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I think this is normal to have vacillating emotions regarding such a painful situation.
I hope, though, as time passes, we all find ways to comfort ourselves.
I have not communicated with my ED in 11 months now.
I also have days where it has caused emotional and physical pain.
I turn to things that give me joy.
I hope you find joy and comfort in your life.
Tetbury Castle, Sadlmom-
My ED has not communicated in any form for 10 months now. I think if we try to communicate in any form, telling our EC that we will be there should they chose to open communication, and then leave it for them to make the next move.
The only peace I have is that I have done this, and the ball is in her court now.
Life is short, there are no rewinds in life.
As an Emergency Dept. nurse, I have seen different family dynamics at the end of life. I know that those who have not repaired those strained relationships will have a difficult time making peace with themselves.
Merry Christmas to all!
We deserve to find joy in our lives-I wish you all to find joy and peace.
Sheri-thank you for creating this site so that we can vent and support one another.
LessonsLearned-I agree with you that, although I do not wish a crisis to befall my ED, I will be there should she need me.
This is my first Christmas without my ED, and although it is difficult, I am trying to find joy in this time of year that I have loved for as long as I can remember.
Thank you, MJmom for these words of wisdom.
This applies not only in our situation, but in any situation (as we all go through some difficulties in life).
I will remember your words and will investigate “Two Wolves” -most likely will pass it on.
I have been through health challenges, including breast cancer, and will always choose joy over any negativity.
Thank you for reminding me. 🙂
This is my first Christmas without my ED. I have always loved the Christmas season. I enjoyed the Christmas lights and decorations, baking, watching Christmas movies and listening to Christmas music. I attend church regularly, but the best is Christmas Eve midnight mass.
I am trying to continue the same Christmas routine, but it is with a heavy heart at times-when I see other mothers and daughters enjoying traditions that I had with my daughter in the past (baking, a special outing)-it hurts.
I hope it gets easier each year, as I do not see that things will change.
I am so sorry for your pain. Yes, I too, have struggled with my ED’s estrangement-and it does physically hurt.
I had raised my two children as a single parent most of their lives. I too, have remarried (and he is a wonderful man).
When I have had those days where I just don’t think I can go on, I think of my son, my husband and my most adorable 3 year old grandson and know I could not hurt them (by taking my life).
I am also a cancer survivor and realize that everyday of your life is a gift.
On those painful days, I think the best thing we can do is focus on the positive aspects of our lives.
My heart goes out to you and I understand your struggles.
This site has been a Godsend for all of us.
First, my sympathy for your loss. Please don’t “beat yourself up” with your decision to send your EC a message regarding your SIL’s passing. I don’t think you should have any regrets for keeping your EC “in the loop” when it concerns family.
I also think it is difficult to completely let go. We carried our children for 9 months, loved and cared for them. How can we be expected to completely “let go?”
I also understand the pain you are experiencing. Yes, estrangement is ugly and hurtful-but remember that you were not the one who initiated this estrangement.
We parents dealing with this situation will all have good and bad days. I hope, as time goes on, we learn to cope with those bad days a little better. The void will always be there as long as our EC continues the estrangement, but we cannot let it define us.
Hugs to you.
I too, have had many incidences of walking on eggshells. I often joked (not really joking, because it was not funny) that I wasn’t sure who would be on the other end of the phone call-ED had many “moods.”
It has been more peaceful, but still saddening.
Sukiecritter (and all). I think it is best to remember the positive images of our EC-it might not erase the negative images, but may help us get through such a painful experience.
Thank you for the support. I am now taking comfort in the fact that I have made attempts to open a conversation with my ED and she has not responded. I am trying to concentrate on the other blessings I have in my life (my son, stepson and his wife, my husband and my grandson).
Thank you again.