Thebluesky

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  • in reply to: Another question #3374
    TheblueskyThebluesky
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    Aussiemom, I also struggle with the same issue. I work with the public, but one on one, and I am asked on a regular basis about family. I can honestly say that lately I’ve just been saying … their great…busy lives… hope to get to see them soon. Because we live in different states, its believable. Most of these people will never know me outside of work. Any close friends know the truth of things. But lately I have been making it a point to not have it be the focus of conversations, or just entirely not speak of it at all. For myself, if I verbalize too much, I become sadder, more depressed. Don’t get me wrong, if I need to lean on a good friend a little I do. But as you know, unless you are someone who has experienced this, it is difficult to understand. I have had some tell me to just forget about them and get on with my life. I agree with the getting on part, which of course is so hard because I never will stop thinking and wondering about them. I have to trust that there is a bigger lesson here for both myself and them, that neither of us know.

    in reply to: thank you #3362
    TheblueskyThebluesky
    Participant

    Hello moving in, I so appreciate your response. I will be lovingly thinking of you this Friday upon your daughter’s birthday. I just two days ago put pictures of my granddaughter up on my fridge from when she was with us when I remarried and she was our little beach flower girl. She had so much fun with us. I put the pictures up to remind myself that yes we were, had always been loving and caring. I cannot imagine six years..one year feels like a lifetime to not hear my children’s voices. This was the first time in 34 years that I did not say happy birthday to my son. Thank you for your strength, wisdom and kind words.

    in reply to: thank you #3323
    TheblueskyThebluesky
    Participant

    MovingOn, thank you for reminding me of and reinforcing the personal beliefs I have always strived to live by, and in fact, had always aimed to impress you n my children. Yesterday was one of those days where, yes, I was consumed by thoughts of dread and despair. And still, total disbelief even after one year. In fact, when I am in a really low place about this situation, it feels worse then it did say eight months ago. Because in the first few months I truly believed that it would turn around. Now after a year of silence it feels permanent, like a death, so now I m at some stage in the grieving process. I do know that it is imperative for my physical and mental health yo be strong, this time for myself. I do not want to be living in this state of mind any longer. But it is like detoxing from a drug. There is pain involved lived with that, but it will be a new world on the other side of it. Blessings to all of you beautiful Moms and Dads for being here for me

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