A crisis

This topic contains 36 replies, has 28 voices, and was last updated by Avatar Violet 6 months ago.

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  • #68178
    Avatar
    MJmom
    Participant

    As many of you know, my husband is very ill. Last night he was rushed by ambulance to the hospital.,All is not well and I sit waiting for the worst. My son has been my rock and we will get through this once again. I have not told my daughters and the guilt is swallowing me alive. My youngest ED has a close love for her Father, and at first I emailed her 6 times to come, but each email was returned undelivered. I forgot under the stress she has refused all communication with me. Actually, I was relived, how sad is that? I sit here under a cloud, and I can think of is her horrible words and if she is here, I will have to leave. And I can’t do that. I feel like a Boulder has landed on my chest. I can’t breathe. I can’t be reasonable. Mjmom

  • #68188
    rparents
    rparents
    Keymaster

    Dear MjMom,

    You tried.

    For now, set the boulder aside … your husband’s health is a big enough one. You are not Mr. Universe or Zeus or whoever holds the world on their shoulders. Stay there, be there. Deep breathe, think good thoughts as much as you can. Love your husband. Love your son. And let yourself be loved.

    And know that there are people here rooting for you. We all care and are holding your hand.

    Hugs,
    Sheri McGregor

  • #68189
    Farmgirl
    Farmgirl
    Participant

    Mjmom – So sorry to hear about your hubby…..stay strong for your husband and your son. Shower them both with all your love an attention. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers

    Lots and lots of hugs from the farm

  • #68190
    wkgmom
    wkgmom
    Participant

    I am so sorry MjMom – Prayers for you and your husband. Sheri said it best. Don’t leave even if your ED does show up. Set that aside at the moment, let your son deal with her if she is being awful.

    Be there for your husband now, it is crucial that you take this time together. He needs you there more than anyone. YOU.

    Hugs to you,
    Wkgmom

  • #68192
    Needothers
    Needothers
    Participant

    You need to be there. That is all that is important now.
    I have been in that spot. I am holding your hand, also.
    I am sending caring to you.

  • #68194
    Ann
    Ann
    Participant

    I echo Sheri’s thoughts and also send you a hug xx

  • #68198
    AUSSIEMOM
    AUSSIEMOM
    Participant

    Mjmom, if a child of mine ever blocked me from contacting them, that would be game over for me. And for them. You’ve been blocked, you tried, now deal with your own self and your husband’s health. If your son felt it was prudent to notify his sisters, leave it to him to deal with, not you. Protect yourself, it doesn’t matter how ‘close’ your blocking daughter is to her father, she never considered her mother would be part of the picture, or did she want you gone from the picture. Since that isn’t going to happen, focus on yourself and don’t diminish whatever strength you have right now by consideration for your daughters.

    There is more that I could say but this is not the time nor is it appropriate. This is your crisis. Your husband’s crisis. You need all the energy that you have to give this to him, in how you’ll deal with his medical crisis, how you’ll look after him if given that choice, leave the family dynamics to your son. You don’t need nor does your husband need a hysterical daughter on the premises, who appears to think only about her own self and needs. If you’re blamed, let us know, we’ll circle the wagons around you here. If you’re blamed, hold up your hand to your daughter and say ENOUGH. If she doesn’t ‘get it”, repeat yourself. If she makes your life miserable at the hospital, have her removed, call staff.
    Aussiemom

  • #68199
    Avatar
    Mum
    Participant

    Dearest Mjmom,

    We understand and we care. We are in your corner and rooting for you as Sheri says.

    Many blessing to you Mjmom!!!

    Mum

  • #68200
    delilah
    delilah
    Participant

    Hello MjMom, I’m sorry your husband has had this recent health crisis. I have not been on here much but remember your situation well and how long you have been dealing with all this and his poor health.

