April Challenge (2025)
The Diamond Inside: An April Challenge for Parents of Estranged Adult Children
[ssba-buttons].
April’s birthstone is the diamond, a beautiful symbol of strength and brilliance. It’s a perfect metaphor for hurting parents who must dig deep to reclaim their self-worth and the right to shine. That’s the aim of this month’s challenge.
Diamonds: A Closer Look
The diamonds we see sparkling in jewelry store cases don’t look much like those in their natural state. Deep in the Earth, diamonds are formed under extreme pressure and heat. It takes some work to bring out the beauty that was always there. That’s a little like parents who want to hide away in shame when their adult children go no-contact yet find the needed tools to ascend from the cave of trauma and reclaim their beauty and strength. This takes support, reflection, awareness, and clear thinking to reclaim your confidence and shining light.
So, what’s the challenge? I’ve included four themes to reflect and act upon, one facet at a time, throughout the month. Take several days to a week with each prompt. Oh … and if this challenge doesn’t immediately appeal to you, do yourself a favor and consider it a diamond in the rough. Its beauty depends upon your digging and polishing.
🙂
You’ll need paper, pen, and some quiet space to reflect as you generate clarity about your unbreakable diamond strength.
Resilience
Some of the toughest life periods provide us with insights and wisdom that drive us forward. In the past, what adversity and pressure have ultimately strengthened you? How can you lean upon that experience now, when adult children go no contact?
Write a short account of a hard experience that helped forge strength that you carried forward. How did that strength later serve you?
Self-awareness: Your beauty and truth
When adult children go no contact, parents frequently second guess their history. How could they be good parents if their own loved ones can just walk away? Sometimes, the voices of blame come from outside sources as well. Society, adult children who call us toxic, or even other family members and friends who assign us undue blame.
Frequently, my work is to help clear the haze of parents’ self-doubt and remind them of the good they did. If you need to, revisit the exercise, “The Good You Did,” in Done With The Crying. Then choose a word or phrase that captures your truth with a diamond’s clarity. Write it out and put it somewhere prominent. Read it aloud each day like a mantra.
Every facet of you
The beautiful diamonds that are so revered for jewelry and symbolic of eternal love have been shaped by cuts. The various cuts bring out their inner fire. What beautiful qualities–compassion, grit, wisdom–have emerged through your life’s “cuts”?
Make a list of your good qualities. These are the inner fire and beauty that have developed over time and with pressure. Celebrate those qualities in the near future by purposefully turning to one or more as you make a decision, interact, or carry out some task. Notice your beautiful facets.
Be bold. Cut through. Shine on
With the diamond’s strength and endurance in mind, where might you use the themes of April’s challenge?
Where are you ready to cut through doubt, fear, or outside expectations? Journal on what comes to mind.
This month, do at least one bold thing that lets your brilliance shine. As you take action, go for substance rather than size. A tiny diamond in the right place or at the right time can make a huge impact. As we work toward moving beyond the pain and letting our light shine on in a life we can appreciate, find value in, and love … large or small, every step counts.
The month of May will have it’s own challenges so stay in the moment of April’s present. We’ll be examining these a little more during the live meeting on April 17. Consider joining the membership if you’d like to be part of the discussion.
Hugs from Sheri McGregor
Related Reading
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22 thoughts on “April Challenge (2025)”
Christmas I managed to get a card from one daughter, nothing from the other.
Just got through Easter with no contact from either of my daughters.
Gearing up for Mothers day with 0 expectations.
The newsletter is my monthly reminder to believe in myself. This is such a good reminder to me that I am to alone. Thankyou so much for this community.
Linda
Hi Sheri – I have felt the heartache of a child who has forgotten all about me. I have three children; two of them are close; one has distanced. She was very close to her father whom I have divorced. I feel very lonely – the other two live a distance away! I moved close to her to make up for the fact that I was preoccupied with her sister who has some problems! I guess we can’t be all things to all people!
Hi Sheri, April is a difficult month as it is my son’s birthday. I am having an inner battle with myself as what, if anything should I do.
I want to reach out to him, but am dreading that infamous “dead space” of not hearing anything in response. Do I or don’t I? I will definitely send Birthday wishes even though I heard nothing from him on my Birthday because I want him to know he will always be on my mind. Maybe not the way he was before, because I have moved on living my life, but he’s always there in mine.
Periodically I will come across a picture of him, and tears come instantly so that’s hard but time goes on.
The comments this month seem especially sad, and I worry for Lorraine who has so much on her plate and has no support system. Her sons seem beyond cruel and inhumane. I pray she finds help and understanding. These EC seem to have lost all their humanity. Just deleted their whole history and connections like it was all worthless. It’s inexplicable how they go on in life each day, seemingly without remorse or regret. Sickening and sad.
Thank you, Sheri, for this Diamond of a newsletter! I am reminded, of course, of the legendary Pink Floyd song, “Shine On, You Crazy Diamond”. Syd Barrett was the most talented member of Pink Floyd, until his use of LSD, and his mental health problems meant that he could no longer continue to perform. The song is a tribute to him, and the cuts he received that accentuated his diamond qualities; sheer talent, patience, wisdom, compassion etc. It is a truly beautiful and moving song; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shine_On_You_Crazy_Diamond
I will now have an “earworm” of the song for the rest of the day, and maybe many months to come! 🙂
I nearly gave my daughter my grandmothers beautiful diamond ring, before her estrangement 6 years ago; Thank goodness I didn’t!
