New estrangement research beats a dead horse (October 2021)

new estrangement research


Do you remember that word from childhood? Maybe you remember it with an eye roll: Duh-Uh.

The word came to mind when I read of a recent survey study on estrangement.

“New” estrangement research

The survey of 1,035 mothers of estranged adult children asked the women about the cause of the estrangement. Many of the moms talked about people who stirred up trouble between them and their adult children. I called these people “influential adversaries” in my book, Done With The Crying. They include the estranged parent’s ex-spouse, a son- or daughter-in-law, or other family members or friends who create division. Nearly two thirds of rejected moms from the new research also talked about an adult child’s mental illness or an addiction as contributing to estrangement.

My own estrangement research consists of more than 50,000 responses to surveys for parents of estranged adult children. I have also personally interviewed hundreds of abandoned moms, dads, and siblings, and I interact with them daily (as well as am a rejected mother myself).

All of this “new” information reads like yesterday’s news. But what is even older is that when the study authors looked at existing research, they found that the adult children cited different reasons for their choice to estrange.

Did you catch that? The adult children who estranged themselves disagreed with their mothers.


Estrangement: Very real issues

I could go on here about the very real problem of parental alienation syndrome, about how those with personality disorders can be neurotically possessive to the point of isolating another person from their own family, and how these persons will generally blame everyone else for their problems … but I won’t.

Many, maybe even most, of you, the loving parents who are rejected by adult children and read this blog, are familiar with one or more of these issues. You have lived through them and suffered the consequences. The supposed revelations of this “new” estrangement research is old news to you, too.


Hugs from Sheri McGregor

For some genuinely new and helpful info, my latest book will be out very soon.


Schoppe-Sullivan, S. J. et al, Mothers’ attributions for estrangement from their adult children, Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice (2021).

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39 thoughts on “New estrangement research beats a dead horse (October 2021)

  1. Beachy

    Not sure if this is the correct place to ask a question but here goes. After nearly 2 years of deafening silence my ES reached out to me. I am not sure where to go from here. The conversation was very high level with him telling me about all his accomplishments, which I am truly happy for him. I am not sure where to go next, should I reach out or wait from him to reach out to me? Is this merely checking in on me since he and his sister seem to be on the outs?


    1. Joan

      I am new to this group. We have three adult children, two daughters, and a son. Our two daughters have become estranged from us in the past six months. It has been very painful. I so appreciate the honesty of the comments here.

  2. Megan V.

    I am glad I read these comments today. We have an estranged daughter and it has been going on for so very long. At first I could not move past it, felt like my life was over. The estrangement began in 2004. It was not totally cut off for awhile but now there is no communication. She will speak or text her brothers once in a while. She lives across the country and is engaged but doesn’t have a date set. If her brothers are invited but not us it will break my heart. To be honest, she has been gone out of our lives longer than she was in it. I do not know her anymore. It feels kind of like a death, that I only have 2 children now instead of 3.
    I know we weren’t a perfect family. I apologized over and over but it was never enough. So after many years of tears, I feel that for the most part I have moved on. But I do have her baby picture and a toddler picture of her on my dresser. I tell the person in the picture I love her and I pray for God to draw close to her daily.

    1. Mimi

      Hi Megan,
      Thank you for putting into words what I am feeling. Your story seems similar to mine. And, the sentence “I tell the person in the picture I love her and I pray for God to draw close to her daily” is beautiful and sad.
      All the best to you,

  3. Robin

    My son, maybe about three months ago, changed his life. He is married with two children and was attending church twice or more a week for the last 10 years. He took the manager he hired of his company on a trip to Las Vegas for 4 days and when he returned he had Covid for the second time. The manager is a friend he has known for 7 years and female. He moved in with her because he had Covid and did not want to infect his family . He has stopped talking to me, his mother and step father, and brother and his wife. His wife is praying he will return and his kids are saying that their father and mother act one way in church but fight once they get home. I am wondering if he is drinking or doing drugs as his behavior has changed so much. He is now saying her four children need a father figure all the while ignoring his own children. I am totally puzzled and can only think he is doing things he does not want me to address as I have spoken that he should return to his family. Any ideas of how to let this go and stop being so worried?

