Forum Replies Created
Dearest Rainbow, as always, wise and comforting words from a beautiful giving soul. You somehow always express my exact thoughts, hope and encouragement to the thousands that seek refuge and guidance here.
You too, will always be in my heart. Merry Christmas and love to you and your husband. 💕 🌲🌻
Aussie Mom, yes, it has been quite the journey my friend, and I hope that those new to here take solace in your wisdom, your humor and honesty as I did four years ago. You are part of my life’s quilt. Which, by the way, I wish I had one of yours!
A quiet day is a good day.
Love you my friend….💕 ✌
Dear sunset, I am so sorry that you are in such pain. I wish I could stop the pain for you. I’ve been there. Where I barely could function while having to work, a husband that was hurting too. And trying, banging my head against a wall to understand how this could be happening. But you reached out here, as i did, and we are here for you. I can say to you that the most important thing I took and embraced from here early on, was self care. Not an easy task when your heart is breaking, but achievable in small steps and moments of enlightenment through the words of wisdom and support from Sheri and this caring band of mothers and a few dads.
I will be sixty two years old this year, not ancient, but still working hard with a serious debilitating health issue. I empathize so deeply with how you are present moment feeling. It was cathartic beyond words, how I was invited to express my feelings here. And then the responses. I was given so much knowledge about the grieving process of a situation that seemed to have no closure, no answers.
In closing my friend, you are worth every ounce of care you can give to yourself, to your husband, and he to you. If I may suggest, take the care and love on the level you have, probably will always have for your daughter, and give a little of that love to yourself. You are just as worthy as she.
Peace and Love
✌ 🌍 💕 🐬 🌎 🌞
TheBlueskyFebruary 20, 2018 at 11:28 pm in reply to: When adult children have ‘no time’ for their parents’ ‘drama’ #44438
Simplify, I have imposed, if you will, next to nothing if anything on my ES or my daughter in any form of drama or otherwise. You would have to read my posts from the beginning to know of the “crimes” I have committed to be thrown from my son’s home after a dressing down of vile words. And to boot it was after we left our community, jobs and friends, travelled 1,400 miles to live close to them.
A cruel lesson, but if I have an honest discussion with myself, I am glad that it happened before we were in too thick and it may have been too late to remedy our lives.
Yes Yellowrose, they really don’t care. But in some weird way, it is easier then vying for their love. And as we age we will not have the “drama” of their commands or insults as we navigate our own needs. I certainly wish that we were in a position to prearrange our elder care, but with the costs of assisted or nursing facilities, even in another twenty years we probably could pay for six months and out the door we’d go. I can only believe that somehow we will be cared for.
Mjmom, I know that feeling of which you have spoke of in this and a past post, that this journey has joined my husband and I even closer. Has made me appreciate my friends, my job, the beautiful place I live even more. Yes, I still encounter worry or stress about our lives, but I know now whose got my back. My daughter who is not estranged, but not emotionally close at all, I cannot say one hundred percent, maybe ninety nine percent I will say, will not be concerned or involved with anything as we continue to age. We live in a climate where many come to retire and I constantly see and hear how families are there as their parents age. It used to make me sad to observe this, but now my heart is lightened that there is that bond, that they are cared for.
Aussiemom, a foreign to most, but necessary conversation to us. Even if my ES were to enter our lives, I will not make the mistake of believing he could ever have our best interest at heart. He will never be given any authority. I will never turn him away if he genuinely presents with love, but fool me once….well you know the rest of that one. And onto another very important issue. Bathtubs. Me too, my best meditation time. I have to bathe anyway, so I use that time to meditate, and it’s so much more comfortable then trying to sit on the floor cross legged. Or if I want to just float there, with a glass of wine, well life is good. “Life narrows down as you grow older”. That statement struck a positive cord for me. Yep, even as our bones will continue to creak a little more each year, I will do my best to take advantage of the rest of this journey with joy. Thank you.
Dear Sheri, I can only contribute in addition to all of of your wise women here, that first and foremost, my heart goes out to you, recognizing all the energy and time that you have given all here, and at the same time the hours spent on the research and writing of your book. I can barely brush my teeth each day, I don’t know how you do it.
I don’t know about hackers or gremlins or trolls. Seriously, I’m not there. But I understand that there will always be those that will try to take something that is good and twist it into something else. The support, wisdom and friendship, and education through sharing between members, the stories, the journeys of healing, the love we feel for our children and trying to come to grips with that they no longer feel a connection to us, is not drama, but a reality that we all in our own way and space and time are finding a place of peace. For all.
Peace and Love
💜 🌞 🌼 ✌ 🐬 🌏 💕 🌍 🐣
Dear MissMarleygirl, I have off and on left for various reasons. I believe the first time was that I felt I just needed to face this with my own strength, but yes indeed that was after i spent much time here with much support and wisdom and advise from the current members and experiencing the words from Sheri’s articles and her book. I could look back on my very early posts and responses and see how distraught, sad, depressed and anguished I was feeling. That was about late 2014, when I typed “rejected” into Google and found Sheri. It was a different vibe, but just maybe it was the universe bringing together individuals that connected at that moment, through the posts and responses that were meant to be. I recently posted, you were one of many that responded with support and love. I added in my responses that aside from time restraints and I’m so pooped from my job, that I felt that I couldn’t keep up with the growing members and diversity. I felt bad, as this site provided so much for me and I sounded like I wanted support yet I was bailing on everyone else. But after a few days of feeling crappy about that, I thought the baton
might need to be passed. To new members that seed that connection with one another. One thing I have not seen since I peeked in is anyone suggesting to peruse past posts and articles. I spent at least a few months doing that before I entered. So much information, wisdom and that connection that I believe began the healing process.