For myself, I will be typing “I cared” in large, clear, capital letters (as I am partially sighted), numerous times, and leaving it in prominent places around the house.
My “bold thing” is to join another term of my improv zoom group. Improvisation can be quite scary to begin with, but this group has really taken off. Here’s a link if anyone else is interested; https://playconnect.co.uk/classes/
With much love and encouragement to all those working on discovering their diamond qualities. xx
Dear Sheri
I have been reading your books and columns for many years.
I feel as though I have no strength left. My husband has advanced dementia and advanced Parkinson’s disease, I am his sole caregiver. I am physically and emotionally exhausted.
This journey has been going on for over ten years. We are both in our 70’s. He has fallen on me and I have required surgery, and I will not put him in a nursing home. Losing him in this way is slow and torturous for both of us. I’ve lost my best friend and no one will ever love me as much as he did for the fifty years we have been together, Friends have all gone their own way and are living their lives. Most of them we have known since childhood, and they do not call or come by anymore,
Two sons. our only children, have long since abandoned us and never responded to my pleas,
despite their being aware of our situation.
I am sure everyone tells you this, bur we were good loving parents who each worked so hard at two jobs, so that they could have everything thy ever wanted and most of all we gave them love, love and more love always.
I expect no physical, financial or any help from them. Just an occasional call inquiring how their Dad is. I have repeatedly attempted to call, write email, text begging for some sort of relationship. I have never seen 4 of my 6 grandchildren. I used to send the children gifts, but have long since stopped. since they are returned and went unacknowledged. My children have deprived us of every birthday, Communion, Baptism, etc and any other important event in their children’s live, almost know how much this would hurt and punish us.
These difficulties started when they took wives. I tried my very best and treated the girls as family immediately I do not blame the wives. I raised two independent, loving and caring men, so as men they know the right thing to do.
I cry just about every day and am a broken woman. I have no one to talk to because unless you are living this life of diapers, confusion, hallucinations and back breaking work, no one understands, or cares to actually. They have their life and I keep asking, “Why us?” If I hear God will give you strength one more time, I am going to scream Sheri. Every time I go to a doctor, there’s a new illness because I am so rundown physically and emotionally.
We love them so much, bought them cars, condos college, law school. etc. and they are both very successful. I have no support system. My husband had retreated into his own world and I am so lonely.
How do I move on if I am trapped ?
Dear Lorraine,
Your dear, sweet, loving husband would not want to hurt you. If you are not able to care for him, and he may fall on you again, then it’s possible that caring for him alone is no longer the right thing to do. Don’t forget that without your own oxygen mask on, you can’t help another. Falling is a horrible risk to us as we age. What if you couldn’t get up? In care facilities, they are trained and, often, take two people. Two strong people with proper technique.
Find support. There are dementia supports groups online that are filled with people who have solutions and help people who feel trapped to feel better about themselves and to get assistance. Caregivers must take care of themselves. That doesn’t necessarily mean sending someone away. But it does mean getting a rest. Get some outside help. You may qualify for home health aids to come in and help or perhaps get respite care to do something on your own. Look through your local county agencies first. Ask your doctors. Ask your clergy. Sometimes, we have to work to get the help we deserve or need. Sometimes it’s better in some places than in others. And the first step, very frequently, is to look at the situation with clear, honest eyes and see it for what it is.
And finally, your sons and your wishing for them has to go on the back burner (if not off the stove and out of the kitchen entirely). They have proven that they are not going to help and it is more productive for you to put your energies elsewhere. They were once lovely children … and they have grown into men who won’t make time for you. It’s an awful picture … but it’s better to look at the real one than to be lost in a fantasy or wish-land.
In my county, there is private counseling available for caregivers (free). It’s limited, but it’s part of a government program. It’s not well-known and you’d have to search for it (which is a shame) but put some of that wishful thinking energy toward looking for practical help. You need it there on your own … and it is not wrong to get help for him and help for yourself.
I’m so very sorry Lorraine. As for God giving strength … it’s hard to hear when you’re run down emotionally and physically. First step, look yourself in the mirror and give yourself love. You count. Remember that every minute of every day.
Hugs,
Sheri McGregor
Dear Lorraine ;
Your story cut right to my heart .
I too have a son who has thrown me away and shows no concern for my husband or myself . So I do understand the grief and feelings of utter betrayal.
I encourage you to remember the sweet memories and what your sons use to be .
They are different people now , for a multitude of reasons that you had no control over ; still you have the right to celebrate the good days . I personally will not allow my son ,who is presenting narcissistic qualities , steal away my memories of “ our” happiness.. it was real and so was our love .
You know you were the very best mother and you continue showing the same love and devotion to your husband .
I also encourage you to get help for a respite 24/7 care is too much for any one person .