  4. Melynda

    I can understand your pain and circumstances. I too had a bad divorce 5 years ago, at first both of my children, Son now 25 and Daughter now 21 sided more with the father, as I was seen as the one that destroyed the family because I was unhappy in the marriage and wanted out, the father put all blame on me and wouldn’t go to counseling, as he said it was my problem not his…… Son never really because estranged, just distant for awhile and has found his way back to me…..thank my heavenly stars for that! My daughter is another story…..we go years without speaking….converse for a month or two and it’s back to full estrangement. It’s debilitating at times….the pain, the wonder, the grief. It’s so hard to understand, when we have been together it’s always good between us and she even tells me later that it felt so good. I try to be patient and understanding…….knowing that the divorce still hurts her, and that I have pushed forward and moved on and found happiness. I have always told my children I am here for them always, no matter what and unconditionally. I see a therapist and read books too, and it does help, but yes, that pain is there. I do my best to live in the moment and be thankful for the love I do have in my life. Hang in there…’re not alone. This site has helped me in knowing I am not alone.♥

    1. Janie H.

      Thank yu for your candor. I have been on the verge of years for about. Week trying to figure out why I’m being left out of my son, daughter in law and grandson’s lives. My son has a PHD and I have a Masters which makes no difference. My story is similar to yours, and I am being punished because my son can’t take any conflict past or present from me or his dad. Im speechless

    2. Wendy M.

      I can identify with your pain. My estrangement with my 3 sons began over 21 years ago when I decided to choose happiness after being married to their dad for almost 29 years. My two oldest sons eventually came around but my youngest remains estranged along with his wife and their 3 children. I do exchange birthday greetings with my son and he will occasionally tease me with a picture of one of my grandchildren. He is estranged from his older brother as well. My biggest mistake was being too nice and for always allowing them their voice but not insisting on their respect. I tried to hard to make them happy as my own expense. I believe that much of what has transpired over the years has been the result of a poor relationship with their dad and an unhappy family life. Their dad was verbally and emotionally abusive and they learned from him. Unfortunately, I see them treat their wives the same way. My husband (of 20 years) and I moved closer to my middle son 8 years ago to become active grandparents to his two children. We enjoyed wonderful family times as well as travels together. Our grandchildren love us as much as we love them. As a a result of today’s politics and COVID19, we now find ourselves in a new kind of estrangement. We have been walking on eggshells and doing everything asked of us since COVID began and nothing is enough. My son is terrified of COVID and we are not. We study all of the information we can find and make our own decisions while he and his wife listen to what their governments demands. We are open to discuss anything and they are not. We are done being ridiculed and done with the demands and name-calling. We are very sad about not seeing our grandchildren and we know that they are as well. Sheri’s first book was the best help I found in helping me move forward. I still have my moments but it really helps to know we are in good company as we try to make sense of these crazy times in which we live. I’m ordering the Sheri’s new book and doing what I can to stay strong. I am so grateful to all of you who share in this painful journey. Keep sharing.

    3. Patty

      Your story is so similar to mine- being blamed for a bad divorce by both my kids with no understanding from them about their dad’s avoidence and passive aggressive behavior and addictions. He told me I would lose my kids if I left and he would never see me me again. Since he won’t tolerant my presence, that added to the difficulty of ever seeing my kids when he was around. I would be told to leave if he was anywhere around. It has been 13 years and now my son ignores me completely and my daughter is angry when she does speak. They dislike me because I’ve expressed how destructive this culture is that they both believe in. I raised them very permissively and they are self centered and entitled as a result. I fear for their future as both non breeding worker bees in an increasingly bitter world.
      Like you looking at old pictures of them and praying for their well being, I do the same. As Sheri described, like love frozen in time.
      All my friends and neighbors and my husband’s siblings have close family relationships. It is so painful to feel like the only one.
      Thank you for telling your story

