Mother’s Day (for mothers of estranged adults)

Getting prepared for Mother’s Day (for mothers of estranged adults)

A short presentation with Sheri McGregor, author of the Done With The Crying series of books for parents of estranged adult children. NOTE: The live event mentioned at the end of the video was cancelled due to illness, but we’ll try again. And, there are past replays of other live events in the membership area.

Related Info — mentioned in the presentation

Join the peer support for parents of estranged adult children membership community

Golden Girls (YouTube)

Mother’s Day for moms with estranged adult children: Facts to distract

Mothers of estranged adult children: The white carnation

 

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23 thoughts on “Mother’s Day (for mothers of estranged adults)

  1. lauren

    Just read an article regarding Estranged Parents. I am my only daughter’s birth mother. My ex turned her against me and after trying for years have come to terms that it truly is her loss since I was and am a good person who tried her best, not perfect but good intentions. I now CHOOSE not to have a relationship with her. My actions are showing her that being cruel, abusive to one who gave you life has consequences. I also believe in Karma and have seen over and over again unhealthy situations with people who live with negative intentions. I don’t live with regrets and choose to be loving and kind regardless of a few not wanting me in their life. I will always be there if she ever wants to know me and decide not to be controlled anymore. Life is short, embrace and love yourself, forgive yourself and move forward.

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  2. Sandsma

    I’m so glad I found the news article about your son being estranged which led me here today. I was so dreading another Mother’s Day this year and I have a new idea of how to deal with this one. Thank you for this! Looking forward to your other work!

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  3. Lori F

    Sheri, you have given me strength that I never knew I had. One daughter only child with 2 grandsons. I haven’t seen in 2 years. It’s been many years of me being manipulated. It is a very hard day. I go to my mom’s grave and celebrate her life. Then the day is going to the ocean to walk and cleanse. I still have difficult days. That is when I remember your words.
    Much thanks and love to you ❤️

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  4. MT

    Thankyou for the words of kindness and comfort. The estrangement in my family grows each year with 50% of my children going no contact. Is like a virus and I wonder if it will spread further. Like many parents I don’t know the reason/s and I’m done with trying to figure that out. My focus is on the children who want me in their lives, while having a life of my own which fulfils me.

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  5. Toni

    To all of you great moms, always remember you did the best you could. My daughter and her family have been estranged for over 5 years, and the whole in the heart will never go away. It just gets numb. I know it’s hard for all of you. I do best to enjoy my younger daughter and her kids, cuz that’s all I’ve got, and it makes me happy.
    It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in this estrangement hole! Let’s give each other big hugs and thank Sheri for all of her support during all of the tough times and holidays ! She is the best and so are all of you!
    Enjoy your day and their after!

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  6. Annemarie

    Thank you Sheri. And while I’m on here, thank you for Beyond Done With The Crying as well. I thought the first book was enough, but you cover SO much in Beyond that has been a cushion as well as tools for my toolbox. Each time my es & dil rip my grandchildren away unless my husband and I listen to their ” truths”,I get stronger. Your book helps me to do that in a way that is consistent with my faith. I forgive, but I’m getting ” wise as a serpent”, while remaining ” harmless as a dove”. Happy Mothers Day to you and all the awesome moms on this site.

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  7. Joyandpeace

    Good morning Sheri . Thank you so very much. This is my first Mother’s Day, estranged from to 35 year old daughter. It is all still quite a shock. I love your approach in helping us moving forward and not taking on my ED’s definition of me as a person or as a mother . I am planning a delightful Mother’s Day for myself, my husband and my son and family. Happy Mother’s Day everyone! We know we are not perfect but we are still good Moms and Grandmothers. Hugs

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  8. Jodi

    Thank you so much for that video. I have read your books and find them so helpful but somehow hearing the words meant so much more. Holidays are so very hard for me. Thank you for always being there to encourage me and help me through. Knowing that I am not alone and that others understand helps. Looking forward to enjoying Mothers Day with the ones who love me. Thank you for all you do!❤️

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  9. Melody W

    Sheri,
    Your video and message were lovely. Thank you for sharing such wonderful inspiration and helpful tips. I plan on spending the day doing what I want to do. As I write this, it occurs to me that I do that every day – which is a big aha moment for me! I fill my days with things that matter to me, be it working, tending to the yard, reading or just enjoying sitting on the porch with my husband. I know we make our own happiness and while I would love to be part of my daughter’s life and family, I am not. I want to continue choosing to be happy, to honor my values and be the best person I can be. Thank you for helping me do so.

