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As parents, we try to do the best for our children. None of us are perfect. Calling someone toxic is so hurtful.
I hope someday our children realize that, as we are not perfect, neither are they-and should be accepting of the fact we all have faults.
My ED has not directly called me toxic, but has posted on FB that suggests it. She has cut ties to most family members on both sides and her relationship with her only sibling, my son, is tenuous. I don’t know what I did to be granted the title of “toxic.”. My husband and I have been there for her throughout the years. It has been 5 1/2 years since we last spoke.
Thank you for all the advice. I think I will not attempt to contact her.
Hi Bicoastal Mom!
I would do the same all over again.
Cherishing the great memories give comfort when we are hurting.
I hope you have a Merry Christmas!
So sorry that you, like many of us, are going through such a difficult experience. After 3 1/2 years of estrangement, I can tell you, sometimes it is very difficult/painful still. You will find a common thread that many of us have spent hours trying to figure out what we had done to cause this estrangement-but find no reason for it.
If you have attempted to make contact, left the door open should your EC to resume communications-that is all you can do.
Please take care of yourself.
Thank you all for the wise advice.
The wedding took place this past Sunday. My husband and I spent the afternoon doing something that was on my bucket list for 15 years-I did not sit around and mope that day.
I have a wonderful son, “bonus son” and daughter in law, as well as a grandson who is my heart/love that boy. My husband and I will continue to cherish the children who are in our lives.
I do not want to be angry or bitter, because she “wins.”
Thanks again, so grateful for this site.
I read the entries here and I feel the same as all of you. I raised my 2 children for many years as a single mother (divorced their father after 13 years of marriage).
I am not perfect, but did my best.
Imovinon-loved your words of wisdom. I am not angry with my ED-I am hurt by her estrangment. But I do realize she is full of hate (she also does not talk to her father).
I told her many years ago that holding on to hate or bitterness only hurts you in end and affects ALL of your relationships in one way or another.
I am close to my son-I told him I will never put him in the middle.
What a wise philosophy. Thank you for sharing.
I too, am estranged from my daughter. I have not spoken to her in almost 2 years. Although it has been hard, especially at this time of the year, I have decided that I will resist attempting to contact her.
I tried calling, texting my daughter. I finally sent a letter, reminding her that she was the one who chose to stop all interactions/communications-but if she decided to reconnect, the door is open/I will be there.
Maybe this would work for you.
It is ultimately up to you but….
I am a breast cancer survivor. I informed my husband that if the cancer should rear its ugly head again, I do not want my ED to know.
If indeed my ED would even bother coming around, I don’t want her to try and make peace just to ease her mind.
I have often said life is short, cherish your family, friends while they are here.
Thank you for the input.
I know my ED has done the same to her father and my son.
Hopefully she will at some point look at how she treats others before she is left without family or friends.