Prince Harry, Meghan Markle, estrangement
Prince Harry. Meghan Markle. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Since the start of their issues with the royal family, parents of estranged adults have been writing to me about the couple, sharing their opinions, and wondering what I think. Can you blame them? The whole world has watched as the famous couple went from a fairy-tale romance to setting fire and steadily burning the family bridge.
In the emails I’ve received, some use the term “narcissist” for Markle and say that Harry is misguided and weak. Occasionally, someone throws in with their allegations of racism. Despite the obvious connection between this site’s focus and the topic of my books—estrangement between parents and adult children—I have resisted weighing in.
One reason for my hesitation to talk about the couple is my own probable bias. When the Oprah interview aired and the public buzz over their discord heated to a frenzy, Queen Elizabeth’s husband, Prince Phillip wasn’t well. I believe he was in the hospital, even, and I wondered how they must have felt, aging monarchs, already ensconced in a time of stress. Couldn’t the interview wait?
As I write about in my books, I frequently hear from parents whose adult children chose their most vulnerable times to attack and abandon them. When recovering from surgery, when a spouse or other family member dies, after a serious health diagnosis … or when some other devastating news come to light. It’s selfish, heartless, and cruel.
I haven’t followed the royal family all that closely, but history reveals Harry as a bit on the wild side, a partier, a soldier, and perhaps depressed. Markle was unknown to me (and perhaps much of the world) until she coupled with Prince Harry, the “spare.” Also, from what I saw of the stories circulated about the family with whom Markle is estranged, the coverage didn’t do them any favors. Parents of estranged adult children get enough negative judgment. No sense spotlighting what, from all the articles and interviews I happened to glimpse, looked like dysfunction. To be honest, I never read any of those reports through … but I didn’t want to give the newly minted Duchess any steam, against her own folks nor her in-laws.
However, at this point, one wonders:
- How far will Prince Harry and Meghan Markle go to portray themselves as victims—while living a life of grandeur?
- How can they reconcile expressing a need to escape the spotlight while continually directing everyone to look at them?
- What are they hoping to achieve?
Prince Harry, Meghan Markle, estrangement from the royal family:
What do you think?
I don’t have Netflix, didn’t watch the Oprah interview, and don’t plan to read the new memoir by Prince Harry, Spare. Have you followed this debacle? Many of you have urged me to open a discussion here. So, what do you think?
Many parents of estranged adults suffer disparaging remarks on social media at the hands of their disgruntled offspring, much like the royal family has. Until now, the royals have kept to the late Queen’s “never complain, never explain” ideal. Should they address the accusations leveled at them or continue to remain quiet? Should you?
What about the children involved? Some of my relationships with cousins have just been the best! How are they affected, in your family and within the royal one? What about other familial bonds?
Feel free to leave a comment, first name only, and share your thoughts. Compare your situations with that of the royal family, argue for, against, or around the behavior, and discuss with others how you feel. I trust that you will be civil and kind, but your passion is welcome. When possible, support your assertions with history or news links (but be patient … I try to review all links before posting, which does take time).
Hugs to all,
Sheri McGregor
Related reading
A Tribute to Queen Elizabeth II
Behind the Crown My Life Photographing the Royal Family
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What we are seeing on the media channels is hard to watch. This appears to be a twisted perspective born out of victimhood which seems to be honored. They are throwing their family under the bus for monetary gain, so the reflection is not on the royals but on the couple themselves. It is so tasteless and tinsletown-like that it is hard to believe that Harry has royal blood and can be such a turncoat on his family. I really believe there is some mental illness that they have so willingly disclosed, and this is affecting his behavior. I don’t think she is worth mentioning, seems camera-grabbing, but who knows. We all forget how much pain this must cause his father and brother. I know I live in daily pain since both have my children have “canceled me”. I continually reach out but in all honesty that is getting tiring and self-defeating. Sometimes I think they feel entitled; if they only knew their life was sheltered and protected from potential harm, but not worth saying because they wouldn’t allow me a full sentence at this point. I have moved on in my life but still struggle in learning how to live with this pain.
In my opinion it is simple: Harry is a good person but a baby: immature and weak. And Meghan is a very manipulating and controlling person. She knew exactly what she was doing in the very beginning. Her manipulation worked. Her feigned mental health issues worked. She got Harry to fall for it and made him think that she needed protection and that in many ways she was like his mother and the same would happen to her if he didn’t protect her… etc., etc., etc. And, of course, it made him feel like the man he was not and always wanted to be, a knight in shining armor. So, he was easily brainwashed, manipulated and molded into what she wanted. Narcissists thrive on control and manipulating others. And if other people cannot see them for the entitled star that they are, they will destroy you. Cause you great pain. In any and all ways that they possibly can. After all, how dare you (treating them equal; not putting them up on the pedestal where they deserve to be). The last phase of her plan was to get him far away from his family. Full control over him. She totally changed his way of thinking and of his perception of his royal life, family, history, etc. And I would just bet that the title for his book, Spare, was HER idea. Because, deep down, she couldn’t stand the fact that she could never be a spare or a Queen herself. Because you know that she is entitled to that. True grandeur. And now…. who knows if he will ever wake up or come out of it. And this is why she moved him far away from his family. She knew his family were very wise and truly care(d) for him and could be a big influence in his life and to alert him to what she truly is. And I believe they tried. And that is when she knew it was time to get him out of there. Far away. And perhaps she could feel more the Queen in another country. The ultimate victim, and the recognition of the shining star that she is and always deserved to be. A win win for her! True narcissism.
The royal family is now taking back the “cottage” they gave to Harry and Meghan back. That is a bold statement indeed. It’s seems like it is equal to cutting an adult child out of the Will.
Much of the offense perceived is due to pride.
Expectations get us in trouble, yet humility allows for healing.
Some enjoy the drama and pain more than family itself.
I’m fascinated by Prince Harry and have great affection for him. I watched the Oprah interview, did not see any of the Netflix episodes, and just recently finished his book, “Spare.” The book tells Harry’s truth for why he left the royal family. I found it refreshingly honest, while acknowledging that it tells only his perspective. I found Harry to be very sensitive, and I felt badly for the harm that he’s had from the British press. Most shocking to me was how little help he had after his mother died. No wonder he’s stuck! He seems sincere in wanting to reconcile with his family, but his tell-all interview with Oprah caused a lot of damage. I hope that Prince William and King Charles will find forgiveness and let love triumph over hurt and pain.
Easier said than done. My son, who is Harry’s age and looks just like him, is estranged from us. His brother died suddenly, and I was not there for him in the way he needed. But he was an adult and had a wife who was emotionally supportive. However, they got divorced and both are now remarried. Since the divorce and when a new girlfriend (now wife) came on the scene, our son became estranged from my husband and me. He is now also estranged from his daughter, his ex-wife, and from everyone in his past before his brother died. At least that’s my perception. I would love it if he would write a book explaining why he left (though I don’t want the public exposure!), because I really don’t understand. I’m sure his perspective is very different than mine. I would give anything to have both of my sons back. Losing my living son after losing my son who died almost broke me.
I think “perspective” is the answer to it all. Especially if that “perspective “ is influenced by the other parent/family who are gaslighting the estranged parent. How I wish I knew my daughter’s perspective minus her dad’s opinions.
Wow! I agree with you. I saw snippets of the Oprah interview and did not like it. I did watch the NetFlix series and there seemed to be some sort of disconnect. Megan wanted the spotlight and some of what she said or implied were just odd somehow. However, as you stated the book SPARE is Harry’s truth, his perspective. I am pretty sure he’s not making things up but has experienced the same thing differently from his older brother. I’m almost halfway through the book and have yet to read something so shockingly embarrassing to the Royals. Harry is getting some things off his chest. The spats with his older brother are nothing but typical sibling rivalry. The disappointment in his relationship with his father is ok to talk about and not a slap in the face. I think the media is blowing it all out of proportion and if his family read the book, they’d probably see that as well.
I do feel that “she who shall not be named”, knew more about him when they “happened” to meet than she let on to Oprah. I believe she has manipulated him playing on his feelings that the paparazzi were the cause of his mother’s death and even voicing those concerns for her own safety. After reading how much he wanted to be married and have children and knowing how he felt about the press harassing his Mom and both he and William as children I believe she preyed on those feelings. She was a lousy, unknown actress, in a lousy, unknown show and would never get the fame and fortune she wanted…until Harry. And she certainly didn’t want to play second fiddle to Princess Kate. I have always adored both the boys and after their Moms death followed them. Harry always had a special place in my heart. He is his Mom. A free spirit, a little sassy and mischievous… And William is Charles…a bit stuffy as he grew up. And I do love them both. I hope that Harry’s life with Meagan will be happy, but I fear the worst. I fear she is just using him and that will break my heart.
Harry & Meghan are bringing fresh air into a closed, stuffy & pompous group of humans who have believed they are above the rest of us lowly commoners for over eight hundred years! The “royal” history of plunder, pillage, torture, etc, is disgusting!! Thanks to two independent & intelligent young people, this out-dated feudalism is being questioned & exposed!! Good for them! The world needs fresh air & a new system of governance by & for the people. Royalty is a passee caste system!
I agree with you, Anna. Harry and Meghan have spent more time with “commoners” than anyone in the royal family. They are able to see the royal family from a different perspective and don’t see themselves as out-of-touch and uninterested in the common man. Good for them for attempting to lower some of the pedestals the royals put themselves on.
Thank you for talking about this. My story has similarities to theirs and family and friends bring them up and compare. They can better empathize with us (wife and I) after seeing these ungrateful people with large egos in the news. In our case, our son and his princess have gone against our food company. We comply with laws, have added healthy lines, and do a lot of good for our community, charities, individuals in need, our church. But that’s not enough. They believe sugar is evil, spices supported slave trade a very long time ago before we were born, and that we are evil because we have a food business that uses sugar and spices. I was careful not to have candy or sweets for their children but the cousins sometimes had that stuff when they visited, and they shared. They removed their children from all of the family. Our son even said something very much like Prince Harry did as reported lately: That he worries about his brother’s children. Same lines, different reasons. It is uncanny. I think my son and his wife are mentally off. I worry about them and my grandchildren.
I don’t follow Harry and Megan much. Just hear about it sometimes on the news. Publishing this kind of information, true or false, about one’s family is not helpful for healing estrangement. I feel bad for all of the royal family on this account.
This is a general reply to the whole article :
Harry and Meghan are not our business.
Harry and Megan have been very public about their lives.
I believe they are making money by sharing their story, so having an opinion seems fair.
I pay little attention to Harry and Meghan. I did watch a bit of the Oprah interview and I was stunned by Meghan’s attitude and the manner in which she acted resembled my estranged daughter. She was the victim just as my daughter is always the victim. No matter how much I pray for a reconciliation, I know in my heart it will never happen. My daughter has re-married after a divorce and there are step-children invol- ved. We met them 3 times and we all got along super. My husband and I really liked the new husband but as soon as we complimented him or spoke highly of him, my daughter began her usual plan of turning him against us. And he bought all of the lies that she put out there to him. My husband and I are in our 80’s and time on this earth is limited. No one can convince my daughter that time is running out for forgiveness and peace. My husband and I do not know why our daughter became this very hateful person. She truly hates us and the stories she fabricates against us are heartbreaking. At times it is quiet and once we feel perhaps this peace will last, bingo-there she is again. We do not speak and have not for going onto 4 years now. She is approaching 50 and the holidays, birthdays, etc. that have been missed can never be made up. But we try and try and the more we try, the more we get hurt. We tried to get a meeting with our counselor but she refused. She has no intention of reuniting with us. Our doctor advises that we put her out of our minds for our health and well-being. This is difficult to do. I must say, she was the best as a child but once she turned around 16, her attitude changed toward us and it has gone on ever since. She has estranged herself from the entire family, also. So it is not only her parents. Nothing any of us could do or say was correct as far as she was concerned and this did take a toll on my health and I ended up in the hospital. Life is too short, there is no need for this. If only we knew “why” but we do not. So perhaps Harry and Meghan need to realize that Charles is no “spring ” chicken. Only God knows when our time on earth will end. It is sad that the Queen did not see Harry at the end, but they unfortunately put themselves in that position. I pray that all children estranged from their parents and family realize, they are lucky to have parents who are still alive and as for myself and my husband, we want only the best for our daughter and pray each night that we are reunited before it is too late. We basically, have resigned ourselves to the fact that our family will never be together again. So sad.
