Covid-19 pandemic

Pandemic: When the world is scary, bend and twist 

By Sheri McGregor 

Right now, with Coronavirus in the air and on the airwaves, I’m working on relocating. Not the best time to be moving hundreds of miles but life doesn’t always go as planned. Of course, if you’re familiar with estrangement, you already know that. Whether you’ve only just been rejected or are years or even decades into the cut-off, the uncertainty of the times can make life scary. Some of you may be wondering about your estranged adult children, hoping they’re doing okay, or that this crisis will bring about a change of heart. Maybe you even call and ask because as a parent, you feel the need, but then are miffed when there’s no response or a very lukewarm or self-centered one. Or, you may have called so many other times that now, even if you’re wondering about your estranged adult child(ren), you refrain from reaching out.

Let’s leave all of that aside for the moment. You can only control yourself…. And even then, amid this Covid-19 scare, it’s a good idea to remain calm and flexible. That’s what this post is about.

Daffodils and you 

One thing I’m looking forward to after my move is the new climate where daffodils will thrive. Imagining their sunny faces on the gentle slopes of my new backyard has been a safe spot for me when the news of quarantines and stricter guidelines for social distancing has made me anxious. Thinking about planting daffodil bulbs had me doing some internet research. I learned that the flowers have a secret: daffodils can bend and twist. When storm winds blow, they’re flexible. They even dance! 

The poet William Wordsworth knew this and wrote about daffodils just as I imagine they will be at my new home. You can read his talk of them in his poem: I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud . By the way, is his name a pseudonym? It’s too good to be true for a writer! Isn’t it? 

Long ago, Wordsworth wrote about something today’s scientists study. Researchers at Duke University are fascinated by the daffodil’s ability to twist and flex. Turns out the blooms have another secret: they turn their backs to the wind. The researchers put the flowers in a wind tunnel to discover that the force is strongest when the flowers face the wind. No wonder daffodils turn away from the storm. It’s a little like the idea I recently shared in this article: going with the flow.     

How can you bend? 

Staying supple is more than just a mental exercise. If you’re isolating at home, this would be a good time to consider your physical flexibility as well. The body and the mind work together. Even if you already have a good exercise routine, consider trying Feldenkrais. You can read more about it in a guest post at my other website written by a friend: Learning to Move Freely 

As you try this gentle movement, you may also find your thoughts and activities getting organized (in this time of world chaos due to the Coronavirus, or anytime). With that thought in mind, let’s consider a few other ideas to stay calm right now. 

  • Consider what you can control rather than what you can’t. Your response to any crisis makes it tolerable or not.  
  • Focus on the precautions you can take rather than worrying about possibilities that prompt anxiety and stress. Living in fear creates stress in the body that can hurt you physically. Learn to soothe your anxiety with a few deep breaths, guided meditations (look on YouTube), or a cup of relaxing herbal tea. A couple that I find useful are Celestial Seasonings Tension Tamer Tea and the Yogi Tea Relaxation Varieties.  
  • Come up with a few calming phrases (this too shall pass; we’re going to be okay; this is just a blip) and repeat them as needed. Or turn to a spiritual reference that gives you strength (Joshua 1:9, for instance). 
  • Limit yourself. A steady diet of news can make things scary. Tune in enough to see the latest guidelines or local information that can help, but don’t make the news a meal. Just as you consider what’s best to focus on in the wake of an adult child’s estrangement, prescribe yourself something helpful now 
  • Keep calm and carry on. Be extra careful. In times of stress, becoming distracted is common–and may be dangerous.
  • Use your time wisely. Many people and organizations are offering free services right now. Museums, lessons, even the opera. See the resources list below.  

This too shall pass 

Do take precautions. Wash your hands often, stay at home as much as you can, and practice social distancing. Stay abreast of news at reliable sources such as the CDC , NIH, Cleveland Clinic, or Mayo Clinic. Or maybe you know of a reliable local source to keep up to date on the Covid-19 pandemic in your own community (a good idea).

Beyond that, make the most of your time. Laugh as much as you can and enjoy your life in the present moment. Right now, when the world can feel uncertain and cause added stress, think of daffodils—and maybe even dance! Daffodils do. 

RESOURCES FOR TIME WELL-SPENT AT HOME 

Metropolitan Opera streaming for free

Georgia Aquarium Live Cams

Open Culture (free online classes, movies, books and more.

