Parents of estranged adult children ask: Why?

Your Adult Child is Estranged, Parents ask, “Why?”

adult child is estrangedWhen something as momentous as an adult child leaving the family occurs, it’s completely natural to ask, “Why?

Asking the question over and over again is normal after an adult child is estranged. After all, for most of us, asking why? has always been a way to find answers, connect with other people, and explore the world. Asking why? is a fundamental part of the human experience.

But the question can be tiring for the people who stand by us as we go through the emotional trauma. Our adult child is estranged, and we can’t understand why this happened, why our adult child left, and why he or she won’t let us in to try and solve the puzzle.

Our loved ones may not have any answers, and they may want us to accept that there simply is no way to explain the estrangement. They might worry we’re blaming ourselves. And in time, they may grow tired of hearing about our pain. In our continual quest for answers as to why our adult child is estranged, we may even tire ourselves out.

But embracing the question, Why?, can be part of the healing process that goes along with human nature and our need to find meaning. Ignoring the need for an answer may be more stressful than examining the responses that come up as you attempt to find reasons.

For a much more complete discussion about how asking why? can help, see  the article,
Help for parents of estranged adult children – An Adult Child’s Rejection: Asking Why?, which is filed under the “What Parents Can Do” navigation category.

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3 thoughts on “Parents of estranged adult children ask: Why?

  1. mary k.

    The hardest part about being abandoned by my children is the stigma attached to it. Not only be people I don’t know, but by my family as well. They all believe that I must have done something to cause this. I did nothing but work night and day to make their lives better.

    1. Lynn

      I know what you mean, Mary. With every decision my husband and I made, our children were our first priority. It’s frustrating because we set aside our wants and needs for them (which we did gladly – we love and care about them, and they were our responsibility) and they now seem to despise us. Looking back, we made mistakes, but none that were so egregious to warrant a complete separation from us. I guess we’re lucky, most family members were present during our children’s upbringing and know that we were caring parents. It’s the friends and co-workers that look at us sideways. I’m almost tempted to move across the county and tell new acquaintances that we have no children. It’s so sad.

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