Do I still try and reach out

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    • #97695
      Avatartiredmom
      Participant

      ED and husband moved to Germany for his job. They married last year,(I wasn’t invited-only my son was the only member from our family invited).
      Do I continue to try and reach out to her? It has been almost 5 years. I have tried to contact her multiple times by various methods (letter, text, phone call).
      Advice?

    • #97697
      rparentsrparents
      Keymaster

      Five years is a long time to be ignored. Is it long enough, to you, that her message is clear?

      I would not reach out to her.

      What do YOU think? I think that you know, at this point, what will be helpful to you in moving forward happily in her absence. That’s really what it must be about. Taking care of yourself and living life as bountifully and peacefully and gratefully and meaningful as you can.

      Hugs to you,
      Sheri McGregor

    • #97698
      Avatarcruiser
      Participant

      you have to do what feels right to you in the end,

      I am at 6 years with no contact with daughters, no social media, no contact.

      it’s about me, now, make a life for yourself, life goes on. put one foot in front of the other, YOU can do it.

      holidays are hard, that’s for sure but find things to do you enjoy, take care of your health

      HUGS 2 u

    • #97700
      MsExistentialMsExistential
      Participant

      Don’t do as I do. Take Sheri’s learned advice.

    • #97718
      walkingforwardwalkingforward
      Participant

      Remember that no response from estranged adult children is a response. Try to move forward and know that if they want contact, they will reach out to you. i believe it is the mother in us that keeps us reaching out to those who don’t reach back. At some point one has to just let go and build a hood life without them. It is about self preservation to me.

    • #97724
      Yellow RoseYellow Rose
      Participant

      We can’t assume that our contact attempts are seen by the EC in the same way we see them but I think we can take their behaviors towards us as reality. At some point, we have to decide to focus on our own lives and what we do have and who wants us in their lives rather than who doesn’t want us in their life. I also think we are best served by acknowledging that we have no power to change the situation or our EC’s viewpoints. I think when our EC do not invite us to their weddings or other special family events, it is a big message that they feel okay about rejecting or ostracizing that parent. Every one of us has a different way of looking at things but I encourage you to decide that 2020 is the year you work on healing yourself. Read Done with the Crying and do the exercises. What if you free your mind and body from being chained to her rejection, how would your life be then?

    • #97726
      AUSSIEMOMAUSSIEMOM
      Participant

      TiredMom, Five years and hoping? Five years must hurt an awful lot. Ask yourself if in five years the writing is on the wall or not? My guess is, hard as it is, hurting as it does, reaching out, five years makes it pretty clear, no contact. Not invited to the wedding. Another clear message. Ask yourself if you’ve been hurt enough or are you wanting to go back for more rejection. And if so, why…questions to ask yourself, then make your own mind up as to what you will do. It’s not what we parents signed on for having kids, is it.
      Aussiemom

    • #97753
      Avatartiredmom
      Participant

      Thank you for all the advice. I think I will not attempt to contact her.

    • #97775
      AvatarPoppyBell
      Participant

      I would leave her be & not reach out. As hard as it is not to, I think your better off not reaching out. You will be setting yourself up for more pain. After 2 yrs I finally decided to let my son go. I tried everything I could think of to fix this situation & I failed miserably. The last time I spoke to him was so bad. He was so mean, so disrespectful & so full of hate. Then his wife got in on the conversation & made it worse. I decided right then & their to walk away. I guess I hit my breaking point & couldn’t take it anymore. I feel so much better for walking away. I felt all the stress, anger & heartache melt away. I have been able to move foreword now & each day gets easier. My heart will always be broken that my son left my life & I will always miss him. I know right now this is what’s best for me. After 5 yrs of estrangement, getting married w/ out inviting you & moving out of the country, she has made her position clear. You will be setting yourself up for more pain & disapointment when you don’t get a response from her. Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t give her the satisfaction anymore.The day will come when you accept this & be able to move forward. Open yourself up to that. Remember as long as they are alive, there is always hope that they will come back to us. They are the ones who are going to regret this one day. Don’t give her the power to hurt you anymore.

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