  5. Rhonda

    My son walked away three years ago due to his choice to become addicted to drugs. I am sure he probably had some “influencer” so-called friends that solidified his decision to have no contact with me. I did do the best I could as a parent, and am not sure what I could have done different to get different results. He is 35 years old now, and out of a parent’s circle of influence. This is what I believe–if we choose to have children, we do not own them, and never will. All parents want to believe that their child/children will ALWAYS love them, learn from them, and rely on them, and most believe this is an unconditional love and bond that all children have for their parents, but those that have estranged adult children know that this is not always true. I believe most times it has absolutely nothing to do with us as parents who did the best we could, it has to do with them and whatever their universe is telling them to do, which may not be based on reality. As parents of adult estranged children, we have two choices. We can accept their form of “emotional extortion” and give up on life, or we can forgive ourselves and them, and move on to live a happy, healthy and fulfilling life. That is the decision I have made.

  6. Jeanne

    My 17 year-old daughter moved out in February of this year. She started pushing me away 8-months earlier, and never did tell me what I did that was so wrong. Looking back I can see it was probably a combination of things, including adolescence, new friend group, mental health issues, and of course things I could have done better and differently as our family began to unravel. But I can tell you in all honesty that I have moved on, and I am happy. There are three main things that helped me to get to here. One was Sheri’s book. It’s real talk and it’s empowering. Two were the many, many parents I saw in the forums who sometimes even YEARS later were continuing to hold on to the pain, bitterness and resentment of their child/ren leaving. The saddest being the parents who continue to reach out despite being treated poorly. I decided that I was not going to be that person. I was not going to give that power over my life or happiness to anyone. Third was the work of The Untethered Soul author Michael Singer. You can get a taste of his work on the Michael Singer podcast, or the talks available on his website. The facts are, my daughter chooses not to have contact with me. I needed to accept that in order to move forward. I needed to accept reality! I love my daughter. I made sure she knows I love her, I’m not angry, and that I’m available if she wants to talk. And then I let it go. And I believe every one of you also needs to let go so that you can truly move forward. Things happen that are unfair and we can’t change. I am not dismissing your grief, pain or guilt, or the amount of inner and outer work you may need to do to find your joy and peace again. Forgive yourselves! Set healthy boundaries for your relationships. And learn to love your self.

    1. Robin

      Thank you so much for your advice . The last four sentences said it all to me. Thank you for verbalizing what I had been feeling but have not put into practice yet. Thank You!

  7. NICKI D.

    I have two kids that are estranged. A son that is 22 years old, estranged for 5 years, and a daughter, that is 20, estranged for 2 years now. Both because of a nasty divorce. Father had more money etc and enticed them while I struggled to live, child support payments rarely came on time as he worked for himself and state barely held accountable. There was a lot of ill will on both of our ends. Both kids are sill in college, The ED still has a lot to do with the Father but nothing to do with me. She runs to him every time I reach out to her. The ES has nothing to do with me and little to do with the Father. It is quite sad what a bad divorce can do to the children. I was a loving doting mother. Both children are very smart and doing well but refused to have me in their lives. I am so unhappy. I have been to therapist, read books, everything. Trying to figure out what I did so wrong to them. I am trying to move on with a loving fiance’ but being a Mother is all I ever wanted out of life. Now I feel like I have no purpose….

  8. Crushed

    It finally hit me, I don’t want to do this anymore! Since 2006 when my wonderful husband passed in an accident my ED become a complete stranger. I didn’t hear from her for 3 years & then she started this game of texting me or calling saying the Grandkids wanted to see me. Then nothing for 6 months then another text.
    This has gone on for two years & I’m not playing anymore. I just came back from Mexico & had a wonderful time! I’m going to Orlando in April with my son & my two grandkids.
    I will always miss my 4 grandkids & I’m so sorry but it has to be this way.