Rita we are where you are. Our daughter I’ll be 50 soon. Our only child. Pur granddaughter who dies not know we exist will be 9 next month. After 13 years of abuse talk don’t talk. Never told us she was pregnant never saw the baby. Threw olive branch out after olive branch. Finally met the child when she was 2. Saw her 3x times totaling 7 hours. Little girl.loved us. Last visit was perfect. . Never saw the child again. Sent Easter cards bday cards. We received cards. But no contact. After 9 months of this game I said enough. Sending cards and not speaking to us. Denying us anytime with our granddaughter is not acceptable. I always sent her a thank you text after each card. The last one I did not. Which was husband’s birthday Oct 2016. Because I didn’t send a thank you text for the card. We never heard or saw her again. To this day we have no idea what we did. We were a little close knit family of 3 for 30 years until she met her husband who I now refer to as meagan Markle. He twisted her into a pretzel from the day I had a stroke. 20 years later she still hates us. He ignored us from the day we met him. There isn’t time or space for all the sick abuse we endured. Bottom line. We walked away in 2016 and then moved away in 2020. You can’t get 20 years back. We are both pushing 70 I’m done . I matter. My husband matters. My daughter no longer matters.
I feel the real victims in the Harry/Meghan debacle are their children and Harry’s grandparents. It is clearly obvious to me that Harry is suffering from depression and PTSD. His wife is clearly taking advantage of this weakness to get him to help her create a, “Brand” and make a ton of money. She was told by Queen Elizabeth that she could keep on acting if she wanted to so why she has launched the attack on the royal family for money is beyond me. None of this was necessary. She didn’t need to make money by attacking the royal family. I feel sorry for Harry who is obviously in an abusive relationship. Meghan wants total control of him and worked hard to isolate him from his family. Harry is frankly too sick to see it. I was an abused spouse and see the signs. I just hope Meghan will start to tire of the marriage and let Harry go to live his life in peace. She is already seeing that the fans are tiring of the relentless negativity coming out of their camp and has taken measures to distance herself from Harry. I just hope the brand dies a quiet death and Harry is set free to get help and live out his life near his family in peace. Royals live in a bubble and I frankly think Harry did not have the saavy to realize that Meghan was a predator out to get what she could from him… If you see her past life, she used people to move up the ladder and repeatedly dumped them when they didn’t serve a purpose for her anymore. Harry will be dumped too. I just hope it is sooner than later and that he can keep his children in the picture and go into therapy and heal.
Radico en la ciudad de México. Antes que nada, muchas gracias Sheri por haber creado este sitio que brinda consuelo a los padres que vivimos separados emocionalmente de nuestros hijos.
La situación de Harry y Megan solo es mediática y ha sido un buen pretexto para ganar mucho dinero.
Creo que no sirve hacerse la víctima, eso hace todavía más daño que cualquier otra situación. Ojalá que Harry se de cuenta y escale cuánto antes de esa relación abusiva . Es difícil, pero no imposible, lo digo desde mi experiencia. Mis dos hijos han acabado con mi salud emocional, sus críticas , sus reproches constantes, sus actitudes y sus palabras hirientes, llegaron a tal punto en mi vida que varias veces deseé morir. Poco a poco he ido sanando, ha Sido difícil, pero la única solución ha Sido alejarme de ellos y dejar de ser el centro de sus humillaciones e insultos. Lamento que ellos sientan resentimiento por su madre porque esto los afecta , pero en algún momento ellos tendrán que buscar la manera de sanar . Mi hija se fue a vivir a Barcelona, y eso ayuda. Tiene un hijo, o sea, mi nieto con quién a pesar de todo he mantenido una relación. Tienen 6 años y oír este motivo es que tengo alguna comunicación con mi hija, quien me ha rechazado y humillado de una manera cruel y lapidaria. La vida es corta muy corta, preguntemos como queremos vivirla. Si para estar en paz tenemos que alejar si de nuestros hijos que no nos quieren, tenemos que hacerlo aunque el el alma y el corazón nos duela. El parentesco no importa, no porque soy su madre me quieren, no porque sean mis hijos tengo que soportar sus humillaciones, aunque siempre no matter what, los voy a querer. No sé vale ser víctima, como Megan Markley aparenta serlo. Ojalá encuentre la sanación por el bien de sus dos hijos. Bendiciones para todos quienes me lean y abrazo enorme desde la ciudad de México
You’re welcome, Cristina.
Hugs,
Sheri
Totally agree with your assessment. Right on. I feel sorry for Harry as I do for my son (and my grandchildren). My son married his own Meagan Markle. It is awful. I can only pray that MM and my DIL will one day be tripped up by their own conniving and decit. God does not like ugly.
I am disappointed that this topic was put up for discussion. No one knows the complete story. Yet, there is so much harsh judgment based on little or no evidence other than what is put out by the British press. My hope for this couple is they find the peace and family connection they desire. I wish for them and their children all the best. I refuse to judge them based on my limited knowledge of their experiences.
I agree entirely Sandy, I wish I’d written this myself. We can’t judge, no-one knows the ins and outs of the monarchy and how they act or are controlled by the ‘grey suits’ running the palace. Any information that appears in the media is either constructed by the grey suits in the palace office or by the media. And when the gossip dies down, the media try to plant another story about Meghan and Harry, which is all negative.
No, we cannot judge for we do not know.
Another “Sandy”
Dear Sandy,
As stated, I resisted this topic for years, and many parents expressed wanting to talk about it. I can’t please everyone, and I’m sorry you’re disappointed. However, many seem happy to see this here (judging from comments as well as my full email box). Not every topic presented here will resonate with every person. That’s okay though. I respect your opinion, even if it feels cruddy to have disappointed you.
I would also like to say that some of the discussion has been enlightening. I think that is a positive effect . . . When readers here consider or reconsider or examine their own potential for bias or how they might be quick to judge. That works from all angles. At least that would be best.
Hugs and many blessings to you,
Sheri McGregor
Well, I have to say that I’ve found the article helpful. It’s an opportunity to express an opinion when another thinks differently, agree to disagree with respect, learn how to argue a point kindly, listen and consider someone else’s point of view – all useful life/relationship skills.
Agree, disgusted that people on here are blaming Megan, like they have first hand knowledge of what’s going on someone else’s marriage
I should probably go back and read all the comments here. There are a lot.
But after reading Sheri’s article my first thought is that before judging Meghan and Harry too harshly you might watch the episodes created for TV/Netflix. It at least opens up a great deal more information about tabloids in Great Britain and how they work with the royals. I think it at least gives another perspective.
They might not have gone public if it were not to challenge what was being falsely published and reported on by the tabloids and press. I think we can all agree, in this country too (USA), there is a real problem with our media and bias in reporting.
I’m just not willing to condemn this couple as the “problem”. Also, it is likely we all had times of immature behavior when we were younger. Of course ours was not so public.
Both have been instrumental in good works for humanity prior to their being a couple and then after as well. They both seemed to have shared that passion and acted on it with positive results, helping many people.
I was struck by the evidence of their respect and love for each other. That’s just a side note, but it is so refreshingly real.
It’s very sad for this rift in their family and I hope the future might bring the families to a better place.
Just as we all on this thread wish it for our own families.
The story of my estranged son and is wife so closely parallels H&M, and much of it is by design. Even before they were married, my DIL closely identified with Meghan Markle – they are both named Meghan (spelled the same), and they are both mixed race. My DIL considers herself a “princess” who took her “prince” away from his “controlling family”, and has accused our family of being racist, despite the fact that we have a mixed-race adopted daughter. She even had my son dye his hair and beard red and got a tiara for a Halloween party, and the picture of them is still my son’s profile picture on his social media 4 years later.
We adored our son and had a fabulous relationship with him (and her!) until they got engaged. She immediately turned on our family and did everything in her power to turn our son against us, even after my husband’s sudden death at age 56. They eloped 3 months after my husband’s death and have nothing to do with anyone in our family, including grandparents, siblings, nieces and nephews. All attempts to contact them are ignored. They now have a son, which I learned from friends, and I am the only one who holds out hope for reconciliation with their family. Sadly, I think that as long as “Princess Meghan” remains in my son’s life, the odds of reconciliation are slim to none.
The big question that stands out to me is “what are they hoping to achieve”. That goes for our children too. For me, it’s complete silence, so what is the goal? Is it to just live on forever without a relationship with us? Do they expect some kind of an apology? If so, what then? Should I consider apologizing just for the sake of it, even I don’t agree with their opinions? My daughter is estranged on the guidance from, her therapist. She says she has to work through things. So, how long does that take, and can she really work through things if her therapist is only getting one version of what happened? My daughter doesn’t even know so many things that we kept bottled up inside us over the years (about her husband), so how can she effectively work through things for an actual potential reconciliation. If she does come back around, we will now have some things to say. I’ve been working on myself (thanks to your books) and I’ve realized a lot about what I did wrong and it’s not what she thinks it is!
As far as keeping silent and never explaining. How can some of us explain when there is total radio silence. Or, if the accusations are ridiculous. For me, we were scolded because we had the audacity to inquire about our daughter’s boyfriend/fiancé/now husbands’ school or job when he had a recent transition. Apparently, that is “weird”. Explaining ourselves seems like a waste of time and it sort of justifies their complaint. In addition, people who truly know us, don’t believe the accusations anyway. I also know the truth as does God.
Yes, the “what are they hoping to achieve?” question is what baffles me and keeps me up nights. My son and his “princess” have also responded to all attempts at reconciliation with complete silence. We were very close to my son for 29 1/2 years, and then she turned him against us. I cannot begin to imagine what they hope to achieve.
The British press’s was ruining their lives. The royal family wouldn’t stop the lies. They asked to move to Canada and continue their work there. They were denied because if they did so, and took no more money from the British people for their support, but yet continued to work on behalf of the commonwealth, then all of the Royals lives would become under question. The British people would say, “why are we paying for the royals family’s lifestyle? H & M don’t take money from us and they still do charity?!” The Royal family had to alienate them for that reason alone. It’s all about $$$. The royal family lives off of the taxpayers. If H & M were going not take any $$ from the British taxpayers, then why should the others? If they weren’t going to sell tabloids by allowing the tabloids to exploit their lives, then why should the others have to and they don’t? I’m team M & H all the way. The monarchy is nonsense. These people need to get jobs and quit living off of the British taxpayers. This is a matter of dignity for M & H. And i saw the interview and the Netflix special and felt the special was very well done. I won’t read Spare, because “spare me” poor little rich kid…but i get the picture. And like i say, H & M all the way. Their love story is beautiful.