National Park Tours online

What will you do with your time at home? Let others know what you’re thinking about and doing during this time of social distancing by leaving a comment.

 

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63 thoughts on “Covid-19 pandemic

  1. Gerry

    My heart breaks every, every day! My daughter died two years ago and her two daughters turned against me and my other daughter. The oldest, 26, told me to “have a good life”. A squatter took over my deceased daughter’s home, pp, car, EVERYTHING! My husband and I paid for the funeral, hotel for a week, lawyer, on and on! It was in the news on TV 3 or 4 times with our story except what our granddaughters (and nieces) have disowned us. Every day myself and my daughter can’t help but try and understand and our hearts break!

    Reply
    1. Patricia S.

      This news is the first message I got since joining month ago. It helped and I hope I get more of these.
      My son who is now 42 does not yet really know that I am done–
      I came to this mode of thinking. Here is the thing—When I say I am done it opens a whole new way to direct my thinking for me. I have now stopped sobbing every day. Do you relate??
      Over time for decades my son verbally spit hate at me and did everything but hit me physically.
      The reality is I cannot make someone like me or love me.
      Best of luck to all of you.

  2. diane

    Am going through estrangement w/daughter and her children….have wanted to call out to them during this crisis we are enduring at the moment, but having done so many times in the past and receiving nothing back makes
    me consider moving away from the area also. I thought moving closer to her might help our relationship,
    but not….Yet moving under best circumstances is stressful without dealing with a pandemic also.

    Reply
    1. Debs

      We moved away in the midst of our alienation from one son and our daughter. We had to move because ironically glad remortgaged to help both sons and were facing a big mortgage going into retirement. I was still working in a very stressful job, my husband had poor health and one son after marriage break up and illness came with us. I nearly had a breakdown and had to stop working. Our house is paid for which is great as hubs health has worsened. After three years my son left behind speaks to us occasionally and has repaid the debt, he even sent a video of our grandson on his birthday. Things will never be the same but they’re better than expected. Our daughter is still being a monster and wished us dead at Christmas in yet another abusive and degrading message. I refuse to react. That gives her power. With or without this pandemic, you have the power to react and make changes as you see fit, not just your children. We all have to take responsibility for ourselves, especially in times like these. Don’t make snap decisions but maybe plan for when this madness passes and above all I truly wish you well. I still have days where I feel dead inside but, it is getting easier. Stay strong. Hugs.

    2. Sharon

      Diane..my daughter and I have been estranged for several years..her choice. My daughter is 42. I have experienced verbal and emotional abuse from her for approximately 13 or more years. She has lied to me, stolen from me, made fun of me in front of others, and called me names. I’m 71 now, and can no longer spend the rest of my life with all her drama. My husband (not her father) and I moved to another State. It’s the best thing that I could ever do for myself. I now have peace.

  3. Diane

    Whatever happens in your life, challenges keep rolling in! I think that as a mum -rejected- it is still my job to show my children what to do when you are rejected by anyone. Be loving, be kind, be of value. Keep fit and well. Act with grace. Speak only with love about children. They are after all less experienced and assured as us parents. But really. Grace. Always grace.

    Reply
    1. Lynn T.

      I feel foolish that I still send my estranged daughter gifts in the mail. I do it because I haven’t stopped loving her, and I hold the hope that we can work this out. Last week I actually received a thank you email, but it had a stern reminder that we haven’t worked out “our issues.” Translation: I am still going to hold a grudge against you and not talk to you until I get to unleash my wrath against you again and again. Well I’m not sure I want to do that anymore. I just want her to know I’m still her mom and I still love her. I think, when she goes low, I go high.

    2. Eleanore

      Diane. What you say is perfection and I wish that I could honour your wisdom. Unfortunately, after much rejection, I’m scared to reach out during this pandemic. I’m scared of no answer or worse–a cold answer. So
      I do the ungraceful and do nothing. I didn’t even send my daughter a text wishing her a happy birthday on the 21st of March. That’s how fragile and cowardly my ego has become. Today is my birthday and of course none of my 3 children texted, emailed or called. I deserve it.

  4. Fiona

    Reading this calmed me, thank you. I am one of the lucky ones who has reconnected with my son. I had a FaceTime with my little grandsons yesterday and we danced to music and had fun. They were to visit our home for the first time at the end of March……you can imagine the preparations i was making! Their flight is cancelled so they won’t come now. They have reassured me they will come as soon as this is over. I really hope so, but I’m ok. This is a miracle i never thought would happen. I hope miracles happen for all of you too

    Reply
    1. Linda G.