I have never felt offended by anyone here. Certainly not by you. , I may have never expressed myself in relation to my child as another may have, mostly in a manner that I could not connect with. As Muppet expressed, I just moved on.
MMG, we have been through EC 101, gained that freshman fifteen pounds of emotional and physical stress, sophomore finding our footing, loosely. Junior, a little more confident, Senior, life will never be the same. But we walk away with a small handful of friends that we will never forget, and that we will one day see again.
Whatever you decide, happy, beautiful journey my friend. On this site or not, I will never forget you and your cosmic love.
Dear Mjmom, first and foremost, praying and sending healing hugs to your husband.
Mjmom, absolutely, if they cannot be there with compassionate, heartfelt support for their father and you, and not inject their own agenda, then, at least for right now, back off. You, no one needs or wants opinions and self serving crap during a very serious health situation.
Yes I have a grown estranged son. Yes, it throws me around after all this time here and there. But the love of my life, my dear husband is my world. And I am his. Don’t anyone mess with that.
Hugs and Love to you Mjmom,
Hi Sasha, I’m sorry I meant to respond sooner. You did not say when your birthday was….soooo….Happy soon to be Birthday, orrr…….Happy belated Birthday 🎂 🎈 💞
I don’t believe anyone could make sense of your daughter emailing that she intended and wanted you to know that she was not going to acknowledge your birthday. Yet, sense or not, that is painful, when you have put so much thought into her special day.
I am a HUGE card person. Love to give them. Love to receive them. So much so that even one gift I gave to husband this Christmas was this so beautiful card, signed, sealed, wrapped in a ribbon. Since you love cards, love to give, yes, I’m with all that suggest you pass that love on to others that are perhaps waiting for that card that will never arrive from their family or friends.
I understand that it may be hard to pass on all the cards you have gathered all at once. Maybe just one at a time, every so often.
Birthday hugs to you
I am so in awe of the mothers here, (no dads currently that I know). The strength and fortitude and resilience that is voiced here is incredible, sad to hear, comforting, enlightening. My heart cries for those that are in the early throngs, the crying from dawn to dusk days. It seems long ago, yet still vivid. Just like the births or adoptions of our children. My heart sits quietly with those that have had to make their peace as best we can. And face unexpected emotions.
Aussiemom, yes, although our estranged children are grown adults, their view, for whatever reason is narrow in recognizing their mothers as individuals that have endured, protected, and gathered their lives the best they could. I suppose the best, the most we can do is tuck the good we experienced with our children, that awesome love we gave, and felt back from them during moments, years, where our lives were touched with a certain magic, into a secure garden that we can visit if we need, to smile or cry. No doubt, after a number of significant, mind blowing events enter one’s life, and then the numbness of estrangement, we are at a loss as to why we, anyone, should deserve any of it. I have no answers my friend. I can only through my off and on tears, and the life’s strides myself and so many here have made, offer my heartfelt friendship and support as we fly. Love and Joy to you my friend.
Rainbow, I can feel and, as we have communicated through these years, see how the decades have left you tearless. I understand, and feel the mortality of our lives of which you express as the birthdays pass by.
“It is what it is”. has gotten me through, and opens my eyes wider after this rogue crying jag. A loving, wise reminder from you Rainbow, that we have the NOW and the future. Big hugs and Love to you.
Morgana, my husband is torn when I have cried, from comforting me, to saying he’s ready to drive 1,400 miles to set this straight. This coming from a guy that is so gentle and kind. I too have had tears brimming at random thoughts of my son, but no big crying until this last one after a long while.
I think if whether we need to cry, dance or sing, our health and emotional well being is first and foremost. Hugs to you.
I’ve tried the wine route simplify, but it only made me gain pounds! But yes,
Crying till you almost throw up is no fun. But just maybe that is the pill or magic wand here and there when needed.
Your words, “My life is a privilege despite what happened years ago”, through my tears is exactly how I for the most part have attempted to approach the ups and downs throughout my life. My mother twenty years ago was complaining, expressing that she was somehow deprived as she had never travelled abroad. For the hundredth time. Now, there certainly is nothing wrong with dreaming, hoping, wanting to explore. But one day it was enough and I told her that compared to the majority of the planet, we live like royalty. So, despite my sons rejection, I continue to live like royalty. I am not starving, I have a home, I have two tired feet to walk me home from a job that pays the bills and allows me to enrich others lives.
We were designed to cry, to have that release as you said. To open new channels of thinking and feeling. Our Love, I believe, is not, never has been wasted. Taken for granted, thrown into a gutter of their self indulgence, absolutely. But Love my friend is never wasted. We redirect, and yes rebuild and throw it out there to those that are needing and more appreciative. And that means to ourselves as well.
Peace and Love
Training, I have a patient I work with on a biweekly basis that brings his service dog with him. She snuggles next to the wall, crosses her front paws, looks up for a short while, then lays her head down for a well deserved 30 minute nap. She is a cross of lab and retriever. Now, I am a kitty kind of person, but this little doggy has stolen my heart. Her owner allows me to pet her and let her jump up to me. She is the highlight of our office.
Bless your heart for the work that you do for others, and I know from my experience, that these dogs know and love what they came here for.
Dear Ann, it was nice to see a response from you. Of course you matter! Although our journeys to this site were very different, our hearts were experiencing the same pain and struggle. You were among those that lifted me, and also helped move me to a place where I mattered too.
Hope the mud dries up, and the black holes keep shrinking and float away.
Peace to you,