December 1, 2018 at 7:09 pm #64301AWaitingFatherParticipant
Today is my ES 32nd birthday. I wont see him or hear from him. I wish I could reach him to tell him Happy Birthday. I miss him so much and I can barely stand the pain. It has been a year since I’ve seen him or my grandson. I love him and want to tell him I’m sorry for whatever I did to make him angry at me. I hope he will come back to me someday.
December 1, 2018 at 11:57 pm #64317walkingforwardParticipant
I am so sorry, and I remember the pain of my first year of estrangement. I have found that time doesn’t erase the pain but as one grows in self care and acceptance of what one cannot change, the intensity of the pain does lower.
Try to read Sheri’s book, work the exercises, and spend time here. I think for many of us, we can’t figure it out because it’s not about us; it’s about them. Now why they chose to do their journey in such an abusive manner will forever be lost to my understanding, but it is what it is. We can’t chase them or beg for inclusion. The best we can do is to give them their freedom, work on ourselvez, and hope that if and when they do return they find us peaceful and full of life experiences. By doing that, I think my sadness, anger,and bitterness have gone backseat to forgiveness, love, and joy. I do forgive them and I do love them so much, and I hate what has happened. But don’t allow this to kill you or rob you of a full life. They are perhaps trying to do something and we all should too. Not sure what they are trying to do, but let them do it. Hopefully they will all one day reflect and realize what they have done wrong, but in the meantime I’m seeking to forgive them and to keep joy in my life.
December 2, 2018 at 7:49 am #64352DottyParticipant
walkingforward – that is beautiful
AwaitingFather, I am so sorry you are hurting. Birthdays, Christmas and other special days are hard. I’m so sorry. Walkingforward’s words are so true. It’s not about you, it’s about them.
December 2, 2018 at 2:36 pm #64362Yellow RoseParticipant
I am sorry you are so devastated and I hope this forum gives you a path to move forward, baby steps to finding your own value and worth. Our EC don’t get to write the book on our value and worth. What bothers me the most in your post is you don’t know what you did to make your ES so mad at you. So many parents on this forum have found the same abusive tactics from their EC. It can be very hard and also very enlightening when we realize we didn’t do anything wrong, its our EC that have decided to scorch the earth like this. Many parents don’t really know what they did wrong or how to fix the relationship because so often that is not the goal. Its painful for parents to realize that the EC goal is not a good relationship with us. Many parents write about groveling, appeasing, walking on eggshells, staying silent, giving, giving, giving, and still nothing is ever good enough or makes the EC happy. No parent is perfect, no human lives a mistake free life. Isn’t possible. I wish you peace on this journey towards healing.
December 2, 2018 at 3:32 pm #64363alcesbullParticipant
I’m so, so sorry you are in such pain. I’m so grateful for the wisdom of this place…the words WalkingForward wrote are healing words, growing words. I’m thinking of you, and hope both of us can get to a place of peace in this unwanted spot on our journeys.
Take good care of your self. Today, even for just a moment.
December 5, 2018 at 5:47 am #64530tiredmomParticipant
So sorry that you, like many of us, are going through such a difficult experience. After 3 1/2 years of estrangement, I can tell you, sometimes it is very difficult/painful still. You will find a common thread that many of us have spent hours trying to figure out what we had done to cause this estrangement-but find no reason for it.
If you have attempted to make contact, left the door open should your EC to resume communications-that is all you can do.
Please take care of yourself.
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