      I am so very happy for you and yes miracles still happen. I’m waiting for a miracle too. Son and DIL decided not to speak to us and so we haven’t seen our grandchildren in 5 years. Enjoy your visit!

    2. Lynn N.

      I love your idea of grace and always speaking well of the estranged adult child.
      It’s also time to show my other supportive adult child that I can handle this and that the estrangement does not have to define our lives. After all, my other child has lost his brother because all of us have been cut off and rejected. Never give up hope, but carry on. Thanks.

    3. Red

      Fiona, I pray for a miracle everyday that my son will reconcile with my husband and I. Going on 4 years now. I was doing better the last few months until this coronavirus has closed in on us. My son and his wife live on the other side of the US and all I can do is worry that they may get sick or my husband and I in our 70s should get sick. I want my family to mend, especially in trying times like this, support from him would mean so much to us. I think I could let go if only he would tell us the reason for not wanting any communication. I love will always be for him.

    4. Jennifer

      Sending positive thoughts your way. You are right about having Hope. Hope and joy in the moment is so important right now.

  5. Fame Saint America

    Timely post. The pain of missing my 19 year old son reappeared and I believe it was triggered by the virus crisis and also the fact that I am having to find a new place to live within two weeks! I had blocked him but unblocked and today sent text saying “I miss you.” No response.

    Reply
  6. Susan

    Thank you Sheri, you always have such a beautiful letter with heart warming messages.
    I look forward to receiving your emails…
    Stay well … This Too Shall Pass “+”

    Big Hugs

    Kind regards
    Susan

    Reply
  7. Patty C.

    Well I went to see my daughter in this time of crisis thinking maybe her heart had softened a bit but she threatening to call the police so I left. It’s 7 months now and my heart is ripped open again, I did nothing wrong!

    Reply
    1. Eileen H.

      My heart goes out to you. I too am in the situation where I have never abused my son in any way whatsoever and furthermore, was always there to pick him up to help him start over when he fell, failed or went bankrupt. I had required when he was 13 years old that he clean his bathroom before I gave him his allowance. He reported me to the authorities for “child slavery”. When asked what the worst trouble he had been in with his mother by the in-take social worker he paused and then replied that he had gotten a bad report card. And what was my response, asked the social worker? She threatened to send me back to private school. While laughable, I had not even seen the report cards…he simply signed them himself and returned them to the school. He told the school that his parents had died in a fiery car crash. Later, at 18 years, he moved to a jurisdiction (to repeat a year of school so that he could raise his marks to enter university) that did not allow him to have a driver’s license until he was 19 (without parent approval). I would not give it because I did not want him tooling around in a car at lunch and after school when he needed to be doing his homework. (He lived only a few blocks from school where I paid his board and room. He had no need for a license except that his father, divorced from me, had given him a car.) With my having sole custody he needed my permission. He asked my sister, a medical doctor, to write a letter to the authorities who would wave this requirement if I was deemed mentally incompetent by a doctor. She would not do so. I am a professional who devoted my life to teaching win-win in organizations, families and schools. As near as I know, no one, neither his father nor I ever lifted a hand to him. The lies and invented stories are legion. He brags about having lied to me 2000 times. He introduced his fiancée to me and his step-father. We like her. Now, jealous about that, and I suspect fearful that I might tell the truth about his past or make some innocent comment that would reveal a lie told to her, he threatens to get a restraining order against me. Outrageous as this is, since there is no communication except for one or two short emails copied to all, I feel the pain that you feel when your daughter threatens to call the police on your visit. Everyone always thinks when there is a divorce or other problem, that there is “fault on both sides”. This is the most hurtful “truism” ever spoken. It prevents people like you and me from talking to others about our situation with our estranged children. People do judge us unfavourably even if they don’t say so in so many words. A few of my friends who have known me all my life and watched me parent him as he grew up, will vouch for me, that I was the model parent. And yet, after 40 he now claims I beat him as a child! He seems to have the idea that he was/will not be OK unless he was able to escape my control (or parental authority) and now control me.