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  10. Barbara R.

    My daughter texted me… TEXTED ME as I was walking out the door of my floral shop to bring her wedding flowers to the wedding. “I don’t want you here. Neither does anyone else. They’re all mad at you. They say you killed my brother by abusing him.” He passed of an accidental overdose 4 months prior. TEXTED ME to uninvite me to her wedding and accuse me of abuse and manslaughter. That was 13yrs ago. I haven’t heard from her since.

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  11. Bodhi

    It’s been almost two years since our 27 year old daughter moved in with a secret toxic boyfriend, and became estranged. My husband has some texting with her, but it’s not a real relationship. He revealed that she just bought a new car. Yes, she has moved on, and so have I. I no longer even want her in my life. She is a narcissist. Lucky for me, I have some good supportive friends, and my creative pursuits. I’m 73. Our daughter was adopted at age 3. She had loads of love and attention. Perhaps we spoiled her. But now at 27, she cares nothing for us. It almost ended our marriage, as my husband tried to blame me. Now, he is starting to see the truth. It’s best to live your best life, and not worry about people who are out of your control. I can only control my thoughts and behaviour. Mothers Day will be for my own peace of mind.

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  12. Linda Q.

    Thank you for always sending emails ahead of holidays which you know will be painful for us. Mother’s Day is hardest for me as, unlike most others on this site, ALL of my three children have been estranged from me for the past 16 years. I purchased your book a few years ago so I think I will get it out and re-read it this year. I will be 69 years old this year and the older I get the more I realize I may die before ever seeing my children or grandchildren again. I simply wish to thank you for continuing your mission of comfort to those of us who are experiencing this terrible phenomenon. It truly makes a world of difference in my life.

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    1. Margy A

      Linda – 3 out of 4 don’t speak to me and it’s getting harder for no 4 as he loves his siblings and his wife is toxic to me – I hope you are okay. They were my life and I raised them on my own to find myself all alone. I am 60 this year and moving forward I plan to be happy with my lot and create a future of fulfilment. I hope you can do that too. ❤️❤️

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  13. Alicia V.

    This is a great post, Sheri! I have watched it a couple of times and have shared it with a friend who is in a similar circumstance. I’m still giving the day some thought on how I’d like to celebrate and am positive I’ll be viewing your post again in the process. You’ve helped me so much in my journey of learning to love and accept myself and to see myself outside of the mom role that I’ve lived and breathed for 32 years. Mother’s Day celebrations in the past for me have always been about honoring my own mom and creating a memory for my family members. This will be the first Mother’s Day without my mom and will be the first Mother’s Day that I purpose to honor myself. Thank you for empowering all of us moms to appreciate ourselves and love ourselves even if not all of our efforts, time, and sacrifices are acknowledged or appreciated by the grown kids who’ve rejected us. Thank you for helping me get to know and like myself again! I’m saddened at parts of my journey but encouraged and excited for my future! I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day, Sheri! Big hugs!

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  14. Kelly

    I hadn’t given Mother’s Day a thought until seeing this. My oldest of two children, both daughters, has been estranged for 19.5 years. Today is her 35th birthday. It’s only been in the past few months that I’ve recognized she has been “gone” longer than I ever had her in my life. All these years I continued to reach out with cards and gifts on the special occasions, the “just because” cards randomly sent because I love her; most times I would be graced with a cordial text acknowledging my gestures. Over the years I would find myself spending the entire Mother’s Day WAITING for a crumb of recognition from her. Sometimes the text came and sometimes it didn’t. Last year it didn’t. And while my self talk thru-out the day was that it wouldn’t matter I still went to bed that night feeling hurt and rejected like it was only yesterday that she left! This year I will plan a day of coastal hiking with a few close gal pals and my loyal little dog. I will embrace the day and give thanks for the relationship I share with my youngest daughter. A twenty year estrangement makes my oldest daughter a total stranger. I have released my attachment to her with love and acceptance. By saying this to myself during those indiscriminate moments when thoughts and memories of my estranged daughter intrude and I find myself on the edge of that rabbit hole of “what could have I done differently”, I am relieved from those difficult feelings of sadness, anger, and rejection, almost immediately. The hurt is lifted and I am gifted peace and contentment. There is a joy to such freedom. I wish you all an empowering Mother’s Day. You deserve it!

