Happy New Year 2020

A reader sent me a link to this beautiful New Year’s blessing for the New Year, and it is too touching and wonderful not to share. I hope you will be as touched by the video and the beautiful music and sentiments I was. Hint: It’s even more moving if you allow it to open full-screen.

May we all have a joyful 2020 filled with love, beauty, and peace.

Hugs to you from Sheri McGregor.

Related reading:

Estrangement in the New Year: Blanket of Snow

New Year New Attitude

Freedom for a new era

Put On Your 2020 Vision

 

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25 thoughts on “Happy New Year 2020

  1. Jo

    I am thrilled to have found this site and I ill be getting your book. I have gone through many years of abuse from my edest child only daughter and her recent horrid messages before Christmas make me realise that I must take care of myself, or this situation will ruin my life ….it has had terrible effects on my self esteem and self worth, mental health etc already. My husband also has suffered from her abuse. Her attacks are so cruel , so wrong , so unkind and she is totally unreasonable and wont let me near my grandaughter . And it is so heartbraking. It feels like a nightmare that intensifies weekly. I know I am not a perfect Mother and certainly have made mistakes I was a single parent struggling for te years completely on my own until I remarried but I recently with some counseling have realised I dont deserve the abuse and I am not the terrible mother she says I am. One step forward for me but there is more for me to learn and tools to help this terrible grief and to enjoy my life more. Thankyou. Jo

    Reply
  2. Stephen

    Happy New Years to all us estranged parents.
    Quick update: As of last year, I took control of this situation after over 3 years now, by estranging the estrangement (wrap your head around that, lol). My daughter never 100% went away (like most don’t anyways), but would peek in just to punish me some more and try to use the 1st grandchild as leverage to make me be submissive to her demands, so I ended that (at least I thought I did) by estranging her back. This was the only way to stop her punishment, as I will not live being punished by the child I loved up to her adult life.
    Just a few weeks before Christmas a close person to me and my ES daughter came into town. He happen to see her and said she is pregnant. Not a big shocker to me, nor did I really care. My mom (grandma) is the only 1 in my family she did not disengage with (she even estranged her siblings go figure as they are younger, innocent and they loved her) and she is the only 1, except this 1 really special person. He did say, she is do any day now, so I asked my mom, believing she just kept it from me. Grandma did not know and is very hurt and now we are helping her cope with it, of what I had to endure already. This became part of our holiday then.
    Me being a grandparent to my 2 year old grandson meant, do I send him a Christmas gift or do I now! A few has said, he is innocent and should be acknowledged still by his grand parent. So, I chose a very good gift and decided to send for Christmas. As we are barely starting the new year, I just got the present back in the mail unwrapped. In fact we had put from grand parent me and your uncle $%#@. The name grandparent was scribbled out and uncle was scribbled out (younger brother who is innocent and full of love). Just underneath the card it said KEEP IT! This is not my daughters hand writing, it is her husbands and that we noticed right away. Just when I thought my daughter could not pry into my life, she found a way. I will not be sending anymore gestures from here on out. Grandma is now at a loss and it is the straw that broke the camels back.
    She will come running in a time of need and it will be when she divorces. It will happen and I regret the day I have to endure that situation. She forever left a mark that will be unrepairable. If I never see her again, I come to accept that and now I have to pick up and move along again. This is an evil that is not winnable. For an adult that escapes and rid this type of behavior from their lives, is a very lucky adult child.
    In my case, we learned just recently, it has to do with a religion, in-laws, husband and manipulation. This spell out a disaster in the future. I say, good luck with that, I’m out, living a carefree life. My daughter did not want children and if she decided to change her mind, 1 at the most, her dirt bag husband said he wants at least 5 – 7 (7 whaat, lol, WOW!). She is going on #2 right now and now we feel he will keep her pregnant, so she won’t run and by child 4/5 she will run. But the question is, who does she run to, as she has burned her bridges and grandma (who is now feeling their wrath) will probably be gone by that time.
    After reading countless forums and posts, I am starting to believe the one’s with spouses and grandchildren, are being coursed into doing this adult children estrangement thing. This was not heard of in our family and we feel we are on the normal side. Middle class, did not give to much, but was not without either. Was loved to death by the whole family let alone me her parent. No drugs or alcohol abuse. No sexual abuse. Again, we have no clue to why she would do this 3.5 years ago, other than the man she met 3.5 years ago.
    Stay strong and share, as a lot of us have things in common and sometimes it helps to realize our BOAT is getting over-crowded now, lol! Meaning, there is getting to be to many of us now….