    2. Rosemarie R.

      I understand. I wrote in my journal today I never knew any one growing up that would walk away from there family. I also don’t know anyone going through this 5 yrs and a pandemic.
      I truly understand and I wish I had some one that understand s

  8. Leah K.

    A very helpful post of acceptance and remaining calm. Our adult children have not taken our advice often in the past. Now with all the fear and worry… it is new territory for all, covid-19 an unimaginable realistic nightmare. Today the dancing daffodils brought joy and learning how flexible they are in the wind is truly strengthening to my heart.
    Thank you for the reminders of self love, exercise, precautions and calming suggestions
    I have equipped my estranged adult children with provisions and information for this pandemic…and they know where we are…nothing more we can say or do…staying home gardening cleaning house decluttering, helping elderly people who are alone, finding beauty in today and praying often.

    Reply
    1. Lorin

      Do any of you think that our children have been influenced and turned against us by their psychologist or counselors? I have found this to be true with my daughter. She went to a counselor when her boyfriend killed himself but this “help” soon turned into a debate about why she chooses the wrong men and how terrible we treated her as a child. She was the light of our lives! We believe counselors have way too much power over their patients.

    1. Annette

      Today is mother’s day. I have only one child who is 49 years old. I’m sitting here thinking about her wondering what went wrong. She has not contacted me in 5 years. I’m not to dissapointed like I used to be on the holidays because I lost hope, so I don’t expect anything. Thank you for the newsletter, it came at the right time so I don’t feel like I’ m alone and there are others out there like me. Thank you.

    2. Annette

      Yes, I do think so. That may have happened to my daughter. Thank you for the insight.

    3. suesan J.

      I totally agree about the counselors, my son started seeing a counselor and we have had nothing but issues with him and his wife. My son 39 is my middle child. He always had a good life, friends and was dearly loved by his entire family Mother, siblings grandparents aunt uncles etc. He’s just cut everyone out. I feel it all started with the so called therapy. Ha I wonder how many lives are destroyed from these people. Its a tragedy.

  9. Margaret D.

    I have thought about my 3 estranged children more often because of the virus, and wondered if they have even thought of my safety. Love the daffodil message.
    Stay connected to those who do care for you during this time. We know how important it is,

    Margaret

    Reply
  10. catherine

    Dear Sheri,
    I was going to try to email you as I have just finished your book, Done with crying, I never thought I could get such comfort, it was as if you were in my sitting room giving me sound advice and strength, some of the things said just hit home with unbelievable power, it is if you have taken a huge burden out of me
    I feel calm and can now reflect on your words,
    Enjoy your new world, and I will plant some daffodils,
    Thank you so much,
    Catherine

    Reply
  11. Terrie

    Love your daffodil message Sheri, you are an inspiration!
    My son fell head over heels with a woman, long story short, he has walked away from his two teenage girls, four siblings and his parents, he feels we have all left him. Paul, (my husband) and I are left to deal with very sad grandchildren and siblings. After experiencing a huge panic attack, I sought help, this winter has been a time of soul searching and healing. Now I am strong and able to deal with the reality. With broken hearts we continue to reach out to him, with no response, leaving us wondering how he is, what happened, and searching for an explanation. As a family we gather together supporting each other, especially with his two beautiful girls. Now sadly with the pandemic and P. with serious health issues we have to support each other through phone calls and texting.
    We will all get through this!
    Terrie

    Reply
  12. Roger

    Thanks for the beautiful thoughts and video….I have many daffodils in my yard; I will look at them differently now…yesterday I sent a message via email on ancestry.com to one of my estranged sons…it was simple just asking if he was ok and to follow safety guidelines during this pandemic….no response but he read it according to the website…no contact for about two years now… I received a call from a ‘no caller id’ number last night, decided to answer…after saying hello twice over a period of 8-10 sec a voice said ‘I’m sorry’ and hung up….the voice sounded intentionally altered…was that him or just a random call???….seemed awfully coincidental…and whomever it was had intentionally blocked their number from me… I reckon we latch on to the tiniest little things…love and best wishes extended to the community…

    Reply
  13. Lois G.

    Thanks for this timely and important message. I sent my estranged son a short email 2 days ago letting him know he’s in my thoughts during this scary time. I wasn’t looking for a response and of course didn’t get one. The purpose was simply to let him know his mother will always have him in her heart even if he refuses to reconnect.

    His younger brother has remained close to us.

    Everyone be well. We will get through these trying times together. Me and hubs plan to take a walk in the woods today to get some much needed fresh air, sunshine (vitamin D) and exercise. Love and hugs.

