The Holidays When Adult Children Reject Parents: 2015 Series
Be Kind to Yourself This Holiday Season
by Sheri McGregor
Holidays when adult children reject parents can be a time of sadness. Parents of estranged adult children can feel pressured to be cheery when they’re not feeling up to the task.
Are you expecting too much of yourself because of the holidays? When adult children reject parents, this time of year can be challenging. If you are feeling especially low, be kind to and patient with yourself. Perhaps change things up this year. Can you give yourself permission to:
- do less?
- change routines?
- have a “small” Christmas?
- buy gift cards instead of shopping for unique gifts?
- let someone else host the party?
- skip the big Christmas newsletter this time?
- or whatever else feels right … ?
It’s okay, really.
If you are afraid of disappointing others, remember, there is disappointment in life—-and you are only a human. You cannot protect everyone. And it’s not up to you to make everyone else’s holiday bright at our own expense.
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Twas the night before Mothers’ Day
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Andrea, I said a prayer that all of us parents of abusive adult children can find peace during the upcoming holidays. We spent $800 in airline tickets to fly my daughter and grandson in for Thanksgiving next week and are on pins and needles now. She texted two nights ago ranting and raving about ways we failed her all of her life and accused us of things we never did. Honestly, I’m at the point I can let her go except I’m afraid she will withhold my 7 year old grandson from us. She is 36 years old, and we have had no peace since she was born. I constantly remind myself what a therapist told me: “You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it.” I’m still struggling with my self-esteem issues because of her constant blaming and inflicting guilt, but am finding comfort knowing other parents out there are experiencing the same situation. Bless all of us.
I’m struggling with Thanksgiving and the holidays in general. My almost 40 yr old son decided to stop communicating almost 1 yr ago and I’m not able or allowed to communicate with grandchildren either. I’m so upset my stomach is in constant knots.
Can someone help me out or show me what to do?
This will be my first Thanksgiving without my 26 year old son. I am almost crippled by the thought of it so I signed up to volunteer at a homeless shelter to hand out food. I am not sure if this will help – it if I will even be able to get out of bed that day – but I’m trying and that’s a good thing . Happy thanksgiving everyone.