What do they hope to achieve??????
My son just cut me off!! Via his wife’s encouragement!
Does he hope never to see me—-accomplished! Leave me alone with my handicap———accomplished or lastly not know I have recently been diagnosed with a rare disease???—
accomplished!!
He must be proud of himself, I guess this is what he hoped to
achieve—-
One thing I’ve learned the Lord does not favor this kind of behavior, neither do I but he achieved what he wanted!!!
Prince Harry had to protect his wife from the British gutter press which had hounded his mother to her death and we’re pursuing Meghan in the same way. Meghan had received death threats. Harry had a right to expect support in this from his family, but the royal family did not protect the couple because demonising M and H took the heat off others, especially Camilla, who had to be rehabilitated in the public perception, and William and Catherine and the despicable Andrew, as well as Charles himself. In fact the family withdrew security, putting Meghan in real danger. I recommend ‘The Palace Papers’ by Tina Brown for context on this, and ‘Spare’ for the first hand account.
Absolutely correct Linnie. The treatment of Meghan M is nothing short of disgusting.
My personal opinion is that it all has to do with jealousy. Just the title alone “Spare”. Harry and Meagan had to know that would be backlash and criticism when they chose to leave their duties. Meagan would never take the place of Katherine and Harry would never be King.
But somewhere in their distorted thinking they thought they could get the people of the UK and the US to stand beside them and agree with them.
For someone who states he wants privacy and’s wants to reconcile but continues to criticize the Royal Family, he has turned into his father-in-law.
I have followed the royal family and have read Spare. I began reading it with a lot of the same opinions people have expressed here, mainly questioning why Harry would “expose” the family secrets which will undoubtedly result in his children not knowing their relatives. Finishing the book a few days ago, I came away with a totally different perspective. It saddens me that Meghan and Harry have asked to be allowed to tell their side of the story. They have done this and since it does not fit into what many of us want to hear, especially those who totally revere the monarchy, they have been dismissed and referred to as “narcissistic”. Much of what Harry discloses is the relationship the royals have with the British press and how it has completely dominated their family life, with royals throwing other royals under the bus to boost their popularity. It is a crazy system that may seem worth it if you are to be King, but when you are a sideline player and are being constantly pursued to sell newspapers, as Harry’s life has been, any person would question this system, especially when you witnessed what it did to your mother. Princess Margaret, another “spare”, certainly did not enjoy the best life after the queen’s courtiers made decisions regarding her life. Queen Elizabeth did an amazing amount of good but undoubtedly struggled with being controlled by “the firm”, especially after the difficult life her dear sister led after being denied the right to marry a divorced man and remain a part of the working royal family. If historical perspectives are accurate, Elizabeth very much supported her sister but the “firm” outranked this young queen’s opinions.
What was very apparent in the book is the arrogance which with Charles and William have always treated Harry, who prior to meeting Meghan, felt “less than” and knew he was viewed as “stupid” by many people. Arrogant people treat those they feel are not quite as smart as them with disdain and assume they are not bright enough to notice. Harry noticed. Simple truth is that Harry has outed the royal family and in doing so, realists can see they were never as close as we assumed they were, as we needed these two brothers to be. It helped us with our pain of them losing their mother so young to think they were supporting one another. Harry was not William’s choice of best man for his wedding, but it appeared so because the public wanted it. He lived within walking distance of WIlliam and Kate when George was born and assumed he would be dropping in to get to know his first nephew but those invitations never came. So, as in all estrangement issues, you question whether or not the benefits of being in a relationship that diminishes you as a person is worth it or not. Something all of us struggle with everyday.
I am British and your views are biased for your own reasons. Meghan is very flawed and Harry should never have thought she would fit in. Read Tom Bower s book called ‘Revenge’ he has researched much. Most Britons do not want Meghan to comeback to the UK
I agree with everything Sheri wrote about this couple. What is the point? They left England for privacy and now all they are doing is seeking attention. Sad, too, that this all started wile the Queen was alive and elderly.
By airing private, intimate thoughts and affairs publicly one automatically invites variety of comments of the larger group of people than one’s immediate circle of friends. These people will certainly judge. We all judge, it’s quite inescapable in life not to judge. Even when we do not acknowledge that, we do it all the same. And H & M are very public people, I believe. As private individuals, on the other hand, they may be even shy, or insecure because people are often not just one thing. Anger or delusions can fuel even very timid people, though they don’t strike me as timid at all, but… “recollections may vary”. So what is this all about? We got the picture of the dynamics in the British royal family from a son and brother, who claims he loves them but they are… what? unworthy of his love right now? But only if they repent, pick up that ball which landed in their court etc. I have watched few interviews with prince Harry, and he sounded quite patronizing to me, but that might be filtered by the generation gap, as I’m in my 60s.
Writing a book about one’s family may or may not bring catharsis. Personally I can’t see how including details which are by common sense damaging or embarrassing to the members of one’s family can help building a bridge to understanding. Estrangement of an adult child is a terrible, devastating thing to the family, mine included, but we must be strong and live our lives to the full.
Harry was of course, had severe trauma after the violent death of his dear mother. His propensity, much more sensitive than his older brother, I would suggest, and the ensuing feelings of helplessness and more set this up intergenerationally for him to demonstrate a strong need to protect and defend his wife, Meghan. I find it interesting that people want to make Meghan a villain in this. She, estranged from her father, thankfully seems to have a caring and loving mother. When we have trauma running the show, we are in survival., rather than external focus on the opinions of others. I take issue with the financial aspect of this, “victims while making millions,’ meaning, this often sounds like bitterness or envy by those who point this out.
Well said. I appreciated H & M speaking out about their pain and circumstances. I related to their feelings of being attacked by the media, gaslit by a system that has no capacity for compassion and wanting their issues to be put to light in order to hopefully right the wrongs that the paparazzi and press offices are into. I saw their series as imperative to their healing journey. When one suffers trauma from an event such as the loss of a parent talking about it is often advised. Many of us ordinary folks feel alone in our journeys of estrangement and can feel like we are not alone when others share their stories. H &M are human beings just like us. After having read the book
‘The ACOA Trauma Syndrome: The Impact of Childhood Pain on Adult Relationships Paperback – September 3, 2012 by Dr. Tian Dayton PhD TEP’, I now understand the triggers from trauma and the necessity to speak out as part of emotional healing. I too lost a parent suddenly and shockingly when I was 11, so I could relate to Harry’s feelings when he spoke of the loss of his mother, Princess Diana. I think we owe it to ourselves not to judge others as harshly as we do. Especially if we have not taken the time to familiarize ourselves with watching the series, or the news, or Oprah, or the programs mentioned. We owe it to humanity to become the best version of ourselves as we can, and to have compassion for those in pain, and who suffer loss. That is why we are here, in the room, or on the chat. Because we have suffered, or are suffering. This sole fact unites us. And perhaps I’m that small comparison we can find some peace and give peace and grace to others, even royalty.
A different take from me, I guess, on Harry & Meghan. I did watch the Oprah interview, I don’t have Netflix (& wouldn’t watch it if I did) & also will not read the book. This is due to the fact that I have been deeply saddened by my own daughter’s estrangement over the last two years. I am Prince Charles’ age. To me, the monarchy has nothing to do with this. I only see a complicated family going through a tragedy in front of the whole world. Charles & Diana’s divorce was obviously the catalyst for all this & I understand that but I keep wondering why there is so little forgiveness in our society today. Parents make mistakes and so do their adult children. I believe that Harry will regret all this when he is older. Life is too short for all the hurt that estrangement causes, for everyone concerned.
Harry was always my fav royal and the Queen’s fav grandson but then he married someone who thinks herself a glamour queen/actress. She never did fit into Royalty because she wanted glamorous jobs. She didn’t get what she wanted and here we are today with a “royal” mess. I think Charles and William have lost trust in Harry and I agree that the gossip he took part in so that he could make millions is inexcusable. Meghan is nothing more than a gold digger. If in fact they do have children the King according to the old rule is their guardian. King Charles has legal custody of ALL minor grandchildren. He owns it all including the kids.
It really hit home about abandonment in times of need. I couldn’t count how much money I spent willingly, how much time I spent in the freeway driving 4 hrs round trip, babysitting and much more for my daughter and her family. 3 days before knee replacement, she cut off contact and I was scurrying to find help to spend the night with my dogs. I just needed one night. I often have wondered if this were the case, that she just was not going to be burdened with me. In any capacity. I had the feeling this was the root of it all, with other issues the tinder she needed.
I had a similar experience a week before my hip replacement. So your words ” that she just was not going to be burdened with me” hit home hard to me. It now all makes sense.
Hi Sheri,
The royals are broken people with the same problems as myself and everyone who is part of the “rejected” community. having royal titles, money and possessions doesn’t make them immune to the problems of being human. Personally, I feel sorry for them, and I pray for them just like I do for myself and everyone else who has been rejected. I’m aware of the royal rift, but I don’t know the details because I don’t want to use my time and energy on something that is not a part of my life. I don’t feel like their lives are any of my business, just like my life is not their business. I’ve got my hands full moving past my own rejection from my 3 children, my 2 brothers and their children and multiple others. I’m using my energy, your book and workbook to release the pain of the past and move into a joyful future. God has gotten me this far and when I focus on Him and not on the pain of rejection, I am at peace. Thank you for sharing your story and helping me to free myself from the guilt of “did I do enough?, should I try again?” etc. Your newsletter has really helped me to focus on my healing and to be kind to myself. It has helped to stop blaming myself. I know that I wasn’t a perfect mom. I know that I made mistakes but I tried my best to be loving, kind and patient and I do not deserve to be treated this way.
2023 is going to be about me! May God bless you with a happy and prosperous New Year! Thank you for all that you do!
Adrianna,
Thank you for your response. It mirrors my thoughts accurately. As a much estranged person, like yourself, I know there is enough “blame” ( though I prefer other descriptors such as “responsibility” or “accountability”) to go around when there is estrangement. I too feel sadness that another family is experiencing the reality that is my life. I would not wish this on anyone and am saddened whenever I hear of others caught up is having loved ones “give up on them” which is how I see estrangement.
Good attitude, Adrianna! I hope you will seize the year and make many great healing memories!
Hugs,
Sheri McGregor
I havent watched any interviews or read the book….I dont care to… All families are fractured none are perfect.. even royals!!…I love a saying by Oscar Wilde (I may have posted this before) ….
“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.”
we have four sons but one has rejected us (he was always so caring of us!!) …that was 2 years ago now…we are always hopeful he will forgive us for not being perfect parents.
Take care everyone and God Bless
Interesting that you have brought up this issue as my husband and I have compared Harry and Meghan’s situation to our daughter and husband. We are lovers of London and (I) have followed the royals and watched all series and interviews. I also am reading Spare maybe to understand their thought process?
The similarities in Meghan’s estrangement from her family, and now their estrangement from Harry’s family is like taking a page out of our story. It just makes no sense to burn family bridges. If you want to leave, just leave. Setting your family on fire as you go and then to continue firing rockets is foolish and childish – which I believe Harry is. I do not understand their end game. Here was an independent woman who was living successfully on her own, already divorced, moved across the world and married, knowingly, into a long-standing institution. The one chord that made me raise my eyebrows at this strong, independent woman was when after a few months, she was so depressed she was going to kill herself. Why not just leave? It wasn’t like she’d lived there and been in the family, handcuffed for years. This was a short amount of time and she WAS and IS a strong woman. I don’t buy it.
