Forum Replies Created
I hope you have a great evening with friends!
The best thing about talking with a therapist is that they are an objective party. You can be straighforward and honest.April 8, 2016 at 5:36 am in reply to: I’m new, just want to be able to talk and be understood #9611
I encourage you to seek help through your EAP.
I have only been estranged from my ED for just over a year and I have had good and bad days.
I am also in counseling now. What I have learned from the wonderful people on this site is that we need to take care of ourselves.
I don’t think there is a “perfect” parent-you try our best and that is all you can do.
You definitely came to the right place for support.
None of us want to be in this situation, but it is good to know that you have a support group that understands what you are going through.
Hang in there!
Thank you all for your input.
Rainbow-your perspective “hit the nail on the head.”
Today, I texted my ED-“I think we need to work things out.”
At this time, I have not received a response and most likely will not.
Amazingly, I feel at peace because I have “extended the olive branch.” Rainbow, like you, I accept that I accept that I cannot change (this situation or my ED).
I did not feel comfortable with saying “I love you. I miss you” as, in my opinion, would only give her satisfaction.
The last time I tried to contact her via a letter (last summer), I reminded her that life is short, there are no rewinds.
Thanks to all for your input. You have all been a comfort and I hope I can provide the same.
Suego-thank you for presenting this topic.
No disrespect to you all as I would never wish this on anyone-but I am glad I am not alone.
I have been a “peacemaker” for a long time. I remember not wanting to “rock the boat” when my parents split up for 6 months. I have remained in that role since.
I too, have taken verbal abuse for years from my ED, who I believe has undiagnosed bipolar disease.
So many times when she called, I wasn’t sure who I would be talking to- a reasonable adult and a shrew!
I just started therapy this week. My therapist is hoping I could eventually contact my ED-not sure I want to, quite frankly.
Wish we get together for virtual coffee clatch.
Have a blessed Easter.
So sorry that has happened! So selfish of your ED to be so inconsiderate of your feelings and finances.
I hope it all works out.
I too, remember hearing of Patti Davis’ estrangment from her parents. Rainbow, you are so right-it doesn’t matter if you are President of the United States, middle-class or of low-income. None of us are immune.
I do believe they handled such a painful situation with great dignity.
When my ED decided to cut ties with me and my husband (her stepfather who has been wonderful to her), I decided “why should I pay for her phone if she isn’t even talking to me?”
I also took her off my car insurance (she actually paid her portion) as I did not want to take a chance of any liability.
Maybe this is pushing it too far, but I also took her off as beneficiary to any life insurance policies, leaving only my husband and son as beneficiaries.
She has/had a good job of which my husband was instrumental in her getting that position.
I just don’t feel that I can pay for anything for her anymore.
GaPhoto, Aussiemom, Phoenix and Rainbow-
I also have cherished memories of my son and ED’s childhood. I raised them for many years as a single parent.
I am sure that my ED has twisted every memory into something else.
I will continue to have positive recollections of my son and ED’s childhood and not let her negativity drag me down.
I am sure we all did our best parenting these children-we need to remember that.
I agree with Mjmom and Rainbow-you may write such a letter, read it, but then destroy it. It may be cathartic, allowing you to verbalize what you are feeling. But destroy the letter for 2 reasons: destroying the letter may be symbolic and releasing those feelings you presently have, and by destroyiing the letter, you do not take a chance that someone may find it and read it someday.
I agree with Sheri-forgive and LET GO-it can provide such a relief.
Also, I do not think presenting yourself at your EC’s workplace is wise-this may only cause regret and eventually more pain for you.
TC and Rainbow-
I have been estranged from my ED for almost one year. I have had feelings of hurt, anger, and grief. I have left the door open should my ED want to re-connect, but I am at the point (maybe for now) that I am reconciled to the fact she most likely will not attempt to contact me again.
I do miss her, but I cannot tear myself up any longer over this-it is not healthy.
I am getting into counseling in hopes to learn to heal.
I am so fortunate to find this website-thank you for all your wise words.