September 23, 2020 at 11:28 pm #108817happyParticipant
I just got back from the beach, usually call ES and tell him we are going but figured he has my cell number so I am not doing it this time, I know he could care less.
I have been back a few days and I have decided to text ES every once in a while, (every few weeks) and talk superficial (just like I did with my parent I asked him if he was still working at home and if granddaughter was going to school or doing virtual schooling. He text back. At least I open up the communication, probably best it will get but it does give me some peace. He doesnt come by or text or make any effort whatsoever but what is new? Getting so I dont care, expect nothing. I do feel much more in control and much more happier. I guess I am accepting the situation even though it is the same crappy ole stuff.
Anyway, the beach was wonderful, we went to Myrtle for 4 days, then headed to Va Beach for another 4. A good supportive friend told me that a lot of people would be glad to give up their kids for what I have! Funny. Yes I am fortunate, I have a good husband to travel with, a nice home and nice car,money in the bank. I got so consumed at one time with these 2 EC I got so negative. As ya know that is easy to do. I didnt like myself much like that.
My EC are enjoying themselves and with this site and good friends I am doing the same. Hope ya are not letting them get you down. I know I have a couple good friends whose kids are so much trouble, drama and it is not worth letting them tear us apart and losing our health and also our money. We have God to help us and they have that too. I am not God, I cant do it, finally getting this thru my head.
I had a nail in my tire today, thinking if it is not one thing it is another. Hey my EC may get straighed out one day and then I may have bad health so I might as well enjoy my life now. It seems like it is always something so enjoy today!
September 24, 2020 at 5:09 pm #108855DeloresParticipant
Happy, you made a good point and in fact just last night I said “God, I can’t cope with this. I can’t do anything about this. You know everything that’s going on and I’m going to get out of the way and let You deal with it. I give up.” Then I felt such a relief.
I keep trying to remember the good things in my life; the best being a husband who loves me unconditionally. I think of how he is and then I ask myself, “why am I focusing on someone who doesn’t even like me instead of someone for whom I am their whole world?”
I am taking 2 steps forward and 1 backward in this journey, but I am moving forward.
September 26, 2020 at 5:12 pm #108895aFaceOfLossParticipant
Happy and Delores – hugs to both of you. I appreciate your love, kindness, and tenacity. I, too, have a lovely husband and am enjoying more time with him during the pandemic. Sometimes we can go for days without letting the situation with son and dil come up. When it comes up in my head or heart i just talk to God and ask Him to heal in His time – knowing we may not live to see it I trust God and that helps more and more to relax my anguish. We also give a short prayer for them before our evening meal That is the best and only thing we can do realistically and I can feel that healing me and helping me let go of expectations. Our son has a birthday soon. Praying he is happy and well. Both his father and I are and that is a blessing to be joyful about.
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