CAUTIONARY NOTE–Please read

This topic contains 23 replies, has 21 voices, and was last updated by  Farmgirl 2 days, 17 hours ago.

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  • #17907
    rparents
    rparents
    Keymaster

    As an addendum to the welcome thread began some time ago that speaks of this forum as a forward-thinking gathering, for parents hoping to deal with the emotional distress and move forward despite the decisions of estranged adult children (read that topic, please), it’s necessary to make a few quick reminders—-

    The forum is meant to support each other but is not intended for crisis intervention of any kind.

    This space does not serve as therapy, and no one here is acting in any such capacity regardless of their outside professions whether past or present.

    Additionally, this is not a private forum. The posts anyone makes here show up on the Internet. Everyone here (except me) speaks under user names that afford SOME anonymity, but there is no guarantee.

    You’llsometimes see XX posted in place of a location or some other detail. I do this on a very limited basis, and it would be impossible to catch every detail. Please make it easy for me, and safe for yourself and others here by editing out identifying details. As is stated in my welcome message at the top of the main forum page, it may not be wise to have a written record of some things that could potentially be identified/associated to you, hurtful to yourself, or hurtful to others.

    Thank you for your kindness to one another, yourself, me, and those who happen along here. Together, we can keep this a useful community, and create an atmosphere of positive synergy where people offer support and care in moving forward in a happy, prosperous life

    Sheri McGregor

  • #17913
    Alexandra
    Alexandra
    Participant

    That’s very good advice. I think the closest I came to revealing info was just mentioning what country I’m from. I know these pages aren’t intended to serve as therapy, but the support offered and hearing other people’s stories is very helpful and comforting. This is a wonderful website. Thank you again for hosting and moderating it for all of us.

    Alexandra

  • #18086

    Kmap
    Participant

    Thank you, Sheri, for this good reminder.

  • #18252

    sukha
    Participant

    Thank you so much!

  • #26694

    chardon
    Participant

    Thank you Sheri. It’s a wonderful forum and I finally was able to get back in. I was locked out for awhile and couldn’t make a new password. Got it working now.

  • #26707

    Johanna
    Participant

    I am back Sheri….been absent through ongoing adjustment to this new chapter of my life..Thankyou for your reminders and I take a lot of comfort in reading others stories. Your book changed me in many good ways. Having said that, I still fall in a heap but fortunately, I don’t stay there for long. Thankyou for your support, honesty and understanding

  • #36061
    simplifyplease
    simplifyplease
    Participant

    So very, very important … Sharing can be scary if boundaries are somehow shifted and all sorts of dependency creeps in … I’m from a totally different background to most of you, and live in a far away country. If I spoke about my estrangement in any detail, my location and the individuals concerned would be easily identifiable. So I’m here to read about other people’s experiences and add a few words of encouragement and comfort, if possible.

  • #44049
    simplifyplease
    simplifyplease
    Participant

    In the four months I’ve been here, I’ve basically let it all hang out. So I just want to reassure Sheri that I’m OK with being identified. Not that it’s likely … But you never know. If it happens, it happens. I was warned – and I went full steam ahead, regardless. But here’s the thing: it has been HUGELY cathartic. Thank you, Sheri, for creating a space in which I felt safe enough to do it.

  • #51881

    Lonelygirl
    Participant

    Thanks for the reminder,much appreciated

  • #51943
    Phoenix12
    Phoenix12
    Participant

    I am bumping this to remind everyone including myself that some people could be recognized by their writing style, mentioning their hobbies if they are non-mainstream, or oversharing about pets and other personal details that seem innocuous at the time.

    Also, we’ve all been here on Earth long enough to know how fast society’s attitudes can change. It may be no big deal to laugh about how funny a child was when they got a spanking they deserved in the ’70s or ’80s, but that could come back to bite you in the tushie if your grandkids or great-grandkids ever needed you to go to court and take custody of them.

  • #52309
    walkingforward
    walkingforward
    Participant

    Thanks for the reminder. I am guarded in what I write due to the reasons Sheri gave. I often want to just pull back my curtain, but caution tells me to be careful.

