March 15, 2019 at 4:13 pm #74560
Good morning, Ladies:-)
So, here I find myself! There was nothing that I didn’t like about being a homemaker and mother…absolutely nothing. Furthermore, after the children were in school, I started working at a job(s) that I loved. I imagined, despite my family being first in my heart and mind, that I had a achieved a healthy balance, rather than putting all my emotional eggs in one basket.
I have been separated from my husband of fifty-four years for almost nine years. We are now engaged in an unintended divorce for two years. The divorce was initiated by my husband after I told him that I was dating.
My husband and I are the parents of two middle-age sons and one middle-age daughter (ages 45 to 51). Once upon a time, the five of us all imagined ourselves to be somewhat of a Hallmark Family. However, in the last ten years… due to a series of what I consider “minor” events… my children are estranged from each other, as well as their father and me. In addition to the minor events, it is my firmly-held belief that cultural changes and geography have most assuredly exacerbated family estrangement.
I recently discovered “The Book” and despite that I learned the hard way, the book has helped me tremendously. There is absolutely nothing in Sheri’s book that I haven’t thought, did, said, felt, etc., etc., etc. over and over and over. My devastating journey would have been far less painful had I had “Done with Crying” and this forum in my emotional quiver.
The good news for me and you all is that I am stronger and happier today than I ever imagined possible. So much so that I’ve thought that having my children back in my life would be more of a burden than a blessing. If you think that sounds awful, so did I until I read Sheri’s book.
On a positive note, my three children are successful spouses, parents, employees and friends. So much so that I imagine my husband and I did enough right not to crucify ourselves.
I hope I have… and will… help the members of this community get through their journey and, in turn, you will help me. I so regret that I didn’t have you all through my own personal devastating journey!!!!
March 15, 2019 at 6:01 pm #74564
Hi Learned the Hard Way,
So good to meet you. I relate to thinking we were the Hallmark family too…and am learning that the reality may be better than the fantasy.
Hope to hear more from you.
Best – AB
March 15, 2019 at 7:48 pm #74573
My husband and girls and I used to sing in the car together — for hours! And talk — for hours! And laugh — at nothing!
It’s helpful for me to remember that the Hallmark moments were as real as these moments are. They aren’t here any longer and will never be again, but they were real.
March 16, 2019 at 1:32 am #74609
Welcome. Yes, your moments were real, and can’t be denied. I just printed off lots of pictures, hundreds, and just tonight finished going through them with my remaining grandchildren. I told them those memories with their cousins happened, and God willing, they will one day be reunited with each other and the pictures will be a happy way to sit down together.
My oldest daughter, non estranged, got Sheri’s book into my hands about 6 or 7 months into a complete and sudden estrangement from two other daughters. No explanations, just done. I was reeling in my grief, we all were. It was one of the cruelest experiences of our lives. Now, with the help of the book ‘Done with the Crying’, and other books also, this forum, I have been able to rapidly come to where I am today. I will never be who I was before this experience, it changed me to the core. But I am ok. I have no idea what the future holds and have no intention of worrying about it any longer. I have my health, I am loved, I love others, and my faith is stronger today then it ever has been. The photos I printed were another reminder, yes, we had lots of good times, and laughter. It doesn’t pain to remember them, I can look at them and smile. I am so glad the anger is subsiding….
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