Changes: Peer Support Forum for parents of estranged adult children

my daughter cut me offOften, a busy site such as this one has a lot going on behind the scenes. Just as there many different things in the photo, much is happening here at the site.

According to research, forum users (those who post messages) is a smaller group than  forum spectators (those who read only). Recent changes to the peer support forum for parents of estranged adult children, necessitated by some behind-the-scenes activity, affect both groups.  Here’s how.

Visibility

Currently, to read others’ postings and/or interact in the peer support forum for parents of estranged adults, you must be logged in.

If you are a registered member but have forgotten your password, please use the forgotten password link to get a new one. The link will appear on your login page.

A lot of people register but never post and only read, and you’ll still be able to visit the forum.

Non-registered members

If you have not previously registered for the peer support forum, you will not be able to see the postings of others right now.

Also, unfortunately, new registrations are currently on a pause. If you’ve written to me about this, I may or may not have gotten back to you, and hope you will forgive me if I haven’t.

Comments are open

Comments to the site’s articles remain open. If you used to just read the forum, use the comments in the same way. Or, try growing with the site. Consider commenting now, and interacting with others parents of estranged adult children. (Use the “Leave a reply” link that accompanies each article.) Many parents do reply to others in the comment threads, and I hope you will continue to do so. Your stories help one another!

Note: The comments are moderated, but it helps if you will follow a few guidelines.

  • Post kind and uplifting words rather than arguments or meanness
  • Avoid including detailed or personal information that could make you identifiable to general site readers
  • Avoid hot-button topics
  • Avoid posting links (which, generally, will not be allowed)
  • Think twice before posting (do I really want this said? will I regret posting this?)
  • Remember that your posts do not show up immediately
  • If your comment does not eventually appear, it may have been flagged by the site’s spammer or splogger functions or rejected for some other reason. Posting a comment in no way guarantees its approval.

Newsletter

Be sure to sign up for the newsletter so you will receive useful information approximately once per month. You’ll also hear about updates to the site, forum, new books or events. Your information will not be shared and you can unsubscribe at any time. Scroll down, the sign up is at the bottom of the page.

Apologies and thank yous

I have been hearing from many of you who have found the peer support forum of benefit since its formation in late 2013. It has always been known as a safe place for parents of estranged adults to discuss things. Many tell me that is the only place they feel safe–and I want to keep it that way.

Thank you very much for all your kind words. I am grateful for you! With some new protections in place in the near future, I hope to make the forum available to new registrants again soon.

I’m sorry if the current changes are unwelcome, and thank you for your understanding.

As always, great big hugs to you!

Your friend and fellow parent of an estranged adult child,

Sheri McGregor

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47 thoughts on “Changes: Peer Support Forum for parents of estranged adult children

  1. Linda T

    After reading Sheri’s book I see things I’d missed or didn’t want to face. I was in denial for decades. My daughter has been exhibiting PDS for years and it’s gotten worse in the last year. I actually live in a state of anxiety for the next attack and am relieved when I don’t hear from her and her controlling husband. Thank God they have no children after 25 years of marriage. I have no doubt they would have used them to further manipulate me and hurt me. I am bi racial and from what I’ve learned is that this is not the norm for persons of color. I’m thankful for this forum and to find I’m not alone.

    Reply
  2. Melissa

    My heart is absolutely broken. My daughter will not reply toy text, phone calls. It’s been 6 months. I feel that like I’m grieving a death. It’s been so hard. I’m seeing a therapist in hopes to gets some help for myself. I’m depressed, terribly sad. Just not sure how to live life with out my girl. Yep I probably sound like a newbie here. But that just where I’m at. And I’m tried of crying and being sad all the time. It’s hard to live with no hope!

    Reply
    1. rparents Post author

      Dear Melissa,

      I sincerely hope you will get my book. Done With the Crying will help you figure out how to live. The “hope” must be for your own fulfillment and satisfaction now. Doesn’t mean you have to close the door… but do live well for you. You CAN make yourself a priority. If reconciliation takes place, you will be stronger and better equipped.