    Reply
  3. T

    Raise your hand if you believe Prince Harry could be one of our sons who married the wrong gal! “Mexit” looks different to me than the rest of the world. I lost my adult son after he met and soon married a very controlling/ problem girl- she convinced him AND his little brother I was mentally ill and abusive to them…. you know the rest. Anyway, look at Meghan- already alienated her family and friends, came between Harry and William, etc. and now this! Just goes to show it is who our kids are with or marry that are driving our children’s train! It’s the most common thread here. I wonder if this Royal Family incident will shed light on the adult child estrangement problem/nightmare many of us have been living in silence . Just saying….

    Reply
    1. Gene

      T…..you are absolutely, positively, 100 percent spot on. So many testimonials on here refer to a controlling spouse who has come between an adult son/daughter and his/her extended family. We’re in out fifth year now of total estrangement and there’s no other (apparent) reason other than our DIL views us all as rivals. Why he plays along with this fiasco is a mystery to us. He’s not the same man that we knew.

    2. Ramona

      I quite like her and honestly we have no idea what is between a couple. She and him appear to be close with his family so I don’t see any of that, in fact Harry AND William said there is no problem between the two and denied a lot of the rumors that are out there. She just can’t deal with the UK press and how abusive and ugly they have been towards her and I don’t blame her. Wanting a better life for themselves and their son doesn’t mean they are estranged from his family. They are spending half of the year in Canada and half of the year in the UK.

  4. Clea

    I am also grateful for this website. I turn to it often when my family “blows up to pieces”. I endured years of verbal and physical abuse from my husband when our 4 kids were little. I wanted to keep the family together. My husband and I are still together and there hasn’t been any abuse for over 15 years. We’ve been together 28 years. Now my girls are 26, 27, and 32 and my son is 23. I’ve been doing all of the holidays without much help. I celebrate everyone’s birthday all year. Well unfortunately I was born on Dec 26 and I’m tired of being forgotten. Last year and this year my daughters want to “celebrate” me in the middle of opening Christmas presents. Not doing it anymore. Well this led up to a blowout on Christmas Day. I told my whole immediate family they don’t appreciate anything I’ve done for them so I’m not doing it anymore. What has this gotten me? Silence…they go on with their lives so I’m trying to go on with mine and forget about all of them. I was called a “fucking slob”, “cunt” and “annoying” all within weeks of Christmas. I’m not putting myself out there anymore to get hurt. It was always “Family First” for me but 2020 is going to be “Me First”. God Bless Everyone.

    Reply
  5. T

    Gene! SAME! Thank you! I still cannot figure out how our estranged children go along with what they are told verses the truth! I’ve never seen anything like it! Like most here, I could not have been closer to my sons while they were growing up. How do they not have any control over their thoughts , memories or life?! Prince Harry was first isolated at Christmas- I saw this coming. We have seen our own entire families affected by the estrangements- the entire Royal Family will be affected too- how can they not be?! They are no different from us when it comes to relationships. Theirs is just being played out on the worlds stage while we suffer year after year, day after day in silence. It will be interesting to watch the parallels unfold. Some news commentator said last night, “ What’s wrong with this kid???! (Harry) You can just leave your family!!!!” Little does he know.

    Reply
  6. Susan

    Thank you for writing your book and creating this website. It has been so helpful in my journey and those of my clients.

    Reply
    1. rparents Post author

      Thank YOU, Susan. I appreciate your kind words. I am so grateful to be of some help. Thank you for sharing the book with your clients, and I am sure you have been instrumental in their progress.

      Hugs to you!

