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September 25, 2020 at 9:15 am #108871happyParticipant
Have you heard a song that you really needed to hear. I heard one tonight, name of the song is Chosen by Sidewalk Prophets. Check it out on line. Goes like You are not worthless, you are precious, you’re not left out, you are wanted. You are not invisible with your shining soul.
Yes I felt worthless, and invisible, left out with my EC. This song made me realize I had made my EC an idol, they meant everything to me. It is God’s opinion is all that matters. These EC rejection had about killed me, all of a sudden I realize it really does not matter what they think of me. I know I was a good Mom and their opinion does not matter any more. I am feeling so much more peace. I hope this makes since.
I felt kind of like a jilted lover who cant get over it, like some people commit suicide over a love. I am thinking it is crazy to love someone this much. I am getting to the point I just dont care any more, it is like So What? Why did I give my power away and let their opinion affect me so? I am coming to my senses, so what if they dont like me or reject me, I like me.
September 26, 2020 at 4:43 pm #108886DeloresParticipant
Happy – your post could have been written by me. That’s exactly how I felt! And still feel sometimes in my down moments. Everyone else could think I’m a great person and a good mom, but ED’s opinion was what crushed me. It does give our power away.
Sometimes I get really angry and think “what a self-centered, entitled bitch! who was never pleasant to be around anyway! I love her but I don’t like her. The hell with her. I’m happier without her insults and ignoring behavior” I don’t like to be angry but I just figure it’s a healthy phase between feeling in misery and being free.
I have found my ED in my thoughts almost all the time. To lessen this, I visualize that as like a collage of faces of people in my life, but hers is huge compared to everyone else.
I try now to visualize her and “shrink” her presence in my life until she is far smaller than anyone else – still there of course, but not what I focus my attention on. Then to not focus on her at all but on the people who do love me and care about me and have a gratitude feeling for them.
September 26, 2020 at 4:43 pm #108887movingonwithmylifeParticipant
You are not alone in your sorrow and pain.
Make a list of the things that make YOU happy and seek those things out.
music-a certain food item or meal-hobbies-visiting others-aromatherapy oil in a diffuser-binge watching a good series on hulu or another streaming service-writing
empty spaces in our lives can create a vacuum, and we need to fill the empty space, previously occupied by our familiar relationships, with positive experiences and activities. Otherwise, the endless thought loops take over.
You are in a good place here.
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