      Hugs to you,
      Sheri McGregor

    2. Maureen K.

      Same situation.. I am a single mom. Worked 7 days a week to afford rent and get my daughter things she wanted. Her dad wasn’t in her life she is an honor student and will graduate early. Last year, she asked to go live w her aunt in SC for better opportunities. Of course I said yes. Long story short, I have attempted to make contact w her weekly. She doesn’t respond to texts or returns calls. When I asked my sister why, she said it’s all my fault and I fucked my own daughter up. Noone will tell me what I did. So I’m clueless over here. I am been cursed, demeaned, and blamed for something I have no clue what I did. This has been going on for a year. I’m done crying and guessing. I no longer have contact w my sister or daughter. I gave up.i have to move on and it’s heartbreaking.

    3. Karen

      I feel exactly the same. It’s been a year since I have heard my lovely daughter voice. I did get a luv u on Instagram in April. She changed her phone number about a year ago and didn’t give me a new one. Said she grown up now and happy and can do it on her own. I’m so sad. I didn’t realize I spoiled her rotten. I didn’t realize how immature her decision truly is. This forum is only making me more sad to hear all these stories. Shame on the estranged child. I don’t understand this type of behavior of the child side. I find it selfish and inconsiderate on the estranged child’s side. So sad.

  3. Debra R.

    I visit this site from time to time and it helps a lot. I miss my daughter and grandson terribly. I send my grandson gift cards for Christmas and birthday but didn’t know if he was getting them, so sent a check this last Christmas, then for his 18th birthday in April. The birthday one was not cashed. He is autistic so they have control. I miss them so much, but it is getting better. Im so sorry everyone has this on them.

    Reply
  4. Penny M.

    Hey Sheri,

    I couldn’t get an email to you–it kept coming back. I wrote to you long ago and you said our stories
    were pretty similar. Thanks for writing “Done with the Crying” It sure did help. It’s been 10 years for me,
    has it gotten easier for you? The first 6 years were very painful but it gets easier every day.

    Thanks Penny M.

    Reply
  5. Angela

    I turned to this forum today because of the mass shooting this morning in San Jose – where I live. My heart stopped when I learned about it and my first thought was about my estranged nearly 24-year-old daughter. I have no idea if she would be at the remote location where the shooting happened but I was filled with fear and worry for her.
    About 7 months ago, after I stopped paying for her cell phone – because she wouldn’t answer my calls or respond to my texts for 2.5 years, she changed her number. She already wouldn’t share her address with me. I email her but no response there either. I just worry for her and miss her so much. It’s torture not to know how she’s doing. I knew this group would understand.

    Reply
  6. Unnamed

    I also was hurt at first and disappointed when I found I was unable to see the website.
    I didn’t realize how much I had depended on it.
    I can’t remember if I formally signed up. If so, I forget my sign in info.
    I tend to shy away from speaking much.
    I have been on sites where there have been some wild accusations thrown around.
    It is easy to be a little leery of strangers on the internet when your own children have rejected you.

    As a result I have kept quiet and gained strength and wisdom from reading the member’s comments.
    I certainly hope this site opens back up as it is very needed.
    If not, please know that your site has been the most professionally and fairly run of all the estranged parents sites I have visited.
    It, and your book have helped immensely.
    Thank-you for all you have done.

    Reply
  7. Chris T.

    Hello All!
    New member, my name is Chris, and I’m glad to be here. I am estranged from my only child, daughter. This is her decision. She has totally removed me from her life. I’m not going to beg or plead with her. And I’m not going to go through the rest of my life waiting, depressed, and crying. So, I have the book and the workbook by Sheri, and read the comments for additional help. I’m sorry everyone that you are hurting but I’m so glad I have you.
    I wish health and healing to all!

    Reply
    1. Steve

      Good attitude. We still have our own life to live. I believe that the millenium adult children use this coldness knowing how thirsty we are to bond with them.