What is their end game? What is my own daughter and son-in-law’s end game? My two cut off my whole side of the family- grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, everyone. And then started on his family. When family is gone, what is there? What are you leaving your children – my grandchildren? Archie & Lili are like mine….down to one grandparent. Such a sad legacy.
PS. Blowing up the monarchy is taking down England. What is the draw? Stupid move, Harry.
I have wondered the very same. My son in law only had his father (his mother and sister deceased) and was on the outs. Now my daughter is alienated from her family. My grandson was close to me, and frankly, needed breaks from his parents. What becomes of him? He was not given a choice.
I read SPARE, Prince Harry’s (or Harold as Prince William apparently called him even though Harold was not one of the official 4 names assigned to him at birth) autobiography. Many of the responses here are projecting their own experiences with adult child parental alienation into their assessments. So much to unpack here but I believe a lot of this book is based in truth as Harry believes it. Also, King Charles is a real piece of work – many here don’t know or remember that he sent a note to Camilla (while married to Diana, I believe ) where he expressed a wish that he were a “tampon” so her could live in her pants. The whole family (aka The Firm) is/was repressed- their motto being “Never complain, never explain.” I think Harry is frustrated with all the stuff that has happened to him since he found and married Meghan. Yes, she is the stronger person but oftentimes a couple needs that type of dynamic. I am willing to believe they got a raw deal with the press and no support by The Firm so that the total transparency (Oprah interview, Netflix series, SPARE) of the past year was the only way they felt they could get their truth out there (plus, let’s face it – make some decent coin, too). All that being said, I am saddened for Harry because while I understand his frustration regarding so much of the myths surrounding the royal family, all his attempts to get the truth out in the open seems to have sealed the fate of what I am afraid will be total isolation from his Father, Brother, Sister-in-Law and nephews/niece. Such a sad situation. Nobody really wins.
Agreed!
In a similar situation. Wonderful son and family life until he married someone who seemed to want all of the attention and destroy the family connection with his family. Nothing we did was ever right. I see so many similarities and I cringe every time they speak about family issues as it is so close to our situation. 11 years now and we we withdrew completely about 3 years ago and it is very sad as we have been accused of all kinds of untrue things. No contact and grandparent alienation is a terrible thing for all.
I am very happy to hear comments on Prince Harry and Meghan. My situation is not very different from that of the Royal family. The divorce of King Charles and Princess and his marriage to Queen Camilla and the death of the Princess Diana are having psychological problems for Prince Harry. In addition his marriage to Meghan despite the initial disapproval from the Royal family because of her non Royal background added to his problems. That gives way for Meghan to draw him away from the Royal family. She may be suffering from an inferiority complex.
So both Harry and Meghan need psychological help.
I am very sure the Royal family knows this and they choose to be silent instead of responding to their complaints in the media. Meanwhile the media benefits from that same information which may be causing pain to the Royal family.
The lessons l learned from this case is that my son has a psychological problem with his wife. That enables me to understand them. And l wish them well. Like the Royal family l have decided to be silent and wait until when l don’t know .At least it has reduced my pains.
There are certain situations one cannot change but you can choose to cope with. Thanks
Nelson, Canada
My son had a wonderful life growing up. But women can be wicked. Some are devils, not well disguised. Alienation is horrible. Especially after they have drained your bank account. Three marriages, 2 divorces in 3 years and it is all my fault. When the 3rd honeymoon cruise was over, they had their new house, furnished and appliances. They were done with me. No more use or need. So, I was now the “you are dead to me” mom. I went to counseling for the first time in my life. Oh, it will all be fine in a few days or weeks, I thought. Well, 6 years later, after surviving a SCA and other issues in my life, we are still estranged. He has another child, my grandchild that I have never met. I have been able to watch the precious little booger grow up at ballparks and at his older brothers’ events. The mother of my oldest grandchildren allowed me to spend time with them as they grew up. I see them weekly, sometimes more. They are my heart and soul. My reason for living. I pray peace for you, Sue. I can’t fathom the grandparent alienation. He got my best years; I was a wonderful mom. I refuse to let him destroy those memories, but I am better off without the grown “man” and “father” he became. Much love to you all. As far as Megan & Harry, they grew it … they can chew it. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
So sorry for your situation Sue! Eleven years is a very long time. Similar situation for myself when my oldest son was about to be married. The estrangement has been 9 years this September from my oldest son and his two daughters who will be ages 13 and 11 this year. Also my two daughters are estranged from me, one is for 8 yrs and the other for 3 yrs. Thankfully my youngest son is very much in my life and is a loving son and I am a grandma once again with a new grandson who is almost 1 yr old. What a blessing from God, truly!!! Yes, I totally agree grandparent alienation is just a horrible thing for everyone. It is our grandchildren who hurt the most from it, our estranged children should realize that fact but don’t seem to. I too have withdrawn from contacting my three estranged children for the past 3 years. I won’t be contacting them again as No Response from them is so hurtful, it is just not worth it. I hope you will continue to move forward, just as I am trying to do and know each of us is blessed by God in many ways every single day! We just have to find ways to move beyond the hurt. God bless you Sue!
Sue, I understand. Our daughter withdrew herself and the little grandsons we were so very close to for petty reasons. I pleaded with her to sit down with me to talk face to face versus lashing out on both sides via text. We think we’re now over the eight years of estrangement. We can never forgive her or her jerk husband for pulling our grandsons out from under us. If we saw them on the street, we’d never recognize us or them us. They live 20 minutes away and drive. Their minds have been poisoned. Sherry says, if she wanted to reconcile, she would have long ago.
I have only one thing to say, this issue with Harry and his wife is definitely not about estrangement but about the monarchy itself being ineffectively mishandled by those working close to them and the institution of the monarchy itself which none of us really know anything more about than what we read in the media. First of all, just because you’re born into a family, and they are no more royal than you or I, would you courtesy before them? Just because that is expected of royalty…for heaven’s sakes, Charles was forced into a marriage with a virgin for the simple reason of providing an heir to the throne. Diana Spencer was used for her ovaries but she proved to be immensely popular with the public. The media hounded her and made her life miserable until her death which I believe was no accident caused by being chased by the press into a tunnel, a tunnel which allowed for no witnesses. There are those close to the ‘throne’, who when Harry and Meghan began appearing in public, became aware that their warm personalities began stealing the limelight away from William and Kate, Charles and Camilla and thus, this could not be allowed. Planting stories about Meghan Markle, her ethnicity, her family troubles, her personality all were planned to be negative attacks towards her in the press, the media were bent on destroying her. Try growing up in a family like that and the ‘spare’ is never given any responsible job to do other than to support the heir and be there until the heir starts producing heirs himself. Look at Princess Margaret’s life. Look at the ‘spare’ in the Denmark’s royal family….they are not given any productive role in life other than to back up the heir. Harry’s interview with Oprah was unfortunate timing with Prince Philip being in the hospital but I don’t believe they had control over when it was being shown. As to his book, Spare, a good part of it is in speaking well about his family, it was the attacks on his wife, who is an American, not impressed with royalty, but who could have been used by the palace more thoughtfully and respectfully and she was not that is why this book was written. Forget the estrangement business in regard to these two people. Yes, they are estranged from Harry’s family but none of us know the real reasons why other than Meghan has been literally destroyed by the press just like Diana was and this was too close to home for Harry after what happened to his mother in the end. I found his book, Spare, to be respectful towards his family except towards the end of the book. This book was written and aimed at the media for what they have done to Harry’s mother and now his wife. I don’t buy anything said about them or other family members in the press. Elevate Charles and Camilla, elevate William and Kate, and destroy Harry and Meghan. Sorry if this offends people, but the media is focused on selling newsprint and digital followers. And ‘slamming’ people gets more readers than writing nice things about people.
Aussiemom Canada
Well said and I completely agree!
Spot on – your post covered so much more than what I was able to convey in my previous post. 100% not about estrangement of adult kids – they were more like the fall guys to the Press in the royal lineup. And that Thomas Markle and Meghan’s half-sister Samantha Markle attempting any relevance they can by acting out publicly (thus embarrassing Meghan when she was attempting to fit into their family). I am naive, truly, I just really believe that was (and continues to be) a lot of machinations going on behind the scenes in that Royal Family that we are not aware of or privy to. Your post is excellent.
I have to say I totally agree with you. The whole Harry and Megan situation is a whole other animal. I don’t believe it applies here either. I am reading Spare right now and I feel for Harry, as most of it is so sad. I am estranged from my adult daughter. But don’t think talking about the Harry and Megan thing is a good comparison. That’s just my opinion. So, you said it very well AussieMom!
I whole heartedly agree! Thank you for saying it all for me.
Well said, Aussiemom.
I agree .
“Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise.” Probably too much to discuss here– I trust in the wisdom in Ephesians 6:2. Will the one-sided public airing of family failings bring healing, honor, reconciliation, happiness or love to anyone involved? Is this the example H & M want to set for their own children? Watch out H &M–remember that “whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap,” and “what goes around comes around.” Remember the power in karma.
Exactly
Well said and well quoted. Perhaps if people took what the Bible teaches seriously, as the way we should all live, the world would be a better place. What upsets me is my son and his wife are very involved in their church, very involved, but have no issue with how they treat me. I don’t understand how some people reconcile their beliefs with their behavior. My pastor believes that the most dangerous people in our society are those who don’t feel guilt. But so many of the self- help gurus say feeling guilty is bad for us. What about empathy? Unless we feel the pain of others we will continue to hurt others and ultimately ourselves.
I’ve watched some of the coverage and I did watch the Oprah interview as well as the Netflix series.
My thoughts – they need money and people either love or hate the monarchy so either way, money, money, money. After what else can these two do to continue their high flying lifestyle. She’s an actress so able to teach Harry how to act the victim.
Racism is real and ugly and hurtful and I still believe that it’s being used for their purposes to make money and gain sympathy.
If I were to talk to them, I’d tell them to keep their personal lives, grievances, and all other fights quiet and among themselves. No need to put on a show for the world – which leads you back to the reason behind such a public display. Get some therapy and do it privately.
If I sound unsympathetic I apologize, but they have made this whole thing into a circus to serve their own purpose. Some of us really suffer from estrangement for years with painful results and lost time. We’re not making money from it.
Exactly. I debated even commenting on this one but your thoughts reflect my own. The victim/race card is very overplayed these days. If race played any part at all, it was to excuse Meghan’s behavior. I found it strange that Queen Elizabeth overlooked her being divorced when she would not overlook it for her own sister. Yes, that was decades ago but since when does God chance His rules and she is defender of the faith, which was her own reason for not condoning her sister’s marraige to a divorcee. So why was her grandson’s acceptable? I can only think political correctness. Meghan is absolutely horrid and selfish individual who has to be the center of attention wherever she is so, of course, she cannot accept that she comes in second to the actual queen. Queen Bees are like that and she is very definitely a Queen Bee. Everything has to be about her, her, her and Harry is absolutely cowed by her, which is worrisome for their children. I wish he’d grow a backbone at least for their sake but it’s doubtful that’s ever going to happen.
Well I’m a British person, living in England, and I can’t add anything to the debacle because I’m sure we only know half of the story.
However, the book, interviews, podcasts just add grist to the mill and make it more difficult to reconcile.
Not having seen any of the interviews or read the book, I don’t have details, but it doesn’t sound like a classy thing to do.
I feel it would have been better to negotiate issues directly and privately. If no agreement could be reached, then just to quietly live their separate life.