I also listen to the prayer of Mary untying the knots as a positive affirmation of healing for my son ,believing that this matters ❤️
I hope you find some strength in the goodness you have done and continue to do . No one has the right to be cruel to another . Radical compassion helps to see the other as wounded too and in that a bit of peace ( a hope ,) can be found .
I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I have been estranged from my son for ten years. For several years, I was my mother’s sole caregiver in my home, and it was quite overwhelming at times. I encourage you to consider joining a support group and seeking assistance to help you with your husband. I have been grateful for the support of my church family during this time. In my relationship with my son, I try to shift my focus away from my circumstances and trust in God, recognizing that some things are truly beyond my control.
I agree that it can be difficult for friends to understand your pain unless they have experienced something similar.
Hi Lorraine,
I understand your plight perfectly.
I have a mentally and physically disabled daughter who is 6 years older than the daughter that I haven’t seen in 5 years.
My daughter’s condition is one that only worsens as she gets older so at this time she is not able to do pretty much of anything on her own. I am her primary caregiver.
My daughter that left made sure that she had her undergraduate, masters degree and a beautiful very expensive wedding under her belt before she decided that she “didn’t sign up for this” and told us she needed to distance herself from us because we were never there for her when she was growing up. According to her, my husband and I were too involved with her sister to give her the love and support she deserved. Of course, we have very different memories and thought we were being just as supportive to her, in a very different way. She actually has said that because she was able to follow her own path and plan that we were not good parents to her. Ugh! I could go on and on.
My point is, that you have made a tremendous move by reaching out on this site and you really are stronger than you think. I will pray for you, as I do for others here. Sherri is right, find an on line support group, not easy I know. People have said to me “Oh, you need to get respite care for her.”, sure, try to find it. But at least on line you can be sure that there are other people in your situation who will not judge, pity or look down on you , they just understand. Best of luck.
Lorraine, Sheri and the others here have passed along good advice to you. I have nothing else to add to that, but please treat yourself well and reach out for help. Your story touched me and broke my heart. Please know I am praying for you and sending hugs.
Hire help, use city or county resources to get help. You don’t have to do this alone.
Thank you for your wise words.
April has been a tough month, it was our estranged sons birthday and then mine. We got through, there were a few messages back and forth, my expectations were very low so I was grateful for some contact. Our situation is a still a waking nightmare but we have to keep moving forward, this is his choice, our hearts and door remain open, though next time he walks through our door there will be boundaries put it place to protect us, yet show him our love.
Our aim is now to live our best life, we are about to head off on a amazing holiday and planning for our next adventures.
Thank you for creating a beautiful community.
Thank you so much, Sheri. There is always so much comfort and reassurance in your posts online, and the challenges you set are an aid to getting out of a slump, or a full-blown “funk” because of estrangement.
Diamonds are quite a moot point with my estrangement from my daughter. I gave my beautiful diamond engagement ring to her husband-to-be (so he could propose to her with it) as a gesture of true love…and it was never appreciated, and within 18 months I was unceremoniously “dumped”. So sad.
I will take up the Diamond challenge and go on from there bravely! With love ❤️
Caroline,
You did a beautiful and loving thing. Yes, go on bravely! I appreciate the value of your gesture as I’m sure many who read it here also will. Now, what big beautiful gesture of self-care can you do for you?
🙂
Hugs,
Sheri McGregor
You’re timing never ceases to amaze me. While we think of ourselves as alone in this miserable predicament, to put it mildly, you remind us we aren’t alone.
I am looking forward to your diamond exercise. Trying to move forward and stay there is almost as difficult as landing in the spot that got us here.
It seems like there is familiarity in wallowing in the pain as it oddly connects us to our estranged child. When we move forward and start to feel happy, the loss isn’t in focus so the guilt says, hey come back and be miserable. Think about it over and over again so awful punishment never ceases ! The parent/child relationship runs on auto play in our mind.
I know we have to break that cycle because we aren’t going to free ourselves from
that cycle unless we choose to let go, without guilt, without pain. This is a living hell but you are at least giving us tools to work with. Thank you!
You’re welcome, MamaK.
Hugs,
Sheri
Thanks and shucks for breaking my denial this Easter. Bolder I go!
I just want to thank you for these letters. A man in my part of the world has very little, to no help. I am to old to move whereas I could move on, so these letters let me feel some community.
I also compliment the unbiased approach and rational knowledge you offer. I wish I could offer more to you.
In my estimation, I believe a strangers praise is worth quite a bit, and seems hard to come by anymore. Again, thank you.
Thankyou Sherie for the April newsletter. I look forward to every newletter they are all so encouraging. The experience of estrangement as painful as it is, has made me really appreciate the people in my life , that choose to be in my life , and love me for who I am. This to a level of gratitude I had,nt experienced before. I find joy in being with these ones . They are treasure as good as diamonds. Elaine
Elaine,
This is a lovely thought! Yes, to treasure those who are close. As good as diamonds. So beautiful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Hugs,
Sheri McGregor
Thank you, Sheri, for these supportive and uplifting monthly reminders to be self-compassionate and recognize we haven’t lost our worth just because our estranged adult children have rejected us. I will try to rise to the monthly challenges!