Declaring Independence

parents accepting adult child is estrangedHappy Fourth of July

I first posted this on July 4, 2014. Here it is again for 2015, with this addition–

What does it mean to be independent? It means you are not controlled. For parents of estranged adult children, can you declare independence? That means not allowing someone else to control your thoughts, your behavior, your outlook or your future. 

Here are three ideas to become more independent:

1) take control, 2) accept, 3) help yourself to de-stress

I’ll write more specifically about these in a future article. For now, consider what these things mean to you. And now…here’s the article from 2014, which has a few links to help.

Holidays are always busy with traffic for this website, as parents saddened by the loss of connection with an estranged adult child look for help. For some of us, the estrangement of an adult child makes other family relations complex and difficult. We may avoid holiday gatherings because of this, or in some cases, be excluded.

I know how lonely it can be, wishing things were different. Perhaps you’re longing for a grown daughter who is estranged, or feeling the deep sorrow of missing an adult son who won’t talk to you. It’s tough for parents who never expected things would turn out this way with the sons and daughters we raised and love.

As the website grows, I will continually update the pages to help parents struggling with the loneliness, the anger, the mix of emotions that can occur. I know the sorrow and the pain. Please know that you are not alone, and there are many parents out there who feel for and support you.

In the spirit of Independence Day, here are a couple of articles written for this and for my balance and joy website that might be helpful in declaring your independence from the pain, taking good care of yourself, and moving on as best you can:

Getting Free of the Pain of Betrayal

Five Ways to Move on After an Adult Child’s Rejection

Be Kind to Yourself

Mother’s Day When an Adult Child is Estranged

Holidays: How to Manage Them

You might also consider joining the community forum support group for parents of estranged adult children, or leaving a comment to this post. Often, another parent of an estranged adult will reply with some very wise and kind words.

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1 thought on “Declaring Independence

  1. erika

    The jewish faith has a ceremony called (and i’m sorry if I get this or the spelling wrong) sitting shiva. It is the families ability to mourn the death of a loved one who still lives physically. I wish we had somehting like that in my family ‘s traditions. the worst part is that for me, it is as if my daughter has died, the one that I knew sure has. But, i’m left with no outwardly ability to mourn her death because eveyrone around would wonder what kind of bad mother am I, what did I do to her, how horrible of me etc etc.
    So, I’m taking my favorite picture of her, and I’m going to a place where i find my inner peace at the coast line. I’m going to have a little glass of champagne to celebrate her as she used to be and then i’m going to bury her picture.
    I have to do something to be able to claim my life back from this hell and move on. She does not get to define me anymore.


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