  9. Doris

    I am an estranged parent, whose daughter has divorced me. she said I have taken over the personality of her step father whom she did really care for, she told me she was happy not communicating , I have to accept it and move on, God will do the rest.

  10. Lorraine M.

    My son has been estranged from his sister and I (his mother) since 2008. Every year that passes doesn’t make this situation any easier especially on his birthday and Mother’s Day. I have been reading your book and I just finished the part where you write to remember the good things that I did for him and there were so many….maybe more than I should have done. As he grew older he started becoming inattentive to his dad and I and after he married, he totally alienated himself from us. I do believe my daughter in law has played a big part toward this estrangement but I thought my son had more of a back bone to stand up to her. I guess not. So for the time being, I will take your advice in your book and remember all the wonderful things I did for him and not blame myself anymore because I WAS A GOOD PARENT TO HIM.

    1. Effie

      It is so hard and you have been walking this for a long time… Some days are so much harder and the longer it goes the more I feel it won’t change… But for family gatherings its a struggle every years how to handle with others.. Just know I understand.

    2. Leslie

      Your comment reads like a chapter out of my own life. If you go along, they serve up abuse. If you defend yourself, no contact. If you apologize (sometimes for things accused of that didn’t even occur) more abuse. Today is my granddaughter’s 13th birthday. I haven’t seen her in over four years. Before that summer, five years went by without them. Only my oldest grandson remembered us. I miss my grandkids so much but the drama and toxicity of my son and his wife NO, Never.

  11. Jan P.

    Interesting that this “new” research appears to cite the majority of estrangements are due to influencers or mental Illness/drug abuse issues. What about those who don’t know the reason for the estrangement and whose family situations had been relatively healthy? In my case, my daughter is 47 years old, her husband is a wonderful man with whom we’ve always had a close relationship. My ex and I were divorced in 1983 and still have a very amicable relationship. I wrote my daughter a letter 18 months ago in which I expressed my sadness at how our relationship had devolved and even apologized for whatever I might have done to cause it—she never responded. The last (unpleasant) conversation I had with my daughter was nearly 6 months ago and I tried to find out why she has pushed me away, but she refuses to talk about it. We have not seen her or her family for almost 2 years (they only live 65 miles away). What does research say about these kinds of situations?

    Sheri, your book was so much more helpful than anything else I read (particularly those texts that indicate it is incumbent on the parents to make amends and change). Nothing left for us to do now but move on and enjoy our lives—and I don’t feel a bit guilty about it.

    1. Linda

      Hi Jan,
      I am in a very similar situation as yours with 2 adult daughters ages 50 and 41. I don’t know the reason
      for my eldest . My 41 y.o accused me of something I never did and when I wanted to respond she
      said “don’t talk’. Her 3 children who i adore and helped raise have also stopped calling and face-timing
      me. It is very difficult to accept all this. Some days or even weeks I think the pain is decreasing, then
      out of the blue the sadness becomes overwhelming.

    2. FRG

      Your story is l exactly how mine is. We were so close FINALLY after she graduated college. She had a horrible time, I was HAPPILY there. I asked “do you want me to come stay with you?” And she said “yes.” I left the next day. Couple months later and I have no idea what I’m doing wrong. I have asked, and get radio silence. She’s a drive away also. If I knew what I did, I want to tell her I’m sorry , I’d genuinely try not to do it again. I guess I have to just let go. None of us are perfect. We’re all flawed, but family should forgive each other. Not ghosted. Maybe she’ll come back.

