EVENTS with Sheri McGregor
Upcoming for members of the Done With The Crying Membership community only:
Meeting topic: Are you “all in” for your own well-being?
When? Wednesday, November 22, at 8:30 a.m. PACIFIC
Plan on an hour or less for this semi-experiential meeting. As time permits, you will have a chance to share (if you want to) related to the topic/presentation. We will focus narrowly on the topic of being “all in” and what that means for your well-being and future.
* The session is for members of this community only.
Come prepared to work, with pen, paper, and your powerful presence.
This will be a SHORT semi-experiential meeting. We will consider a few topic thoughts that you can apply in your own life as you see fit.
2021
2021–January 28
Sheri McGregor, author of the popular book, Done With The Crying: Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children
Past events with Sheri McGregor
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Hi, I have 2 adult daughters, One has been for 6 years, the second is 1 yr 2 months.
My adult grandchildren have reached out to us because they are now living with their father, so that is great.
I am planning my husbands 70th birthday party, just immediate family I have 2 sons and their children and now my grandchildren that have also come back.
I was planning on inviting these daughters via an invitation to a restaurant. RAVP. I am not telling my husband about inviting them in case they do not come. He would be happy if they come.
My oldest son will not speak to one of my daughters at all. I figured at a restaurant, there will be a beginning and an end time to the party. Plus in public, I hope no fighting?? with them and my son with them, Which I have told him. that would be unacceptable. His wife probably won’t come because she cannot stand them, can’t blame her based on their rejection to her children and her and my son.
I have no expectations or hope anymore for the estrangement, to change, so I will not be disappointed if they don’t come, I can’t chase them anymore!! I
BUT, in the background of my thoughts are should I even invite them?? My husband will ask after the party if I invited them, he still has hope!! if they don’t come he will be heartbroken again and if they do come and things don’t go well it will surely be very hurtful to him, me and my other children.
Any imput would be appreciated Thank you !
It’s been over a year since my only son told my husband and I on his birthday over the phone that he didn’t appreciate our birthday card and check and said he needed space. We might have seen him a couple times at most during Covid and even that wasn’t much different than normal years…which we had assumed that was they way he wanted things to be and we thought we were being respectful of that. We would let him lead the interactions and contact with us. He’s been married for over 5 years and there has been one form of discord or another even the year or so before he got married. We openly worked through some misunderstandings and hurtful times. On that day of his birthday, we finally had the courage to respond to his “no thank you” by saying to him…”at some point, you need to take responsibility for your part in this…” That for sure pushed him over the edge…and he cut all ties with his 3 sisters without even telling them…they just discovered they were blocked when they tried to reach out to him.
We never experienced anything out of the norm that you wouldn’t expect from human families…which I hesitate to describe any as “normal”. We struggled through wedding planning…I learned I made some mistakes as a future mother in law with my daughter in law. I worked to acknowledge them and apologize unconditionally for causing them pain. We worked as a family with his sisters to all unconditionally apologize and heal any wounds going forward. We were all grateful just to be able to be connected even if it was just through an occasional text or visit for a rare special occasion. Lots more too lengthy to include here in between but we are a family that has been estranged from our son and brother….are all hurting…still praying for some level of reconciliation….some reconnection….anything. My husband and daughters are at the point of giving up…to keep their own sanity…not face rejection again after repeated attempts. Me, his mom….I’ve been trying to pretend I’m ok….and “i’m happy if he’s happy” but my heart still aches…incessantly…I have to keep trying no matter how much the rejection hurts. Hoping to try to learn more, get support and understand why this “cancel” culture exists and is accepted and supported….I have support from a great therapist…she has helped me through a lot of changes for many years. She of course has no answers for this…but continues to support and help me work through the emotional struggles…today she suggested I try to look for a support group and your site is what I found…so here I am….if anything…maybe just sharing with others will help me and help someone else to know they are not alone in this.
Your story is near identical to mine. The last contact with my son was 3/26/21. He cut off all his previously super close sibling, my husband and me. It all started going downhill when he married. We all tried and are at the point that there’s nothing else we can do.
Would like to join. This is an unexpected and recent estrangement. I think about it all the time. I cope by talking and I do not want to talk about this with friends and family . I need support not sympathy.
I feel the exact same way. My son decided to listen to his current girlfriend and told me he didn’t care to ever see me again on January 17, 2023. On January 16, 2023, he was talking to me and saying he might break up with his girlfriend. He has cut me off from my only grandchild. I had been caring for her in place of her mother, who is a meth addict, for the past two years. The new girlfriend has isolated him and my granddaughter from everyone.
When grandchildren are involved it’s so heartbreaking. I’m in the same situation and don’t understand how a person can keep someone from a small child. I’m sorry for what you’re going through friend.
I am about to update my will and I have no intentions of leaving anything to my estranged 48 yr. old daughter. I don’t feel guilty about doing this either. And I wonder if my husband should even bother to tell her when I do pass on.
Frances I have been feeling exactly the same as you, and at times have felt guilty for having such thoughts. I totally understand how you feel.