I have an inkling of what the royal family might be feeling though, because I used to be a member of an online group, but had to leave it because every friend I had there turned against me after I found out my daughter had been bad mouthing me in private messages behind the scenes.
While there are some commonalities with what others experience in estranged family relationships, it feels very different in the case of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. I don’t think it’s entirely their choice, that is, they would prefer not to be estranged. I think eventually it will all work out, though I don’t see them ever moving back to the UK and into a royal residence. Hopefully the King will get to know all of his grandchildren, including the ones on this side of the pond.
A big difference is that Prince Harry has been forced to be in the spotlight his entire life, especially after the death of his mother. To me, the interviews and the book are ways of taking control of their own narrative instead of having the press–whether the palace press or the tabloids–do it for them. Anne Boleyn never had that chance–what we (think) we know of her has been told primarily by her enemies, though that is changing as other perspectives come to light 500 years later.
So……I do not blame them in the least. It isn’t may place, anyway, to figure out who bares the most responsibility, whom to blame, etc. I’m not through Spare (am just shy of when Harry meets Meghan), but it comes up again and again how hard it is trying to deal with the paparazzi. Until Meghan, he pretty-much lost every relationship to them. They would even hound his girlfriend’s grandparents. It was sad that the only relief he had from the paparazzi was when he enlisted in the military and went to Afghanistan, until his cover was blown even there eventually. Then he had to leave in order to not put others at risk any more than they already were. He said in the book that while others on the return flight were so happy to be going home, he dreaded going back to life with the paps as he calls them (I’m totally paraphrasing there!).
Because of the paparazzi, I also do not think they are seeking attention beyond owning their own narrative. The world (at least in the USA and UK) seems fascinated with them and is putting the spotlight on them. The timing of the interviews? Prince Phillip had been ill for a long time. Stuff is always happening and falls when it falls. Harry and his grandfather had a close relationship from all accounts.
They were already wealthy before getting married. Some of the proceeds for that book (and the women’s community cookbook that Meghan is involved with) are going to their various charities. All in all, I think the Duke and Duchess will do a lot of good in the world, without having official royal duties. Harry believes that his mother would be very supportive of him, and seeing the circumstances under which she lived as a Royal and after the divorce, I think she’d say, “good on you, Harry,” though she’d be sad at the rift between Harry and William.
Well written! I agree completely.
I can understand how people can feel sympathy for the pair but Harry is not a well man and I think that will become obvious in the future. For a few contributors who are American you may have limited knowledge by which to judge. When the Oprah interview was due to go ahead Prince Philip was already in hospital. This is a man who enjoyed rude health all his life. The Palace asked them to delay the showing, not cancel. They refused. Again when the Queen was dying, she knew she was terminally ill she asked them to visit her they refused choosing some other venue which wasn’t important. The day the Queen died a flight was organised for. William Edward Andrew and Sophie. Harry was invited along. Megan insisted on being included. A disagreement issued the fight was held back to accommodate Harry but megan wouldn’t allow him to go without her a few hours late. Whilst the flight was in the air the Queen died. Harry arranged his own flight and arrived that evening. So many incidents. The press have an agreement with the Palace information and photos are released by appointed press on a rota system. No parrazi followed them in this country UK. Look at how Megan treats her own family. Harry loved his family until he met Megan
I fully agree with your balanced and astute viewpoint.
I am reading the book Spare. I truly believe the things Harry is saying about how his family, in particular William, treated him. He went from having a mother who adored him to nothing. When Charles told him his mother was dead he didn’t even hug him. However, Charles did not receive affection from his parents either. People like say they were spoiled etc but who would have wanted to change places with them?
At least you can tell he and Meghan are truly in love. I like her okay but I think there is some truth to the stories about her being rude and arrogant to the servants and Kate calling her out on that.
It is said there are four sides to every story – the side he tells and the side that he doesn’t, the side she tells and the side she doesn’t.
I would recommend reading the book and think everyone who does will have a new understanding of Harry. I can’t help but feel compassion for him.
Who would want your whole life mapped out for you before you were even born? With no options.
The press in Britain is owned by Rupert Murdoch. They publish the rag mags at the check out in the grocery store! I can’t believe all the people who must buy them and believe the trash they publish. I have read thru a couple of them laying around different places but I would never spend a nickel to enrich them. They try to smear everyone and drag their name thru the mud. How would you like to see your picture splashed across their cover and people with mad dog mentalities reading and believing that stuff about you? So I can imagine their horror.
I do hope their family can heal and come back together. I wonder if William and Harry have any relationship with Diana’s family.
In the end we all want to make choices that reduce our suffering. Calling out people’s opinions here won’t accomplish that for me and certainly not the poster’s.
I can ask, are Harry and Megan reducing theirs and others suffering by their actions?
Wade
The H&M wave has brought estrangement/alienation out into the public domain. Until 8 years ago I was never aware a tragedy such as losing your loving child could occur as they entered adolescence then entering into adulthood cut you off without any real explanation.
I’m aware now this phenomenon is on the increase or perhaps our awareness has brought it more centre stage.
I don’t have any answers, grief however has taught me how to navigate a truly heartbreaking loss of my only child. I was a single mum, with no family to help.
It’s hard not to get personally involved with my feelings of injustice and having no voice disables the ability to feel vindicated for what I feel is a wrongful judgment.
As 8 years have passed and not having seen her; the reality has hit home she’s not coming back. I realise my life is important and there are many people who care and love me as I do them.
Not that the pain of losing your child will ever go away, rather now I accept nothing I do will change how someone else feels only they can do that, so I embrace the positive and ride those crushing waves of grief when they hit.
Perhaps this tragedy has brought an awareness one I hate to accept as a way of moving forward.
If my daughter ever were to reach out. I’d still love her because as a mother I don’t think I have any other option, nature made us that way. That doesn’t mean I see her behaviour as being acceptable; I won’t beat her up about our list years, I’ll be aware that behaviour is in her, and maybe like me, she accepts my behaviour is in me. Perhaps for us both experiencing this extreme pain she too finds forgiveness, as I will.
I can relate to your comments. I feel the same way. I know now that I don’t have to hurt to love. So I navigate those waves of grief the best I can knowing I have no control. Took me 10 years to get to this point, and alot of patience and understanding from the people who dared to stick by me and keep propping me up.
I do feel that, but for my daughter marrying the person she did, this probably wouldn’t have happened. He has an anger problem, and the red flags were and are everywhere. I addressed that with good intentions, and she chose him. I honestly feel should my daughter ever want out of her marriage, I fear she wouldn’t get out with her life. I don’t say that lightly. I also feel Harry marries someone else besides Meghan Markle, he very likely still has a relationship with his family. Just my feeling.
Through this experience, my
relationship with the Lord has never been stronger. Beauty from ashes.
Hi Petrina,
Your message is probably the best message I read so far. You are echoing all my thoughts, sentiments, and feelings. Exactly like you I have only one child, a daughter. Our estrangement started a little over two years ago. Unlike you, I do have my husband (her father) to help each other throughout this ordeal. We love her dearly but we also realized that we are powerless. No matter what we are doing the reality is that she is the only one who can change the current situation for which we have no explanation. Family and friends keep telling us that she will snap out of it, and will eventually come back, but I keep thinking that this might be it, this might be as good as it gets. Love to you!
Just a few things from a different perspective – Can we consider that some difference of opinion might be affected by geographic location? It would be interesting for each person to share in which country they live. I was born, raised, and live on the West Coast of the US.
I think it’s important to remember no one ever knows all that goes on within any relationship, except those inside it, so maybe people shouldn’t be so quick to judge others when they sit outside the relationship. Is it helpful when those” in the know” spread information/misinformation in anonymity? Should we, perhaps, turn down the volume on them and others who don’t sit inside the relationship?
Also, no two situations are ever alike, as are no two people. Estrangement is a complicated issue and isn’t helped by boiling issues down into a parent vs. child scenario. Nor is it helpful for anyone to turn another’s heartache into an “us vs. them” or “good vs. evil.” He’s wrong; no she’s wrong. Where’s the sense in holding your anger, ready to strike at anyone who dares to see things differently? If this was your last day on Earth, would this be your wish?
None of us exist in a vacuum, and since we are all merely humans, we make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes are used as weapons, sometimes as an excuse for acting the victim. It’s sad, whatever form it takes, for whatever reason. Just so sad. I wish each and everyone of you peace in your heart, kindness towards your fellow man, and happiness for the remainder of your days.
Every family seems to have at least some dysfunction in it, I’m sure the royal family is no different. I haven’t watched any of the interviews or documentary or read Harry’s book, nor will I, because their desire to drag their families through the mud publicly makes me sick. I think the fact that Megan is estranged from much of her family speaks volumes. They both sound like whiny, entitled brats.
I totally agree with you. They appear to be motivated by self interest and are not consistent with their explanations. Looks like they are opportunists at others expense. Could definitely be some serious mental illness, alcoholism, at play here. I don’t see how they could ever be trusted by either the Markle family or the Royals in the future. They could have handled their situation much differently if they truly wanted to bring about peace and healing. They didn’t just burn bridges, they torched the entire island. They have hurt a lot of people needlessly.
Personally, I’m fed up with listening to disparaging, judgemental remarks about Harry and Meghan (lets call her Meghan and not ‘Markle’). My daughter is also estranged and I think that she too suffers from the same problem as Harry. She has become like her partner, with the same values and approach to life as him. He has ADHD – now she too has been diagnosed with ADHD. I could go on. He can’t share her with her me (I had too much influence apparently) so now I am the devil incarnate who according to her, gave her a terrible childhood of arguments with her father, abuse, humiliation and neglect all by me and exacerbated and made worse by not leaving her father soon enough. Apart from the last point and the arguing, it was a true surprise to me that I had done all this and that she hated me so much. I literally never knew I’d apparently done all tof hese things. In between my heart shattering I questioned my sanity and thought maybe I had repressed memories when she told me what an awful human being I was and that I wasn’t fit to lick her boots, in one long hateful letter. But it’s all just codswallop really what she’s said, with the odd bit of poor parenting if I’m honest where I could’ve done better but didn’t. Like we’ve all done at times. She’s 37, I’ve lost my two grandsons as well, but I’m damned if it’s going to break me. Let’s all refrain from taking sides and leave Harry and Meghan to get on with it. It’s not worth it. Live and let love. There’s nothing we can do but live long and prosper. If you can be anything, be kind. God knows, the world needs it.
I understand how you might question your sanity and wonder if you’ve repressed memories. I have often wondered if I am living in an “alternate universe” and did horrid things to my daughters that I just can’t recall. All I know is that, whatever it is that I have done, it is unforgivable, apparently. They, of course, were perfect angels, and never did anything to hurt me – in spite of the fact that there were three of them to one of me. (I’m being snarky…….). Like you, Ceit, I had my bouts of poor parenting, but did the best I could. I was a single mother from the time my oldest was 5 and the twins were 3 – but they graduated from a private Catholic school and have all gone on to good paying careers. Then it was on to helping raise and house 2 grandsons w/out benefit of fathers. After 8 years of estrangement, I have moved on. Life is too short. Peace.
I feel you on every count. As a mum. Of 8 who most have called me names made out I was the worst mother living. After coming full circle and realized that I was infact a great mum rasing them by my self, the youngest was 3 at the time. I was not perfect by a long shot. But my kids were my world. I worked fed clothed them supported them through out the years. To have them treat me with so much hatred disrespect. I’m like wow.. its like being slapped punched multiple times. And still trying to stand up and go forward, and realize I’m there punching bag, door mat, for all there short comings..