      Sheri McGregor

  7. Kathleen D

    Tonight, accepting what is.
    Saw that our daughter texted my husband, her dad. The superficial contact is hurtful and I made up my mind it wasn’t enough anymore.
    This last Christmas didn’t send a big holiday box to Japan where they live as I used to do. No trying to win them over…again. It’s all been so futile and empty for me. Heartbreaking.
    Making all the effort to keep a relationship going and getting nearly zero in return is over for me.
    I have not been well for several months but look forward to feeling better and doing fun things again.
    Have been floored at the lack of interest my daughter has shown in how ill I have been but actually it’s been another wake up call.
    Self pity is a drag and I’m not falling into that again. But disappointed in her attitude. She was raised to care. She asks her dad about his health but it seems phony.
    I have a sister I am close to and we care about one another. We respect each other’s boundaries but we know we have each other no matter what.
    I know you all understand the disappointment in my daughter. I was raised in a violent, angry home but my sister and I took care of our mother who died of lung cancer. We knew our mother needed us. And we loved her.
    I know this: I will never call upon either one of my children to care for me if I become bedridden.
    I’ll gladly go into a nursing home rather than have them spend one minute at my side. They don’t want me now and I won’t want them with me even if they wanted to be there.
    Too many years of them being awol or my son just wanting a check for an emergency.
    If I sound bitter, I guess I am. I still feel love for them but I’m done. All my life, when I’m done, I’m really done.
    I have good friends and my sister who are my family now. My husband is mentally ill and though he can function in society, I can’t rely on him for emotional support. He still thinks of our daughter as a princess.
    He still has expectations and that’s sad.
    I have been through therapy many times, I exercise when I am well and I read and study history as a hobby. I am an artist and do beadwork. I have helped run our family business for 32 years. So I have a full life. I never expected my kids to not be a part of it but hey, that’s the way it is.
    They will not inherit anything from me. All my personal possessions have already been earmarked for friends and my sister and if my husband survives me, he can do what he wishes with our community property. There are family trusts for our daughter that i would like to dissolve and give the money to charity. but they were set up by my husband’s father. I think it’s odd that when the trusts mature she will prosper by being in our family. Yet she is gone now.
    Yes, I’m hardcore. But I don’t wake up crying anymore.

    Reply
    1. Kalopa

      I could have written your post. I get it 100%
      There is no way in hell that I want to be around my son when I am older. I’ve also decided not to ask my other son about him any more. I think it’s easier for me when I dont ask.
      Bring on 2020! I’ve committed to filling my days by making my life better. I got a job I am happy with. I am developing my talents I pushed to the side for so many years raising my kids. Appreciating my many good friends all the more.
      I am finally done! DONE being made to feel crappy by someone who dosn’t give a shit if I’m alive or dead.
      It’s like I’ve crossed over a tall fence . . . one that took a long time getting over. I’m fully on the other side now and have NO desire to spend a moment thinking about a climb back over it.
      It truly feels liberating in a way it hasn’t before!

  8. Emma

    I have an adult son who had a stroke at birth. We believe he is on the autism spectrum. He was oppositional defiant as a child, emotionally labile and a very difficult child to deal with. He is now on Social Security disability which I managed for 5 long years after his years of being homeless. His abuse was more than I could take. I gave up my financial responsibilities last year and turned everything over to my son. Since I no longer hold his money he really has had nothing to do with me or his Dad. I also cut off any additional cash to him and turned over the trailer home to my son that we bought for him to live in. While I miss the idea we might ever have a real relationship, I am relieved I no longer have to be responsible for him. He is self absorbed and egocentric. He has never asked how his dad and I are. He talks only about himself. And only makes contact when he needs money. I feel empty and sad.

    Reply
  9. Taya H.

    Hello Sheri, I just stumbled across your book. I recognized so many things in it that apply to me, but no-one has raised the subject yet of an estranged son who is dying of cancer. He’s my youngest, the one I babied and adored way too long. As soon as he left for college, his now wife swooped in and began her campaign. She even said to me at one point “He’s not yours any more, he’s mine.” Fast forward thirteen years later, and I’ve been told my son does not want me to visit while he is deathly ill. I need to stay away. They have six children I rarely see, who I also adore. My heart is broken, I am so afraid he will die in his estrangement. I really connected with your assurances that although I made mistakes with him, none of those mistakes merited their hostility. My heart is broken, but I am going to get up, dust myself off and keep going. I have other children who love me and want me in their lives. I have to live with their estrangement and not let it control me. I am almost 70 years old and it has taken many years for me to recognize and understand what is going on. I simply couldn’t believe it. I do now. I have decided to stop letting them yank me around. Thanks so much for your book.