    Reply
  14. Lynne

    The daffodils…reminding me of my Mom. As she has been gone now for many years I still remember the daffodils in our yard. I would remind her of the daffodils and good memories in her life. I wanted to help her aged mind to remember the good and lovely times and seasons that we shared oh so many years before. Thank you Sheri. This blessed me today. I hope your new move will be a very good one.

    Reply
  15. mary jean

    I love the story of the dancing daffodils. The current world situation has also triggered my anxiety and pain at the loss of two of my adult children. I don’t know the address of either and the phone number for only one. I once again reached out to him and of course got no response. Being at home alone during this crisis is a challenge because it is so easy to let the depression take over. I appreciate the articles and posts and will continue to “twist against the wind” so as not to slip down the rabbit hole.

    Reply
  16. peggy

    I have had to let go of any expectations with both of my adult children. My son, has been very distant
    and on several occasions (rare when I see him) was very verbally abusive and showed no respect to
    me in front of my 12 year old granddaughter. Letting go and letting God. I have no control over how
    I will be treated. I don’t trust him. It’s a terrible feeling, but taking care of myself, especially during
    the virus, is first and foremost in what I need to do. I pray for my family, I send cards and presents
    to my grandchildren, but I have given up! Not defeated….just let go , released the expectations or
    kindness I would like to receive. It no longer is going to drag me down like it did for 4 years. I encourage
    everyone to try it…it hurts, but it is saving my sanity! Thank you!

    Reply
  17. Bette

    Thanks for the video, daffodils have forever been my favorite flower..for us in the northeast it is the first sign of Spring.
    3 years estranged from my only son and 2 precious grandchildren. I send cards, Christmas gifts through my daughter; no acknowledgement. The grands are 7 and 4 and it is my hope that somehow they know that I love them …praying always for reconciliation. Today was a perfect day to receive you email and then read through the postings of other estranged parents. May God bless all of us in this journey!

    Reply
  18. Maria G.

    This is the perfect time to show self-love and try to focus on the positive and not the negative.
    We live in stressful times, and sometimes God throws us a bunch of lemons at one time, to see if we can juggle them all at once, and this is a perfect example of that: Estrangement from our children, the Coronavirus, and all the other goings-on in the world.
    Sometimes no news is good news from our estranged children, and maybe that’s the message we should take away; perhaps God wants to focus on the sick and helpless and suffering not our self-centered, shellfish estranged children who only think of themselves and how they can hurt us next.
    Remember, there are people out there who don’t know where their next meal is coming from if they will still have a job tomorrow or get the Coronavirus and die.
    As estranged parents, we need to be conscious of what we can and can’t control. To make peace with ourselves mind our estranged children who only bring heartbreak to us all; trust me, they’ll be fine, and they are not. I’m sure we’ll hear about it one way or another.
    Again, nothing good or bad lasts forever, and yes, this too shall come to pass, trust me!!

    Reply
  19. Elizabeth L.

    Lovely daffodils story, like a few posters here, I’ve just moved away and now there’s a new garden to plan.
    Daffodils will be the first thing to be planted. That will remind me how I need to be from now on.

    I texted my daughter to remind herself to take care in this pandemic ( she has asthma and previous punctured lungs due to lung disease), and I got the reply ‘ you too’ after 3 days.

    I’m not expecting light at the end of the tunnel, but good new neighbours and friends here have made life so much happier. I’m going to be that daffodil!

    Reply
  20. Judy P

    These emails and comments are a Godsend. My 37 year old daughter decided to become estranged 15 months ago. We were as close as any mother/daughter could be. I raised her with all my love, paid part of her college, threw showers for every occasion. Gave her my entire savings at the time for her wedding (which BTW, she knew). She has two beautiful sons that totally adore my husband and me. She also has a daughter that just turned 2 years old. I have not seen her since she was 9 months old. She is hurting the children as much as me by not permitting any contact. Due to her estrangement, after sobbing day after day, I had a heart attack. It was diagnosed Takotsubo, which means broken heart syndrome. Even though she was aware, she did not send a text, a card, a flower or call. I could die and obviously she does not care. I am extremely healthy. Have eaten right and worked out my entire life. And yet, this still happened to me. I am now on mild heart medication and mild anti depressants for the first time ever. So all, please be careful! Broken heart syndrome is real. I miss her and my grandchildren immensely but I am taking care of myself with the help of a loving husband and wonderful friends. Attending church has given me a feeling of peace but the book “Done with the Crying” has been a lifesaver. Until I read that, I thought this only happened to me. Obviously my story is too long to print, but you get the jest. Please be aware and take care of yourself. God Bless.

