September 18, 2016 at 6:14 am #15326tiredmomParticipant
My son and I took a short trip to New York together. While we were there, we discussed his sister-, my ED. He knows I am in counseling, trying to deal with this situation. I asked him if he had any idea why she cut off ties with me and my husband. He informed me that, while she was having a difference of opinion with my husband regarding an issue with extended family-I said to both of them “enough, you are not going to resolve anything.” This was a 1 1/2 ago.
My husband has been there for her for many years, including moving her to and from college and helping her get the job she presently holds.
Of course, when she related the disagreement to my son, the story changed-just like so many other times when she changed things around to suit herself.
So not scratching my head over what happened-but I still don’t understand it.
September 18, 2016 at 1:17 pm #15342SunflowersDayParticipant
Not knowing anything more than what you just posted, tired mom, it sounds like the problem stems from possibly something else that your ED is dealing with? Your one statement “Enough, you are not going to resolve anything”. does not sound like anything for your ED to cut you and your husband off for.
I too, had been there for my daughter in so many ways, felt like I had turned my body inside out for her and then, silence. I said one thing. I know exactly when and what is was now. It seems that it is common for EC to turn words, things that happened all around to suit themselves. To justify something. To almost make it better for them to understand. Like our EC’s are trying to make a target so they can throw darts where they want to. We are the target. She may have some issues of her own apart from anything you ever did.
I know it feels confusing right now. I am slowing emerging from that confusion but this will take time.
By coming here and reading you will find comfort and learn a lot about yourself. Sheri’s book has been a big part of my journey through all of this and will continue to be.
Remember, we can’t change the way our EC acts or thinks. We as mothers can only try to learn more about ourselves and become able to handle all of this better. All of us are trying to move forward. Take care and please come back and join us again.
September 22, 2016 at 6:52 am #15461rparentsKeymaster
It sounds like your daughter might have wanted you to take her side. Or maybe she picked that memory as an example to validate her reasoning (whatever that is) for estranging that goes farther than one incident.
Yes…it’s a puzzle. I wish I had a great answer but for whatever”reason” she (as you said), changes things around to suit her.
I’m sorry tiredmom.
September 25, 2016 at 4:19 am #15540tiredmomParticipant
Thank you for the input.
I know my ED has done the same to her father and my son.
Hopefully she will at some point look at how she treats others before she is left without family or friends.
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