  • #52310
    NOLA
    NOLA
    Participant

    I’m a new kid (Mom of an estranged daughter) here. I certainly identify with many of the stories of rejection and estrangement. It’s been a year since my only living daughter has disowned me. My oldest daughter suffered a heart atack and died 6 years ago. My oddest daughter made the choice to disown my (now X husband) and I. We tried and tried to talk to her, tell he we loved and cared for her only to be rejected, ridiculed and served with papers by an attorney to hand over all the money we saved for her for her future. My then husband didn’t want to give in to her, but I reasoned with him and he agreed to give her the money/stocks we saved for her future. She died a few years after that. During my divorce, My youngest daughter vasilated between liking my husband better than me after the divorce, then liking me after she had issues with her dad. Now, I’m the one that she has disowned. The reason: she was going to have her first child, I was happy and told her I would be there to help. Well, due to a degenerating hip, which I made her well aware of and my limited mobility I had to have a hip replacement. All this happened a month befor my granddaughter was to be born. I could not help her due to my recovery. She deemed I was a selfish mother who didn’t care about her and what she was going through. My intentions were always to help her but I couldn’t. I love my daughter and never whould I do anything to hurt her. She and her husband scorned me to their friends and family members and besmirched my character. I sent emails phone calls and text messages to talk to my daughter, say I was sorry I had to disappoint her etc., but all my efforts were unanswered. I was heart and spirit broken. I have a granddaughter I have never seen. I have read “Done with the Crying” and it has been very helpful. My state of mind is much better than it was but I’m in disbelief that my daughter has done this to me. Even though I will hold out hopes that my daughter will reconcile with me, I have to throw in the towel and move on with my life. I miss and love her but I have to think about me, my health and my well being. It’s very hard. I’m thinking of being a mentor to a foster child and helping a kid that didn’t have the love and all the great times, gifts and love I gave my to girls.

  • #56514

    Themom
    Participant

    Logged in for my first time just now……reading this great advice.

  • #63214

    catfan
    Participant

    I found this site and group tonight and have sat here reading about 8-9 hours until dawn has come, just soaking it up with a sense not only of surprise but also relief. It is SO GOOD to know that I am one of many and not the only ‘worst and least-wanted mother in the world’!

    After all this reading and considering the sun is up now I really need to sleep now, so I will introduce myself properly soon. I just wanted to say that I feel almost overwhelmed by and in awe of the massive amount of courage and strength I have been reading here. The deep pain is so evident too and that’s why this courage and strength is so special, it’s not easy to be brave when things are hurting!

  • #63216

    catfan
    Participant

    Whoops, sorry, I posted that on the wrong page! It’s my first, I will learn.

  • #63780
    Diz
    Diz
    Participant

    Fall is especially difficult for me, and in honor of this post-title, I won’t give the details. It culminates with white-knuckling through Christmas/New Years, and a hope for for a better year. I am standing my ground, but I want to share a few things with all of you, as I am a researcher by trade. My first few months on this site, I would read things that sounded shockingly familiar, and think, “Did I write that? or “How did they know?” I started keeping my ear to the ground, as I am wont to do when doing cursory research, and WOW- there are a lot of us out there! We’re too embarrassed, ashamed, or we’ve just moved on and the info doesn’t arise organically. Sheri recognized an epidemic in the making! I saved my family in every way possible, and purposely didn’t date, and now I’m alone. Learning how NOT to be a Mom, a leader of my family, and starting over at this age is painful. When I read about the gals who have husbands to lean on, or other children who are not estranged, I know that brings its own challenges, but to know that comfort must be such a blessing. Happy Thanksgiving.

  • #64630

    Hmmm
    Participant

    It’s very confusing to recognize that you passed on possible relationships and a future as a tactic to focus on and protect your children, then they abandon you at n older age and you are alone..

    • #64662
      BeeHere4Me
      BeeHere4Me
      Participant

      Hmmm … your post is a cautionary note that is duly noted.

      🐝

  • #64733

    Sasha7133
    Participant

    to Hmmm, it is interesting that you passed up possible relationships and now you are alone. I passed up excellent jobs in order to be a stay at home mother so she didn’t have to go to daycare.

    Now she says I “should” have been working to make money so she could buy pretty things.

    I can’t win, darned if you do darned if you don’t.

  • #64836

    Allie-Katz
    Participant

    Hi all!

    I am new here and will do whatever I can to make this as anonymous as possible. I am thankful I am not alone with this grief and look forward to building a happy prosperous life along with the folks on the forum. So nice to have fellow travelers:)

  • #64886
    MsExistential
    MsExistential
    Participant

    Thank you Sheri for the opportunity to have a place where us forgotten parents can feel free to pour our hearts out to those who can understand and not be judgemental.

  • #64999
    braveheart
    braveheart
    Participant

    Hi Everyone,
    This is my 1st post. I was ready to post about 2 weeks ago, when my mom died unexpectedly, so I had to get to a place where I can deal with her death, and that grief before I could post. Its been a hard slide, but I am here. I want to heal and be positive. I am done with crying, I have read Sheri’s book, but will read it again. I am tired of convincing myself I am good person. I did my very best as a working mother, tirelessly gave of myself. So I am here and I am listening.

    I want to Thank you Sheri for taking the time to set this up for me personally.

  • #65053
    rparents
    rparents
    Keymaster

    Dear braveheart,

    My condolences on your mother’s death!

    Hugs and more hugs … about that and everything.

    Sheri McGregor

  • #65166

    Farmgirl
    Participant

    Braveheart, so sorry to hear about your mom. Please take care of your self and read Sheri’s book as many times as you need – I am on my 3rd reading.
    I am like you and everyone on this site….a kind, loving, caring mom who did her best with raising her kids, but as we all know these estrangements are one of the hardest things to deal with.

    Sorry you need the site, but glad you have posted and please read other’s posts, you can find comfort there too.

    Hugs from the farm

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