    Reply
  21. happy

    I think this is a depressing time, this too will pass. It is really hard when we don’t hear from these EC. If there is nothing in it for them, they are not interested. I don’t think either one of mine are mad, they just want to be with other people especially high status people.

    I will be glad when things get back to more normal. I was enjoying my gym, church, etc which I really miss. This reminds me of holidays when you think your kids should be around and they are not. Well, it is what it is and I have to remind myself to get busy doing something and be grateful for the good stuff in my life. The daffodils are beautiful and we had beautiful weather today and tomorrow. I have not called my EC, feel like they don’t want to be bothered (sad but it is the truth) I know ya know exactly how I fee which helps. We will get thru this and enjoy life again.

    Reply
  22. sarah N.

    Sheri just listened to your radio interview it was fantastic , your posts always inspire me and my treasured book is always at my bedside . Covid 19 just adds another stressful dimension to life for everyone , it opens upon many questions surrounding our EC do they care ? have they thought of us during the bigger picture ? Covid 19 just puts their behaviour into another perspective ?
    Today I have taken a copy calendar to each of my immediate neighbours its just basic acts of kindness , we have a street Whats App group and its bringing out the best in everyone , Communication offers of help with shopping etc . I wonder do these EC have these basic kind behavioural qualities ? take care everyone we are all in this together xx

    Reply
  23. Christine S.

    Communication with my ES and daughter in law has been non-existent since the initial flurry of emails and texts following their announcement of disowning me, the mother. Thus, during this health crisis, I did not know whether they were still receiving salaries or were able to access needed groceries and other supplies. They live in a densely populated urban area rife with CV-19 victims.
    It was becoming apparent their state’s governor would soon order a complete isolation of its population. I sent an email with an offer to stay with us as we were well stocked with needed supplies and our home was large enough to accommodate us all without being on top of one another. As the rest of their family members reside near us, we would also all be in a position to love and care for each other in hours of illness should that situation occur. I asked them to prayerfully consider putting aside past hurts and that nothing that had transpired of late needed to be discussed if they chose to spend time with us. I assured them they would be greeted only with love. I had also offered financial assistance if their salaries had been cut off.
    Wife of ES responded asking that we respect them as adults as well as their ability to care for themselves. I promptly replied with apologies for any unintentional inference that they weren’t capable, responsible adults.
    The CV-19 situation had appeared to provide an opening for communication and a potential path to reconciliation. I had hoped that even if our offer had not been accepted, ES and daughter in law might realize through the offer, that we loved them unconditionally, and greatly cared for their health and overall wellbeing.
    The response is a reminder that hearts are hardened to a point where they have become stone. I must rest in knowing that stone might only turn to rubble when hit with stronger blows than that which CV-19 might bring.

    Reply
    1. Lynn

      I applaud you for reaching out to your son and daughter-in-law. I have considered emailing my ED in the same way, expressing my love and concern for her and her family, and offering any assistance that maybe needed. However, after days of agonizing over it, I have decided to remain silent. I am certain her response would be similar to that of your daughter-in-law, and it isn’t worth the heartache. You are much braver than I will ever be.

  24. candleinthewind

    Silence even in the midst of a pandemic and another silent Mother’s Day (here in the UK), sends a message loud and clear that I have to, as my daughter once put it, “jog on”. I am no longer required as a mother, I have no meaningful identity as a mother. The interesting thing about the pandemic is it’s focus on social isolation, of which we have greater experience, so, for a time at least, we have company. We are bound to learn something useful, how to become stronger and more resilient, because our isolation (from our children) will continue once this is all over and the rest of the world has gone back to normal.
    Tonight, people were asked to put a ‘candle in the window’ at 7pm to show that they were praying for their neighbours. I thought this quite a coincidence since that’s close to my chosen username.

    Reply
  25. Miss Liz

    Thank you for always cheering me up with your emails! I still have hurt about ED but I’m feeling better about everything!

    Reply
  26. Robin

    I appreciate your dedication to the welfare of all of us. Thank you for the lovely emails and post on the daffodils. It came at a time when husband and I were both recovering from severe illness ( we both had influenza ). Our family stayed in contact with us and that helped. The silence from our son and his wife really impacted us and finalized our realizations. The blog post helped brightened our situation. Now we are quarantined as others are, trying to keep safe and healthy to move forward living differently ( in many different ways) when we all come out on the end of this.
    God bless us in our daily lives.

