December 6, 2018 at 11:37 am #64639
I have always been a very healthy person (now 64). I walk for 1.5 hours almost every day with my dogs. I work in the barn with my horses. Go regularly to my yoga class eat well, no red meat, lots of fish, no pastry/sugar desserts, lots of fruits and vegetables, good weight. I have always had good blood pressure.
My ED kicked me out of her life with horrible accusations and lies 3 months ago and shared those lies with her sister. I was stunned as we were fairly close, I babysat my grandchildren, she included me in family activities and then all of sudden (after a long fight she has had with her brother), decided that if I didn’t take her side, she had no time for me. I take no one side – it is their fight. I have since learned she is getting some help with her depression and seeing a therapist. That helps explain this somewhat.
I was/am stunned, shakey, can’t sleep and have recently had high blood pressure readings. I never had high blood pressure before.
I will look after this – have taken to mild sleeping pills and that helps. I will focus on me. But this is just a warning to all on this site. It does impact your physical health. It is hard, but we have to focus on us and try to relax and let it go as much as possible. I have kept busy but at activities where I could still think about the situation. I needed something to occupy my mind. So I am going back to school full time in January for a 2 semester program – not to get a job, just to learn and study something I am interested in and to keep my mind from focusing on my ED. I hope that works.
Take Care of yourselves. This stress can make you sick.
December 6, 2018 at 12:19 pm #64645
You bet it affects your health!
Keeping busy helps so much. You gotta stop the rumination as much as possible. My best days have been busy days where there are literally hours I don’t think about the girls at all. It’s amazing how much better physically I feel on those days. Like ten years younger.
Taking classes is a great idea! There are so many options to pursue, so much in life to learn.
I’ve become one of those crazy ‘bird-ladies’, running around the woods with my camera and binos, looking for rare species. 😀 I’ve met such great people(young and old, men and women) through that endeavor who know nothing about the estrangement and how wonderfully freeing is that?
So here’s to good sleep and keeping the mind active and away from ruminating.
December 6, 2018 at 5:17 pm #64650
I have had so many health issues this year. I was always a pretty healthy person as well. One major one I didn’t even realize was happening until I went to the dentist, teeth grinding. It was causing huge issues. Daily headaches etc. Once I went to the dentist and she told me I had, in 8 months, ground my canine teeth down flat and I needed to get a mouth guard right away. All of a sudden I was aware of this happening not just at night but during the day. I noticed I was doing this without thinking about it. I immediately tried to be aware of this action and as soon as I noticed, I would put gum in my mouth. I got a mouth guard to sleep with……. All stress related.
I have also developed an ulcer. I have gained 15 lbs. Stress.
Now that the wedding is over I have really focused on my heath and getting well. I am really trying to just let this sit, let my son and DIL do them as we do us. Now that the wedding is over I don’t need to be involved in life with them and it has relieved a bunch of my stress. I am able to focus on me and getting well. My headaches are subsiding, due to the awareness of the teeth grinding, and my stomach seems to be getting better as well, as I have turned to the Keto diet. It is helping not just with my stomach but my weight as well.
Stress is a killer. It is something we don’t even realize is reeking havoc on us until the damage is done. Estrangement can cause so much stress that it can literally take your health away. This is why self love is so important. This is why when we find ourselves stressed, crying, frustrated and all the things we feel during this horrible time we have to stop, we have to regroup. We have to focus on our well being or we will lose something much more precious, our health.
Take care NMDM – do what you have to to get that BP down. Hugs – wkgmom.
December 6, 2018 at 5:18 pm #64651
Indeed………………. and I don’t know how to get rid of the high blood pressure either!
As far as I know I was ‘fine’ until the final blow up with my husband and daughter after they returned from two weeks racing in Europe. While they were gone I looked after her beautiful dog (I used to call him my hairy grandson as she never wanted children so I was unlikely ever to be a grandma) and, while they were gone he had an operation on his leg. My daughter knew all about this before they left and I kept her fully informed by email. She rang on the evening of his operation to ask about him and it was a LOVELY phone call. The last time she ever spoke to me pleasantly.
When she and my husband returned I was accused of being a liar (regarding her dog’s recovery following the op) and no amount of reasoning with them, or asking the vet to ring her, would shift either of them. They had decided and no, they weren’t going to read my emails (sent while she was away) or speak to the vet. It was then that I thought I really had gone mad.
Upshot was she stopped speaking to me, avoided me like a plague, continued to call me a liar and my husband (the alienator) backed her up. I decided that enough was enough and I had to leave them both. Three months later I ended up in hospital with blood pressure so high the machines couldn’t read it. I was finally released when it went DOWN to 240/114.
The world really was mad at that point.
Now four years on I’m fully accepting of the situation and living my own life but my blood pressure is only just controlled by two lots of tablets and I really ought to take statins as well (they make my muscles ache). I hate it but I’m seemingly stuck with it.
None of the doctors would actually say that it was stress related but I’m sure it was. No one can be so stressed for so long and get away with it.
I wish you well on your journey out of this madness of estrangement and stupidity.
It’s good when finally we can move on and acceptance comes and it’s even better to be allowed to be who we really were meant to be 🙂
December 6, 2018 at 6:31 pm #64681
Health is not just about what you’re eating. It’s also about what you’re thinking and saying. Staying positive does not mean that things will turn out okay. Rather, it is knowing that you will be ok no matter how things turn out.