  12. Beth

    My son aged 47 is no longer talking to me or his father (my husband). We’ve not really been given a reason, other than that he has objections to a letter I wrote to his wife in response to one of her usual rants to me about where I have gone wrong and what I should be doing. It is obvious to me that the DIL does not like me and probably never has really and because of this their children have been kept at arms length from us all their lives. I’ve put up with this treatment because I did not want to lose my son. We had already seen the consequences of anyone falling out with his wife when he cut off his elder sister for 5 years. The letter the DIL wrote to me (a year ago) caused a sea change in me, I was no longer going to meekly go along with everything she said, so my letter to her was an attempt to put an end to all her recriminations, instead it has caused our son to cut all contact with us, and all because I will no longer participate in their game. I see a counsellor who has helped me to see that I too matter, something that had got lost over 20 years. And I must mention Sheri’s books which have enabled me to look at the whole sorry situation with fresh eyes. I now see that I cannot stop my son choosing not to talk to us but I hope that he too realises he cannot prevent my choice, which is to live as peaceful a life as I can achieve. My thoughts are with all those affected by estrangement.

    1. rparents Post author

      Thank you for your comment, Beth. I’m so sorry your son has chosen this route. Meanwhile, you can continue to be genuine and maintain your integrity as a real person, whole, with feelings and opinions and the right to live life without the constant rain ️ of criticism by his wife. It’s probably more peaceful for you. Maybe one day he will realize his mistake. Maybe she will too. I’ve seen a few miracles happen. I admire your strength and sensibility.

      Thank you again for your note, Beth. Take good kind care of yourself.

      From one strong woman to another, HUGS,
      Sheri McGregor

    2. Laurie

      I identify with your situation. My estrangement also involves a DIL. I’ve always thought of our family as close and I do realize when adult children marry and have children the dynamic will change. I have been a widow for 16 years . My kids & I, who were all single at that time, formed a very close bond. They are all 3 married now, with 7 children between them. 10 years ago I moved to be near them all ( within 2 miles of each other). What a joy to spend time together as a family… I was able to help them with the grandkids and spend quality time with them. My youngest son married a woman who had been coddled her entire life . It has been hard on him & tough on the whole family. I have tried very hard to love her and support them. Watching her tear down his confidence slowly over time and drive a wedge between his friends and family has been heartbreaking. He has come to me in tears, has anxiety attacks and has confided in me some awful revelations. He’s told me he wants a divorce but is worried about his 2 boys as she is very selfish and in his words a horrible mother. She eventually convinced his that I was the toxic influence in their lives…The reason he was depressed , experiencing anxiety attacks and having stomach issues was my fault. I was cut out of their lives for 6 months until my son realized it wasn’t me but her. He stayed in the marriage but I was allowed to see my grandsons and he spent time with me and his brother and sister and kids.
      Fast forward 1 1/2 years and she wanted to live somewhere warmer. He quit his job after finding a new one where she wanted to live and moved. He told me he didn’t want to move . She has so much control over him and he folded. She moved one month before he did so he & the kids stayed with me and I helped him pack up the house. His brother & kids spent a lot of time with us those weeks before they moved. We played games, had movie night and laughed! His younger son asked me why we hadn’t done more of this and his older brother answered , because of Mom”!
      It has been 4 months now since I have heard from my son. In the beginning the kids would FaceTime & call me but that has stopped too. Her parents retired early to move to the same City and actually into the same apartment complex.
      I was and am a good Mom. As all Moms I made mistakes as kids don’t come with a manual bu they were loved & listened to. No major issues until the DIL. I have a great relationship with my other 2 children and grandchildren. I am broken and trying to moved on. I feel no quilt nor is there anything I did to cause this estrangement. I am in therapy to learn the skills to cope & move forward. I’ve read the book Done with Crying using the workbook to write my thoughts. The old adage “this could never happen to me” is something I know isn’t true! It does happen to good & loving people. I have no answer as to how to stop the pain and the unfairness of your situation but you are not alone. So much written on the horrible MIL but not much on the DIL and how much hurt she can cause to your son & the whole family.