    Reply
  27. Diane

    I reached out to my son and dil last week to check on them during this pandemic. Today I got a text telling me and my family not to call, text, or email either one of them. So after a few back and forth nasty texts I just said I’ll always love you. Scab reopened but I had the last word…love.

    Reply
  28. ilovedogs

    Sheri ,
    I listened to your radio interview this morning before work and I just wanted to thank you. It was so nice to hear your voice. You’re such a lifesaver to all of us who have been estranged. I also wanted to thank you for your March post and video with the dancing daffodils. Just beautiful!
    It really spoke to me and was very well written. Thanks again for all that you do.

    Reply
  29. Liz H.

    Thank you so much for your beautiful daffodil video, Sheri.
    I have just finished the book and workbook, and gained such insight and comfort from them.
    I stumbled across them when searching for ways of coping with UK Mothers Day, and they helped with that and so much more.
    I loved the design of the covers too, and feel that I can move on, like a “bird of freedom”
    I have submitted 2 very positive reviews to Amazon UK, for the book and the workbook. (I’m “Marco Polo”)
    Thank you again for helping me to regain my self esteem and happiness.

    Reply
  30. Lhirafeh

    Sheri – The daffodil video was lovely. I usually look at these things for a sec and then move on as I feel that it’s not for me. But what surprised me was that in about 3 secs I took a spontaneous deep breath. Was it the music or the sunshine or the flowers? I don’t know, but I stayed for the whole thing – slowing down is the second step in this healing process. I need to make myself take the time to absorb the positive messages here. Have just started reading your book and will do it slowly so as to be able to absorb what you have written. Good luck with your relocation.

    Reply
    1. rparents Post author

      Thank you! Yes, go slowly!

      I’m glad for you! So happy to hear from you here, and from everyone!

      Hugs,
      Sheri McGregor

  31. Pam M.

    Sheri, thank you for your wisdom and kindness for all of us. I’m sorry your move has been disrupted by the virus and hope your bed ext… arrives soon. I appreciate your message during this difficult time for our country. May God”s mercy and grace continue to fill your heart and new home.
    Thank you
    Pam

    Reply
  32. Sandi

    Sheri,

    I am wanting to reach out to my daughter who is a nurse. She stopped talking to me a year ago and I have reached out many times and received nothing back. I don’t know if I should send her a text asking how she is. I’m not sure how to even approach this with her or if I should.

    Your suggestion would be appreciated,

    Sandi

    Reply
  33. Lynne

    Thinking again today about the daffodils. They are in bloom here in Illinois……so beautiful. I like to think about their adaptability to bend and not break. During this time of this virus I did e-mail my daughter a short message to tell her that both her and my grandchild were in my prayers. I did not think she would respond…and she did not. It did help me to do this. There is no right or wrong decision in reaching out. Every parent needs to do what is best for their situation. For me I did this because it is what I needed to do. Through years of estrangement I did learn not to set myself up for her to respond. So I reached out and when she did not respond I did like the daffodils….just let the pain go….like daffodils that are able to bend and flex but don’t break. I have learned to go with the flow. I use this phrase often..”it is what it is.”

    Reply
  34. joly

    My youngest son` wife before they married had two children by two different men and claimed those men `s mothers would not let them marry her. Enter my son, now she claims that the umbilical cord was never cut between my son and myself. We live in the same small town, I see him maybe once a year, she tells her children she will not baby sit for them if they have anything to do with me & that I am a trouble maker. Several years ago my son announced to me that he and his wife were considering a divorce, I recommended they see a marriage counselor. She told her father that I was trying to break up their marriage, her father confronted her and ask her how that could be the truth since your husbands mother suggested they see a marriage counselor. During this COVID19 issue I received a call from that son asking me if I would please call him if something happened to his father because his wife thinks I would not call because of her. She and my son alienate us then make it my fault if we distance ourself waiting for them to open a dialogue. A couple years ago my son rode his motorcycle out here to give me a Mother’s Day card, said he had to get home before his wife finds out. Another year he had one of his sons discretely deliver a Mothers Day card and a bouquet of flowers to me. My middle son calls me when his wife is at work and says I am welcome to visit him when his she is not there. My oldest sons wife has Aspergers Syndrome and who knows ever what she thinks she hears, she misunderstands easily. I see the oldest son maybe very other year and she attacks things I say, I have to explain myself constantly. If one of my daughters in law need me I am there. One of my grandson`s called in January to check in on us and I was so pleased until I realized he was checking on us because his mother said they had not seen or heard from us for many months even though we had dropped off Christmas presents just one month before that. He said he did to now that we had been to see his father and mother just the month before. He did not know we had dropped off Christmas presents. I stay in prayer over them , I “cast my cares over on the Lord for he cares for me”.

