I could use your help

Dear parents of estranged adult children,

I’m planning an event and want to make it useful for you. Can you help by providing your thoughts in a short survey? It’s nine short questions.

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9 thoughts on “I could use your help

  1. AvatarKim

    Need to somehow weed out emotional basket cases prior. Try somehow to focus on healing & positive things to do, esp around holidays.

  2. AvatarMarilyn J.

    I am nor interested is speakers are “professionals who have no idea what shunning of adult children does to the parent (s). Too often we are told you are the parent – fix it. Sorry these are ADULT children who also have owbership in the shunning.
    I am looking for possible ways for healing the family.

  3. AvatarApril

    Sheri, I hope you received my responses regarding a possible conference. If you did not, I’ll complete the survey again.
    Hope you are well.

  4. AvatarJacqueline

    In my case it was better to stay far, far away. Not only did my sisters pick the most expensive place to go to take my mother for mothers day, it would have been about 70 dollars each, and i have 3 girls, but their plan is always to attack me when they are together, and continue to ask for money to help my estranged daughter pay off her car, or money for school, etc. I dont usually do that as she works 2 or 3 jobs and gets paid that way, but sometimes i will throw a couple hundred her way for the month when i feel she really needs it.
    Everyone meaning the therapists and doctors, have told me to stop that, so usually i just send her a care package every month or so, because it is the only way to remain connected with her, as she does like them and I was told she appreciates them as well, although i have never gotten one thank you and my sisters tell me to never expect one from her.
    My parents seemed to have forgotten that they never every payed for my schooling at the university either. And they had kicked me out when i was 17. Although I have always been a very kind and forgiving person. It still took me a few months to reconcile with them but of course i did, as I am non judgemental christian person and dont hold grudges.
    Recently it was brought to my attention that it was my sisters that threatened my parents that if they didn’t kick me out back then, that they would leave. Hence, the inferior black sheep was cast out into the night while the two perfect daughters went along their merry ways and were allowed to live at home.
    So to end my little story, I must tell you that XX has been estranged fro us for nearly a year now, and according to her high school, has in some way decided to seperate herself from us as her parents, and after loving her all these years to the moon and back, paying for all her activities, etc…….we are not even allowed to go to her graduation or any military exercises that she may have had…NO one, and i mean no one at all, not my sisters, parents or even my children will tell me how to get a hold of her. They just say that thats not what she wants. That she indeed wants nothing to do with us at all. .My sisters have taken over my role as her mother….And I am so hurt that they have also now cut me off from their lives as well. After sending them a little text wishing them a happy mothers day in May, i dint get any reply back, and actually hadn’t spoke to them for many, many months, since january i believe. They took me out for lunch back in January, but it was with ulterior motives of course, they wanted something for my daughter of course. I am not rich and live pay check to pay check. When ever i give her money, i run out of money and it is a very bad scene for me.
    Just to show you how much they hate me, I was invited out for lunch with my parents out of the blue . Probably since i had given my mom a nice gift card for mothers day. But the thing is now, where i once believed everyones motives were pure, now i know they are not. They would get me out of lunch and then explain the real reason for getting me there, such as helping pay for XX and XX educational financial funds when they are both working, and also getting asap as well…A loan to help them pay for rent, books, school supples and pay for tuition of course.
    So, I am aching inside that my family has treated me so very badly because of my failure to be able to provide the financial means for my children to go to college. You see my sisters are both divorced but have extremely good jobs in the medical field, and my parents think they are literally always right and Gods…in their own right. As for me, I am on disability due to a back disease called something like spodylithesis, and it is a life long thing, getting worse as i age. Now even though I showed them my X-rays and disc and papers from the doctors who have cared for me, and I received a full disability on my first try which is pretty much impossible, or at best very rare, they refuse to believe that there is anything wrong with me and that i am scamming the government and should have a job. I worked for well over 20 years until this happened, so what else am i supposed to do? Take the chance that I might end up in a wheelchair again because they think they know best? Oh wow, I am guessing that you can feel the heavy hostility in which this situation holds.
    At a time in my life when i need he most support ever, i have none. Except my hubby but he is usually working everyday, all the time…I am really hoping to find a support group to talk to others experiencing the same thing, maybe gain some friends, some help with my self esteem, and lastly, to possibly even join a support group where there are mothers looking for online daughters to talk to…If you know of any sites that do such a thing, please let me know…
    Thank you so much for listening to my plight. I just feel so very alone with no family any longer. Blessed be to all you that may read this…Yours, jacqueline


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