    2. HurtDad

      Chris,
      I understand completely. It is my only son who won’t communicate with me. It has been going on for 2 1/2 years. I have tried so hard for reunification but realize my son will always hate me. I don’t want to continue feeling hurt or pain over it but it does. My wife asked me what I want to do for Father’s Day and I cried. I wish to find the resolve to accept it but the constant reminders hurt.

      Do good

      Ed

  8. Nancy

    Hi , I think less and talk about them less as time goes on, 2 1/2 years estranged from both of my adult children. I feel time will help all of us,and through the Grace of God we will just be happy again.

    Reply
    1. Penny M.

      Hi Nancy,

      I think you are so right. It just seem so strange but it seems like my generation -I’m 65-were devoted

      to our parents. Time definitely is the great healer.

      Penny

    2. Vikki

      I am estranged from 5 of my 6 children for over a year now, but even before they cut all contact, they hardly ever contacted me. I think about them everyday and like you, I hope it gets better. I miss my grandchildren even more. None of them call me on Mother’s Day or my birthday. I am grateful that I have one daughter who loves and honors me. I am torn whether or not to send a text for my sons birthday today. He didn’t send me a text on mine 2 days ago so maybe I should take the hint.

  9. Ellen

    I appreciate staying in touch with moms like me. Creativity has helped me immensely to oveercome my grief over estrangement. I have been writing a haiku every day for four years now and lately I’ve decided to incorporate them with collages. Thanks for being there for us!

    Reply
  10. Dayna F.

    Sheri, this is YOUR site that you so graciously invited us into, much like your home. If you find yourself needed to limit the people who enter, even if for a short time, that is your right. I would much rather have you take a pause, reassess, then begin accepting new members then shutting it down completely. While I am clearly not a “frequent flyer”, I have recommended your site & have found it to be very uplifting and am confident it will continue to be.
    Happy Mother’s Day to everyone and stay strong!

    Reply
  11. AUSSIEMOM

    If I may, again, post to support and thank Face of Hope formerly Loss, for coming here to explain more clearly the issues Sheri and others who moderate internet forums may and do face in today’s social media world. Thank you Face, for explaining, for sharing and for your courage in facing your loss through estrangement. I, too, have faced loss. People who come here have faced this issue of estrangement. Integrity is a word brought to my attention by another on the forum and while it reflects on how I feel about myself, that my integrity was discounted, I see here on this forum that there is integrity in caring for the people who come here in pain and are able to heal through the sharing of our experiences. If this site needs ‘tightening up’ I have every confidence that it will be done with the integrity with which it was formed and handled.
    Thank you Face for posting.
    Aussiemom

    Reply
  12. aFaceOfLoss

    Sheri – I am so sorry that you have had to deal with a personal situation in regard to the site. Since the site was created, a lot has changed in the way people use (and abuse) any type of “social” media. Yours is not the only group that has had to create more robust protections and, honestly, what you are doing now is a very minor change in light of what most forums/communities enact. I know that many people who are unaware of how forums and communities function may feel distressed, but I hope they can trust enough to understand that there are some truly difficult, even dangerous, folks who attempt to use forums/communities where people are especially vulnerable. It occurs with sites for the elderly, those with disabilities, those seeking financial assistance, etc. We are a “vulnerable” population in that we are open, honest, and hurting. Thank you for your doing your best, given the types of protections available, to keep us safe. My personal situation has evolved and changed and I seldom come to the forum these days. I was helped immensely by yourself and other participants and will be grateful for that all the days of my life. I’ve considered changing my forum name because I am much more “aFaceOfHope” now. God bless and keep you, Sheri, and thank you for the gift of yourself over these many years.

    Reply
    1. rparents Post author

      aFaceOfLoss,

      It’s unfortunate, but the tone of social media and online discussions *has* changed quite a lot since opening the site. Sometimes I am amazed at how much. Thank you so much for your support and understanding. It’s good to know that you have evolved and no longer have the countenance of loss, too.