    Reply
    1. rparents Post author

      Dear joly,

      I am glad you got the opportunity to tell your grandson the truth.

      Prayer can be a wonderful comfort, and I know many will read your story here … and you will be in their prayers.

      Hugs to you, dear joly.

      Sheri McGregor

    2. Su

      Yes I’m familiar with this dynamic..the one if the son almost having to sneak out to visit for a short time, but then having to rush home before the angry vituperative wife finds out. As parents it seems we are very expendable and no longer have any value.

  35. Gayle B.

    I appreciate all of the heart filled responses that I just read. My heart breaks for everyone. We all share a pain greater than we could ever imagine. But here it is, and somehow we need to accept and move on. Just when I think I am dealing with it and accepting and meditating and praying, then either a holiday or a birthday comes and now this Covid ID. My coping mechanism has always been to just keep as busy as I can, fall into bed exhausted and then the waht if’s and negative thoughts are to tired to keep me awake. Now with the virus I can’t leave the house. I live alone. My husband of 55 years in is a Nursing Home, and I can’t visit him at all. I used to go everyday. Now I am told the Virus is in his facility, and no matter what I can not go to see him. You can imagine that stress. Our twin daughters abandoned us 2 years ago. They have all the similar remarks that you all talk about. We didn’t do right by them, didn’t cherish them enough and on and on. Like all of you I have tried everything I can think of to try work things out. They turned 40 in March and I send a very loving personal birthday card, hoping for an answer. It did not come. I knew it wouldn’t but I felt the need to try. Luckily I have two older children that care about their Dad and me and help me cope with this new reality of isolation and worry about the future. I am so grateful for them and their children . A lot of the time I try to just concentrate on being grateful for what’s right about my life. I really want to be that daffodil. But right now I am finding peace and tranquility hard to come by. I send good thoughts and prayers to all of you in your posts. Thank you for sharing. Hugs to all.

    Reply
    1. rparents Post author

      Dear Gayle,

      Oh my goodness. This must be so difficult. Are you at all able to telephone your husband or do a video chat? It’s not the same… I know you must be worried, and I am just so sorry you have to go through this

      Please know that there are others who care and are in similar situations. It’s tough to be isolated, and I hope you will continue to post here where other parents will be reading and maybe reply.

      I wonder if it would help to make a list of things you will share with your husband when you are reunited? Maybe also a list of things you will do when this lockdown ends? I find it helps me to have something to look forward to.

      HUGS,
      Sheri McGregor

  36. Gayle

    Thank you Sheri,
    Thank you for caring, and kind words always help. We did set up Skype, but my husband is uncomfortable using it, so we just talk on the phone. He has some dementia so the talks are brief. He has Parkingson’s Disease so he is unable to express himself very well. I am told the virus is not on his floor in the Nursing Home, and I pray it does not spread. This uncertainty with this virus is horrible. My heart goes out to all the family of those who have lost loved ones and cannot be with them in their final moments. I can’t even imagine that pain.
    I know this will pass, and I am trying to just get through each day. Take care of yourself Sheri and thank you for reaching out to all of us to have a place to put down our thoughts and fears.

    Reply
    1. rparents Post author

      You’re so welcome, Gayle. I feel for you and everyone, and I know that your notes here will be helpful to someone else going through separation from a special loved one too.

      HUGS,
      Sheri McGregor

  37. Esther

    I feel like I’d rather see you all than leave a reply. Have we not all ZOOMed by now?

    Sheriff, I had to relocate right when things were slamming shut as I was house sitting and the folks were coming back from Panama 48 later. I have a balcony, but didn’t get daffodils planted as I’m East facing and too short a day to plant. Did you get yours up?

    Anyway, glad this is here. Having a very tough day weekend so far…I dont feel like a “mom” anymore, or, at least not today.

    Reply

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