    Please just focus on your husband and yourself. You know the ED presence there would stress him and make things much worse. In a way, at this time, the fact that she wont communicate with you is a blessing, for it means you, your husband and son can be inside a loving bubble.

    Do not waste your time on these thoughts about all she has said. That is giving her more attention, and she has had more than enough of that. Strength for the road ahead

  • #68220
    Birdwatcher
    Birdwatcher
    Participant

    Dear Mjmom,
    I’m praying that God will give you strength right now, and some peace too, and comfort, and His love while we also show you our care and concern.

    I know you’ve done all you can to contact your daughters about their father. It’s been their choice to refuse contact. I hope you can let the guilt go, it’s to you and your husband’s advantage to do so. He should be your concern, and your own health too. Such true words that I know myself are easier said than done.
    We’re all holding you and your hubby in our thoughts and prayers, sending you cyber hugs and love.
    Birdwatcher

  • #68230
    Morgana
    Morgana
    Participant

    Dear MjMom,
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband tonight. I can only imagine the conflicting feelings in your heart and your head, please, breathe.
    Don’t you dare let your daughter drive you from your rightful place, by the side of the man who shares your life.
    Not now, not ever, whatever happens.

    Wishing you peace in the storm. 💐

  • #68224
    Birdwatcher
    Birdwatcher
    Participant

    Dear Mjmom,
    I’m praying that God will give you strength right now, and some peace too, and comfort, and His love while we also show you our care and concern.

    I know you’ve done all you can to contact your daughters about their father. It’s been their choice to refuse contact. I hope you can let the guilt go, it’s to you and your husband’s advantage to do so. He should be your concern, and your own health too. Such true words that I know myself are easier said than done.
    We’re all holding you and your hubby in our thoughts and prayers, sending you cyber hugs and love.
    Birdwatcher

  • #68226
    Avatar
    Kindmumma
    Participant

    Mjmom, all I can do is second what others have said. You and your husband matter most right now. Hugs from me too.

  • #68228
    BeeHere4Me
    BeeHere4Me
    Participant

    Dear Mjmom,

    We are thinking of you and keeping you in our prayers.

    Please consider choices that bring nothing but peace to you and your husband’s bedside. There is no need to invite drama into a time when love and support is needed.

    Please take care of you first!

    ((Big Hug))
    🐝

  • #68245
    Getpastit
    Getpastit
    Participant

    Hello Mjmom. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. It won’t last forever.

    You’ve done nothing to feel guilty about or ashamed of. You’ve tried to make contact with no success. Right thing to do. Not your fault that it didn’t work.

    You feel glad that you won’t have to deal with any more of her horrible words right now. Nothing wrong with that feeling. Anyone would feel the same. You have enough to deal with.

    Sending you strength.

  • #68249
    Avatar
    Ziggy
    Participant

    Mjmom,
    Forget any thoughts of guilt. You did what you could. Focus on you, your husband, and your son…no one else deserves your attention right now. My hope is that no one creates painful and unnecessary drama while you are dealing with this crisis. I wish you calm and loving peace.

  • #68251
    Birdwatcher
    Birdwatcher
    Participant

    Sorry to all for the double post, I’m not sure how that happened.
    Birdwatcher

  • #68254
    VeronicaT
    VeronicaT
    Participant

    Dear Mjmom

    Sending big hugs and prayers your way.

    You have done all you can and just think of your needs and your husbands. They have have made there own guilt, you have nothing to feel guilty about there choices remember not yours.

    Please take care of yourself and your son so glad he is with you, hope you husband is ok.

    Big hugs

    VeronicaT x

  • #68257
    Avatar
    Pax
    Participant

    Mjmom,
    Wishing strength and peace to your husband, you, and your son. Sending giant hugs in the hopes of some comfort to you…

  • #68259
    walkingforward
    walkingforward
    Participant

    I am so sorry, and I have been exactly where you are. I was able to email and let my daughter know. Given that you are blocked from her email, I would consider asking my son to try to contact her. But that would be as far as I would go. Set that aside and be with your husband. I will be praying for you and your husband. My heart breaks for you. My daughter never came to see her father during that cancer crisis.