My heart has broken hundreds of times from the verbal abuse and lies. There father was not in the picture. But I’ve realized after 2 boughts of cancer and its in remission. I’m going to live my life as my sails set free. I’ve felt drained mentally physically & emotionally. And know I’ve laid it all down. I walk towards the light with my head held high . I rejoice of the battle wounds the scars, on my heart. I will over come this. I’ve started with baby steps to live a life I deserve. To honor all the other mothers, parents who are battled scared by their adult children, who do not want to own there own mistakes and grow up. The beautiful children we raised, turned into people. I don’t even know or recognize. The love I poured nutured into them every day. I’m learning to let go emotionally so I can be free to explore, to have peace be happy fill my heart with Good memories, I’m making in this next chapter of my life.
Life is too precious. I just pray my adult children realize all that hurt anger takes away from who they really are. As a parent we love unconditionally but we also have to know to move on to solid ground for a stable environment for ourselves.
May peace be with you. Enjoy the calm before the storm.
We may never really know the truth about the inner workings of the Royal family. Frankly, I don’t care and don’t watch, just looks like attention seeking Hollywood to me.
I do send prayers to all of the families dealing with estrangement. It’s sad, it can be stressful, it can be terrible.
Just take care of yourself and try to move on. I enjoy being outside in nature, it’s become my grounding place, I feel centered when I’m outside. Prayers.
I know the pain of being estranged from an adult child. Made even more painful by not having a clue why. BUT I have to say this: I can’t fathom how any one of us would know what it feels like to be one of the royals involved, including Harry and Meaghan. They live in a world that most of us can’t possibly relate to. WALK A MILE IN SOMEONE’S SHOES. Many of our stories are relatable, but come on.
I have been wondering if Megan is suffering from a personality disorder. I think she has systematically chipped away at Harry’s relationship with his family and has skillfully pulled him away into the territory where she feels at home, L.A. California. Harry does not have the insight or strength to stand against that. I mean what in the world was she expecting when she married him? Aside from the alleged racism that is never ok, did she really think this would be easy?
I think Harry has burned the bridge with his family which is awful. His kids won’t have the cousins or the grandparents and aunts and uncles on that side.
And they have obviously made such a public whirlwind of this because they need to support their lavish lifestyle. It’s all $$$$.
I must say I read the book, and enjoyed it. My first thought was Meghan knew what she was getting into and Harry shares blame by not preparing her to the degree he could. I may be really off here but is home and I believe he will want to go back and let his children be raised with his cousins. None of us could go into that family and so quickly expect everyone to fall over us. She expected to be embarrassed without earning that. Harry is traumatized by diana’s death. The palace didn’t know how to help him with the trauma at that time. He gives Charles some grace I think but William and Camilla they are thorns in his side. As we say In the South Bless their hearts.
Harry has always had a chip on his shoulder from his father’s extra marital affairs and particularly with hideous Camilla. It is obvious he loathes his father. So making these books and interviews that are very private is all about getting back at Daddy and his lover for what Harry probably even thinks ultimately killed his own mother. Marrying an American, a bi-racial actres. All of the crazy stuff he did when younger. Get Daddy.
In very much the same way, my son has chosen to reject my husband and I. He married an inappropriate person knowing I would not be a fan, made life choices that are disastrous, had 3 or 4 babies all within 3 years before the age of 28. I see none of them nor do I want to at this point in my life. He is the one who has done terrible things to his own self and his own “family. I no longer care.
I have followed the Royal Family for a long time. Their situation is very sad, but not uncommon. I suppose having a public platform is not always great.
I believe Harry is at arrested development at 12 or 13. And he never really dealt with the loss of his mother. I have two adopted daughters, and I believe he has abandonement issues, anger and all those things that come from losing a parent regardless of the circumstances. He might feel that finally being able to release all this rage on his family, is cathartic for him. Unfortunately it appears, that the opposite is happening. I think he is a broken man, and desperately needs help.
Meghan on the other hand is a reflection of her history. The fact that she only had her mother at their wedding, is very telling. I believe the reason why is that she has probably told many falsehoods about them, and was concerned that having any of them there, could crack the punch bowl so to speak. Ultimately, I believe she was embarressed of them. For whatever reason: appearance, manner or lack there of, careers, drinking issues. She just flat out did not want them there.
She has no lifelong friends, no family anymore, and it appears that her fame and fortune is everything to her. Which is fine. It just depends on your actions getting there. I told my sister while watching their wedding, “she is going to pull him away from his family as fast as she can”. Hate to be right!
I summary, I feel bad for Prince Harry because mental health issues get in the way of good decisions.
I don’t feel bad for Meghan. The one constant in the narrative is that her dad was always there for her, took care of her, she even praised him many times before their marriage. And she has abandoned him in his late 70’s. Not sure who does that. But then many of us have experienced the same thing.
I’ve been a royal-watcher for years, watched the Oprah interview, watched the Netflix series on Harry and Meghan, and have read Spare. One of the biggest misconceptions of people who don’t read past the headlines and haven’t read the book is this:
“How can they reconcile expressing a need to escape the spotlight while continually directing everyone to look at them?”
They did not express a need to “escape the spotlight.” That’s a shallow take on what they’ve been saying and, being incomplete, it’s inaccurate. It’s the tabloid spin. They expressed a need to escape a narrative in the spotlight that they had no control over – that is directed by the “firm” and prevents calling out lies behind the “never complain, never explain” mantra. Harry and Meghan want control over when they are seen, when they can be photographed, when their children can be photographed, and the ability to call out lies that are printed about them in the media. Most of us have that privilege. Most of us expect it. Working royals don’t. The firm has it.
As for all the millions Harry is making by telling his story – I think that he and Meghan are stuck between a rock and a hard place. They need millions (seriously, they cannot go buy a rancher in a suburb and live a normal life. Read anything about security concerns and costs for ANY famous family and you realize how impossible it would be). So – if my family has cut off my security (which his very publicly did) and I need $6 million dollars a year or so to keep my family safe from kidnappers and the odd unbalanced person out to kill us – and one of the few ways I could get it is to write a book about my life in the gilded cage… I think it would be hard to say no.
Hi Lynn,
You have nailed this M&H situation the most accurately of anyone on this thread. They (and Diana) were/are up against a powerful media hate campaign and good for them for suing, fighting back and winning via settlement. The royal family is manipulated by the corporate media and allows it to the danger and abuse of ‘outsiders’ like Megan and Diana. Harry is right to choose to protect his family from this threat.
JTJ
Totally agree. The Harry & Meghan saga is not about the estrangement issues most parents on here are facing except that people want someone to blame when relationships break down. Everyone in the world whether they’ve watched all the interviews and read the books seems to have an opinion. H&M have a right to speak their truth & stand up to the horrid racist press and the dysfunctional royal family. The British tabloids are still trying to use them for rage headlines & click bait.
I live not far from where they first landed on Vancouver Island & they really were just trying to go about as normal people. The tabloids hounded them & the royal family would not pay for their security. They had no choice but to leave for the US. Then the British tabloids started the whole BS claim that Meghan wanted the attention & she doxed their location. Now they’re running bs stories about how they bully people in their company Archewell & it has a high turnover. I applaud Harry’s book & his honesty. He is his mother’s son. I see both H&M as far from broken or narcissistic. I admired QE2 but have zero respect for Charles & will never refer to him as King even though I’m Canadian. In 1976 when he was Prince & I was a university student waiting on tables to pay my tuition, Charles visited for a dinner where I was working. I was apalled when we were told that only males would be allowed to wait on him. The waiters were given tuxes and white gloves to wear & us females were given baggy orange polyester maid’s uniforms & told to remain in the kitchen & not seen. Charles is an entitled narcissistic pratt who’s never put his children first. It’s wonderful that Harry has provided better for his family & the press will soon tire of them now they’ve shared their truth.
Sometimes the estrangement is the fault of the parent – as I believe is the case with H&M. I haven’t seen any effort from the royal family to mend fences, to call out the British tabloids or to make public statements of apology.
Sometimes the estrangement is the fault of the child – we blame ourselves, we blame a spouse they married & society mostly blames the mother. But when there’s been no trauma, no abuse, no disrespect or abandonment by a parent, I believe it’s mental illness. It can be narcissism, borderline personality disorder, addiction or combination & varies with each family’s estrangement dynamics.
I can only say that like everyone’s family, we were not there. We get facts where we can, often filtered through the media or publishers, and the truth may lie somewhere in between. I know I made mistakes, as did my estranged child annd my ex-husband, and I have different stress than members of the royal family. Harry can write a book and be interviewed on tv because he’s famous. He has had tragedy like the rest of us. Like my own situation, I hope that they can mend and make things better. Otherwise, everyone continues to lose. Hate and anger don’t bring families together or days where you’d do almost anything not to be alone. I wish them all, and us, better days.
I am sad for them, and it would be very hard to live in a royal family. Just like Diana. However, I do not understand the fascination with the royal family, and I really don’t care one way or the other.
I see many similarities between the Harry and Meghan story and my own. I have a daughter who left her entire family (and extended family, and family friends who were part of her growing-up years) for a partner who convinced her she should leave. We expressed concerns (for very valid reasons wherein we feared for her emotional and physical safety) about the partner, and things didn’t go well after that. She says if we don’t accept him, we don’t accept her. And she left. She expects retraction and an apology for being made to feel “rejected/abandoned/betrayed,” and she established “boundaries” (which are actually not boundaries…they’re more like a “wall,” because she is no-contact until we meet her expectations as to how any reconciliation is to go and how we are to “change [our] opinions.”). We have not been in relationship for about 5 years.
Who knows what’s happening behind closed doors with the Royal Family with regard to communication with H and M (or maybe we “do” know there is no communication, because he tattles about everything anyone says)? But I just keep thinking that since H and M believe so ardently that they have been rejected/abandoned/betrayed (as did our daughter), there is likely no statement anyone in his family can make that will not result in more public backlash. In the same way, anything we have said to our daughter prior to the estrangement only made things worse and was met with so much anger and defensiveness and a “you can’t have that opinion” response.
One comment above said Harry may live to regret his actions. But will he? He’s surrounded now by freedom, money, new friends, and power. I don’t think he (nor my daughter) would want to trade all that for family.
Your comment is exactly how my situation with my daughter has unfolded. You have succinctly described the pattern of how estrangement/alienation unfolds. It’s a place as a parent you can’t move forward nor backwards without creating unreasonable stress you have broken boundaries. You are thwarted at every post. 100% agree with everything you wrote, I really feel for you and this terrible tragedy of grief we are on the same page. Big hugs to you.
Not to veer from the suggested topic thread, this is the closest to our situation that I’ve read anywhere!! My heart is with you – our daughter did exactly the same when we tried to warn and protect, and we are in the same boat. Attempts at outreach, profound apologies…all met with the same angry response. We don’t apologize “right”, nor for the “right” things…there’s nothing more we can do but pray. It’s been about 6 years now for us.
I share your opinion and your personal story. Thank you for your statement.
Dear HopingForChange,
It’s like I’ve written this myself. We are going through the exact same thing with our oldest daughter. We’re only 8 months into it but I fear it will last years. My daughter and I were very close before she met this young man and I seriously underestimated his hold and power over her. She is completely unaware she is abused and it is so very difficult to watch…especially from a far distance. I joined this group because I was feeling so betrayed and lonely. Reading your story helped me. Thank you for sharing.
