Forgive for your own good

by Sheri McGregor

It’s often said that we should forgive for our own good. To forgive sets us free. That’s different than the forgiveness that comes when someone who has wronged us is remorseful and wants to make things right. To forgive doesn’t always require that we forget.

Forgiven or not, a person’s bad behavior often has consequences. Forgiveness can be a solitary act. To forgive doesn’t require that we forget everything and place ourselves, precariously, in a position to be hurt again. Read more about that, with a fuller look at forgiveness, in this article:

Why Forgive?

Today’s look at forgiveness is short—and oh-so-sweet!

forgiveness

Hugs to all the parents of estranged adult children. Your forgiveness is a gift to yourself.

~ Sheri McGregor

8 thoughts on “Forgive for your own good

  1. AvatarTammy

    Hello, I am new here. I am in the early stages of struggling to try to make some sense about how my son could turn his back on his entire family. We have no idea what happened except the closer it got to his wedding the more he withdrew. There are no words to describe how parents feel when they tried to do all of the right things, loved their child and find themselves abandoned. I blame most of our problem on his now wife. She was put in no effort to get to know us and insisted that he spend all holidays and Sundays with her family. We invited them and she felt “pressure”. Originally, he wanted her to know us. Eventually, I guess he gave up and listened to her and even believed what she was saying about us.

    I am sorry that we are all here.

    Reply
  2. AvatarPhyllis H.

    My friend just recommended this site to me. I was feeling very isolated and as if I was the only parent experiencing this. I am sorry that there are others, yet comforted in knowing that I am not the only parent experiencing these things.

    Reply
    1. AvatarElizabeth

      Phyllis, Welcome to this club none of us wanted to join. But you are welcome here. Thanks to Sheri !! I found a lot of solace in her book too and it is one that is marked and I am keeping. I think our situation is VERY VERY common today…I often run into folks out in public who also are in similar situation. I told one daughter who had 2 bad husbands and in-law families, and referring to others in our kin, that we quite simply were “magnets for those with mental illness”. It does seem true. My daughter said it was because we are empaths. Perhaps so. Seems how we are is how people are supposed to be…we are SUPPOSED to love and care for those, especially our blood kin, but also others…friends, even strangers. I hope you will find comfort here and elsewhere in your location. I find that you can run into someone you never met, and somehow you will feel a connection as you begin talking. (Of course, right now so many are beyond panic stricken to even speak to others for fear of catching covid). Hopefully things will calm down again soon and we can resume talking to those who we do not know and finding others who may need this site too. Be good to yourself. If you can, change some patterns of your life, in any area…we changed religion about the time things got very bad for us…even though that was NOT the reason for the change, our intense study was; but any rate, one benefit has been that most holidays we keep now are entirely different and most rarely intersect with what we used to keep. An unexpected benefit in this way. We were needed by one daughter on the opposite side of the country. We moved to help her and now we likely will be here for the rest of our days as travel is not open to us now (due to our own health issues). So it helps mentally to no longer be driving past the rejecting ones home, etc. I love them. I am a mother. I always will. But we have to come to accept however life plays out. My situation is not as hard as some others…I don’t mean to say it is. But just do however you can to make your life better. We are each only given a few days on earth…and it is ok to find ways to be happy!! (Most of the time at least).

    2. AvatarBette

      Yes, there are many of us coping with estrangement; never gets easy but acceptance does help. Stay strong

  3. AvatarElizabeth

    I agree Sheri…well put!! We forgive for our own well-being. I was thinking that it is a difficult thing to, in a way, cease being a parent to these kind of kids, and release them from any expectation at all. To go on more or less, as if they do not exist. Or exist only in very limited ways. While it was important to us when ours were growing up to be as equal as possible and not have favorites, I have been also released from that. And we have not totally figured out yet, as to inheritance, which will not be much anyway, as to how to do. But for now, whenever I want to send money to the other 2 children who do show their love for us, I do so without any hesitation at all. At the least, THESE 2 are getting some of their inheritance early…while the other is not. And as always, trying to not let the NOT-GIVEN spoil the GIVEN…that also includes those who are friends, and not kin. When they act more as kin…in a way, those friends are kin!! Nothing says our only relationships need to be with blood kin. All things which take time and we have not gotten here instantly.

    Reply
    1. rparentsrparents Post author

      Elizabeth,

      I like what you say here about no longer having to worry about who gets what and fairness. This illustrates some of the freedom of giving in and letting someone who doesn’t want you have their way. It’s a shift that helps in everyday life.

      HUGS to you, and many well wishes and blessings for you on your journey with the kin of your choice.

      Sheri McGregor

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