      Hugs,
      Sheri McGregor

  13. AUSSIEMOM

    What I find so interesting is that there is only one name I recognize posting directly to the forum, posting here. I know there are many who read the forum and don’t post but there is no way that I sense anyone is being excluded from the forum as a reader or a poster. Let me be clear here. I understand that Sheri has had a recent experience which has caused her concern, not for herself but for others posing here and in being the moderator of this site, she is concerned about setting new parameters that will allow for the mandate of her site to occur, that of being supportive of others and not allowing postings she may feel will be hurtful to others. I do not in any sense in any way she that she is excluding anyone from posting other than if what they post is in Sheri’s view that may make others on the site feel unsettled by what a poster may post.

    And how does Sheri know that who posts is who they really are personally, that they are connected to the name that she has registered on her site privately. The word ‘trolls’ come to mind. This happens on websites and the moderator has to make the best judgement he or she can to avoid people who misrepresent who they are and not who they are attempting to portray themselves on someone’s website. Those who come to a site like this, are tender enough in their grief and years of rejection and abusive treatment from their child or children. Sheri recognizes that and it is that very thing she is trying now to protect. I personally see this as an inclusive site, not an exclusive site and if this is how the changes are viewed, I would ask that a more open mind of understanding be allowed Sheri. I would also ask if rejection extends beyond that of our children rejecting us, if this feeling doesn’t carry over into other areas of our lives. It’s something to consider. And I trust I will not offend others by saying this. Never have I ever intentionally wished to offend anyone here on this site and if someone feels this way, I’m glad when they bring this to my attention, as has happened on one occasion. We all need to think before we post of how our words may affect another for there are many, including me when I first came onto Sheri’s site, who may be overly sensitive given the years and the stress and the grief they’ve experienced with estrangement. If there is a misinterpretation of what is said, ask for clarification, don’t post and say negative things, that doesn’t help anyone.
    Aussiemom

    Reply
    1. rparents Post author

      Thank you, Aussiemom. I really appreciate your support and kindness to me and everyone who has participated in the forum. You’re a great lady!

      Hugs,
      Sheri McGregor

  14. Gidget H.

    I just want to wish all of you Mother’s a magical Mother’s Day filled with love and joy, especially YOU, Sheri. You go far above and beyond what anyone could or should expect from another.

    In all honesty, it makes me sad that anyone would harshly criticize your decisions because the bottom line is that you don’t owe any of us anything. It is with the goodness of your heart and the loving spirit within you that this site even exists at all. So for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart and want you to know that I trust that any decisions you make concerning this site are in the best interests of everyone. Please don’t feel bad in anything that you NEED to do. Know that I appreciate you and all that you have done from the bottom of my heart. Please Stay Safe and Happy. This world NEEDS more loving people like you.

    Reply
  15. Happyworld2021

    With all that has happened in the last year, we all need to be more understanding of Sheri’s current situation. I am sure she is doing everything to protect all of us. I have also been told what a no good worthless person I am by my children and would like to find a therapist that doesn’t tell me everything is my fault and I got what I deserved. Take care everyone and be patient.

    Reply
    1. Stephanie W.

      WOW! That sounds like a terrible experience and I am beyond sorry that happened to you. We parents of estranged adult children need balanced, loving, honest guidance to navigate this horrifying kind of situation. My guess is that the therapist was not familiar with or equipped to truly give you what you need. Don’t give up on finding the right one! Best wishes to you 🙂

    2. rparents Post author

      HappyWorld2021,

      Thank you for your support!

      I’m really sorry you have had to endure such meanness. There are some therapists who understand this phnomena, but some simply don’t.

      Best of everything, and great big hugs,
      Sheri McGregor

    3. Sharon

      To Happyworld….you got it so right! Most of the therapists put all the blame on us parents! That is so one sided and unfair! What if marriages worked that same way…putting all the blame on one spouse! Then there would be no marriages! Counseling should be about communicating successfully with one another. Not about looking to blame one person! I would love to tell my kids, “hey I’m sorrry I was born 64 years ago and don’t have the same friends that you do”. This generation is spoiled and self righteous!

  16. doris

    I am sure your reasons for the changes are very valid, and I continue to appreciate all that you do and have done to help me get through this sad period of my life. Things are much better, thanks to you!

