January 8, 2019 at 9:14 pm #67950
I just came in from sitting in my swing in the woods where I’d gone with my 2 little dogs and my phone to soak up some sun. Before I knew it, I was 100% focused on my phone and was missing everything beautiful that was happening around me. I put my phone down with intention to notice the things around me. I saw spider webs blowing around in the breeze with the sun’s rays hitting them just right. I saw lots of birds at my bird feeders, heard lots of birds in the trees around me there in the woods, saw a white trail a plane had just left behind in the blue, blue sky and watched my little doggies running around like they love to do in the woods. But if I hadn’t intentionally put my phone down and said to myself, “Be in the moment! Look and see what’s beautiful around you!” I’d still be scrolling on my phone out there and would have missed all that.
I think our estranged kids put blinders on us and all we can see/feel/know/think about is the estrangement with them. It’s overwhelming to our senses. We don’t see the beautiful things that are around every one of us every single day. It’s time to take the blinders OFF and remember that you were created to create, not just to exist. You know when you say something to someone and you can tell it just makes their day or you look at a baby or a small child wherever you happen to be and they give you a big ol’ smile and just make your day? That’s the Universe telling you that you are blessing others and others are a blessing to you. You matter to lots of other people even if you don’t matter to your estranged child so…you matter! And all that negative crap the estranged kids heap on our heads isn’t our reality even though they do a really good job of trying to convince us it is. But when blinders are on, that’s all you can see/feel/hear/know/think about.
Blinders off! You must learn a new way to THINK before you can master a new way to BE. But we can all get there. It doesn’t just happen, it has to be done intentionally. And I wouldn’t know about any of this if it weren’t for Sheri’s book and this site. I was so sad for so long…but I’m not anymore!
January 9, 2019 at 1:57 am #67984
So very true!!!!
I love all of this.
January 9, 2019 at 5:56 am #67995
KindSoul, a great post! Love, Rainbow
January 9, 2019 at 11:13 am #68000
So very thought provoking, and so true, thank you for posting this.
I’m trying to make this year better, I know I need to change my situation, well, me, and this was a positive nudge in the same direction! 💐
January 9, 2019 at 3:44 pm #68006
Kindsoul, what a blessing you are to remind us of this. Everything you say is so very true. I am finally beginning to see/feel/hear/know/think about all the good around me. It took many, many years of being blindfolded and only seeing what my EC showed me as my truth. But man, once the blinders were off, there is so much better truths to see than the twisted truths of our EC.
Yesterday I posted that my 6th GC was born last week but it really was my 7th! (I forgot to count my estranged GD whom I have had so very little contact with since her birth). I’m not sure if that means I’m moving on or if means I am a terrible grandma to forget one of my own GC. But it happened. I was just so focused on my new GD and the 4 GC who are in my life instead of the 2 who aren’t and that is progress to me, I think.
January 9, 2019 at 4:11 pm #68011
Wow!!!! such a great post. Thank you, sometimes we are so blinded by everything right in front of us that we fail to see the beauty surrounding us. Such wise words from a truly Kind Soul.
January 9, 2019 at 7:54 pm #68072
Thank you so much for this! It’s been a bad day and this was just what I needed to hear.
January 9, 2019 at 7:54 pm #68073
I loved your post. It gave me a calm, happy feeling reading your description of the beauty around you. Nature is my saving grace.
Thanks for your reminder that there is much beauty and joy to be experienced in life in even the tiniest ways. I’m trying every day to push past my pain and live and enjoy life the way it’s meant to be.
January 9, 2019 at 10:59 pm #68097
Thank you for that post and sharing all of that, KindSoul.
It’s very good to meet you!
I am very appreciative that you wrote that, and posted it.
January 12, 2019 at 2:49 am #68369
Thank you Kind Soul. So many phenomenal writers here, and you are one. Such a beautiful, refreshing reminder to not skip the importance to controlling our emotions and mind. It’s really true. We just can’t change anyone but ourselves.
January 12, 2019 at 3:36 am #68376
Kindsoul, What a wonderful reminder 🙂
January 12, 2019 at 11:11 am #68388
Thank You for this wonderful post, Kindsoul!!! It definitely helps me and my resolve on this journey!!!
Take Good Care,
January 12, 2019 at 11:21 am #68398
January 13, 2019 at 9:25 pm #68554
How inspirational and true!! thank you!
January 14, 2019 at 5:07 am #68611
Thank you Kind Soul, your words are beautiful and so very true, I had also managed to remove the blinders for quite some time and was in danger of putting them back on due to some unexpected news from the blue, however trust me they will remain well and trust where they need to be – in the past. No matter what happens, I refuse to go back to that dark and dismal place.
January 16, 2019 at 2:40 am #68816
Thank you for that inspiring post, you shared!
I am working so hard to break my old patterns of repeatedly getting so very disturbed about this situation with ED.
When I manage to climb farther out of the hole, I want to take on that idea, too,
NO matter what happens, I refuse to go back to that dark and dismal place.
Thank you, Aly, and I hope the same for you and for others, here!
January 16, 2019 at 11:12 pm #68832
I had not been on the site for a bit I truly did feel I had come to terms with the estrangement and was in control of my emotions, I had learned to move on, in my heart forgave and wished my ES well and prayed for his happiness, after all my wish for my children growing up was that they were healthy and happy, if he was healthy and happier without me in his life so be it, hurtful though it is I had achieved my desire for my child and I could live with that, until the news came via a third party a new grandchild was on the way….. well that hurt like hell, I had hoped this MIGHT be the turning point, but no, the world of FB was privy to the happy news but not the paternal grandparents or aunt!!
So here I am back to this amazing support network which is rejected parents and all the wonderful love and sound advice of old friends, and new,.
I had a blip, but I AM back in control, I refuse to let them take away any more from me than they have already done, my door, my heart and my love remain open to them, they are welcome any time, I can and have forgiven, but won’t forget as it is now my defence mechanism, in order to forgive, I needed to let go as trying to hold on was destroying ME.
Chances are, I won’t get to know this grandchild and that is so sad, but in my heart there will always be a place for it, I can love from afar and in the meanwhile I will focus on the four grandchildren I do have the privilege of having in my life, I am so blessed.
Revisiting here has reinforced my resolve, thanks to all my cyber friends, I will try not to be such a stranger in future because this scenario has proved that estrangement doesn’t go away, it will always be there just like the invisible umbilical cord between us parents and EC will never be truly broken, but we can’t allow the EC to break us.
Love n hugs to all, I truly hope wherever each of us is on this journey we will all find our own ways to manage to the best of our ability as each stage of the journey unfolds.
It can and will get better.
January 16, 2019 at 11:15 pm #68842
I really needed that KindSoul……..fell right back into the pit of despair recently when we found we had been blocked from our ES and DIL’s FB pages…….. but this really helped. Thank you.!!!!
January 20, 2019 at 6:43 am #69212
Your entire post made a lot of sense to me. Thank you for sharing it and for coming back.
The gc effects are truly shocking and shattering. I have those , too.
It is a hard one to swallow.
It adds extra, immeasurable grief.
Yet, ….I will continue to try to help myself, and others.
Those who choose NOT to block me out of their lives and others.
Thanks again, for all that you wrote, above.
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