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    1. Mary

      I can relate to this! My son has been estranged for 10 years now and it felt like something out of the blue. But, with time, I have reached a point where I know I love him, always did and only wish the best for him. He turned 30 at the end of March and clearly is an adult. It is his life; my own is my life and I choose to live it acknowleding that there will always be a hole in my heart but it can be filled with life’s beauty and new love, hopefully.

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  15. Katherine

    I will be spending MD with my wonderful younger son and stepson and will do my absolute best to focus on the joy in my life rather than the negative! It’s nearly two years since my older son estranged from me and the rest of the family. We have no idea if it’s due to mental illness, his controlling girlfriend, or some combination of the two. He became cold, detached, lacking any love or empathy, finding fault, treating us like strangers. It has been a nightmare.
    Whenever I find myself thinking about the sweet boy he was or any of the endless wonderful memories I try hard to cut myself off from romanticizing the past and longing for the person he was. I tell myself that version of him no longer exists and I have to live in the present. And the person he is now is cruel, cold and not someone I even want to be close to.
    It’s not easy but staying in the present helps.

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  16. Diane

    Greetings Sheri, thank you for sharing your insight & recommendations to help us get through another Mother’s Day (my 4th). I wanted to share with you that today 04/26/2024 is 941 since my adult estranged son has spoken to me except Christmas morning of 2023 to tell me he was sorry my mother passed away that morning at hospice, in my moment of grief, I found him to be lacking of heartfelt sincerity, she was his Nanny for Pete’s sake, a warm and loving woman that was there for him his entire life (49 year’s). In February 2024 I sent him a birthday card and invited him to lunch, saying no worries, stress or pressure. He sent me a text a couple days later, thanked me for reaching out like I was one of his customers. He told me he would get in touch, that was 3 months ago. I am ready to move on, I was a care giver to my 92 year old mother, no help from my sister really or my son and daughter in law and I have had 6 Orthopedic surgeries and went through stage 3 uterine cancer. I have finally had my come to Jesus moment he and his wife were only children, he never wanted children & finally got her on board (more stuff for them). I have cried a thousand tears, my heart hurt for a long time. I never deserved to be exiled from their lives, they live 4.7 miles from me and they don’t give a darn about me. I live in Florida, where 6 months we are in hurricane season and we went through some very bad storms. I can tell you, my mother and I were on our own, never did either one call, text or email her or me. My mother & I were his greatest cheerleaders, always supporting him, caring for him, helping him, buying for him, spoiling him and yes, enabling him. This Mother’s Day, I shall pay tribute to my sweet mother, and take a nice bike ride, plant some plants and flowers and make myself a nice meal/dessert They are selfish, self serving and narcissistic & I believe that my job as his mother is over, and that God gave him his life, he didn’t give his life to me. I pray everyday that God will soften his heart, until then I will enjoy my own journey while here on earth. My doctor who has 4 little girls suggested that I go over to the local hospital & volunteer at the Neonatal Unit to hold the babies Thank you, your all in my prayers for a wonderful

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  17. Peggie

    The pain is real. The thoughts of what I may have done wrong, or what I could have done better, peck at my brain like a bird to suet. There is no rest for my body, my mind or my spirit. There is no safe place for me to go to find respite or consolation. Events and past conversations all replay over and over relentlously in my waking hours and sleep never comes unless I collapse from complete exhaustion. What I wouldn’t give for just one moment of peace.

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    1. Mary Beth

      Peggy, my heart aches for you. I have those same feelings. Peace is often elusive, and it seems the world is growing colder and colder. In those times, I reach for the warmth of God’s love. That alone is what sustains me.

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  18. Geraldine K.

    Watched your video it made me sad and I cried. It was a beautiful presentation. I also have your book. Looking to getting others that you have written. Thank you an Happy Mother’s Day to you.♥️♥️

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  19. Kathleen A.

    Thank you for your video . I am so happy that I have peace in my heart . Our ES left us out of his life 2 yrs ago . He also abandoned my family , my Mom , my sister and brothers . One of my brothers is severely disabled. That one hurts the most ! How can you possibly abandoned the most kind and gentle soul . That is full of pure love . My Mom passed in September, my son never came up to me at the luncheon, no card no words . He is certainly not the sweet , kind child I raised . Where did he go ? Wishing you all a Happy mother’s day . I hope you can all find the inner peace that I have gotten . Bless you all . XO

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