to mention perplexing, to share any details, but my heart goes out to all who experience this pain. Currently, I am in a self-blame phase which objectively is absurd. I intend to read the book ASAP!

    Reply
  26. Annie

    Good for you for reaching out Julie. Do not blame yourself. I am sure you did the best you could. None of us are perfect. The book will give you new insight. We are all so grateful to Sheri for raising awareness with this comforting site.
    Many blessings to you as you work through your journey. Take good care of you. Sorry for your pain. Annie

    Reply
  27. Betsy

    Hi Julie, I also mirror what Annie just said. My son started rejecting me five years ago. It is just recently (a few months) that I have reached the point of finding peace. I went through all the stages, forward and back, over and over again. Self blame, hysteria, crying, anger, and having a pity party. I couldn’t escape the utter devastation my only beloved child has caused me. Ultimately, I’ve come to learn I didn’t and haven’t done anything wrong. Do you know what he has told me?….His reason for rejecting me is I’m too emotional and dramatic! That’s all he can come up with. I’ve been this way all my life. He almost destroyed me. Finally, I was able to move past it and end up where I am today. I’ve overcome an eating disorder I’ve had since 10 years old. I can get past this.
    Julie, hold onto yourself. Surround yourself with friends and family that love you. But, listen to the voices in your heart for what direction to go. That’s God’s voice. It will lead you on the right path to peace.
    Take care Julie. You are safe here. God bless you.

    Reply
  28. Margaret

    By Gods grace I stumbled upon this site. I’m a survivor of domestic violence. My children were 17, 12, 10 when i left in 1991. By their own admissions they remember a happy childhood. I’m thankful because that means I hid their fathers abuse well, but that also means they refuse to believe what their father did to me. When each became adults, they each became estranged from me. But I realized I didn’t have regrets or remorse. I raised, taught, nurtured them well and with Gods word in their hearts and His word never returns void. It will be there in them whether they agree or not. I pray for God to use other people maybe strangers to stir their heart for Him. I’ve read some concerns in these comments about todays society and it’s unrelenting influences, as in “everything is about me”. Sad. But I was lead to 2 Timothy 3: 1-5 specifically. And actually the whole chapter. “People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, dissobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God – having a *FORM OF GODLINESS BUT DENYING ITS POWER. HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. (*my emphasis)
    With His words my heart can accept their treatment of me and His word gives me peace. We love because He loved us first.

    Reply
  29. Annie M.

    My only adult daughter is now done with me because of my weight. she obsesses over my health and I believe we are estranged because she fears my death. So she has decided to cut her losses and leave me before she has to deal with it. She is an only child and clearly resents the burden she feels this places on her. i am divorced and she is fine with her raging alcoholic father, She is raising a Catholic family but unaware of how she is breaking the fourth commandment…Honor Thy Father and Mother, Her husband will not intercede on my behalf and she “allows me to see” the grandchildren, How this estrangement will affect the extended family is not clear and I dread the holidays. The verbal abuse usually happens when she is drinking and in front of other people, We have been in therapy but it has not addressed the root cause of her issues with me . When I feel safe with her she will verbally attack The first occurrence of this happened at my mothers funeral six years ago when she saw how grief stricken I was, since then she has no tolerance for my aging, appearance and weight. She is 47 and I am 68, My heart is broken. but I cannot open myself up to further attack. I dont trust her. I am deeply sad and cried most of today, her birthday.

    Reply

Please Login to Comment.

Website Protected by Spam Master