  13. emily38

    Hi Sheri,
    I only now read the synopsis on the website cited in your article
    I have to say the research is ‘old news’ and seems to be stuck
    in past performance or institutional recycling of earlier work. I know
    academics can be ‘inspired’ by previous research, reconstituting that
    ‘old news’ or using a piece of it to generate the next journal article.
    Publish or perish.

    When I read (in the authors’ reporting) that the approach is to measure
    the parents’ willingness to make necessary changes, my insides wanted
    to shriek. That parents are the ones to make changes, facilitate
    reconciliation depending on how they perceive their childrens’ reasons
    for estranging? Really?

    Your work, your Forum, our collective experience suggests this is
    misguided persuasion coming from ivory towers, not grounded reality.
    Or places where the ‘accepted’ approaches to this complex question
    of estrangement are simply recycled. Those who live in the real world
    of estrangement-damage know the authentic dynamics of the experience.

    You know what? The horse and rider in your photo are in a shape much
    too good to represent what we estranged parents have endured!

    I can’t wait to have your second book. Congratulations!


    1. rparents Post author


      You have hit the nail on the head about those of us who authentically understand the complex experience of estrangement by adult children from the inside out. Parents usually do try to “change” but many, many times us trying to please is a bit like beating a dead horse too. Ugh.

      I don’t mean to”stirrup” trouble but we don’t have to be “saddled” with the responsibility of everyone’s happiness for the rest of our lives. There comes a time to say “whoa” to self-sacrificing that isn’t appreciated, stop people pleasing the undeserving, and “ride off” onto our own “happy trails!”

      Sorry for getting carried away with the horse puns, but it’s fun to laugh and I don’t want to be a dry old skeleton quite yet. (I agree with you though, that the skeleton horse and rider aren’t even representative of the horror many parents suffer and are changed by.)

      Hugs to you from the parent-and-adult-chikd estrangement trenches. At least it’s real here, and honest.

      Sheri McGregor

  14. CanIdentify

    I just finished your book Sheri and I can honestly say it gave me a new outlook with a new way of thinking. The way you told your story of receiving that phone call, the way you described your feelings and thoughts … truly hit home. You were describing exactly how I’ve felt. I could feel your heartache and I cried as I turned the pages. I felt the same pain and reading your book gave me hope and it made me believe that I can get through this. It’s been heartbreaking to say the least and I thank YOU for writing your book that will help me move forward. “Done with the crying”.

    1. rparents Post author


      Thank you so very much for this note. It’s one of those days where a little validation by someone who can understand was just what I needed. THANK YOU for writing and I am so happy to hear that you found hope, a better outlook, and a feeling of momentum in moving forward for yourself! Yahoos all around.

      HUGS to you. Great big hugs.
      Sheri McGregor

  15. CounselorMom2ES

    As a therapist and as a mother to a son who has decided to estrange from the family, thank you.

    I had already seen this new research and was angry at the title. I don’t like “attributions” because it implies we are making an “attribution error.” Why do they always make it sound like the parents are a bunch of idiots who overstep boundaries and make up explanations for our children’s behavior. I know very well that my son’s wife has a personality disorder. She has been diagnosed with one and shared the diagnosis with me back when she adored me.

    Thank you for your bold courage, Sheri. And thank you for letting me share my thoughts.

    1. rparents Post author

      Dear CounselorMom2Es,
      Thank you for mentioning the title. I had similar thoughts as you but did not want to “beat a dead horse” about everything that’s off about this.

      Hugs to you,
      Sheri McGregor

  16. Debra H.

    Yes, I am very familiar with these very real problems. My daughter has borderline personality disorder, and she will blame and shame me rather than admit she has a problem and needs to get help. I get to see my grandchild, her baby boy, only when it suits her and she “loves” me. The other times, she hates me, blames me, and is always the classic victim. I don’t engage with her when she’s like that (anymore) and hope that will help her to get well or realize she needs to get well. Time will tell. Thank you for the post. I agree with you about the research. Duh-UH.