    Reply
    1. rparents Post author

      Doris,

      Thank you so much for the support. Yes, the reasons are valid. It is for my protection as well as those in the forum. Again, I am grateful for your support and kindness.

      Hugs,
      Sheri McGregor

  17. Nicholas B.

    This conscious choice to exclude the more reserved parents of estranged children is terrible. If I knew I would be purposefully punished for being shy, I never would have used this use this site to try and heal from the abuse of my 2 EC.

    I don’t know what to do, with Sheri’s explicit rejection of me, in addition to the rejection of my son an daughter. It is really difficult to accept and I feel worse now than at any point in my attempt to heal. This is greatly shameful.

    Reply
    1. rparents Post author

      Dear Nicholas,

      Please check back. You are not being excluded in any way. It’s a temporary response to a critical situation. You can still read all articles and comments as well as reply. I hope to restore the peer support forum to visibility soon but cannot do do it quite yet. Please take care. You’re joining the conversation in comments…good!

      Hugs, Sheri McGregor

    2. Krishna

      Hi Nicholas, I am sorry that you are having difficulty with Sheri and your EC rejection!! I am in the similar situation. My hubby and my 3 EC have rejected me. But the most important lesson I have learned that life is a Journey and you aboarded the train and met the acquaintances as you travel and when your destined time arrived of departing with each of the acquaintances you have to continue your travel maybe with new acquaintances and sometimes alone? So we need to brace ourself whatever it may be new/old acquaintances and let the Lord help us heal when we can’t with faith for the one who brought us in this world. It may the mighty force the one you believe in and that force will guide you when in sadness and even in laughter to enjoy life. I believe once we are born our life is already destined in a certain way until the end of our journey. So we cannot alter even if we tried but just to consider what and when we are in the “MOMENT!!” Live with every second, minute, hour, days, weeks, months and years until eternity humbly, comfortably, faithfully in the Almighty , enjoy the nature and you will see life being smooth sailing. I wish you the very best!!I am living that way and feel a lot happier and healthier!! Good Luck!

    3. Denise

      Nicholas,
      I felt exactly as you do when I discovered I was no longer allowed in the forum. I wondered “What did I do now?” instead of realizing it had nothing to do with me, or you. I think for us it points out an area for us to work on. Maybe not right now but in the future when we can get there. I think at some point we could start to evaluate things that happen from a different angle. Instead of automatically assuming we “caused” a situation we could work on stepping back and accepting we only have so much influence, in many areas, including of course with the very confusing situations with our EC. And then find some peace with that acceptance. Hope for healing for you.

  18. Tina

    Sheri, Thank you for all that you do. Your book has been a life saver. It is filled with saying that I find to cut out and put in there. I also have alot of passages highlighted. Needless to say it is well used. My son abandoned me 4 years ago. Recently my other son did the same thing and took my grandkids away from me. I was able to handle this one better from everything that I read in you book and people’s story’s in the forum. GOD bless you and I hope that things get better for you.

    Reply
    1. krishna

      I feel so much connected with your story as well. It is ok and of all the EC rejection what is most hurtful we did our job of raising such wonderful EC ‘s. My regret is the not spending time with Grandkids and letting them miss the Love, care and many wisdom that they would acquire from their Grandparent. But it is their children and I feel sad that my grandkids are with such adults!! Sad to say!

    2. rparents Post author

      Thank you, Tina. I’m glad to hear that the book has helped. It’s disheartening to hear of the second estrangement and the loss of your grandchildren though. I’m so very sorry.

      Continue to take good care of you, and I know you will be getting back out into the world and living your life to the full despite it.

      Big, big hugs,
      Sheri McGregor

    3. Victoria

      Tina, I am so sorry that you have to go through another abandonment. My youngest son was the first, and although four of my other children saw the pain that caused, they too have stopped communicating with me. Thank God I have one daughter that would never turn her back on me. I miss my grandkids so much and I know the youngest one has to have forgotten me since it’s been over a year since he’s seen me. I have no idea what to fix since they say that it is me who stopped talking to them even though some have blocked me on social media. 5 of them didnt contact me again on Mother’s Day or my birthday. I think I need to read this book.