I agree. What a sad and regretable situation. Just like the same situation so many of us estranged parents are going through. Perhaps some day these adult estranged children will gain the wits and prespective to see things differently although they have already left behind so much pain and destruction on their quest to live their life they way the feel is “just”. Best wishes to all involved. Please never stop learning. Never take for granted that what seems “right” sometimes might be just a big ugly lie, a misunderstanding, a manipulation. And don’t forget either that Karma is a very real thing… We all have only one life to live. Why chose estrangement from our own family when it can be so much love, tradition, knowledge, help and support to be shared among us? Just some of my thoughts. Sending all positive thoughts of love, peace, hope and blessings.
Regardless of been born in a royal family or in a common family, it comes a time, as in Harry’s case, when parents have to face reality and accept that the problematic behavior of their adult child will never change no matter how far parents are willing to go to demonstrate how much they love and care, no matter how many times they’ll try to be patient and understanding, no matter how many humiliations they are willing to endure. It is all down to the adult child personality, to his/her deepest self that the person has since birth. As in my case, reconciliation can happen but it’s nothing to be joyful for: cold, distant, sporadic, superficial, unpredictable, uneasy, at times uncomfortable and worrisome relationship. The worst and sad thing is that trust is gone. Once gone it cannot be restored and what remains is a relationship between strangers. As in Harry’s case, unfortunately many families experience what parents should never experience: disloyalty, betrayal, lies from their own beloved adult child/children. You still want all the best for your adult child but, as in Harry’s similar case, you have to live with the irreversible fact that they are who they are and that living each other far apart and semi-estranged or estranged is the only possible reality and, if that weren’t enough, it becomes imperative that you protect yourself emotionally and practically from a relationship that you cannot trust. This is the sad reality that the British royal family faces now with Harry and has faced in the past with the “traitor King” the Duke of Winsor …… same reality for many common families as well.
I agree. This same pattern emerges everywhere. Super enthusiastic prior to marriage, less contact after marriage, baby arrives and even further removed, parent suffers a devastation and the the narc moves in for the ultimate “kill”. Inflicting horrible pain on basically nice people. Because this fits a pattern it is either covert Narcissism or somewhere personality disorder. Tragically, the true victims suffer untouchable heart ache. When healed, you don’t feel comfortable scratching that itch when they turn around and want to include you again. You can’t help feel like you are being set up.
So well said Maria. I have expressed the same sadness regarding my trust in my two children can not ever be regained in the number of years I have left , even if they were ever to respond to my attempts at contact.
I am sorry for all of us who have been made to live with family dysfunction.
I understand that M&H gave up a set of supportive parents and a set of supportive grandparents, that’s a lot as far as I can see. Now they have 1 biological grandmother, that’s it. Gosh, my parents were very far from perfect but I wanted my children to have a community/extended family to love them, and learn from people who weren’t like us. I do not ever see King Charles or the royal family ever reconnecting and I don’t ever see us ever reconnecting with our estranged adult child ever. The pain, humiliation, shame and the death of relationship with our adult child and his/her family was so uncalled for. I cannot even imagine welcoming them back in after breaking our hearts so severely. I do pray for their good health but karma is another factor I have no control over.
It’s very hard to let your guard down after you have suffered a most horrible event. When they swing back around later I presume everything becomes surfacelevel. It’s the grandchildren who suffer the most.
Sad as our stories are, it’s helps to know this journey is not ours alone. I will never trust my daughter again either. Today has been a hard day. So thank you for sharing.
Attention seeking, spoiled and insensitive. My thoughts on Harry and Meghan. If they were truly seeking a life outside royalty, if they were humble and kind, I could respect their choice. They stayed in the home, then hung out dirty laundry for the world to see. I see their intentions as self seeking,not restorative. Harry will regret it one day.
I agree. What a sad and regretable situation. Just like the same situation so many of us estranged parents are going through. Perhaps some day these adult estranged children will gain the wits and prespective to see things differently although they have already left behind so much pain and destruction on their quest to live their life they way the feel is “just”. Best wishes to all involved. Please never stop learning. Never take for granted that what seems “right” sometimes might be just a big ugly lie, a misunderstanding, a manipulation. And don’t forget either that Karma is a very real thing… We all have only one life to live. Why chose estrangement from our own family when it can be so much love, tradition, knowledge, help and support to be shared among us? Just some of my thoughts. Sending all positive thoughts of love, peace, hope and blessings.
I’m not a huge fan of Dr. Phil but he said something many years ago that I have always remembered and felt was perfectly accurate:
People do what works for them.
Reply To: Barbara – January 22, 2023 at 4:55 pm
You Are Very Welcome Barbara…
It is an Honor & a Privilege To Be Part Of This Beautiful Healing On-Line Community…Take Care…
May All Be Blessed In Body, Mind, & Spirit…
In Gratitude & Respect,
Carrie-Ann
I don’t know what the truth is, but so much of the accusations remind me of stories from other estranged parents on here. The need to be a victim and the distortion of easily checked facts. And yes, maybe even a highly paid, sensationalist ghost writer who helps craft the story. If one wants privacy from the press, it seems odd to me to air the dirty laundry like this. I see this as typical of our day and age. I don’t care about the Royal Family except to say I have great empathy for all of them, actually. Family conflict is painful. We don’t need to argue amongst ourselves on the matter, do we? It’s just sad and hits home for all of us in my opinion.
Reply to Yellow Rose’s Post on January 21, 2023 at 6:15 pm
You say, “We don’t need to argue amongst ourselves on the matter, do we?”…
My previous posting was not “arguing”…It stated that the few that did share their thoughts, did not need to be accused of estrangement bias.
I am now posting a reply to say that we also do not need the implication that we are “arguing” amongst ourselves. Beautiful Sheri provided a forum in which we could express viewpoints…Staying in One’s own lane is what is needed…
Ah, Carrie Ann, I am sorry you took what I said personally as I did not mean it personally towards you or anyone else. I am sorry what I said was insulting to you. The topic of the Royal Family Estrangement is being punted around various estranged parents forums and there are definitely no agreement. Take care dear one and thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Reply To Yellow Rose/January 22, 2023 at 8:54 am
Dearest Yellow Rose,
Thank You Ever-So-Kindly for clarifying…
I did not take your words personally, nor was I insulted…I was just saying that each has a right to their viewpoint…
In Gratitude & Respect,
Carrie-Ann
So much that could be said…With that said, I can only say the following:
To be told by “Kona4” and “Elizabeth,” that those of us in this Beloved Healing On-Line Community, should not judge, and that we are judging through the eyes of estrangement experiences, without having read the book, and that H & M are NOT THAT…
Not only myself…but all others in this community…have not only the ability, but have the freedom and right to make up our own minds…We also have the choice to NOT BUY negative, destructive, hateful, money-grabbing untruths or books that are making millions for the entitled, untrustworthy, attention & money grabbing hungry trouble-makers…
With all due respect, I urge both “Kona4 and Elizabeth” to check themselves in the mirror of “self-reflection”…They may find that they are making these conclusions about the “truths of the book” and “judgements about those that do not “buy” into those conclusions & judgements from their own biased pity-colored glasses…
To accuse estranged parents who love their estranged ADULT children, of looking through a “biased” and limited” lens…is Heartless, and Self-Serving…
In conclusion, they may be letting their displaced empathy/pity drive their car right off the cliff…All the while “poor little H & M cry themselves to the bank for the millions being made…plotting their next money-grab.”
Carrie-Ann,
Amen. I could not have said it better myself.
Thank you for articulating so clearly what I, and I suspect many others on this list, are feeing.
Sending love, hugs, and peace to all,
Lisa R.
Accusing those who can see things from Harry’s perspective as being heartless and self-serving is a rather big stretch.
Spare is not a hateful or destructive book. Those who have actually read it will tell you that.
It is rather disappointing that Elizabeth and I would be attacked for having an obviously unpopular opinion around here.
Sometimes people disagree. And that should be ok and should be respected.
Thank you for saying this Carrie Ann. As Sheri said in the artocle, parents in this estranged ‘club’ get enough negative judgment. You get to view them how you want, and so does everyone, whether they read the book or not. Who says the book is even true? Gospel according to the scorned couple who refuse to give up the titles of royalty. The interviews and the perspective sound self serving always. That wife is no Kate Middleton.
Thank you. Well said. I can accept that their opinion on H&M differ from mine but those who have decided to side wth them seem to think those of us who don’t must be wrong and are biased.
Not true.
I’m in an unique situation on these forums. Disclaimer: my daughter is not yet estranged, just reduced. She has moved to another state when I need her most as I’m having problems in my old age I need asisstance with that I’m not getting except once every three weeks or so when she makes the trip. I can’t really claim estrangement on that score – yet. I do fear it. Depends on how much influence her husband has in the end and that remains to be seen. I am grateful and appreciative that he has not been able to convince her to cut me off entirely.
On the other hand, I disowned my parents as a young adult, long before said daughter was born. Why? Because they were abusive physically and verbally. Very badly abusive. They are deceased now and I do not regret disowning them though it’s been very hard not having the wisdom and guidance of parents to lean on in difficult times. The hard truth is I never had that. I broke the cycle of abuse with my daughter and she suffered from neither. No, I’m not perfect. No one is but I have been a good mother to her which is perhaps why her husband has not drawn her entirely away. Yet at least. I do see patterns that others here have shared that occurred before actual estrangement. I am crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.
If parents are worse than no parents at all, then it is understandable. My siblings gave me grief about not letting our mother see the baby – until she hauled off and hit one grandson and called her half-Asian great-granddaughter a racial slur. These incidents made my daughter happy I had never subject her to them. But it seems like many children these days do cut their parents off for merely not being perfect and perfection is a standard no one can live up to.
None of us truly know H&M situation and our opinions are based on what is publicly shared. It is not necessary to read every scrap printed about them or a book that is automatically biased becasue it contains only his side. Those here should not condemn those who judge the sitation differently than them and to claim because we view H&M differently from them is merely from the bias of being estranged is just cruel and should not be done.
In the past years I have studied BPD to find a link with my daughter’s problematic behavior but didn’t find anything substantial until I have noticed a common trend between prince Harry behavior and my daughter’s behavior and the link became crystal clear after reading the description of Harry’s personality by biographer Duncan Larcome made in the following article: “Prince Harry is a ‘lost soul’ who is ‘very influenced and easily led by the people around him”. I want to share this article with you because, as in my case, adult children’s estrangements and irrational behavior might due to Harry’s type of personality disorder:
https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/prince-harry-lost-soul-very-influenced-easily-led-people-around-him-royal-expert
Maria A., Thank you so much for the link to this article. It explains everything that I couldn’t figure out and now it all makes so much sense to me now.
I have finished Harry’s book “Spare,” and I can only say that people who only get their info about Harry and Meghan from the news media are bound to be incredibly biased. While the book can’t help but be one-sided, there is so much in it that really illuminates Harry’s childhood, the damage he suffered (yes, rich and privileged people suffer, too) and how he became the person that he did and how he has struggled to be a free and healthy human being. It is quite clear from the book that his problems with the media’s treatment of his wife go way way back to their treatment of his mother. This is a densely layered story. He deeply loves his wife and FROM HIS OWN PERSPECTIVE, in order to save his family, he had to take them away. I just wish people would stop conflating what is going on with them with the cultural movement of the estrangement of adult children from their parents. The case of the Royal family is SO out of the ordinary, the dynamics of the firm vs. family, the built-in favoritism of heirs over “spares,” the grotesque relationship between between the royal family and the tabloids via the “royal rota” makes this case a very poor sample case of estrangement from which we can learn any lessons. People need to stop judging.
