Investing in You
“I should have stuck up for myself from the very beginning.” ~ ‘Myrna,’ in
Beyond Done With The Crying: More Answers and Advice for Parents of Estranged Adult Children
[Video transcript: will become written lesson too]
Welcome back! Congratulations on getting to the “strength training” lesson. Last time, we did a little visualization and began an assessment. We’ll soon be completing a bit more assessment and then work on gathering and building strength—however that works for you, because we’re all different. We’re unique, and that’s why these steps must come from within you. That way they’re uniquely meaningful to you.
You’ll need your ratings and lists of internal and external obstacles you made from the last lesson. If you haven’t done that homework, then I’m going to respectfully request that you take those steps—and here’s why:
You’re worth it SLIDE presentation with voiceover – timing so that #2 and #3 go in as below.
I know that some of you will balk at the idea of your own “worth.” You may have been conditioned to wonder if self-care equates to selfish. But I would argue that investing in yourself is an act of self-preservation, not self-indulgence. Each investment you make in yourself is another step forward to your center, and builds your strength and resilience (#2) and since you’re here in this course, then you have already done an act of self-worth and deservedness. You’ve already taken a step toward (#3) “self-reliance” that equates to believing in yourself and your ability to move forward, to be fine despite this trauma, and that you deserve to have a good life.
Back to video:
So, since you’re here, you might as well see this through, right? And those first steps are acts of self-reflection that get at what even ancient philosophers knew was true—that an examined life is worth living … that peace comes from within … that we may not be able to change some of what happens to us, but we can change our responses.* (footnote at end of lesson that lists Socrates, Buddha, Epictetus).
Awareness is how we recognize our responses so that we can guard against the quicksand of old patterns of belief as well as habits that no longer serve us. So, is that selfish? So many of my readers and coaching clients have made every move in life considering the family—and I’m not saying that was wrong. I have done it. Parents do take into account the family, the needs of our children. That’s normal … that’s typical … and it lasts for decades, so those old ways become habits. And if you’re here, it’s because you recognize that that old way of being no longer applies.
You’ve entered the maze … and you need a plan to get out. That’s why looking at the obstacles, the ones you brought to the surface in response to the last section’s exercise, help you get to the peace that comes from within.
And just by doing the exercise, you convey the message to yourself that you’re worth it. You’re worth your own investment of time, energy, and yes, self-care. So, if you don’t have those done, stop now and go back and do them. And if you do, good for you. Give yourself a pat on the back. Celebrate that you did it … that you’re taking steps for your own wellbeing. It’s okay to celebrate that. It’s a good thing. And if you didn’t do them. Do them now, and then celebrate. You deserve it!
And even if you did the exercises that’s great and this little detour into self-worth was beneficial too. Most of need reminders to take good care of ourselves, that we’re worth our own kindness, that we deserve to build ourselves into stronger, more resilient people. Especially after something as devastating as the ambiguous loss, the disenfranchised grief, the pure H-E-double hockey sticks of losing what was once so dear to us.
So, I’ll close out this video now … And in the next, we’ll get started for real. So, advance to the next lesson, and let’s get moving. See you there.