  19. Rose M.

    i am grieviing the estrangement of all three of my adult children. My grandparental rights have been revoked from my six soon to be seven Granddaughter’s, one who’s birthday is tomorrow.
    The purpose of my estrangement is my husband of nearly thirty years… Gaslighted me unbeknownst to myself, being the narcissiist he was. He forwarned me, and told me I was in danger after his passing and asked me to forgive him, I simply did not believe him. Every thing he warned me has come to fruition. I have no ability of undoing this damage my character has been assaulted and dystroyed. I have been completely robbed of any grain of dignity I ever held. I am a Codependant Empath and living in hell on earth. I used to think the worst thing that could happen to a person would be to die unloved and alone. I was wrong the worst thing that could happen to a human being, is being surrounded by the ones you love and adore. Who make it known to you in clear-cut explicit words so loathsome and vile I can’t even rethink must less repeat. That I am unwanted have no value to them and unworthy of the Sacred Blessing of being a Grandmother. Being buried alive by your entire family is the worst thing that could happen to a human person. Wishing I had a therepist or just anyone… I have God and under grace am Thankful and Greatful beyond words for him.

    Reply
    1. Changingwoman

      Rose: I wanted to respond to you because I have experienced the same thing: my ex systematically turned our daughter against me. Who knows what all he said. What I do know was bad enough. I am alone in this world as my parents passed away years ago and I was an only child. I have prayed so hard to get through this and I feel like it has helped. I was so surprised to see so many people in this horrible situation. I feel like everything happens for a reason. But I’m not able to see this reason and I don’t know if I ever will.

    2. krishna

      Hi Rose! reading your situation reminds me of so much the same situation and damage my estranged husband has caused me!! Wow! I felt I was taken for a ride after 40 years of believeing in him. But once he told me “Get out of my house!” since he was the bread winner I feel so much similar to your story that I had to surrender myself to living with me despite the above situation. I am still living since no where to go or turn to? But hang in there!! Believe in the Lord and she will find the right path for you and me. Just hang in there Girl!! Believe ! Believe!! Believe!

  20. R.

    First: Dear Sheri, thank you to the moon and back for your book, which I read last year, and for this site, both of which are lifesavers!
    And to Alex: Hang in there, buddy!
    R.

    Reply
  21. Alex

    Respectfully, I am so so hurt by this decision. Because I have read along for a long time, I know that each and every post and comment must be approved by you personally before it is published on the community, which I think is a good practice which makes the community a safe place. How is anymore necessary or even possible, without hurting and alienating a large group of people who need help. I didn’t have an account when all I needed at the moment was to read that I’m not alone and others are with hurting along with me. I cannot begin to describe the sadness I feel, none of this makes sense? I just don’t understand..

    Reply
    1. rparents Post author

      Hello Alex,

      I apologize for the change but it is necessary at the moment for reasons that I won’t go into publicly. However, it was with great sadness and much deliberation that I made the change. With some protections in place, I hope to make the forum visible to non-registrants as soon as possible. Meanwhile, you can still see the people’s stories in comments and know that you are not alone. In no way are parents of estranged adult children alienated by this change. You can read the comments that run with nearly every post (and you can obviously post your replies and participate in the comment threads that work very similarly to the peer support forum).

      Be well, and I wish you and all the parents of estranged adult children the best. Take kind care of yourselves.

      Big hugs,
      Sheri McGregor

    2. candleinthewind

      Does it not remind all of us not to put all our eggs in one basket, this website, our children or whatever source of help or love we think we need.

    3. Valerie

      Alex,
      Yes, this site has helped us all so very very much. I am sure if Sheri has to make these changes it is for good reason. We have to just trust her judgement at this time.
      Thank You Sheri. Your devotion to us, the pain we feel inside, the healing that is needed, gives hope to our aching hearts.
      Bless you Alex. You are not alone.

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