by Sheri McGregor, M.A.

Whether you’re reading this on Father’s Day, during Men’s Health Month in June, or on any other day, the message is the same: your needs still matter. This is a “check-in” for any parent—fathers, mothers, and all parents suffering the heartbreak of estrangement from their own children.

Heartbreak of estrangement: How are you holding up?

Are you sleeping? Exercising? Eating in ways that support you? How about keeping appointments? Getting outdoors? Letting yourself rest? Or has the tension and uncertainty of estrangement drained you so much that you’ve stopped taking care of yourself?

The heartbreak of estrangement can have insidious effects. Sometimes it’s another caffeinated drink because another night of bad sleep renders you too drowsy to get through the afternoon. Or your pent-up anger erupts, and you snap at a loved one, the dog, or even at whatever project you’re working on. Perhaps you’re sitting for more hours, eating whatever’s easy, or pouring yourself an extra drink. You might be putting off health check-ups or teeth cleanings—telling yourself you’ll do it when things settle down.

But estrangement from adult children, whether that includes the tension of occasional contact, the fear and stress of the other parent still being in touch, or the disillusionment of total silence, doesn’t often resolve swiftly. That’s why the “settling down” part must come from within. Taking care of yourself cannot wait for resolution that rests in someone else’s control. You can’t put your own care on hold while waiting for their possible change.

Good news: Small shifts can help

Even when life is tough, and your health is complicated, minor adjustments can bring positive results. Read these ideas with an open mind. You’re worth the effort.

Move more
In one recent study using activity-tracker data from nearly 15,000 people, researchers found that adding just five minutes a day of vigorous, heart-rate-raising movement was linked to lower blood pressure. Their modeling suggested that adding more time may bring greater benefits, but the hopeful point is this: small starts count. Five minutes could mean climbing a flight of stairs, taking a short, brisk walk to the mailbox, or parking farther out and walking with a little more intention. Small changes can get you started or become an add-on to movement you already do.

In Rumination Remedies, I write about Solvitur Ambulando—“it is solved by walking”—as one way to interrupt unhelpful self-talk and substitute what supports your well-being: You’re here. You’re breathing. You’re stepping forward, and your life still matters.

Choosing five active minutes instead of sitting might become the start of a bigger message about your value and worth—to yourself. Because you are worthy. Estrangement doesn’t change that.

A different study looked at people sitting for long stretches and found that five minutes of walking every half hour helped lower blood sugar and blood pressure. That does not mean you must live by a timer forever. But if you’ve been sitting too long with the heartache of estrangement, standing up and taking one small loop through the house or around the building may be a meaningful start.

Watch where sodium sneaks in
Another small shift might be choosing fewer processed foods—for all sorts of good reasons. Let’s talk about sodium, which for most people isn’t mainly about what comes out of a shaker. Rather, much of it comes from processed, packaged, and restaurant foods. In one study, just one week of lowering sodium helped many middle-aged and older adults reduce blood pressure.

Reading labels might be worth the effort to see where sodium sneaks into your diet: a packaged meal, a canned soup, a sauce, a snack, a restaurant order. One small swap can make a difference.

Step outside
Quite a lot of research has explored the benefits of nature. One such study found that spending time in a setting with natural elements like trees, sky, birds, grass, water, or a garden was associated with lower stress hormones. Maybe nature can’t cure the heartache of estrangement, but a few minutes in a beautiful outdoor place can be calming. Dappled sunlight streaming through trees, a gentle breeze whispering over your skin, and the flutter of birds’ wings can remind you: there is life beyond the pain.

Even imagining nature may be soothing, which is one reason I created Healing Reflections for Parents of Estranged Adult Children around calming scenes from the natural world. Paired with guided reflections, those imagined places can help you slow down, sort through your feelings, and notice what you need. In the mind’s eye, a meandering path, a flowing river, or a patch of open sky can become a place to relax, breathe, and remember your own strength.

Connect
Social connections are important—and even small, pleasant interactions count. One study found that everyday contact with what the researchers termed “weak ties,” the people on the edges of our social world, was connected to greater happiness and a stronger sense of belonging. Don’t minimize the value of a short chat with a neighbor, a friendly phone call, a group class, or the exchange of humor at the store. These may seem tiny, but they can move the needle on the feel-good gauge. Estrangement can shrink your world. Small, safe connections can help you feel less alone.

Prioritize sleep
Sleep is a need—not a luxury. Improving sleep can improve mental health, including less stress, anxiety, depression, and rumination. Try protecting the last half hour before bed from painful messages, sad searches, or mental replay. Close your eyes and imagine a soothing scene. Say prayers that bless loved ones. Think about the smallest, good moments of the day.

You might also make a few basic plans for tomorrow: walk the dog, feed the cat, water the potted plants. As discussed in Rumination Remedies, mentally traveling forward to something basic and neutral can have a calming effect. When the mind wants to circle old pain, a small, ordinary thought about tomorrow may help it settle for sleep.

Whether this reaches you on Father’s Day, during Men’s Health Month, or on any ordinary hard day, pay attention to your own needs.

Commit to yourself: Make one small change

As these studies and examples suggest, our bodies respond to small kindnesses. Start by choosing one small action. Here are a few ideas. Completing one is a start.

• Walk for five minutes more than usual.
• Stand up and move after a long sit.
• Sit outside for twenty minutes.
• Check the sodium content in one food you eat often.
• Make one overdue appointment.
• Call, email, or text one person you trust.
• Stop reading painful material before bed.
• Drink water rather than another cup of coffee.
• Step into daylight before noon.

You may not be able to change who calls, cares, or remembers a special day. But you can choose one small act of care for yourself.

Related:

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. “About Social Connection.”

McGregor, Sheri. “Op-Ed: California confronts loneliness, but overlooks estranged parents.” The Coast News, November 18, 2025.

What trees teach parents of estranged adult children about enduring and thriving

Survival for parents coping with estrangement (it’s chronic stress)

References:

Blodgett, J. M., et al. “Device-Measured 24-Hour Movement Behaviors and Blood Pressure.” Circulation, 2024. Plain-language summary available from University College London: An extra five minutes of exercise per day could help to lower blood pressure 

Duran, A. T., Friel, C. P., Serafini, M. A., Ensari, I., Moïse, N., Diaz, K. M., & Schwartz, J. E. “Breaking Up Prolonged Sitting to Improve Cardiometabolic Risk: Dose-Response Analysis of a Randomized Crossover Trial.” Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise, 2023;55(5):847–855.

Gupta, D. K., Lewis, C. E., Varady, K. A., et al. “Effect of Dietary Sodium on Blood Pressure: A Crossover Trial.” JAMA. 2023;330(23):2258–2266.

Hunter, M. R., Gillespie, B. W., & Chen, S. Y.-P. “Urban Nature Experiences Reduce Stress in the Context of Daily Life Based on Salivary Biomarkers.” Frontiers in Psychology, 2019.

Sandstrom, G. M., & Dunn, E. W. “Social Interactions and Well-Being: The Surprising Power of Weak Ties.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2014;40(7):910–922.