Helping estranged parents, take the confidential survey
You know how little information is available that helps estranged parents. We are often faced with criticism and judgment. People tend to make quick assumptions about us being horrible parents, when it just isn’t true. No parent is perfect. Everybody makes mistakes. For loving parents who did their best, estrangement hurts. We need support and kindness in order to heal.
If you are estranged from your adult child, please consider helping estranged parents by taking the confidential, 8-question survey for estranged parents. The short, confidential survey is designed to better understand the emotional distress of parents who are estranged from their children.
The topic is a sensitive one, yet the trend of adult children disengaging from parents appears to be on the rise. Your confidential answers are important, and may provide insight to help diminish the emotional impact to estranged parents. Please spend a few minutes helping estranged parents by answering a few confidential questions.
Thank you for helping. Estranged parents like us can educate and support one another.
Thank you for taking the confidential survey for estranged parents. Together, we can educate other people (and ourselves).
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I have 3 estranged adult children. Upon raising them, I have been married 4 times. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. Mental illness also runs in my family. My mother was in and out of my life since the age of 9. At 12, she had professional help which she was admitted for 10 years of my childhood. She blamed me for everything that she couldn’t do. Being the oldest, all of it was placed on me. I had the honors of watching my 2 younger sisters for those 10 years. I grew up fast. It was also during this time I was raped by a boy while doing laundry at the town laundry mat. We were new due to the fact we moveset to this town because we were evicted from our previous home. Bills were piling up due to my mother’s health issues. Fast forward 50 years. I tried my best being a single mom. I tried to do and give my children what I didn’t do or have growing up. My adults children’s fathers talked me down so much. Due to the stress of hateful and revengeful father’s, I suffered 2 major strokes. I was not getting child support from either father, worked 3 jobs, and did 2 newspaper routes .I finally also had a nervous breakdown. I handed my children to their fathers which was to be a temporary thing. I thought that this would be what was in their best interest. I had also lost my home due to my health issues. And now homeless. It took about a year, but the father’s at this time did some terrible things to me. Talking me down, saying I was unfit, etc. Now 2 of the 3 children were given back. The 3rd child, hated me. We always have had a rocky relationship. My 3 children blame me for everything. I do not get acknowledged for any holiday, birthdays, nothing. All 3 children moved out of state. Being disabled, I have had no help whatsoever. I also do not own a car. So this creates hard situations for me. I am not invited to certain events. And was told by 2 of my children that they were not going to drive a 3 hour trip to see me because it’s boring with me. This creates situations that now my grandchildren think I don’t love them and don’t want to see them. I am hurt, lonely and being on disability, just unable to purchase a car. When I do see the grandchildren, it’s because I need to purchase bus tickets and train tickets. Also cab fares. To spend a weekend with any of my children, costs are about 175.00. Plus being disabled trying to manage walking with a cane, my walker if I am in a lot of pain a suitcase and a tote with small items needed. And on top of that, the children expect me to get a motel room. (Just recently,my one daughter said I could stay at her place, her husband felt that they were cold to me) my 3 children’s inlaws are very cold towards me. All they have heard was the one side of everything. Everyone is negative to me. No one talks to me and I am always sitting by myself. I think what finally broke the camel’s back was that I am to attend my grandsons first birthday. The one weekend that I can see my grandchildren. Being that it’s also father’s day, I was told that everyone was taking my ex out for father’s day. I am just broken down. And to add to this mix, my son recently told me that they were embarrassed of me because I live in housing. At least I pay my bills and do not ask my children for money. My one ex still lives with his mother. He just turned 60, and he still lives home. I recently started reading the Bible every morning. I pray for simple respect and love. I can keep praying and asking. I am not going to change anymore. I feel it’s up to my adult children to change. Which I will not get. And to add to all this garbage, my neighbors played a cruel joke on me. Why, I don’t know, but I was made a fool of in front of several people. All I feel is failure. Hopefully,this site can help me along. I have also started to go back to counseling again. I have been in and out of counseling for half my life. When is all this going to end? When will I be treated like a human being?
Hi Patricia!! I’m sorry to read about your situation,is sad, I’m a single mother too,my children are all 3 grown adults,I don’t have any grandchildren, I think all us parents,have similar o same problems, my middle child is acussing me of abonded her “EMOTIONALLY” when she was 16 teen,then ckicked her out of the house at 18teen and making her homeless (She had a job,was 18teen,just graduated high school and conveniently went to live with her boyfriend ‘s and his family)
She is now 34 getting stuck in 18teen, I’m glad I don’t have grandchildren cause I don’t know if this would be healthy for them.
I think you shouldn’t go through the trouble and put yourself in dangerous situation to go to see your children and grandchildren,don’t let your children make you feel ashamed for living in housing, that is your home,be proud of this,if they don’t like it maybe they can pay for a place for you,we know they aren’t,so be happy in your own place,you are disabled,let them come to you and visit you,may be you can call them until something else comes up,like a car???
Please, take care of yourself first, you don’t have no one else but you for now,you owe it to yourself, when you love yourself and take care of yourself, respect yourself,treat yourself good,you will feel better,life will get better!
Reading the bible is good,books are good,seek counseling,take your medications, YOU ARE NOT ALONE,GOD IS WITH YOU,AND YOU ARE WITHIN YOU,LOOK FOR YOURSELF AND YOU WILL NOT BE LONELY. IM 70 I have been there and done that.