Elizabeth, couldn’t disagree more, the only people seeking media attention are the bullies, Meghan and Harry. According to British journos/ historians there is nothing new is in this ghost written pity party book. . You might fact check Harry’s book. Diana died because she was not using a seat belt while in the back seat of a car driven by a reckless impaired driver. Harry would do well to stop blaming the press and take responsibility, he is nearly 40. His comments about his military service alone, demonstrate what a manipulative, self centered person he has become.
As Meghan is fond of, estranging people she can’t control is her MO. Their story is classic estrangement, the motivated spouse demands loyalty at all cost.
Elizabeth,
I have finished reading the book. I stand by what I said in my earlier post. Harry’s story is unique and as you said, it is densely layered. Harry has told his story. This unraveling began with the paparazzi hounding his mother, her death which to this day he blames on the paparazzi, and what I see as the rather weird interactions within his family. For reasons beyond understanding, there is a bizarre relationship between the family and the British press which basically sacrificed Harry in exchange for better media coverage. No wonder he found fighting a war in Afghanistan preferable to being home.
Without belaboring the point, the sibling relationship between him and his brother is a major factor in this breach. But the difference here is that he still loves these people, accepts that they are seriously flawed and detached from reality, and hopes one day there can be a meeting of the minds. He never told his father that he is going “no-contact’ or never wants to see him again. In fact, it is the opposite. He loves his father and very much wants their relationship to heal.
People who are suffering from estrangement need to stop projecting their own experience and suffering onto Harry. Other than those who have an unctuous sibling who always needed to put them down, his life and his situation is nothing like anyone here. I am very glad for him that he found Meghan. With the exception of his mother, she clearly loves him like no one else ever has.
Elizabeth,
Also, thank you for your post.
Nearly everywhere that I have read attacks on Harry and Meghan it is clear they are coming from people who have not read his book. Like you, I found his story moving and at times, touching. If people would read his story, they way he tells it, they would see that this is not a cruel book. He often writes about his father, and even William, in very loving terms even though they failed him miserably in so many ways.
I agree, people need to stop judging.
xxx Kona4
The question is though, is estrangement, done publicly or privately, the way to respond to differences, or can we all agree that it is a maladaptive response to conflict ? Love and loyalty are daily acts grounded in tolerance and kindness. No one, not even a prince, can claim to love those he is shaming and humiliating. People on this site should be well aware of this. Come on, people.
Thanks Elizabeth for your perspective. Most people seem to blame Meghan M for Harry’s behaviour, but I beg to differ. The media over there is totally toxic and the treatment Meghan still receives from them is disgraceful. Any decent husband would protect their partner in those circumstances. At the basis of the vile treatment Meghan received and continues to receive, I totally believe, is racism. Diana was openly critical of the “royals” but because she was white people loved her and criticized the royal family, “the firm,” for her treatment. I thought at the time of Meghan and Harry’s wedding how the toffy nosed upper crust of England would have been appalled at the sight of a black pastor and a black choir during the wedding ceremony. I also think Harry’s revelations about how the behaviour of people like his brother and the behind the scenes expose of what goes on in the family overall will hopefully one day make people realize what an anachronism the “royal family “(living in the lap of luxury care of the British taxpayer) really is and begin the end here in Australia of our “constitutional monarchy” status and instead become a Republic. I am totally estranged from my children and normally would support the views of the parents, but in this case I do not.
I think that his grandmother Elizabeth loved him dearly, he was not there with her when Phillip passed and him and Megan were not with her when she passes such total disrespect for grandparents who loved him so much. He knew she was not well why didn’t he get his butt there he is an adult man he can figure a way to have gotten there on his own steam. This was a terrible lack of judgement on their part and unforgivable to his aged grandparent.
“People need to stop judging.”
Oh the irony of your saying that – while you judge others.
Harry was always the wild brother and didn’t have the responsibility on him that William did. It must have been really tough to grow up in the spotlight and have his mother suffer as she did. I do feel for him and think he always felt inferior to William. The thing is, Harry’s behavior has made his inferior feelings come true. He IS inferior at this point. He has been caught in compromising situations. While girls may have liked the cute, bad boy prince, that image wears thin. Instead of growing into a kind, generous man, he has shrunken into a complainer role, seems to want to hurt his family and to make them pay. I don’t know much about his wife but it seems she encourages his whining rather than helping to mend fences. She is a complainer as well, I think. She may be immature emotionally, and perhaps has been vulnerable because of her family, or brought biases of her own into the royal group. I don’t know, but I’m not a fan of either of them. While I am not a royal family follower, I am also not against them. The monarchy is in place, and if I had been born into that family or married into it, I would try to use my wealth and position to do something good in the world. I’d try to do that without hurting my family. Maybe being good and kind could make a difference within the family too (if he wanted to change them). Harry is no longer popular, and in that way, he diminishes his ability to influence positive change.
Totally agree. As for his wife, I’m skeptical of her, as she is estranged from her father (whom has begged to see his grandkids) before it’s too late. As a mother who has been estranged from my son and my only grandchild, it’s terribly hard on one’s health. He has heart issues. So then to be influential (I believe she has) in Harry’s estrangement from his family, well I can’t help but see her as a common denominator here. I’m very sad to read about it. But I’ll not be reading his book.
I suspect that many of us in this group are so passionate with opinions about Harry’s airing his dirty laundry because it is so jarringly familiar. Don’t we all relate to the grief, anger and shock the Royal family are reportedly feeling? Especially when, after spewing his worst, Harry blames his family for everything, and then demands an apology so they could be once again graced with his presence. One of the last communications I got from my daughter was very similar, trying to dictate the terms of a future relationship. In my case, I was to agree to attend joint counseling- or else. This tact ignored the many therapists that we, as a family had been to while she was growing up. Many of us have probably also had our fair share of gaslighting, revisionist history, and flat out lying. Aren’t we seeing those same things being played out in this drama as well? Harry talks about wanting reconciliation, but only on his terms. Its even slightly amusing to me to read comments from people who haven’t been through similar situations, on the order of why Harry doesn’t just go live his private life. I don’t think he is capable of doing that. He seems compelled to make everyone agree that he has been victimized.
At least most of us can deal with this abuse in private, and not have it splashed about. I won’t read Harry’s book or watch the interviews, but its all out there anyway. Its just sad to see someone with such promise, who had all of life’s advantages throw it away in favor being a grievance collector. It’s taken me many years, but I’ve come to understand that you have to want to live a peaceful, happy life. It isn’t handed out, and isn’t a birth-right. It is a conscious daily choice.
I’m joking, of course, but wouldn’t it be great if we could collectively send the King a copy of Sheri’s book with a note to say that he and Camilla aren’t alone in having a nutty adult child.
Yes, let’s!!! He’s in great company!!
Me too! My son dictated every boundary known to man (and woman). I forgot one of the “commandments” accidentally, and he went away again. It’s been 6 months. I don’t want a son who dictate everything. I obliged, but don’t we get to have boundaries too?! Like to stop going in and out of my life? It hurts a lot.
I would like to say a few things.
I am currently reading Harry’s book. I am about a third of the way through. Under most circumstances, I would never comment on a book until I was done reading it. But it is over 400 pages long and It may take a bit of time.
I will also say, like others here, that I don’t like public airing of family problems. I believe that the targets also have “a truth.” I know I do. So, I will admit that I am torn about whether this book should have been written.
I haven’t reached the part of the book where he meets Meghan. But, it is clear that this breach with his family was long in the making and is rooted in events that took place long before he ever laid eyes on Meghan.
The paparazzi and British news media hounded Harry, invaded every corner of his life, and viscously lied about him. They treated every girlfriend the same way. Once Meghan came into the picture, an American woman with a Black mother, all bets were off. As a person who is a member of a marginalized racial and ethnic community, I can tell you that the U.K. has a deep rooted racists history that would take centuries of commitment to break free from. What seems clear is that the PR operation of the royal family epically failed Harry. The relationship the royal family has with the British media and the tabloids is the priority.
William bears a great amount of responsibility for his relationship with his brother. I will just leave you with one example. When Harry entered Eton, the high school of the most privileged upper class in Britain, he was 14 years old. It was two years after the death of Diana. Harry was lost in a world of magical thinking, refusing to believe that his mother was dead and convinced she was in hiding somewhere. William was already at Eton. Harry arrives and the very first thing that happens is William informing Harry that he is not allowed to speak to him or acknowledge that William is his older brother. William ghosted him. The myth that these two brothers were close growing up and there for each other is just that, a myth.
The one thing that is becoming clear from this book, whether it should have been written or not, is that Harry still loves his family and longs for a reconciliation. He is not a bitter estranged adult child. The real problem that I see is that he is different and that he doesn’t fit in or share the values of a family that believes that they in some way are superior to others and that God choose them to live a life of obscene privilege. I am beginning to wonder if Harry thinks it is a lot of BS. And if so, that is a big problem indeed.
Kona4, Suggestion: broaden your reading on the topic, consider the British press, particularly those who cover the monarchy for decades and great journals like Unherd.
Kona, I appreciate your comments and I, too, after reading Spare, felt that the book was written in reaction to the horrible press that Harry has suffered through, his mother suffered through and now his wife, is suffering through. I also felt that he has been loving towards his family and heartbroken at how his brother William has treated him. My sense is that William used Harry, who got himself into all kinds of mischief, to hide behind. William did his fair share of getting into things at his father’s home in Highgrove, too. But William has to have a squeaky clean image and Harry was the fall guy in this. And from my travels in the UK, I am familiar with the class consciousness of upper class people in general. Royalty is in history, someone who took over as ‘leader of the country’ and from this sprang the concept of royalty. The royal family are descended from this ancestor. Royalty is created, not born into. It’s a commercial operation in the UK. Prince Philip referred to it as “the firm”. He regarded it as it is, a commercial business. Harry was close to his grandfather, he sees royalty for what it is now.
I’m glad you spoke out about racism. Yes, the British in general, are racists in the upper classes and monied people.
Aussiemom
It’s all very sad. I can imagine Princess Diana disapproval of his son Harry if she was alive, one of the most hurtful things for a parent is seeing her adult children brake their relationship. I definitely think he is doing all the trashing for money, he is getting millions for it and he doesn’t care the damage and hurt he is causing. He has put all his trust in Meghan and that’s okay, but he doesn’t have anybody else in the US as family and friends, so if he has the misfortune to end up in divorce, he will be all alone. At his point he has burnt all the bridges.
It’s awful isn’t it. What’s happened here mirror’s so closely what so many of us have been through. Now imagine our most personal grief, shame and loss is splash over the world’s media, experts of all descriptions who have never met us spend hours disecting our motives and behaviors publicly. Now imagine the person driving it all is someone you have loved completely, trusted. Unbearable. All of us on this site should make the conscious decision to boycott reading or listening to any part of this campaign of estrangement. It’s the best we can do to honor our own painful experiences.
I watched some of Harry’s recent interviews, in one he said they were just a typical dysfunctional family. It parallels our story in that when someone new enters the family with fresh eyes. We were a tight knit, close family (yes, with some dysfunction) and thought we would always be a close family. Enter someone new to say no, you had a horrible upbringing and boom, end of the relationship. Both sides of the royal estrangement think they are right, therefore, I don’t ever think they will reconcile. I think the royals should keep quiet, it’s more dignified than what H&M are doing. I don’t know what is next for Harry and Meghan, if they plan on making staying in the spotlight concerning the estrangement a career, but they sure are making millions from doing it.