  • #68289
    MKL1961
    MKL1961
    Participant

    Oh, MJ. Prayers your way, both for your hubby’s situation and for your peace.

  • #68290
    Imovinon
    Imovinon
    Participant

    Mjmom, I hope your husband is doing better today. I am so sorry you are going through such a scary time. Thank goodness your son who has been your rock is there to support you. No matter how your ED treats you, at least you know you did something right to have raised a son who has stepped up and been your rock when you needed him.

    We are here for you, too. Wishing you and your family peace during this difficult time.
    Love from IMO.

  • #68292
    Avatar
    dragonfly
    Participant

    Mjmom, I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry. Sending Love and healing Light to you both,
    Dragonfly

  • #68296
    Avatar
    MJmom
    Participant

    My life has calmed again, but what I have learned is invaluable. My husband had a reaction to the pneumonia shot, Prevran. Last year he almost died from sepsis caused by the flu and pneumonia, so this year we were proactive to get all shots to prevent this from happening again. Little did we know the consequences of what could lie ahead. Fortunately, we caught it in time and all turned out okay, minus my nerves. With medical help and all my dear friends here, I can get some sleep and get on. What I learned is, if this would have been a full blown emergency, I need not bother informing my daughter, since she refused any communication with me. Her Father could have passed on and she would never have known, until she needed money or child care. My son has been rejected by her also so he felt no need to inform her. We had far too many important things to deal with. It was like I was given a dress rehearsal of the future. It has shown me the priorities in life. What time I am wasting worrying about the what if’s. I am so grateful to each and everyone of you. My eyes are wide open now, and will quit wasting precious time on those who deserve none. Love you all! Mimom

  • #68297
    AUSSIEMOM
    AUSSIEMOM
    Participant

    Mjmom, even though we all connect through air waves, I’m not sure would you call it cyber energy, we are friends. And my first thought in turning on my computer this morning was of you and your husband’s medical issues and how difficult times like this can be because of family issues. At a time when you would hope that all the love and care you gave to your children would be returned to you in later life when you need support in dealing with medical issues as we age and it is not. Of the three children your son is there to support you in a way that you need yourself, regardless of whoever else from your family turned up at the hospital. And as you can see, we are here too for you as friends. I feel as though we are all holding a collective breaths for you and your husband right now, right here on this forum of fellow travellers through life.
    Aussiemom

  • #68304
    missmarleygirl
    missmarleygirl
    Participant

    Mjmom,
    So very, very sorry to hear about your husband. I went through something similar with my ED’s when my husband was in the hospital. My heart breaks for you. You are in a place where you need to devote 100% of your time, energy, and love to your husband. You did what you could to contact ED. If you are still uncomfortable, can you ask your son to reach out to her/them?
    Please know that your friends here are thinking about you with love and crossing our fingers for your husband.
    With so much cosmic love to you,
    mmg

  • #68328
    rparents
    rparents
    Keymaster

    MjMom,

    Glad the immediate crisis has passed.

    Good lessons to learn …why are lessons always so tough!? Gosh.

    Anyway, thank you for sharing here. Your experience will help others.

    Hugs to you and yours,
    Sheri McGregor

  • #68329
    SummerRain
    SummerRain
    Participant

    Wishing your husband a speedy recovery. Sending you love and light during this time and know that you are loved Mjmom. This isn’t about anyone else but you and your husband. Stand strong by his side and keep your head up.

    You got this!

    Hugs,
    SummerRain

  • #68330
    SummerRain
    SummerRain
    Participant

    MJMom,

    ” It was like I was given a dress rehearsal of the future.”

    The above statement that you posted really hit a cord. Amazing the things we learn in crisis and glad that you were able to come to that realization.