December 8, 2018 at 2:42 am #64726
I have experienced a lot of bad effects from this incredible stress also. Sleeplessness, depression, respiratory issues, weight gain and high anxiety, to name a few. Over time, I am certain these things will cause me a shortened life. It certainly will destroy quality of life for me.
I know what you think and say can make a huge difference, KindSoul. My husband had me listen to a training tape with headphones one day. He counseled people with brain injury and mental illnesses. The tape was supposed to reflect what goes on inside the mind of a person with pschizophrenia. The voices, berating, insulting, instilling fear and paranoia were all this tape consisted of. I listened to the whole thing without flinching. 1/2 hour of continuous ‘abuse’. When I finished I took the headphones off and asked him what I was supposed to learn from this training tape that they used at his work to help counselors understand their clients better. He said he couldn’t believe I listened to the whole thing. He said most people couldn’t stand it for more than a few minutes. I said to him, “I’ve been hearing this kind of thing directed at me for the last 20 years by my ex-husband, then one of my children.”
I had become so immune to abuse that I accepted it as my norm. He may have been surprised, but I guess I was too, because it really didn’t even bother me. How sad my life had been!
And he pointed out that my ‘self-talk’ was similar. I had heard so much abuse directed at me that I started to do it to myself. When I knew I made a mistake or used bad judgement, I would talk to myself that way, saying I was stupid, unfit to live, etc. This was a mirroring of what I had been told over and over for those last 20 years.
I am fortunate that I had him to point these things out because I didn’t realize how I had been affected by the prolonged, insidious abuse I had tolerated so long. They didn’t have to abuse me directly since I now did it to myself!
So I guess my point is, become aware of how you treat yourself. Take back your self-love and be gentle with yourself. Concentrate on your qualities and strengths and goodness. Don’t let an abusive past make you abusive to yourself.
That discussion about the training tape and the subsequent pointing out by my husband each time I ‘self-abused verbally’ was really the beginning of my being able to look at myself with gentleness and appreciation of who I am.
It led me on a new path to find my self-respect and dignity. It has taken 12 years for this to heal me but I feel I am better now than I have ever been and I have hope again for a happier future.
December 8, 2018 at 2:44 am #64751
I’m not an M.D. I would not be able to prescribe. I am not prescribing… but garlic and beet powder are great for blood pressure.
December 8, 2018 at 1:29 pm #64774
Warning, Estrangement has bad side effects! Mine mostly center on digestive or maybe the digestive issues are just handling the overflow from the emotional side effects. So, I now have Gerd, gluten issues, diverticulitis, and the standard thinking about this crazy mess and letting it damper my daily life. I’m not exercising and spending too much time inside. Taking this adult child created mess on in my 60s has been horrible and may I say just unfair?? Right when we should be free to enjoy life, grandkids, and our adult children, this happens?? Then we spend years trying to fix something we can’t, only we have the hardest thing moving forward. Do we let this kill us, literally? It really could since stress causes inflammation which causes disease, or do we all band together and say enough is enough and step forward in acceptance? We all deserve better and they should grow up, but I don’t think they will. It’s 3:17 here and I should be asleep. Oh, I went for a sleep study and should have added that to my list of things wrong.
December 8, 2018 at 1:29 pm #64775
I saw on a medical site, that beets were recommended. So I’ll try garlic and beet powder and see.
My doctor has put me on a mild medication for 30 days, to get through the holidays. We will then see what my readings are. If much lower, we may try to reduce or eliminate medication if I am in a better place emotionally. Since my pressure had always been good, she too believes it is stress related.
December 8, 2018 at 5:31 pm #64795
I have read that lack of magnesium can influence blood pressure to be too high. I tend to get itchy and have stomach aches from stress. And yes, I am learning to recognize these symptoms quickly and then re-doubling my self care. Accepting people for who they are and how they are helps me calm down and sometimes it takes many days of self talk to do just that. But when the abusive language or criticism is really intense, sometimes we just have to pull back and love ourselves first.
December 8, 2018 at 7:22 pm #64804
I can see how the stress of estrangement has affected me: weight gain (is not as important to me as in the past), grinding teeth (I’ve ground down my caps), increased BP (gonna try the garlic and beet) thing, and over-all motivation. Hang in there!!!
December 9, 2018 at 12:49 am #64823
Yes. Try the beets. High BP has affected me too
The beets and exercise have helped some. My last BP dropped to 132/80. Not great but better. Take care dear…
December 10, 2018 at 6:15 pm #64893
Please take all high blood pressure, even slightly, seriously. It can damage your heart, veins and other internal organs even if you can’t feel it. I would like to see 132/80 – lets see.
December 11, 2018 at 11:42 pm #64985
High Blood Pressure is a very serious issue! High blood pressure was the first indication that my ex-husband was abusing drugs, and it was the beginning of the end of our marriage. My efforts are well documented in his medical record, and was witnessed by neighbors and one of his closest friends. My son has no idea of the price I paid or the lengths I went to protect him from the actions of his drug addicted father.
I lived in fear of my ex-H having a stroke or a heart attack. He was stubborn, I was powerless to help him, and I refused to enable his demise. 4 years after our divorce, his continued drug abuse and high blood pressure resulted in a massive heart attack. He is 56 with a life expectancy of 1-2 years.
When your blood pressure is high, pay attention!
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