    1. rparents Post author

      Hi Debra H.,

      Thank you for posting. Your post will help other parents with sons/daughters who have BPD. I think you’re right not to engage and “reward” the bad behavior (anymore). Sounds like you have been learning how not to “feed” the disorder.

      It’s difficult, and you sound like a strong woman. Keep taking care of yourself.

      HUGS to you,
      Sheri McGregor

  17. Bonnie

    Thank you for always understanding, Sheri. While a bunch of academics push the same dull details around, you step forward to help. You also make us laugh! I appreciate that, and your subtle reference to Halloween with the photograph (so cool!!).

    1. rparents Post author

      Thank you for your kind words. And thank you for getting the subtle Halloween reference in the photo! That display is in my neighborhood!


  18. Elizabeth

    Good points, Sheri!! Well, of course, there are toxic parents…but that does NOT explain all that is happening today. Some of us with toxic parents NEVER cut them off. In our case, it was sadly interesting to note, that we never saw what was coming…until THE DAY OF the wedding…actually some strange things happened at the wedding itself. After it was over, a couple friends had some questions for me…of things they noticed. And I had a bit to add that they had not seen either. No one wants to think such things are a plan. But over the years, it became so very plain to see, that indeed there was a plan…and it meant we were to be less than even friends and strangers were. And tho’ we overlooked so much…I don’t remember ever even asking our child anything because we saw the huge amount of stress he was under and he was prone to some physical ailments anyway…so as any parent does who loves their child…we kept quiet…kept trying. Then when we were needed elsewhere…we moved away. We are nearing now 4 years since we have seen them in person and we do not expect them, or even some of them, to visit us a continent away. Covid has put some constraints on such too. Some of our friends at one point in all this, years back, watched some meetings that our son and his wife spoke at…it was online I guess…so our friends heard it. We did not have any illusions afterwards…we were some of the subject spoken of negatively. I think we were taking care of the children during that meeting, by the way. Cute, huh? Well…I am so glad I strongly believe in another world to come…and it will surpass this sad, evil place by so much…we try to focus on that to come. And be grateful our other 2 kids have kept in contact. I will forever be sad in this life however, that we were unable to rescue our child. Some personalities are not able to buck whatever system they find themselves in. This I understand because our son is so very much like my mother. I loved her so much but she was not able to protect us enough anyway, from our abusive dad. And now, I understand how my son has had to live too. Much the same. Heh, the book I could write…and never need to make up a single word of it!!

    1. rparents Post author

      Dear Elizabeth,

      Miracles can happen. Maybe one day your son will have a wake-up call. Just maybe. Meanwhile, you have been through the wringer and I hope you will have good, sunny days despite the sadness.

      HUGS to you, Elizabeth.

    2. Elizabeth

      Thank you so much Sheri…those are kind encouraging words. I have no idea if such will happen…but I have learned that one never knows what the future will hold. The daughter we moved near to help some years ago, was almost no contact for years…and then when she began to have children and needed our help…we came as asked. And with time and a lot of frank talks, especially between her and me, things are good now. We cannot reclaim lost time. But I try to accept such as a gift and go forth. Sometimes friends will become more dear to us than our own children are…and the young man who was our son’s best friend growing up and who also is not allowed contact much since the marriage…has been every bit a son to us. We are so grateful!! SO VERY grateful!! He called a couple days ago to chat…we talked nearly 3 hours…something that has not happened with our son and family…I am always amazed…and I always tell this “other son” that he owes us nothing and we so appreciate him. He says that a friend to him, is a friend for life. SO there are a FEW people in his age group that DO know how it ought to be.
      I so hope your move continues to be a good thing, Sheri and that some very good days are coming your way!! Hugs back to you dear, Elizabeth


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