    Reply
    1. rparents Post author

      You’re welcome, Taya.

      I’m so sorry you’re facing this extra bit. You’re absolutely right though, to get out and enjoy your treasured life. There’s no sensible alternative! Each day is a gift, and I have to remind myself sometimes too.

      Hugs to you, Taya.

      Sheri McGregor

  10. PandoraHope

    Hello to all and a very Happy 2020.

    The New Year started with a fire. Literally. In my kitchen while I slept on the sofa.
    I almost died but was saved by the fireman and emergency services. I spend 10 days i hospital and the doctors got my heart beating again.

    At 62 years old it was a shock, more so, because I do not remember how it happened. I guess I went in shock after learning on Facebook that my granddaughter had a beautiful baby daughter in December 2019. The last time I saw her she was 6 and half years old. And I loved her and her mother so much.
    My daughter is my only child and she choose my second husband instead of me. She was 18 years old when I met him and moving in with her boyfriend, whom she is with to the day of today. At 19 years old she moved in with her boyfriend since she was pregnant. They still together, and have two children.

    I was with my second husband only for 2 years and soon applied for divorce since he is and was a horrible man. I was having terrible panic attacks and found difficult to maintain the level head needed for my job. I loved my work and needed it to pay the mortgage and all my bills. I no longer could live with that man and applied for divorce. It got ugly and he applied for matrimonial rights on my home and so on and on. It was ugly and messy. And needless since he had his own home and a good income as an accountant.

    He applied for matrimonial rights of my home two days prior to the completion of the sale. The buyers were a young couple and first time buyers.

    For the life of me to the day of today I do not understand why my daughter took his side. She never, ever even lived with us for more than 4 months. I went in a state of shock but work and solicitors involvement took priority. God knows where I found the strength without going mad.

    Yes, he stabbed me in the back on a Wednesday night and she stabbed in the heart on Thursday midday.

    For 15 years we did not communicated at all. But once a year I looked her Facebook page and the development of my grandchildren. And there amongst it all was my horrible, horrible ex-husband. How sad and how painful.

    Even so, there was that great desire to see my lovely daughter and wonderful grandchildren. And when my granddaughter made me a great-grandmother I reached out for my daughter. I called her partner’s father and asked him to give her my mobile number. She called me after a few days. We seemed almost normal on the phone.

    But the truth is that inside I no longer trust or even think that I love my daughter at all. She took so much away from me in the last 15 years and gave it all to my ex-husband whom she hardly knew. Or maybe she knew him better than I thought. After all in the last year of our marriage I took and assignment in Istanbul for a year, while he stayed in my London home with all expenses paid. I just wanted to move on and facilitated as much as I could the separation/divorce process.

    Silly, silly me. Knowing it all, even after 15 years my heart find no peace. I will do my very, very, very best to spend the last years of my life in a peace and content state of mind. God help us all.

    Reply
    1. Kalopa

      Don’t stop, you will eventually find peace, I am sorry but it sounds like you truly deserve it. Sometimes it comes and goes, but it will always come back around if you are open to it. You were saved by the fireman to continue to live. Find people you enjoy being around and be grateful to wake up each day. I love the birds outside my front door every morning. I feed and watch them, they are happy to see me. Get lost in the simple joys of still being alive . . . cause It will all be over one day. My heart goes out to you, I hope you heal.

  11. Gene

    Hello everyone. This posting is aimed primarily at empty-nesters although it can apply to anyone reading here. This isn’t your average posting on this site although my family is in the same sad estrangement situation as other posters. I just want to throw out a suggestion to others that has helped my wife, in-laws and other children cope with the pain triggered by this longstanding, ongoing estrangement from our youngest child. For the last four years we have hosted exchange students. It really does help. There’s a teenager in the house who cares about you and wants you to be in their life. It gives you purpose while they’re here and although there’s no blood relation you do become “family”. We remain in contact with our past students and they have returned to the US to visit us. The terms are quite easy too…hosts must undergo a brief home interview, sign a contract that they will provide a private bedroom, laundry service, and provide adequate meals. Host parents must also undergo a simple FBI background check. Students are responsible for their own spending money. Give it a try!

    Reply

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