My father left me $1 in his will. I have 3 adult children, one estranged, mentally ill and living with her very poor choices. I do not want her to to remember me as vengeful so I recently added wording in my family trust to the effect that while we are not leaving anything to her in the trust, that is not meant to be hurtful – not knowing what our future relationship will be, we hope to have repair and provide financial support and family heirlooms while we are alive. Not sure if she’ll even know when we die, but I don’t want to give a deliberate f-you when we’re gone as her lasting memory of us.
Frances; I’ve been ‘estranged’ (cut off and BLOCKED) by my 40 year old daughter since Christmas 2017. Two years ago both my husband and I updated our Wills to exclude her completely. I don’t feel guilty either and actually felt somewhat relieved after doing it. She offered no real reason for leaving our family; only that she was ‘unhappy’. It is now 2023 with still NOTHING from her. Maybe she’s finally happy. We may never know.
I took my eldest daughter out of my will, she has had nothing to do with me for several years and I have no contact with my grandchildren. I was torn about what to do but felt including her was my final way to reach out to her. In 2016 and 2018 I had life-threatening illnesses and she made no attempt to reach out to me. I have been of no importance to her in life, my death will be of no importance at all.
It’s time to fully realize my life needs some good tweaking with my 2 grown sons and feelings of loss. I eventually would like to meet people in person..not only to comiserate but find new experiences…definetly putting my name on list for newsletter….thank you….will use the name Faith in any posts
Susan, MY name is SUSAN and I have 2 grown sons! and, my middle name Is FAITH….is this a huge coincidence ?…wanting to meet people in person with the same iss
ues, is something I to would like….I’d appreciate a reply
I would love to participate in any upcoming events that you may have Sherri.
Your books had helped me put a name to what I had experienced from my son and daughter in their teens. I has no idea this craziness is so wide spread.
I am on the upswing now, just like your little ficus when you got rid of the root netting!
Thanks,
Jill
I am 5 months into my second sons estrangement! I will definitely suggest Reading Sheri’s books and after using the workbook, do what I’m doing reread them. They are better the first time but MUCH better the second time!
I am interested in upcoming events and articles and anything I can do to help all of us who are estranged!
I would also like to discuss my estrangements.
I would very much like to participate in upcoming events. I’m reading Sherri’s book now and working slowly through the questions and exercises. It’s helping already and I’ve just begun. It’s hard to find others to talk to about my partial estrangement from my 40 year old only child. This website is a lifeline for me, as it eases the isolation that accompanies the problem.
Yes. I would also be interested in future events.
I struggle with harsh words and expletives from my two sons although my daughter has changed somewhat. She experienced the same problems as I do. My oldest son told me he never liked me 5 months ago. He’s been in and mostly out of my life for 27 years. The youngest son , I believe, was born without a conscience. Very much like his father who I divorced when he was 16 and my oldest son 23. They never saw us argue often although my husband had flings early in our marriage and finally found his true love . She was in the marriage for 14+ years and one day I got up and could not live a lie one day longer. He said he would leave me when the youngest turned 18… no child support! My entire family turned on ME. As long as I was available to help them through a divorce, take care of grandchildren and work to pay college tuition when scholarships passed over, I was just ok. Their father zoomed through this horrific activity with no consequences and even bringing new woman around them within a month. Don’t ask why I stayed. I had hope given to me like bread crumbs.
I was told by oldest son with great vulgarity…women don’t leave…you needed to wait for Dad to leave. That’s about the story from my view. It has affected my health and well-being. Yes, I remarried and it took me thousands of miles away but the ruthless behavior never ceases. It’s a tragedy. I can’t fix anything. Today I say “sink or swim. Not my problem. I’m tired, 77 years old, and cannot, will not tolerate. I know I’m right and I will love them from a distance. Liberating and sad. Never planned for ugly behaviors. I wear a scar that says you destroyed a family by leaving. Agree! II never shared bad deeds from their father. It was right for me and wrong from their viewpoint. I live a good life but it feels empty. I need this group badly.
9-28-21
Dearest Donna, we’re here for you…and for each other…Keep reading & working Beautiful Sheri’s book, “Done With Crying.” Thank You for sharing your experiences…It’s healing for all of us…May You and Each One Be Blessed In Body, Mind, & Spirit…
p.s. Your saying “sink or swim, not my problem” reminds me of a funny cat photo where a sitting cat has his eyes closed and has both paws across his chest with the caption “THE PATH TO INNER PEACE BEGINS WITH THREE LITTLE WORDS, “NOT MY PROBLEM.”
I WOULD LIKE TO JOIN THE COMMUNITY WHEN IT IS AVAILABLE
Hi Sandra,
Be sure to sign up for the newsletter so you will get notice when the site’s community opens up again.
HUGS,
Sheri McGregor
To each and every mother and father -be kind to yourself and keep hoping that they (these “adults”)
will realize who loves them. Keep the faith and hope W Ann
Wow! I wish I had known about the January event. I will sign up again for the newsletter, so I don’t miss anything else!
Unfortunately, I missed the January 2021 virtual summit, however, I would like to be informed when there is another one, of its kind, or similar.
would like to know about future events