    Sending you happy and healthy vibes!

    SummerRain

  • #68346
    wkgmom
    wkgmom
    Participant

    MjMom, like AM I was so worried to log into the forum today. I was praying for you and your husband yesterday and this morning that he was going to be ok and you were going to get some peace.

    I am so glad he is doing better. Your state of mind, as sad as it may be that you have to think this way, is the healthiest it can be at this time knowing more clearly what the future may hold. I am so sorry you had to have a glimpse of that but maybe it is for a reason.

    Like frozen, LET IT GO. You are doing the right thing by not wasting anymore energy on the EDs who are not going to be at all helpful when that fateful day actually arrives. I am so glad that you have your son to help you.

  • #68368
    Avatar
    MJmom
    Participant

    My husband is doing well. ED is in her words “really pissed off” and how dare I. My only black comedy of the ordeal. Yes it was a dress rehearsal of what is to come. The only positive of this whole mess is I am organizing our wills, last wishes papers and will transfer deed to house into our son’s name. I also drafted a letter to each GD to be read before they can have any inheritance. once they reach 18. I came to the realization I am done trying to fix the estrangement. The “why” is all about money or her lack of it. So be it. No matter how much you try to deny your mother, she will always be in your brain and ED will always be in her heart. Thank you all for your love, prayers, and just being here for me. You gave more comfort than you will ever know!! Love Mjmom

  • #68377
    Swoosh
    Swoosh
    Participant

    Oh Mjmom, I am so sorry. What an amazing and resilient woman you are. You hang in there.
    Hugs, Swoosh

  • #68387
    RuthS
    RuthS
    Participant

    Mjmom,So glad your husband is doing better! Hold each other close and let the “vortex of manipulation” that is your ED go by the wayside. Sending you and your husband and son much Love and Light!

    Take Good Care!!!
    RuthS

  • #68391
    shymush
    shymush
    Participant

    I am so sorry about your husband’s health crisis. Be there for him, hold his hand and
    forget the whole world.
    He needs you now.
    Hugs

  • #68397
    SimplifyPlease
    SimplifyPlease
    Participant

    This is an amazing thread, in’t it? Warmth, love, support, encouragement for dear MjMom. Sending you a beam of sunshine from Cape Town, MJ … Bask in it and know that you are held close and firmly by this group of friends. Keep strong …

  • #68424
    AUSSIEMOM
    AUSSIEMOM
    Participant

    Mjmom, there is always a moment of reckoning, isn’t there. Sometimes it takes a medical crisis like you’ve experienced now with your husband (and it’s not the first time I’ve heard of reactions to injections when a person’s immune system is compromised though this is an experiential comment), sometimes it takes a “lightbulb moment” when there is a revelation of thought, like something happens once too often that had been hurting you for some time, it’s like the straw that breaks the camel’s back. And, then you take action, the action you’ve not wanted to take for fear of hurting your family, fear of loss for yourself, the reality that you knew all along, and then it has to happen.

    Now, will your reputation suffer further to those who have not appreciated you in your family, I wonder. Revelations are like the shedding of the skin in springtime that I see lying on the concrete around our swimming pool by a creature I truly feel great discomfort with, a snake. But when I see these empty skins lying about, so perfectly formed, it’s how I feel about making a decision I’ve never wanted to make but was forced by circumstances to make, which in the end was necessary. And of course, there would be the question, necessary for whom. But those who would ask that question would have their own agenda, different to yours.

    I trust your husband’s reaction will continue to improve. And yes, isn’t this a wonderful site, which others honour in its integrity.
    Aussiemom

  • #68432
    Avatar
    Violet
    Participant

    MJmom,
    Saw this thread n had to echo my love n good wishes to u! So happy that ur husband is on the mend n that u r taking care of u!
    I don’t get to post often enough n I hope to remedy that. But u all r always on my mind n in my heart!
    Be well,
    Violet

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