November 21, 2019 at 6:33 pm #96453
November 22, 2019 at 8:52 pm #96544GaitedGurlParticipant
Thank you Sheri!
December 11, 2019 at 5:00 am #9752522TangoParticipant
Thank you. I just read your book. The information was very helpful. Our financial advisor said that so often people talk about doing things (changing wills, adjusting beneficiaries, and such); but very few people ever actually do it. He commended us for looking into it and being prepared for the appointment.
December 16, 2019 at 2:01 am #97675BiCoastalMomParticipant
I’ve chosen to leave my insurance to a nephew that I’ve always been particularly close to, a friend that I’ve cared for greatly through the years, and a few causes that I support. Still struggling a bit with the feminine items that I had planned to leave her, as she was the only female grandchild.
January 3, 2020 at 8:01 pm #98742AlmondParticipant
*Thank you* for this forum, and the opportunity this offers to discuss and learn from each other.
Sometime after our only son estranged himself from us, we worked with an attorney to establish a trust which omitted our son as a beneficiary. It was and is a large relief because prior to this our son and his wife would have benefited financially from our demise.
Most importantly, this legal step helped to facilitate our healing because although we are silent victims, we were able to make our wishes known in this important area.
Although we deeply love our son and long for reconciliation, if that should occur, I doubt we’d change the trust because 1) trust in our son will never be fully restored, and 2) we thoughtfully chose the beneficiaries and are satisfied with those choices.
Should the hoped for reconciliation occur, we wouldn’t discuss this matter with our son because we paid for his Christian education K- Masters Degree and helped him buy his first home. We are not obligated to do more for him financially.
January 24, 2020 at 5:15 pm #99914GhostedMomParticipant
We have just updated our Healthcare Proxy and specified our daughter may not be informed of our medical information.
March 6, 2020 at 8:16 pm #101948GayleneParticipant
I too am in the process of updating my will. I have a niece who was thrown to the side by her mother (as we called her, the crazy sister). She will inherit from me. It gives me comfort to know that I can help a family member who has also suffered emotionally by the actions of someone meant to love her.
March 8, 2020 at 5:24 pm #102030BooksandTreesParticipant
Gaylene – that’s a nice thing to be able to do. I’m on the verge of taking the first steps to changing my will. Not ready to reduce ES’s inheritance yet (where I live, you can’t disinherit them completely) but I am going to replace him as executor with my lovely longterm boyfriend. And I am going to leave a good chunk of my cash to my brother, who has had a tough time of late. It’s nice to think of being able to help people who really need it instead of entitled, selfish children.
April 1, 2020 at 1:22 am #102913Jakson3Participant
I commend you for doing what you did. It’s a difficult decision and one that quite frankly none of us should have to consider. I too have taken my 3 adult children off as primary beneficiaries from my 401k but have left them as co-benefactors for my life insurance. It may be time to reconsider them as co-benefactors for even the life insurance. It’s been 2.5 years.
April 16, 2020 at 7:42 am #103480CantgetanyworseParticipant
Hello, new to forum but unfortunately not new to estrangement. I am having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that that our estranged adult children expect to benefit from our deaths when they’ve done so little to contribute to our lives! I don’t think my estranged daughters have made the connection.
June 9, 2020 at 8:56 pm #105504movingonwithmylifeParticipant
I want to add this to the discussion. It’s very important.
Talk to your lawyer about making certain a power of attorney document cannot be used by anyone to abscond with your assets. I have seen this done by 3rd parties seeking payments for care or funding. Here’s what happened in one case I am very familiar with.
Elderly widow no kids or immediate family, lives alone and is suffering with dementia or mental illness, confusion. Extended family ignores her. Neighbors call municipal social services and a wellness check finds this woman living in deplorable conditions and in need of medical care. She is taken to hospital and then to a nursing home. A phone number written in pencil on the wall in her dilapidated house from many years ago is called, and her estranged nephew becomes involved. He goes to nursing home and is asked by the administrator about this aunts finances and who will pay the facility. He is then given a signed power of attorney document and proceeds to clean out her bank accounts, sell her real estate, and not pay the facility. Only one bank of 20 refused to honer this POA, siting fraud concerns. The aunt dies a few weeks later. This nephew pockets a lot of money and later admits he threw her will out when he found it in her S2B for sale 2 flat. Other distant relatives contact this nephew about the aunt’s estate and will. He tells them everything went to the nursing home. There was never any accountability for this.
This elderly aunt had a will. Also, in this state, only a person of sound mind can enter into contracts or sign documents, such as a POA. This was improperly handled by the nursing home administrator, since the senile elderly aunt was not of sound mind when she executed this legal document. Everything she owned was stolen by this nephew in broad daylight and no one stopped him, all all because the nursing home wanted to be paid.
It’s important to make sure this scenario doesn’t happen to you or your loved ones.
June 10, 2020 at 4:07 am #105517rparentsKeymaster
Thank you for contributing to this thread. It not only highlights the fraud and abuse that can happen and DOES happen (but is not talked about much in our society), but you also give a very important point: talk to your legal professional.
There are many possible scenarios and it’s important to have professional people who we can convey our situations to and who will listen and give sound advice that’s specific to our needs.
Just yesterday, I found this article about a will vs. a trust. It can be an important choice for parents who wish to disinherit an adult child.
Hugs …Sheri McGregor
October 8, 2020 at 11:42 pm #109176OnlychildMomParticipant
Regarding Power of Attorney. There are two types.
One is called Power of Attorney for Personal Care, which covers decisions about a person’s care in a hospital or nursing home.
The other one is called a Power of Attorney for Property, which covers all financial matters and selling property . Your lawyer can draw up both of these documents when he draws up your will.
October 9, 2020 at 12:37 am #109179PlinkyplonkParticipant
Hi everyone, I posted somewhere on here about it being very difficult to leave children out of wills or for them to refuse to accept legacies (in the UK – no idea what goes on in USA etc). Well, it seems that there is a way with an exclusion clause and accompanying sealed and signed letter of explanation. So that is what I have now done and EC can go and get stuffed! Sorry if that sounds too bitter but I’ve had the mother of all hells of a time with mine lately and the terrible lies that have been told have left me feeling quite ill with the stress of it all. So now EC will get nothing from me.
October 11, 2020 at 7:35 pm #109269BeeHere4MeParticipant
I’ve been away from this site for quite a while. And there has been no contact with my son in over 2 years, yet he remains the sole executor of my Will. I just could not change it.
As I read my old posts on this subject, it is obvious that I was feeling a lot of pain. Sheri’s book warns parents about making decisions out of anger. However, given the circumstances at that time, it was to his best interest that I revoked his POA.
October 14, 2020 at 6:27 pm #109390DottyParticipant
BeeHere4Me – so good to hear from you again. Love your no fuss suggestions and advice.
Our son was our EPA with relation to our will, but we have now removed him. He would have received a sign on receipt of letter from the lawyer spelling all of this out for him. After it became obvious that he had no intention of repaying the $US80k loan, we have changed our wills. He is still nominated to receive a portion, but not as much as the girls. We had to write our reasons, and attached to this was copies of the last lot of emails he sent. The lawyer was flabbergasted at the content, and said that this would enable him not to contest the will.
I’m still in two minds about taking him off completely, and leaving his portion to his son (who I havbe never met) in trust, but I don’t want that to cause problems between our son and our grandchild, so I’m still in two minds about it.
Always good to have that hindsight, and taking time to think things through fully, as Sheri says.
October 16, 2020 at 6:32 am #109466BeeHere4MeParticipant
Hello Dotty 🌷
Your response is heartwarming and a support to me. And your willingness to share your own situation is appreciated, as it offers insight to the current state of my situation.
If I understand correctly, you only recently removed your ES as EPA to your will, which I presume is equivalent to an executor in the US. You are gifting him the $80k which absolves his financial dept to you. In addition, there is still a portion that you remain unsure of how to disperse. Basically, you did not disinherit him.
As estranged parents our pain is common, but our circumstances and the people involved are different. Initially, the estrangement blindsided and hurt me to the core of my soul. Anger is known to be a mask for someone feeling overwhelming pain … I was hurting. Whenever my guy friend read my posts referring to my will, he would say to me with a grin, “Now you know you don’t mean that”.
My estrangement was the result of a “perfect storm” when people I once loved and trusted took another opportunity to destroy me, by involving my son. I was made wise that the attackers were violating my civil rights and my rights to privacy. In the event of any repercussions, I revoked my son as POA to protect him.
I know the person behind my son’s handsome face. He is a kind, loving, intelligent, fun, ethical and truly good soul. I can only pray that he realizes the value of his truest self as much as I do. As it stands at this moment, my death will prompt my guy friend to reach out to the only person in this world that I trust to act in my son’s best interest.
Dotty, as far as I know my son has no children. If only your ES realized that you love him enough to be considerate of causing problems between him and his child. I am thankful I made no changes to my will and have no immediate need to make any.
Thank you Dotty, and love to you also.
October 22, 2020 at 4:36 am #109641AntoniaZParticipant
I’m getting my first will written since my divorce. I’ve made my guy friend my POA and MPOA. He is honest. I divorced my ex because he was cheating with his inventory on the insurance claim of stuff lost in the fire. This process is bringing up painful memories and memories of the good times that are painful to remember because we no longer share our lives. We were a family once. I move on.
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